I'm going to say the same things as before, but still I'm sorry if there are mistakes, I do my best to use as much as I can the dictionnaries to help me but sometimes I have to do my only my instinct, so sorry... And thank you again for the kind reviews, although I am not writting to have reviews, there what make real the fact that I write... Um let say I understood myself. Thank you, really.

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Chapter 4

Sweet Scent

This hour seemed like a whole life, time passed in a slow run, the movement of the patients, the doctors, and the gurneys creating a incessant buzz, lulling in my dreaming land. I was somewhere else, transported in a world made of memories, the ones, which had lived during those sixteen years, and the others only existing since a few minutes, somewhere else, a world where memories took all the place. And drowned in the past, I suddently got afraid of the future, scared at the thought she could have left, choosing not to see me again, frightened by the idea I could have imagined her, the idea she had never been there, her fingers in her wavy hair, tracing the line of her bracelet...

And like an image from an old dream she appeared in front of my eyes, on the same chair she had been sitting the morning, waiting in the same posture, waiting for me, her gaze had followed my steps. She stood up, walking toward me, uncertain I could tell, but again certitude had became a vague notion in my mind. Her smile looked far away, maybe caught somewhere else it too. And again she seemed to be only thing to exist. We had to talk, I knew we had to, and I wanted to, I just wanted to make her real, like the stake of a whole life.

"Do you want to eat something?" My voice sounded a little hesitant, maybe a little desperate, betraying the frantic beating of my heart more than I had though.

But her big smile let me know I had been right to trust it. This smile let me know it would always live in my mind. The sake of a whole life.

We reached the conforting warm of the Doc Magoo, captivated in our silence, in the words which escaped from the lack of sound, by begging pardon, and her understanding calm, my childish admiration, and her lost fascination. She never sitted in front of me, she just took the place next to mine, so as not to break the connection we had created without any sound. She slowly opened her bright coat, and again rearranged her hair behind her ear, her bracelet appearing on the way, assuring me I hadn't been dreaming. She was so real, so beautiful.

My begging pardon. Because I knew explaining would never be a solution and that it would never heal the pain, but because I knew as well that she deserved the words my letter hadn't given her.

"Listen..."

"You don't have to say anything."

She cutted me, like I had done before in front of Luka, insecure, maybe even afraid of what speaking could have revealed, prefering silence which gived away the secrets, but only the ones you knew then. Or maybe just needing no explaination. And without even thinking, I took her in my arms, held her tight, maybe like Luka had done, telling with his gesture that my presence was the only explaination he needed. I'm not sure what I'm doing is right, I just don't know if I'm going to be sure of something again.

I closed my eyes, trying to block the tears, trying to remember the feelings of being close to her, her sweet arms around my neck, mine around her back, her sweet face on my shoulder, mine in her hair, and her sweet scent, like candies, or maybe like chocolate. There was sugar in my arms.

"You smell like chocolate." She said after a time almost wacking me from my sleepy state. I detached myself from her embrace. I smelled like chocolate, and her too, I smiled a little, I felt lucky. There was sugar in my heart, but again there was the same pain I had never made disappear during those years. All I wanted was to take it away, to take her away, held her forever, a new life which could have started right here, all I wanted was to take her pain away.

"I didn't want..."

"I know. You did what you had to do." She nodded, talking fast, she turned her gaze on the window, on the night which awas falling slowly, and taking a deep breath she looked at me again. "And they trully loved me."

They will love you, as I already do. Image of her as a child were forming in my mind, her doing the hair of a rag doll, her riding a small pink bicycle, singing lullaby to a teddy bear, blowing on a few candels, her parents clapping their hands together, proud to see their little girl grow this fast, parents who had loved her...

"Loved ?"

There was something that wasn't right. She looked so all of a sudden, sad but not that much, a different kind of sadness, the kind I had grown to be used to, a sadness, which had became an habit, almost conforting because it was made of memories.

"They're dead, I was five." And my whole world collapsed, my heart seemed to have stopped to beat, my idea of a perfect family turning into a lie which hurted more than I had thought. "That's okay, I don't really remember them." She sounded like she wanted to rassure me, trying to make me smile again, fighting against my tears. "There have been a lot of great families who have given me everything I needed. I live at my new school now." She took me in her arms, hugging me, carressing my hair with her fingers. "I'm happy." She wispered in my ear, her voice stronger than she had been before. "I'm happy." She murmured more to herself, I could almost hear a smile. Chocolate again.

"I should go."

It was then, that I realized the night had fallen, she stood to leave maybe scared of being late, or maybe I hadn't spocken for a long time.

"Maybe... Maybe we could diner together tomorrow." I said maybe to rassure her too.

She nodded again, her lips curving. "I'll come to the hospital tomorrow night. Bye Abby."

"Bye..." I didn't know her name, and it made me want to cry, like this detail could have put an end to this moment, like she could have been even more upset than I was, like the connection was suddently brocken.

"Sarah." She was still calm, she understood. And again she seemed to be only thing to exist.

"Bye Sarah." She smiled broadly this time, maybe like me, as she disapeared through the doors of the Doc Magoo, my mind repeated her name unceasely Sarah Sarah Sarah, like a sweet song I could detached myself from.

"The usual coffee ?" The voice of the waitress brought me to reality. Sarah, Sarah.

"Hot chocolate, please."

They will love you, as I already do, as I already do, I already do...

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To be continuited...

It would be very nice to tell me if you liked, or not, or if something isn't right and you can't understand the story. Thanks for reading.

Perrine