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Delusional

Chappy 6: Midgarian Idol

"Welcome viewers to Midgarian Idol!" Reno announced. All of the sudden, mobs of fangirls started mobbing poor Reno.

"CUUUT!" Screamed the director.

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Hours later, Reno came back with a broken leg and arm. "And now, let's announce the judges! Barret Wallace, Tifa Lockhart, and the nasty and bitter Rufus ShinRa! And let's not forget our guest judge, Casey Cole!"

The four judges waved at the camera.

The camera turned back at Reno. "And now! Let the competition begin! First up is Choco Billy! (cough, cough) Red neck… (cough, cough)"

Choco Billy pranced up in front of the judges.

"Hello, Choco Billy!" Tifa greeted.

"Watsup, dawg?" Barrett said.

"I'm fine!" Billy chirped.

"Start when ever you're ready…" Casey said.

"Okay…" Billy straightened his throat. "I don't wanna be a chicken, I don't wanna be a duck, so I'll shake my butt!" Choco Billy shook his hiney in front of the judges left to right.

Rufus rubbed his temples. "Can you sing an actual song?"

"Oh..okay…" The contestant straightened his throat again. "Ol' McDonald had a farm.. Eeh-I-ee-I-Oh!"

"Next!" Rufus bellowed.

Poor Choco Billy walked out of the room empty handed.

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Next up was Yuffie.

"Hey, Yuffie!" Casey said.

"Hi!" she cheered.

"Please begin!"

Yuffie straightened her throat. "I'm a Barbie girl! In a Barbie woooorld—"

"Stop!" Rufus interrupted her. "Could you please sing another song?"

Yuffie paused.

"I wanna be like other girls! I wanna see what other girls see! Just to be free like other girls!"

"STOP!"

"So, do I get it?"

Rufus got up from his seat and escorted Yuffie to the back of the audition stage.

After a long silence, you hear a gun shot.

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"Hmm.. the competition isn't looking so good.. let's move on to the next contestants.." Reno said.

"Hey, everyone!" Marlene greeted merrily.

"Hey, Marlene!" Tifa said excitingly.

"Hiii MARLENE!" Casey squealed. "Soooo, cuute!"

Barrett started talking babyish. "hey, snoogum-woodums, teddy bear shnuffle poo! Poodle woodle! You're so cutey, wooty! It just makes me wanna squeeze you're a—"

"Barrett, let's get on with it.." Rufus snapped.

Barrett shutted up. "Sorry…"

Then, Marlene started to tap dance.

Rufus rolled his eyes. "This is a singing contest! Not a dancing one!"

Casey slapped Rufus. "Shut up, Rufus!" She turned to Marlene. "Marlene, I never knew you could tap dance!" She said sweetly

"I didn't! That was the pee pee dance!" Marlene said proudly.

The judges grimaced.

Marlene took out a couple of plastic cups. "Lemonade?"

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Reno's eyes widened. "Ooo-kaaay… maybe not what we have expected…. MOVING ON!"

Bugenhagen walked or eerr hovered onto the stage.

"Alright, dawg, SING!" Barrett said.

"Okaay…" The old man said slowly. "I'm going to sing—UUGHH!" Bugenhagen fell over and had a fatal heart attack and died.

The set was silent.

"Well, I guess that crosses him out…" Casey stated.

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Next up, came Aeris…

"Hello.." She said softly.

Rufus made no comment. Barrett was too busy drinking Marlene's lemonade. Tifa glared.

"Hi there, Bit- I mean, Aeris.." Casey said bitterly.

Aeris blinked clueless of what was going on. "ookay…"

"What are you going to sing, Aeris?" Rufus asked.

"I'm going to sing 'I feel the Earth Move'.." She said.

Everyone nodded.

"I feel the Earth move, under my skin

I feel the stars coming down

I feel my heart stop trembling—"

"Uhm.. that's far enough…" Rufus said stopping Aeris from singing.

"So, how did I do?"

"Horrible…"

Aeris' mouth dropped. "B-but… I can sing other songs! I have tons of different voices!"

Tifa rolled her eyes. "Yeah, in your head…"

"What are they saying?" Casey asked.

Aeris paused. "They're saying…. That I never knew that my best friends could be so mean to me.. after all these years…"

Everyone cracked up.

"Next!"

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"And now, time for our commercial break!" Reno announced.

Meanwhile, with the judges, they were faced with relief.

"Finally… commercial break… I thought we'd never have one…" Rufus sighed of relief.

"STUPID FOO'! WHO TOOK THE REST OF MY LEMONADE?" Barrett yelled.

"Oh, that thing?" Rufus said. "I threw it out…"

"WHAT THE?"

"Trust me, Barrett, that's not lemonade… it's pis—"

"I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS! IT STILL TASTES GOOD!"

Rufus shrugged. "Whatever…"

Barrett growled. "STUPID – WHITE PERSON!"

Tifa gasped. "But I'm white also!"

Barrett growled. "Then, stupid – White, ShinRa person!"

Reeve glared. "But I'm white and I'm a ShinRa person! What's wrong with that?"

Barrett growled. "STUPID WHITE, SHINRA, RUFUS PERSON!"

Barrett's mama stormed in and slapped him. "BUT I'M WHITE AND I'M A SHINRA PERSON AND MY NAME IS RUFUS!"

Tifa and Casey stared at Barrett in shock.

"Blackmail!" Rufus took a picture of Barrett and his mama.

"Oh, (bleep!).." Barrett muttered.

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Reno laughed nervously. "Hehehe.. welcome back to Midgarian Idol. Next up is Red XIII.."

"OMG OMG OMG OMG! It's Red 13!" Casey started squealing.

Rufus rolled his eyes. "Fan girls…"

"Please, start, Red…" Tifa said politely.

"The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout

down came the rain and washed the spider out!"

"Oh my god, YOU SUCK!" Rufus yelled loudly.

"(bleep!) you!" Red cursed.

All of the sudden, security guards surrounded him.

"I WILL AVENGE YOU GRANFATHER!" Red farted and shot out through the ceiling and flew away (hehehe… like Bugenhaiden)

Tifa fainted from the over exposure of gas.

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Last and not least was, Cloud.

Rufus started to ask all jittery. "Hehe… hi.. hehe… Cloud.."

"Hi!" Cloud said in a gay guy fashion designer voice.

"Cloud, you're beautiful!" Casey confessed leaving everyone staring at her.

"She means for you to start, sexy—I mean—Cloud." Tifa said.

"I feel pretty!

Oh so pretty!

I feel pretty and witty and

GAYYYYYYY!"

"I CAN'T TAKE THE PRESSURE!" Rufus jumped out of the 50-story building.

Casey gasped. "OMG! You scared, Rufus!"

Tifa cheered. "YOU'RE THE WINNER!"

And so Cloud became the Midgarian Idol and got a lot of flame emails later on. THE END!

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That was really stupid.. but I think that's the funniest one so far. Anyway, if you want to be in the story, or give me some ideas.. PLEASE REVIEW ME!