Disclaimer: See Chapter One!
Uploaded: 2nd February 2005
"Black Light"
By Dante Lewis
Chapter Fifteen: Mr Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.
For the next hour Estella had sat on her Uncle's lap, transfixed, as he turned through the pages of the neglected photo album, explaining who everyone was. Surprisingly, she took the news of Sirius' incarceration pretty well.
"But he looks so nice and not mean!" Estella exclaimed, pointing at a picture of Sirius that had captured him laughing, with his arms around the shoulders of a younger Remus and James Potter at his wedding. "Uncle Remus, why would you be friends with someone who was mean?"
Remus sighed forlornly at the memories the picture brought back and pushed his emotions aside. "Estella, your father wasn't mean to everyone." He paused, trying to find the right words whilst ignoring Severus' look of indignation. "However, there were certain people he didn't like and to those people he was unspeakably mean to. He hurt them when they didn't deserve it and when they couldn't defend themselves and he had to be punished for it."
Severus, repressing the sickening feeling of guilt that he was feeling on account of the lies his niece was unwittingly being fed, could only nod his head in agreement.
"Did he take Mummy away?" She asked, horrified, her voice barely audible.
"No sweetheart, your father loved your Mummy very much." Severus begrudgingly admitted to the distraught child.
"Well was he mad at me? Is that why he did the bad thing?" She asked.
"No Missy, he was so happy when he found out your Mummy was pregnant with you." Remus said softly, leaning over and flipping through the pages of the album until he came to one near the back featuring a heavily pregnant Selina and a beaming Sirius who had his arms wrapped around his wife's midsection protectively as he kissed the swollen belly while they sat on a comfortable sofa. "See, there's you in your Mum's tummy. Your Dad couldn't wait to hold you in his arms!"
A sad look crossed over Estella's face. "But he never met me, did he?" She asked softly.
"No, he didn't." Severus admitted, "he was arrested and sent to Azkaban the night you were born."
"Didn't he love me then?" She asked despondently.
Severus hesitated, the guilt beginning to eat at him. "I am sure your father loved you in his own way, Estella." He said diplomatically. "It seems, however, that he had other priorities that took him away from you."
'Well no one made him to abandon his wife and go after Pettigrew single handed!' Severus thought, justifying his logic.
Estella bit her bottom lip nervously. "Can I see him?"
Severus sighed. As much as he didn't want to expose his niece to the harsh environment of Azkaban Prison, he didn't want to lie to her anymore than was necessary. "Azkaban does permit visitors, but I assure you that the man in the prison cell is no longer your father."
Estella frowned, looking to Remus for clarification.
"What your uncle means is that Azkaban has a strange effect on people who are imprisoned there. I doubt he even remembers his name." Remus said sadly, "and whilst I am sure that any part of the Sirius I knew that may remain would love to see you, I also know he wouldn't want you to see him like that. It's better for you to think of him as being at rest with your mother and remember him through these photographs."
Estella nodded slowly. "How did my mother die?" She asked, changing the subject.
Severus froze, battling his inner demons. "She died so that the one thing she loved more than the entire world could live." He said softly, the better demon winning.
That was two days ago. The days since had seen the small dungeon quarters Severus shared with his niece turned upside down in a re-decorating frenzy. Photographs of Selina, her scourge of a husband and Severus' own band of childhood tormentors, Potter and his merry gang, inescapably mocked at him from every conceivable nook and cranny. Now the child knew of the existence of such photos, their omnipresence in their lives was unavoidably necessary if he were to keep his niece happy.
Severus only had to look at the contentment in his niece's eyes, however, to know that any personal discomfort he felt was well worth the reward. Up until that moment, Severus had never fully appreciated what depriving Estella of the finer details of her heritage was doing to the young child. Already, he could sense an air about her that was so much more sure of herself and confident. A healthy spark had ignited in the eyes Severus was beginning to identify as his niece's own, and any sign of the insecure hesitancy he had previously picked up in the child's recent behaviour was but a memory.
Talking to Estella about Selina had opened a can of worms, but in reflection, had been a rather therapeutic experience for him. Unable to be present at his sister's funeral and then overwhelmed with the responsibilities of looking after an infant, Severus realised he had not really grieved her loss. Whilst the intermittent time had permitted him to accept his sister's death, opening up and talking to Estella about his memories of Selina gave him a sense closure he didn't even realise he needed. It was good, also, to recall the many good memories he had of he and Selina growing up as for too long he had been resentful, obsessing over Selina's decision to marry the one person besides his father and Lord Voldemort, that made his life miserable.
