Updated: Wednesday 23rd February 2005

Disclaimer: See Chapter One

Chapter Thirty Five: What did you think you were doing?

Waking up several hours later, stiff, sore and cold from the elements, Estella rolled off her bed and ironed out the wrinkles in her clothes. Outside, the moon had risen high in the sky, causing a bright glow to emanate through the open curtains, lighting up the room with its silvery hues.

Clutching her arms around herself, Estella looked at the moon disdainfully and thought of her Godfather, alone in the cellar room. She wondered what he would be doing down there while he was under the influence of the Wolfsbane Potion. In the years since the night in the Shrieking Shack, Estella had never thought to ask Remus about his transformations. She knew the events of that night haunted him just as much as they remained with her. It was probably just as well Remus couldn't remember the specifics of what had happened that night, Estella mused, for he expressed enough guilt and remorse as it was.

'Perhaps if I could show him I wasn't scared of Moony anymore?' Estella mused some more. 'He wouldn't feel so bad…' Of course, Estella was still scared of Moony; but she knew that the Wolfsbane Potion enabled her Godfather to keep his humanity during the transformation. Theoretically then, if she were to confront her Godfather in his wolf form she wouldn't really be confronting Moony at all; just Remus in a wolf's body.

Her legs moving as if they had a mind of their own, Estella suddenly found herself outside the door to the converted Bomb Shelter under the house. Remembering what her Godfather had told her about the specific containment wards placed around the room, she couldn't see the harm in taking a look.

Peeking her head around the door – the door that opened surprisingly easily at a light touch – Estella crept forward into the room, seeking the wolf out. Her eyes adjusting to the darkness, Estella could make out the distinct silhouette of the slumbering wolf as it lay motionless upon a soft mattress. Pushing the old memories aside, Estella found herself awed by a curious fascination. Remembering that it was just her beloved Godfather under the fearsome looking skin, she crossed the room diligently and curled up next to the alpha wolf, seeking comfort in its warmth.

At their first contact, Estella could feel Moony startle, shying from her touch, as though afraid he might hurt her.

"I'm sorry, Uncle Remus." Estella said sincerely, "I don't know what came over me."

A pause as the wolf responded by whimpering and nudging at her firmly as though trying to get her to leave.

"I'm not scared anymore." She continued, both as an effort to convince herself of that fact as well as placating the worried wolf before her.

Stroking the wolf's down soothingly in a steady rhythm, Estella bent down and kissed the wolf softly on the brow before rising to her feet. "Goodnight Uncle Remus." She said before vacating the room.

Maybe, at last, she would be once again able to sleep with the lights off.

The next morning

"Estella!" An extremely fraught and ticked off werewolf shouted rather uncharacteristically as he emerged from the cellar and into the main house. "Estella!"

Storming up the stairs after searching the lower level of the house and bursting into the said child's room without knocking, Remus was alarmed to find the room empty. Growling agitatedly at the possibility that Estella had anticipated his anger and flooed back to Hogwarts to avoid it, Remus moved on to his room with the intent to freshen up. However, no sooner had he opened the door could the man sense the presence of the lithe child curled up on his bed, asleep.

Furrowing his brown in thought, Remus was increasingly confused by his Goddaughter's recent behaviour. It was so very unlike her to disregard a rule so serious; let alone exhibit behaviour that suggested clinginess and insecurity. Perhaps Remus and Severus had overestimated the child's independence when arranging things so that she would be effectively alone in the house all night. But then, that hardly made sense for Estella was more than comfortable to be left alone for periods of time at the School.

'Perhaps it is this house' Remus mused to himself as he stealthily crept across the room and perched himself on the side of the bed where the unstirring child lay. 'But how could that be? She seemed to just melt into the walls the moment she stepped foot inside the place.'

Absently stroking Estella's hair as he thought, slowly lulling her out of her slumber, understanding washed over Remus' features.

'Perhaps she felt too at home here' he realised. 'Perhaps now she has seen her birthright she is truly mourning her parents and what could have been.'

