Disclaimers: Not mine, theirs...oh the pain!

Warnings: Depressing... Kitty angst... lol!

Spoilers: None

Feedback: Constructive feedback is very welcome

Notes: Would you believe that the really long run on is gramatically correct? (grins) At least, I think it is...heh. A very big and heartfelt thank you to everyone who has responded! It really makes my day! Next chapter up hopefully by the weekend? If not, then during the weekend. It's in my head, it just needs to be typed out. No, you can't read my mind. But you can try. Just don't get lost; it's really cluttered in there...lol.

Felis Catus: Circle Fourteen

"What is WRONG with you?" Edward chided his mortified cat as he clattered down the stairs of Roy's apartment complex. "You've been moaning, griping and sighing for the past fifteen minutes! It's not like not having my attention for a half hour was a terminal illness or anything!"

No...it was only the start of a terrible disease, Roy thought morosely, swaying dejectedly from his now perpetual perch on Edward's shoulder.

"Cheer up, Spitfire! You're not the one about to battle a chimera with a bruised rib! Not that it really hurts that much anymore, but still...you're in good condition at least," Edward rambled, one eye on the road and one eye on his depressed cat, to gauge the effect his words were having. "Aw c'mon...snap out of it!"

Roy bonelessly continued to sway on Edward's shoulder, his eyes fixed unseeing on the distant specter of his impending demise. It was only a matter of time. While he still had some semblance of sanity left, he was going to firmly immerse himself in denial.

Roy's thoughts swirled frantically around in a futile attempt to stave off his descent into emotional quicksand.

Yes, Edward was a good companion. So what? So were the members of his team. He could easily go out and get drunk with them. Okay, so no, he wouldn't actually do it. But he could. Wasn't that what companions and teammates were for? Fullmetal was a member of his team. So of course it was completely permissible, even to be encouraged, to enjoy Edward's companionship.

"You know, you're really starting to worry me," Edward informed his cat, glancing at his shoulder where Roy was perched, noting suspiciously that the black cat had an abstracted look on its face and didn't appear to be listening to him.

And Edward was just so much fun to tease! The way he would turn a bright red when embarrassed or angry, never all at once, no, but slowly, until you could almost see imaginary smoke pouring from his ears as he worked his way up to a real snit. Roy knew for a fact that Hughes was keeping pictures for blackmail purposes. Oh, and not to mention the wonderful way Edward waved his arms about, gesticulating furiously to make a point or just because he was at a complete loss of words and too stubborn to give up, as if by waving his arms about he could grab an argument out of thin air to hit Roy over the head with! There wasn't the least thing out of place in wanting a free source of entertainment, Roy concluded decisively. That he actively went looking for it shouldn't matter in the slightest.

"Oy..." Edward said sharply. Roy didn't hear him.

Okay, so no one could argue him to a standstill the way Edward could. It was terrible to have to admit to himself that he actually provoked a great deal of their fights in order to have an excuse, any excuse, to match wits with Edward - all right, fine...to talk to Edward. If fighting was the only way, then so be it. But that only bespoke of intellectual interest. Any philosopher or true alchemy aficionado would be thrilled to find an equal with which to exchange ideas and theories. There was nothing extraordinary about that. A sharp mind to challenge him kept him on his toes. It was perfectly normal to seek out that which provided mental stimulation, Roy reasoned.

"Hey, Spitfire!" Ed raised his voice slightly.

Roy continued to ignore him. He was on to something here...he just needed to resolve a few more issues...

All right, yes - so having Edward around was certainly a comfort...but then again, so were Roy's gloves. There wasn't anything wrong per se, about deriving comfort from someone or something you knew you could rely on. It all fell into place perfectly if he thought about it in that light! Roy was pleased with himself for coming up with that angle.

"Spitfire! Are you listening to me?" Edward was beginning to get rather annoyed. Here he was trying to comfort his damn cat and the damn cat was ignoring him?

Roy didn't notice Edward narrow his eyes, as the blond alchemist studied the furiously thinking cat.

Continuing with that train of thought...if, by some remote chance, Roy was actually starting to view Edward in terms other than purely professional, well then Roy would be absolutely duty bound to assign Fullmetal to the most distant post he could invent, and never see him again.