Begrudgingly, Severus even answered questions about Sirius. Whilst he and Remus remained tight lipped about what 'good' Sirius was like before he did the 'bad thing', both were willing and open about sharing their recollections about the specific love Selina and Sirius shared. It was, like Remus had said, what Selina would have wanted for her child. Severus didn't know what to think of the apparition Estella had seen in her bedroom that night, but he liked to think it was his sister's way of letting him know it was the right time to tell Estella about where she came from. He knew without any sliver of a doubt that if anyone could come back from the dead to watch over their child, it would be Selina.
After much discussion after Estella had gone to bed that fateful night, Severus and Remus had come to a mutual agreement about what to tell Estella about the lycan's friendship with Black and Potter. They decided, in the end, to mask Remus' recollections under the guise of a fictitious story, using the code names the group assigned to their pranks and allocating each character an appropriate animal form as cover. It was Severus who suggested that Sirius' Padfoot should take the form of a Black dog, not unlike the stuffed toy that Estella had possessed since birth. He thought it was highly appropriate given that he'd always thought of his errant brother-in-law as being something of a mongrel; and was rather proud of his private little joke.
Remus, of course, assumed the guise of Moony, although Estella knew already that Moony was real – at least for a couple of days each month – following an enlightening conversation the pair had orchestrated with the child after she began noticing the regularity of Remus' absences some six months previously. James 'Prongs' Potter took the form of a Stag (which figured because weren't Stags arrogant?) and the weedy, impressionable Peter 'Wormtail' Pettigrew was aptly given the form of a Rat (again Severus cheered his hidden genius at the suggestion given what he knew of the man) because like a rat, Remus said, Peter was the only one in the group who was consistently able to worm his way out of trouble.
The plan was to introduce the characters slowly and reconstruct historical events from there. Moony and his canine friend had apparently already shared in some adventures, Remus had confessed, during his play sessions with Estella and the ever-present toy dog; so the introduction of a rat and a stag would be of little incidence. However, the day after 'the talk', Remus had come to spend the afternoon with Estella and was quick to discover that the child had an immense phobia of rodents. Wormtail's existence as a fictitious representation of Peter Pettigrew's friendship with Estella's parents was over before it began. When Severus first heard of his niece's aversion to the innocent looking fluffy toy rat Remus had transfigured for the part, he couldn't help but shiver. He wondered, somewhat warily, if this was fate's way of haunting his decision to not expose Pettigrew for the two-timing rat that he was.
As the days moved into weeks, life began to settle back into a sense of normality. Her initial curiosity sated, the onslaught of questions from Estella had descended to a comfortable trickle and Severus felt a feeling of contentment, having gotten a lot of things off his chest and out in the open.
The day was Saturday. Estella was in her room getting ready to spend her day with Remus and Severus was in his office clearing his desk for the day in preparation for his obligatory monthly Saturday lunch with the Malfoys.
It was ironic, Severus realised, that it was on account of the taunting and ridicule the likes of Sirius Black and James Potter had plagued upon him that he came to idolise Lucius Malfoy in his youth. A proud pureblood and confident Slytherin, Lucius represented everything 'snivelling' Severus wanted to be. When his talent for potions was realised early in his schooling years, Lucius readily became Severus' ally. Deep down Severus always knew their 'friendship' was as shallow as the bottom of a alcoholic's glass during happy hour, but by the time he grew the spine to do anything about it, he was in too deep.
Lucius Malfoy was one of Lord Voldemort's strongest supporters. Whilst Severus' own father had also been a death eater, with the contrasting balance of his mother's opinions he knew he would not have been forced to follow in his father's footsteps if he so chose. His father would likely have disowned him had he publicly renounced his support of the dark lord to save his own face, but it wouldn't have been the end of the world had his dissent had been discreet. No, it was out of foolish peer allegiance with the charismatic and politically enchanting Lucius Malfoy that drove him to make the biggest mistake of his life, and even to this day he and his niece were being forced to pay for it.
It was imperative, Dumbledore had stressed, that he maintain appearances amongst the more unsavoury members of the Wizarding society. Even with the Dark Lord out of commission, Severus knew his life would be over should any of 'his Master's' dormant supporters were to discover his 'treason'; and so he maintained his association with the Malfoy family – an association that was made even more pressing given Narcissa Malfoy's blood relation to Sirius Black. She had it in her mind that Estella would make a worthy playmate of her son, Draco, and was insistent upon meeting the child. Severus, namely, disagreed, but of course he couldn't let such sentiment be known.
The first few years after Estella's birth, he was blessed with peace. The Malfoys, busy with an infant of their own, were under close scrutiny from the Ministry and all but severed their connections with other known 'dark' families – Severus included. That was, until nine months ago, when he and Estella had been surprisingly invited to young Draco's sixth birthday party. Estella, conveniently, had contracted a serious bout of the flu that week and they were not-so-unfortunately unable to attend, but like he told Remus several weeks earlier, he was running out of excuses.