"Estella." He said firmly, but softly, to prevent the stirring child from falling back asleep. "Wake up now."

Opening her eyes groggily, Estella looked at Remus shyly before burying her head in her pillow. His anger returning to him somewhat, Remus grasped the child firmly on the arms and hoisted her up into a seated position.

Leaning in close to the child and shaking her slightly for emphasis he growled softly. "Estella look at me!"

Misty eyes rose unhesitatingly to stare at his conflicted orbs. "What do you think you were doing?" he said between gritted teeth, shaking the child into full wakefulness with each word. "Do you have any idea how dangerous that stunt was?"

Estella's lower lip began to tremble. She had never seen her Godfather so mad. "The Wolfsbane…" she squeaked.

"The Wolfsbane…" Remus continued, raising his voice slightly, "allows me to maintain my humanity during the transformations. It does NOT prevent your Uncle from setting the ground rules."

Seeing Estella's stunned look, he continued in a low voice. "Do you have any idea how difficult it would have been for me to see you again if your Uncle so much as thought you took one step downstairs last night?"

Estella dissolved into sobs. "I'm sorry, Uncle Remus!" She wailed. "I didn't know… I didn't think… I just wanted to show you I wasn't afraid anymore so that you wouldn't feel so bad about what happened last time…"

Remus pulled back from the hysterical child and sighed. "Oh but you must stay afraid, Estella." He said forlornly. "What if I build up a resistance to the potion and last night…" Remus' eyes were downcast, and he let the sentence hang.

"I said I'm sorry, Uncle Remus." Estella said, a little more forcefully.

"Quiet child." Remus said sternly, his voice softer. "Your father didn't pay much store by the rules either, and just look where it landed him! And your mother… your mother gave her life for you and this is how you intend to repay her? By disobeying rules that are set to protect you?"

"I thought it would be safe, Uncle Remus" Estella pleaded. "I trusted you to keep the wolf in line."

Remus sighed. "Whilst I appreciate your sentiment, Estella, it does not alter the fact that you acted foolishly and broke one of the few rules we have in place in this house."

"What are you going to do, Uncle Remus?" Estella asked timidly. "Send me home and tell Uncle Sev?"

Remus ran a weary hand over his face. "As much as I may think that is what you deserve, I am not prepared to weather the ramifications of raising your Uncle's suspicions." He said. "Do you realise, Estella, that should your Uncle find out about what happened last night he would forbid me from ever seeing you again? Those were his terms."

Estella's face paled. "He can't do that! He won't! I wouldn't speak to him again if he kept me from you!"

"Ah, but Estella, he would be completely within his right to do so!" Remus replied. "I'm lucky enough that he chose not to alert the ministry and press charges against me for what happened at the Shrieking Shack!"

"But you couldn't be punished for that, Uncle Remus! It wouldn't be right! It wasn't your fault what Moony done! He didn't even do anything anyway – I got away!" Estella argued incredulously.

"The ministry doesn't see things that way, Estella." Remus said softly. "I endangered your life."

Estella frowned. "Moony did it, not you!" She said, shaking her head. "Even he didn't drag me into the shack! I should have gotten a teacher to floo me home! I shouldn't have gotten lost at all! I should have listened to the wards telling me to turn back! I endangered myself. Don't try and tell me any different."

Remus could only stare at his Godchild, dumbfounded.

"I'm sorry, Uncle Remus." She said sincerely, breaking the silence with a sigh. "Now I know what's at stake I won't ever do something so stupid again. I wouldn't want to lose you."

Remus pulled the child into a hug. "And I you, cub." He returned. "I just wish you had the sense to abide by the rules without question. You're going to turn me grey before my time!"

"I really didn't mean to come down last night, Uncle Remus." Estella's voice was muffled by the folds of her Godfather's robes. "I, um, saw something unexpected and I was spooked. I wasn't thinking."