Roy did not WANT to do that. To do so would deprive him of companionship (already justified), entertainment (also justified), intellectual stimulation (check) and comfort (reliability, Roy corrected himself meticulously). Since all of those things were perfectly acceptable, therefore, it was obvious that he did not view Edward in an unprofessional manner and would not have to send him away.

There. Roy congratulated himself of having thoroughly thought this through. It was gratifying to have logic on one's side. His mental defense system had not been penetrated, after all. He felt slightly cheered, straightening up only to notice Edward looking at him sourly.

"You know what?" Edward marveled sarcastically when he saw that he finally had his cat's full attention. "You're worse than Roy is when he's in a funk, you know that?" he accused. "You even look like you're trying to justify everything illogically the way he does!"

Roy's eyes boggled. He knew they did. It was the only way to describe it.

"Only at least he's easier to distract. At least he snaps out of it long enough to crack a stupid comment on how short I am, and after exchanging a couple of insults he forgets that he's in a funk. I ought to start charging him for therapeutic intervention; I'm starting to feel like a security blanket or something. I mean, c'mon - the man actually goes out of his way now to find an excuse to order me to his office so he can pick a fight to distract himself." Edward shook his head with a bemused smile at his superior's quirks.

Roy slumped. Yep. He could wave a long good-bye to his mental defense system. It hadn't only been penetrated and compromised - it had been completely assimilated into the enemy's domain of expertise. Now he had to reconstruct another painstaking set of arguments to keep himself in a state of denial. Drat. How in the world did Edward manage to figure him out so well?

"Not that I mind, of course - he's always fun to argue with. But why can't he just come out and ask my advice or something? It's always 'Edward, if we have hypothetical situation "X" and a person, hmm let's call him "R", and our person "R" believes that the situation would best be resolved by sending in persons "E" and "A" to blow everything to kingdom come...what should "R" do? Any suggestions?'" Edward started to laugh.

Roy was feeling mortally insulted. That had been sarcasm, damn it! He began to pout.

"Don't you think it would be faster if he would just TALK to me instead of trying in every possible way imaginable in his convoluted mind to trick me into doing what I'd probably agree to do if he just ASKED?"

Roy blinked. He hadn't thought of that.

"I'll just bet he hasn't even thought of that!" Ed continued, shaking his head in resignation. "He's too busy trying to outsmart himself. He thinks too much! Sometimes I just want to shake him and tell him to LOOK out the window and enjoy the sun, instead of trying to put a reason to something that doesn't need a reason!"

Sun? What was so special about the sun, Roy wondered. It was only there to keep nights from bumping into one another, wasn't it? And everything needed a reason! Even if the reason was "just because".

"When was the last time he took a walk outside and just sat on the grass? Or went to the beach?"

Roy couldn't remember. What had that to do with anything?

Edward shook his head with exasperation. "There you go! He's so immersed in 'Mustang-land'", here Ed started to snicker madly, much to Roy's annoyance, "that he doesn't realize there's a whole world outside of him. He's purposefully keeping himself in denial," Edward noted with all the sage wisdom of his young years.

And just what was so wrong with THAT? Roy wanted to know, annoyed that somehow Edward's usually distracting arguments had brought him back to what he'd been trying so hard to put out of his mind.

"Denial" was hard work, to be sure - but the alternative, "realization and acceptance" was much, much worse, because it in turn led to "action and consequence" which Roy was quite prepared to do without, especially all the baggage that inevitably came with "consequence". It was rather like digging a hole in the ground and trying to make it level again. It never worked. The dirt would always either be too low or too high, too little or too much, and that perfect state of prior equilibrium was completely ruined.

There weren't too many states of equilibrium in Roy's life, but Edward was one of them and he didn't want to lose that unspoken balance that they had reached. It had been difficult enough to reach it, and Roy certainly didn't want to be the one to tip the scales. Yes. "Denial" and "wait and see" would suffice for that particular situation for now, Roy sighed.

