Disclaimer: See Chapter One!
Uploaded: 24th January 2005

"Black Light"

By Dante Lewis

Chapter Twelve: Keeping Up is Hard to Do.

Taking care of an infant was hard. Much harder than Severus could ever have imagined. Estella was not a happy child, for she had yet to recover from the neglect and mistreatment she had suffered at the Asylum. Her cries echoed constantly throughout the small dungeon rooms Severus once considered his sanctuary. Even when he could get the child to settle her sadness haunted him still.

Severus, above all else, hated his niece's crying. Not only because it disrupted his sleep and made his life disorganised, but because hearing the child's distraught wailing threatened to tear down the walls he had erected so carefully around his conscience. Estella's cries were his one weakness, the one thing that would break his resolve, and yet he battled with himself everyday not to give in.

'If I bring him back I will lose her forever!' He justified to himself, over and over, convinced that should he testify to the innocence of his brother-in-law he would lose his niece and she would be raised to hate him. Never mind if he would actually live to see that happen for should he testify and reveal his status as a spy he would be a marked man.

Yet, at any one of many unguarded moments, the sleep deprived potions master would convince himself that his niece's inconsolable sadness was his fault. That the child was crying for a parent Severus was knowingly depriving her the freedom of knowing. Had anyone asked him three months earlier if he would feel guilty for not coming to the rescue of Sirius Black, he would have unceremoniously laughed in their faces and yet here he was, looking into the despondent eyes of his nearly eight-month-old niece feeling what could only be described as guilt.

"Albus!" Severus cried as he fought to settle the red-faced, squirming child in his lap, "I cannot stop her from crying!"

Albus looked over his desk at the pale young man across from him holding the distressed child, taking in their dishevelled and tired appearances. "Severus, my poor boy, have you taken her to see Poppy?"

Severus nodded his head furiously and scowled. "Of course I have, Albus! She said there was nothing physically wrong with the child!" He snapped.

Albus removed his half-moon shaped spectacles and proceeded to clean them on a corner of his robes while he stared off into the distance in thought. "Perhaps the child is haunted by her stay in Azkaban." He said simply.

Severus shook his head in disbelief. "I've done everything in my power to counter the effects of her stay in that… that… place!" He said, practically spitting out his reference to Azkaban. "What else can I do?"

"Perhaps if you explained what you mean by that I can be better placed to offer advice?" Albus said thoughtfully.

"Well, first and foremost I make a point of ensuring maximum contact with Estella and engage with her as much as possible throughout the day." Severus started. "I read in a book on childhood developmental psychology that children who have been through a traumatic experience require this kind of attention and reassurance."

Albus nodded his head. "Continue, my dear boy."

"From what I saw of her time in that place, she was cared for magically and without any human interaction, so I try not to do anything that would remind her of that." Severus faltered.

"So I am to understand you do not refer to Mothering Magically Manual for parenting advice then?" Albus queried.

Severus spluttered. "Of course not! They," he spat, "kept my niece petrified and under silencio twenty four hours a day and saw to her every need from the distance of their wands! So of course I am doing everything the muggle way Albus! Wouldn't you do the same?"

Albus shook his head sadly, the twinkle in his eyes fading when he looked upon the innocent child before him as he tried to fathom the wrongs she had endured. "Severus, no wonder you are both so exhausted and inconsolable!" He paused, then sighed. "Tell me, dear boy, do you feel stressed? Or anxious? Is there something else on your mind that you would like to talk about?"

Severus scoffed. "No, I feel just peachy Albus!" He said sarcastically. "How do you think I would feel having an inconsolable child on my hands when I have had next to no sleep? Of course I am stressed!"

Albus nodded, the all-knowing twinkle once again sparkling in his eyes. "You do realise children are very receptive of the emotions of their caregivers? I suspect that little Estella is reacting to your emotions."

Severus shook his head. "Impossible! I am a master Occlumens! Voldemort could never even…"

"Severus." Albus interrupted, raising his hand. "I assure you Children are much more perceptive." He said, looking down at the miserable child before him. "Besides, you yourself have just endured a most harrowing experience. I would not be surprised if your skills as a occlumens have been temporarily exhausted."

Severus narrowed his eyes. "Well I guess there's no Dark Lord around for me to test that theory!" He said tiredly, "though I will concede that I have not been feeling quite like my old self since my return."

Albus smiled. "I am sure with time you will heal and return to your full potential, Severus." The old man said encouragingly. "However I fear your rather more intensive methods of meeting your niece's needs is hindering both your progress."

"Indeed." Severus sighed, admitting the old man had a point,

"Indeed!" Albus said happily. "Now may I make my suggestion?"

Severus nodded urgently as he subconsciously hummed to Estella and rubbed her back, surprising himself when he successfully ended her sobs.

"I suggest that you read the Manual. You will be surprised at what it has to offer." The old wizard stated, then, waving his hand when he noticed Severus opening his mouth to object, he continued. "Whilst I do not deny that the methods employed by those at the Asylum are a very literal and damaging interpretation of what magical methods have to offer in child rearing, if used in moderation its techniques really are in the best interest of parent and child."

Severus shook his head. "But I don't want to remind her!"

Albus looked at his colleague gravely. "I know it is not you desire to do so, but look at yourself Severus. You are not coping. Either or both of you will get sick if things continue along this path. There has to be a compromise!"

Severus sighed in defeat. "What do you suggest I do then?"

"Reintroduce Estella to magic slowly." Albus started. "Make it fun. Conjure toys and colour to surprise her, then start using light charms to assist you in the tasks you cannot handle. The main issue here is to ensure Estella sees magic in a positive light. She will, after all have to confront it sooner or later if she is ever going to become a student. Allow me to demonstrate." Albus said. "Pay particular attention to Estella's body language when I take out my wand."

At this, the elderly wizard removed his wand from his robe and pointed it at the infant who visibly tensed in her Uncle's lap.

"Albus, this is what I wanted to avoid!" Severus growled softly as he rubbed his niece's back soothingly in an effort to reassure her.

"Patience, dear boy!" Albus said, then, with a flourish of his wand, conjured a colourful round ball that shot out of his wand and bounced lazily towards Estella.

Estella, in turn, relaxed in her Uncle's arms and reached out curiously for the ball while Severus watched on in amazement.

"You see, dear boy," Albus said cheerfully, tucking his wand away. "With frequent assurances combined with a more welcome use of magic, you will feel increasingly capable and Estella will thrive."

Severus nodded, his face visibly lined with relief. "Thank you Albus, I do believe I will take that under advisement."

Albus nodded in acknowledgement as the younger wizard bundled the now contented child in his arms and made to take his leave. "Oh and Severus," he called after the younger wizard. "I have taken the liberty to assign you a personal House Elf to assist you with the child."

Spinning around at a dizzying pace, Severus took a step back towards the headmaster's desk. "While I appreciate the gesture, Albus" he said between gritted teeth, "such measures are hardly necessary."

The older man smiled serenely and nodded. "Nevertheless Severus, Lena will remain in your exclusive service shall you ever need her assistance. She previously serviced the Hufflepuff first years, I assure you she is loyal." Albus stared down Severus' icy glare with his twinkling eyes. "And I daresay you will need the assistance once you resume teaching classes in September."

Anyone would have thought Severus Snape had accidentally ingested one of the headmaster's infamous lemon drops on account of the face he made. "Very well, headmaster," he said reluctantly. "Thank you for your consideration."

"Not a problem, my dear boy." Albus said in acknowledgement. "It was the least I could do to ensure Hogwarts got its potions master back."

"Indeed." Severus said flatly, a part of his subconscious wondering if the sorting hat had ever considered placing the old man before him in Slytherin. "Now if you would pardon my leave, Albus, it is time for my niece to have her nap."

Albus nodded knowingly as the younger man turned on his heel and bundled the increasingly drowsy child out of his office. Returning to his paperwork, the old man cast a look at his phoenix and smiled. "Well Fawkes," he said, "it seems young Severus has met his match."

The next few years at Hogwarts would prove to be rather interesting indeed.

End Chapter: Keeping Up is Hard to Do