Vowing to question just what it was that spooked the child into mental remission at a later time, Remus pulled back and cupped Estella's face in his hands so he could look her in the eye. "Regardless of whether your actions last night were premeditated or not, they still warrant reprimanding, no?"

Estella's shoulders fell. "Yes." She agreed. "What will you have me do?"

For the last few days of her stay, Estella had been sentenced to doing household chores the Muggle way. There was also no morning cartoons allowed or video games after tea for she was confined to either the study or her bedroom during those times. Estella took the restrictions on the chin, without complaint, as she knew her Godfather to be a highly reasonable man. Her actions were, after all, undoubtedly erroneous.

Thankfully, Remus hadn't seen it necessary to deprive Estella from experiencing what else the Muggle World had to offer throughout the remainder of her stay. Friday afternoon, Remus had taken Estella ice skating at a indoor rink, whilst Saturday they went on a tour of Buckingham Palace and went to the Museum.

Sunday, came around all too fast for the pair, and saw them busy in Estella's room, 'personalising it' as Remus liked to call it. He had surprised Estella early that morning with duplicates of some of her most favourite photos – both from her parent's era, to her early childhood, and then some from their time together in London over that week to decorate the room with. Whilst Estella was permitted to take anything from the house – whether it be from her bedroom, the study or the items she had sourced in the attic – back to the School with her it was on the proviso that she left a 'little bit of herself' in its stead.

Remus' room and the living areas of the house, were already peppered with candid snap shots of Estella growing up – photos Remus himself had taken during his many visits to the School. However, asides from the minor adjustments Remus had made to accommodate her, Estella's room was just how her parents had left it for her – a clean slate. After spending a week there it was time to truly make it her own. Estella would pick photos and place them around her room, and Remus would follow, transfiguring frames to hold them up. She moved some of the soft toys off the shelf to make room for the photos, placing some on her window seat, some on her bed, and selecting a small collection to take back with her to Hogwarts. The process then repeated with the books, cushions, toys and clothes. By the time they were done, the room looked truly lived in.

Downstairs too, one could see the recent presence of a child. Her favourite children's book lay on the table closest to her favoured armchair in the study, her Muggle hat and coat hung in the cupboard, and her shoes were by the door. Everything was made to create the feel of two people living there, for although Estella was returning to where her Uncle's had made a home for her, Remus wanted the child to acknowledge that this was her home also.

"I feel like I've been here my whole life, Uncle Remus!" Estella sighed as she collapsed onto the sofa in front of the television when they were all done. "I almost don't want to leave! Do you think we could convince Uncle Sev to come live here in the spare room and floo to work everyday?"

Remus choked on his butterbeer and let out a strangled laugh. "Tell me you're joking!"

Estella smirked in typical Snape fashion. "Of course I am joking, Uncle Remus!" She scoffed. "Why, Uncle Sev would be here five minutes and we'd come home to find everything ordered and in its place like some potion ingredient storeroom!"

Remus laughed at the imagery. "You know you're welcome here anytime," he added, seriously. "I'm sure your Uncle would be amenable to have you spend some weekends here now – so long as it doesn't impede on your education. It will seem meaningless to have me make the trip up to the school just for the day to see you now that you've been here and we've proven it safe."

"That'd be wicked!" Estella said excitedly. "I'd finally have a home away from the school like all the other kids!"

Remus frowned slightly. "You do realise that your family – on both sides – has an extensive range of estates at its disposal?" He asked.

"Yeah, Uncle Sev told me about my family's 'status' before he dragged me along to meet the Malfoys." Estella said, nodding. "But I've never been to any of the family estates. Uncle Sev always says it's safer to live at Hogwarts."

"I assure you he is being over precautious. I don't know much about the Snape Estate, but the houses of the Black Estate are so old and imbued with family history that I suspect their protective wards would rival that of Hogwarts itself, both in their age and effectiveness." Remus said. "Talk to your Uncle about it, perhaps he will show you them over the Summer."

"OK, I will!" Estella replied.

End Chapter: What did you think you were doing?