One Time Was Enough!
By ChocolateShipSurprise™
A/N: Encouraged by Dethryl's Rules For Harry Potter Fanfiction, I've decided to break as many rules as I can. Duck and cover, folks, and send the kiddies to bed, cause this is NOT going to be pretty!
Warning: If you have any of this crazyness in your fanfic, you poor, helpless reader, I suggest you go edit.
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Albus Dumbledore, who had recently changed his hair style to an afro, watched knowingly in his little... er... crystal ball that showed everyone at once.
He noted, glancing to where the Gryffindors would be shown, that Harry and Draco, who was now fighting for the light side, had resorted to snogging the living daylights out of each other for comfort.
Fleur had returned, even though she was seventeen in the Trio's fourth year, to do her seventh year at Hogwarts. She liked it there because the food was better, even though she wouldn't fit into her dress-robes.
Hermione didn't mind, though. Fleur was her one true love. She had just been jealous of Ron all along...
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However, to get the Veela's attention, Hermione Jane Granger took a turn for the worst. She became her worst nightmare, making everything.. Well, worse. (A/N: So many things have gotten.. worse.) She became Slut!Hermione, getting Fleur's attention... Finally.
They lived in secret, though, shagging like bunnies behind their friends' backs. Ron would be jealous, like always, if he found out.
What was going on with the rest of the school? Alot of things have changed, dear reader.
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Sirius Black, thanks to Harry, was a free man. Harry used his über-cool new powers to Olbliviate everyone who thought of him as guilty. Dobby, the House Elf, finally managed a way to ignore the habit Lucius Malfoy had of talking to his cane while they were in bed, and some Slytherins were re-sorted into Gryffindor. Draco had betrayed his father and went against his wishes to date Harry even though Harry is a Half-Blood. Lucius had wanted his son to become a Death Eater, but now had Dobby to take his sexual frustrations out on.
Ron, who was currently dating a very popular, new character who had transferred from Acapogal (A/N: Don't ask...) Wizzy Wizard School, had just apologized to Hermione for calling her a Mudblood. He was very happy with having this new girlfriend. She was smarter than Hermione, could beat him at chess, and was everyone's favorite student. She had also survived the killing curse twice. Everyone loved her, too... Hermione didn't care, though. She was busy being a slut for Fleur and dressing up like a Muggle police-woman. Harry was too busy licking whip-cream off of Draco Malfoy who was handcuffed to a bed that had nothing to keep the handcuffs on.
Yes, life was wonderful. Dumbledore decided to take a break to go sleep with Cho Chang... She thought of him as "sexy."
But when Dumbledore shut off his crystal ball... Things didn't stop happening.
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The people in Gryffindor Tower were tired of all the weird, kinky sex going on with Harry & Draco, Fleur & Slut!Hermione, and... Well, Ron wasn't getting any, so they decided to turn evil to get back at them all. They decided this when Harry exclaimed, girlishly, that Draco was so sweet he was like cotten candy. Of course, nobody knew what cotton candy was... But they knew they had to take charge.
Dean was known as the.. betrayer. He defended Draco, Harry, Hermione, and Fleur. He turned to drugs to drown in his sorrow.
But you know, maybe I'm going a bit to fast. Should I back up and explain?
Yes, that would be a good start.
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See, everything was different. Hermione had come back, to impress Fleur, with straight, black hair, a pierced belly-button and all the girls trailing after her.
Draco had stopped gelling his hair back, wore nothing but black, and had the newest Quidditch broom possible, making Pansy, who he thought annoying, swoon over him, acting like a.. Well, Slytherin.
Harry was now at a height of six feet, if not taller. Every girl still ignored him, going after Snape, who had finally washed his hair, the slime-ball. Harry and Draco felt left out, so they turned to each other.
Ron isn't that important, so we can skip all about that jealous Mudblood-hating jerk.
And Dumbledore had slept with several students, making him feel young again.
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Suddenly, there was a fire! Yes, a big fire... Due to the works of Seamus, Neville, and other Gryffindors, of course. The others escaped through a secret passage which came out of no-where. Hermione, still smart and still a know-it-all show off, shouted Fire-go-outus!, causing the fire to just disappear.
It was then that Harry lost his temper, shouting that James wasn't his real father, he hadn't really slept with Crabbe, Sirius and Voldemort shared him when it came to parenting, and James was alive. Everyone had sympathy. Draco shagged him to calm him down. Crabbe and Goyle watched, sighing dreamily.
Why did Dumbledore allow them to break the rules with sexual contact? He had secret porn right in his office! Just as long as Minerva didn't come in. He knew Severus wouldn't disturb him, though. He was with Lucius and Dobby, covered in honey, trying to catch a bear.
But that's a different story.
A story that's even too perverted for me.
Oh, Ha-aa-aa-grid... You look awfully sexy this evening...
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A/N: This is, by far, the weirdest story I've ever had the idea to make... Anyway, thanks to Princess SimbiAni Dreamz a'Luv for repeatedly telling me how weird I am.