"Estella, are you ready to go? Your Godfather is due to arrive in several minutes!" Severus called out as he exited from his office to find his private living room devoid of his niece's presence.
"I can't get my head through!" A muffled voice replied as his niece stumbled blindly out of her room, her head concealed in the folds of her cloak, her arms tangled in the material as she clutched and clawed at it's neck.
Severus shook his head, smirking. "How many times have I told you to unclasp your cloak first?" Severus said, striding over to his niece and stilling her form. "Keep still, you'll fall and hurt yourself running around blindly like that!"
Estella relaxed under her Uncle's gentle ministrations and waited patiently as he deftly untangled the distressed cloak and loosened it's ties so it could fit over her head without incident.
"There, that wasn't so hard, now was it?" Severus chided lightly, patting her on the head. "See to it that you unclasp your cloak first in future, mmm?"
Estella nodded, her hair falling out of place even more "Thanks Uncle Sev, I will."
Severus frowned slightly as he took in his niece's dishevelled appearance. Briskly brushing out the rumples in the dark cloak, he tutted at the child's straggling hair.
"Did you even brush your hair this morning?" He asked exasperatedly, "you look like you just got out of bed!"
Estella rolled her eyes and flicked at her hair nonchalantly, the scene a routine occurrence. "I did brush my hair Uncle Sev! You know it's a hopeless battle!"
Severus smirked at his niece's flawless imitation and ruffled her hair into even more disarray. "I give up!" He said half-heartedly. "Start a trend."
"Oh Uncle Sev!" Estella giggled, absorbing every second of her uncle's rare playfulness.
"Shall we walk to the Entrance Hall and await Mr Lupin's arrival?" Severus asked.
Estella was out the door and down the hall before Severus could even announce their intended destination.
"Estella! Don't get too far ahead!" Severus growled, as he paused to ward the entrance to their quarters.
"Moony!" Estella squealed with joy, as she heard her Godfather's unmistakable step up ahead and ran to join him, totally ignoring her Uncle's request.
"Why do I even bother?" Severus mumbled to himself as he sheafed his wand back in his sleeve and followed his niece's echoing footsteps at a more languid pace.
Remus, meanwhile, had heard his Goddaughter's approach and crouched down, opening his arms in anticipation, a wide smile on his face smoothing away the years.
"Hey there cub, got a kiss for your favourite Godfather?" Remus scooped the child up in a embrace and raised her up in the air.
"Remus, you're my only Godfather, silly!" The child admonished, rolling her eyes and wrapping her arms around Remus' neck lovingly.
"So what does my little star child wish to do today with her only Godfather?" Remus asked, playfully correcting his previous mistake.
The little girl in his arms broke into a wide grin, as she fished out a black ball of fur from the pockets in her robe.
"Can you make up another story 'bout Moony and Padfoot?" She asked excitedly, waving the black object under Remus' nose. "Can you Remus, please?"
Remus took the Padfoot toy from his goddaughter and placed him on the floor in front of them. "I can do better than that, sweetheart." He said, pulling out his wand and pointing it at the toy. "Animate!"
Estella squealed with delight as her toy dog came to life, jumping and yapping at their feet. Extricating herself from Remus' arms, she knelt on the floor and giggled as toy-Padfoot proceeded to climb on her and lick her face. Remus meanwhile, had pulled a scaled version of a familiar looking Stag out of his robe and silently animating it behind the child, unnoticed.
"Oh Remus, Remus, thank you, thank you!" The little girl cried, when she acknowledged the new toy Remus had bestowed upon her.
"That's quite alright, Estella." Remus said warmly, squatting to join his charge on the floor. "Now, how would you like to hear a story about Padfoot and his new friend Prongs?" He asked, indicating to the toy stag.
"Oh how riveting!" Severus remarked sarcastically as he rounded the corner and came across the pair. "How unfortunate that I will be otherwise occupied and unable to join you!"
Estella rolled her eyes while Remus shook his head. Bundling the child and the toys up into his arms, he rose to Severus' eye level. "Really, Severus, no need to be so dismayed." Remus chuckled, "I am sure Estella will fill you in with intricate detail upon her return, won't you cub?"
Estella nodded enthusiastically, unaware of her Uncle's inward cringe. "Sure will, Uncle Sev! See you later!"
Severus inclined his head in response and glared at his niece in warning. "Behave," was all he needed to say before turning to walk away.
"Severus!" Remus called out, causing Severus to turn, "I will be sending my letter tomorrow as we discussed."
Severus nodded his head in agreement. "I will bear that in mind." He replied cryptically, not wanting to arouse Estella's curiosity. Following the discussion with Estella about her parents, the pair had confronted their need for closure in regards to Sirius. It was decided after much deliberation, that they would both write to him.
End Chapter: Mr Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs