I know it has been a long time since I wrote the first chapter, I'm sorry I've been this long, anyway thank you for the review. I'm sorry too for the mistakes I know I've made, English isn't my language.
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Chapter 2
Spring's memories.
Explaining will never be a solution, I know. And it will never heal the pain. I know. But I wish I knew better, I wish words could be able to make everything easy and avoid the hurt I'm inevitably causing. Even if they had this power, I'm not sure I would use them in the right way, I'm not sure what I'm doing is right, I just don't know if I'm going to be sure of something again.
I rediscovered my own words, but not the pain I had been in at the moment I had been writting them, I had always felt this pain, I had only learned to leave with it, and in a way I had grown to like this feeling. It was the one which brought back the memory of this tiny baby I had held in my arms for hours, of the smilling child I had imagined playing and singing for hours, the young woman I had seen only one hour ago.
Choices. It seems simple on a piece of paper, like you write the word and everything becomes clear and suddenly you see that one way or the other, the one and single way you will take is going to be the one you needed to. Choices when they exist in the real world aren't given with this help and somehow you know you can't say that you will never regret anything or face the same problem again. Today I know I'll have regrets and that every other day of my life I will face this choice but I'm grateful because I wouldn't want to forget.
And I didn't forget, I had never forgotten. I could hear my own heartbeat resounding in my ears, tears blurring my view, the letter between my trembling hands fading slowly. I could only bit my lower lip to stop myself from sobbing. I had never forgotten, never.
Leaving you was what I though the worst thing, but forgetting you scares me like nothing ever has. You're so beautiful, one of the most beautiful babies I've seen, the nurse told me the same thing, and I smiled then in spite of me, she was right. My heart melds every time my gaze meets your sweet face and those big brown eyes of yours, you opened them a moment ago, and I realized they were like mine, I felt lucky. You're sleeping your little fingers clasped, and your mouth making a small pout. I caressed your cheeks for about an hour, and sometimes I let my hand run through your tiny hair, brown and soft, I think they are going to wave someday when they'll be long enough. But that I will never see.
I had to smile again in spite of me, remembering "wavy Brown hair, long but not too much, it felt around her sweet face, making it even paler than it already was". I had wished silently to see it an other time, to see her an other time, and I realized that living through the dreams of a growing baby keeped me from the real world, now that I knew the answer to my questions I had no idea where to go, if I had the power to break the barrier I had created with the years, and let the real world be part of my dreams. I felt lost.
Don't ever think you weren't loved, that you weren't wanted, because you are and you will always be. The second I knew you existed, I knew then I would love you forever. And I know you're going to have a dreaming life, full of love and chances, people who will take care of you, and give their hearts to keep you safe and happy, I know they will. They will love you, as I already do.
There is only one choice that is simple, the choice to love, try to never fail this one..
Abby.
I closed the old piece of paper revealing the Poppy Red on the back, I couldn't take my eyes off of it, although the words seemed alive, the printed flower looked like it existed far in the past, it hadn't changed, the color was still the same, but it had lost the feeling of hope, anger, sadness and joy it was showing before. I understood then my like for dead flowers, they betrayed the same emotion I had lost, and violently found again a moment ago.
And it made me suffocate, I needed to go out, my tears choking me, the walls of the Lounge threatening me, I needed to go out, I just needed to go out. I ran as fast as I could, searching for air, searching for the door, an escape.
"Abby, could you please..."
"Not now Kerry." I said between two sobs, in the middle of my race, not now, not now.
I reached the ambulance bay, almost fainting, my gaze never separeting itself from the letter, and from the Poppy Red, somehow in the sunlight I felt peaceful and calm, I slowly looked aroud myself, and I discovered a sweet face in front of me.
She was there, like she had been waiting for me.
I knew at this moment that I had been waiting for her since sixteen years.
She was there.
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There now you know for sure who the girl is. Thank you for reading... It would be great if you would tell me if you liked or not, if you want to knowwhat will happen next...
Perrine