As for the rest of Edward's accusations? All Roy had to say was, "wait until you are older, Edward - then you'll understand that everything has a time and place, and when you're finally confronted with the real world and realize how terribly jaded it is and how there is never, ever, enough time for everything you would like to do, that the ocean and earth will always be there and will go on after you are gone for good and there is no rush to see it because we will all return to it as we pass, and that equivalent trade doesn't really exist except as a figment of a childish imagination you can't afford to let go of right now or you'll go insane, and that joy and happiness are so brief that you have to snatch at them with every fiber and particle of your being and when you realize that you will lose them as quickly as you can blink and they're gone forever, then you will understand why we adults create our little worlds of denial and blind ourselves to the Truth you see so clearly because you are still young and naïve and I want to protect that part of you as long as I can if you'll let me, but it will soon be torn away and there is nothing I can do but wait and watch and try to shelter you from the pain of its passing, my dear, fallen Icarus, so close to the sun you are chasing that you will never see the moment where your wings are falling, falling, gone...back to the ocean you speak of - but I will see it, and I will pray that I am able to catch you when you fall, and then you will see and you will understand, but the price of understanding is that you will never fly again just as I can never fly again because our wings of innocence are lost forever."

Roy sighed despondently. And Edward wondered why he kept himself in denial, he thought gloomily.

Edward's monologue on Roy's apparent self-delusion had tapered off quietly while Roy had engaged in his internal soliloquy, and Edward was now studiously studying Roy, golden eyes narrowed with increasing worry and a frown on his features. Great. Edward was worried about him. Now came the guilt trip.

Roy slumped even lower on Edward's shoulder.

"Arrrrgh..." Edward growled, scratching at his head irritably, distressed that his spunky little cat was still distressed. "Okay, I give up. Distraction obviously didn't work. You're not mad at me or something are you?"

Roy sighed and gave Edward's face a brief nuzzle with his head to show that no, he wasn't mad at him. Just awfully confused. Repeat - confused. Oh, and depressed now. Damn.

Edward gave him a tentative smile, his frown disappearing almost automatically. Roy ignored how the expression on Edward's face lightened, albeit briefly, his own bleak depression. Smiling was not contagious. It was a terrible ailment that brought down even the most hardened poker faces, but it was not contagious.

Yet. Roy winced at the afterthought and promptly banished it.

"Okay, so you're not mad at ME...are you mad at someone?"

If I give you Zayna's address, will you hurt her for me? Roy sighed again. No, this time he couldn't blame Zayna - her little trick was actually doing what it had been intended to do: to make Roy think about his relationships to people. Roy had only himself to blame for what he happened to be thinking on. He was still going to grill her over a slow flame though. Maybe with a nice marinade in a fire ant hill first. Heh.

"All right...so you're not mad at someone. Are you mad at something?"

Roy looked away.

"Hmm. Maybe you're not mad, per se...are you upset over something?" Ed speculated, raising an inquisitive eyebrow.

You're too smart for your own good, Edward... Roy snarked, half-heartedly.

Edward hazarded a guess. "You don't want to go chimera hunting?"

Roy's head drooped briefly, before he bared his fangs in derision. No no, chimera hunting would actually be therapeutic at this point - it would give him the opportunity to lash out his confusion on something other than himself.

Ed pursed his lips, his brow furrowing in thought. "Okay, so YOU don't mind hunting chimeras...you're definitely an adrenaline junkie," he muttered. "I really shouldn't be talking though."

That was a unique way of looking at it, Roy observed wryly. Adrenaline junkie. Heh.

"Then...is it that you don't want ME to go chimera hunting with a bruised rib? It really doesn't hurt that much anymore, you know."

Well, of course I don't want you to go into battle hurt, stupid! But no, that wasn't it either, Roy scolded. Stop guessing! Then I can stop thinking, and we can go hunt chimeras and NOT THINK about this anymore! At least, that was what Roy would have liked to say. He settled for rolling his eyes.

"Okay, okay - I'll stop guessing. Just snap out of it already. I need you at 100 tonight, not moping around like a lovesick girl, okay?" Ed grinned suddenly. "Or is that it? You found another little kitty cat in the neighborhood and you're infatuated now?"

HEY! Roy resented that! He had more self-discipline than THAT! Besides, he was human! He agitatedly hissed at Edward, who started to laugh, before shrugging an unapologetic apology.

"Hey, it was worth a guess!"

Roy fumed indignantly. He most certainly was NOT moping around like a...lovesick...girl... The nerve! The thought almost made him want to hack up a hairball! Lovesick...girl... Roy didn't even want to think about that. He was NOT acting like a lovesick...girl...and that was THAT. For one thing, he wasn't a girl! For another thing, he wasn't sick! Love...bah! Love was for fools. Roy's fur was standing on end, but he didn't notice, so intent was he on maintaining a state of righteous indignation. Yes, fools...

Fools. He was one to talk. He drooped again.

"You're on crack, kitty cat - did you get into someone's catnip patch or something?" Edward asked conversationally as they neared Third District's clocktower.

If only I could blame this all on a drug, Roy thought glumly, returning to his former melancholy state.

Ed sighed heavily and gave his cat a stern look. "Okay, so distraction and guessing didn't work... and empathy's not applicable because I have no idea what you're upset about so I can't understand it...how about a threat? If you don't cheer up, I'm gonna drop you off at Hughes' house after we go chimera hunting tonight, and you can find out what real pain is," Edward offered with a grin.

Roy shot straight up into the air with a hiss of shock. You wouldn't DARE! Roy accused the grinning blond. That's beyond inhumane!

Edward gave a fiendish cackle as he critically eyed his now cringing, but no longer depressed, cat. "Wanna bet?" he said slyly.

No no...you wouldn't do that to ME would you? Roy blinked winningly. You LOVE me. I'm such a GOOD cat. Purr. Purr. Purr?

"Alicia would just LOVE that cute little kitty face you're putting on right now," Ed said mildly, a smirk almost as good as the ones normally found on Roy's face firmly plastered on his lips.

Okay, so that didn't work. Roy tried to look nonchalant, tilting his head away arrogantly and swishing his tail. Oh, sure. Like you're really going to do that. You're not that sadistic of a person, Edward.

Ed's smirk widened even more, if possible. "But you're not exactly positive, now are you?" he murmured in a low voice, waggling his eyebrows comically as he eyed his now twitching cat.

Roy's eyes were the size of the dog tag hanging from his collar. Edward did NOT just waggle his eyebrows! This situation was out of control.

Okay, the hell with dignity! Desperate times called for desperate measures! Roy began to purr like a well-tuned motor, rubbing his head against the side of Edward's head until the blond alchemist started laughing helplessly. Please please please don't drop me off at Hughes' house...Roy appealed anxiously.

"Hahaha! Okay, stop that! It tickles!" Edward squirmed, still laughing as he reached up to scoop the plaintively purring small bundle of fur into his arms.

Roy looked up imploringly into Edward's dancing eyes. Reassure me you wouldn't do such a cruel thing to a helpless cat...he begged outrageously, eyes wide and moist in feline supplication.

Edward snickered into his fur. "Silly cat," he admonished gravely. "I hate to waste all of your excellent acting, but Gracia is allergic, remember?"

Oh. Yeah. Huh.

"Uh huh," Edward continued, chuckling at the now vastly disgruntled expression on the cat's small face. "Besides," he smiled affectionately, scratching Roy under his chin, "I'm kind of attached to you, furball."

There was that hot chocolate feeling again, warming him from the inside out. How could one simple sentence reduce him to this state? It wasn't logical! He was, however, feeling much better now. Almost like his old self, as a matter of fact, as the adrenaline and anticipation began to rise.

Okay, so maybe he was an adrenaline junkie. Hey, everyone had a kick. Edward's eyes were almost snapping out sparks too, as they approached the tower; he was obviously geared up as well.

"Wonder what chimera we'll find tonight?" Edward said, abruptly changing the subject from teasing his cat to the impending task at hand, as the clock tower of the Third District loomed directly ahead of them. Unlike the First District's tower, this one was built of stone instead of mortar, and had a distinctively solemn air about it.

"I hope this one doesn't talk...it's bad enough we have to do this, but when they talk..." Edward shuddered. He paused at the doorway, and he and Roy exchanged a long, measuring look at each other, then they both looked up at the tower from where they stood at its base.

Edward shrugged with a forced calm, already beginning to slide into a battle ready frame of mind. "Guess we're here to find out, eh?"

Well, it was definitely something to take his mind off his thoughts, Roy thought fatalistically. But, hopefully not too literally.

"Let's go up," Edward said with a wry smile, firmly opening the door and planting his foot on the first stair. "One step at a time."

It was really, the only way to go, Roy agreed with aplomb. And I'll be with you every step of the way.

To be con't...