NOROWARETA TSUKI

Chapter 5

The cursed moon which had bound us forever... Can you see it? As beautiful as your eyes... This is your destiny, since the first time we met. The fate I brought to you.

But for every destiny, there is an end...

Tsuzuki stared blankly at his bedsheets, almost shinning in the moonlight. The moon was brightly pale and the darkness around only heightened its beauty.

He recalled the few nights spent with Hisoka in that bed, when he was lulled to sleep by his gentle whispering. His partner stayed with him all night, and with it, no nightmares ever came. He knew it was all he should want from Hisoka so he only asked for that. Even if this love was unrequited, it was the paradise itself.

He had to retrieve him, no matter what. Before this bastard would hurt him, and take him away. Hisoka was everything for him, and all he wanted was to be happy by his side. As a friend, as a partner, whatever, but with him.

Was it too much? Was it too much to long for happiness for the ones you love and for yourself?

No. So he would fight for it.

"You can ask whatever you want now. If you don't believe my answers, I'll show you them. What about that?"

Hisoka looked at him blankly. "I don't want to see...anymore."

Muraki shrugged but the broken voice pleased him a lot. The doll wasn't crying or yelling anymore, but it could still bring fun. It wasn't totally broken yet, so he decided to stimulate doses of painful news so he could enjoy it more.

"Those voices I heard... were they Rika's or Arai's?" he slowly asked, maybe deciding to know more. No, it couldn't be. He wanted no more answers, no more facts that would crush him.

"Both. I let them suspect that something bad was happening to them in order to lose their stability and self-confidence. They were slowly, very slowly going mad. Short flashbacks, cut remembrances and the surreality of it all frightened them. So when they vaguely recognized you, they tried to get help from you, seeing a chance in it." He explained, managing to make it look as if the boy failed in helping them, and lost the chance to rescue by his own fault.

Hisoka muffled his face in the red pillow he was embracing since few minutes and let out a little moan. "But what was the meaning of them calling I'm the one ?" he asked

Muraki mocked with little irritation. "Ah, it was Arai imagining that she was better than you. After some time she really got quite obsessed on that case and became jealous, though I told her not to do so."

"But I still don't get the case of sending Rika to lunatic asylum." He said tiredly, closing his eyes, aware that Muraki still watched him with amusement. But he didn't care anymore. It wasn't important. Now nothing was important.

"Well, unfortunately, I couldn't control her completely, and I still wonder why. She started to recall the things she shouldn't and she asked her sister about her doubts, which wasn't a clever move. Arai was always an obedient girl, so she reported to me everything she heard from her sister when she was in her normal self. I decided that I should make steps to get rid of her if there was such a need. But you helped me with better resolution." He smirked, seeing Hisoka's pain when he mentioned that.

"I want to go back to Tsuzuki."

"That is your own decision," said the doctor.

"I think so. I don't know who I am... maybe there isn't a me anymore... Because you really made me into a creation..." he stammered, getting up.

"You always were. So, what are you planning to do?"

"I guess I'll say goodbye..."

"Damn it!" shouted Watari.

"Still didn't find anything?" asked Tatsumi with a sigh. He turned back to see the chair which was occupied by Tsuzuki, sitting, unmoving for about a half an hour. He stared at the floor and waited for the results of the investigation. When the obvious answer told him that nothing was found, he only hid his face in his hands, but remained quiet.

Then, a gentle knock was heard and someone entered the room.

"Hi," Hisoka said in his usual tone.

Tsuzuki immediately stood up and almost crushed his partner in a tight embrace. The boy didn't hug him back, but Tsuzuki didn't care; He was back and it was all that mattered.

Then, from the corner of his eye, he noticed Muraki standing few steps behind Hisoka.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" he yelled, embracing Hisoka harder, more protectively. Watari and Tatsumi approached them, ready to hurt the doctor if he would take any step closer.

"I accompanied him. Not as if he'd want me to, but I can decide for myself," he said and after that, he reached for Hisoka's hand, enclosing it in his own. Tsuzuki only tightened his hug.

"Let go. Both of you."

Tsuzuki, strongly shocked, obeyed by impulse. Hisoka did not avoid the eye contact, and the man gasped seeing the empty but also pained look of his emerald eyes. They were so horribly lifeless, as if their owner didn't care for his life nor for his death.

"What did you do to him?!" hissed Tsuzuki, feeling anger growing in him.

"Something you can't even imagine of," he replied with a smirk. Now he neared Hisoka's hand to his lips, twisting it in a painful way.

"It hurts," the boy quietly communicated, and Muraki let go of his hand, grinning.

"So little life in him, don't you think?"

Tatsumi frowned and clenched his fists, doing a great effort to restrain himself from blowing doctor's head away. Watari seemed to have the same problem. Tsuzuki, on his side, hesitated to make any move.

"Tsuzuki...I'd like to talk with you," Hisoka suddenly said in more vivid voice, still very quiet and pained, but with definitely more life in it. It was a good sign after all.

"Of course," he replied eagerly, and, holding Hisoka by his hand, he quickly left the room, dragging the boy behind him and only giving his friends a meaningful look. He gnashed his teeth when he met Muraki's malicious glance and managed to express in his eyes as much hatred as he could.

Walking through the street, Tsuzuki never let go of his partner's hand, though he didn't return the grasp. They didn't talk either, because the man was really lost in what he could say. He just looked helplessly at Hisoka's expression, which showed clearly nothing at all. It was a perfect example of total lack of anything; as empty gaze as you could ever imagine.

"You're not going to forgive me," the boy spoke quietly, obviously to Tsuzuki but as if he didn't care about being heard. That simple statement astonished Tsuzuki.

"You know that I would always forgive you..." he gently denied.

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway, because I will not forgive myself."

They sat in his apartment and Tsuzuki did his best in not recalling all the events that happened here. The gentle and reassuring smile plastered to his face almost burnt him, because he wasn't feeling like grinning or being gentle. He wanted to burn something, hit everything in sight (apart from Hisoka of course), butcher Muraki and then burst out with tears and cry; But in the first place he would give anything to know how to help Hisoka. What to say, what to do, how to embrace him or so...

But he didn't look like he needed it. Maybe he only didn't show it, but he was hurt by everything that happened and by whatever Muraki did to him; Any touch could be painful, even a loving one. And most of all, Tsuzuki didn't intend to harm him. As fragile as he was, now he had to be in pieces.

"Hisoka, what can I do for you?" It wasn't the best question but he decided to make some steps forward. They had to do something, because just agonizing like that could bring only more pain.

"Just listen to me. I am aware of how painful it will be for you, but listen nonetheless. I need to... tell someone... everything," he said still calmly but his voice began to break and his slender frame was slightly trembling.

Tsuzuki reached to embrace him lightly but his arms were gently but firmly pushed away.

"Don't make it harder, please. I already have serious difficulty just looking into your eyes. I just... loved you so much and I had to screw it all up! I have done so many terrible things that I don't even have a right to say that I love you! And it's all because of him! I just wonder... why did he want to destroy me that much? What did I do to be hated that much...?"

Tsuzuki didn't have any words at it. All he could do, was simply sit, be there for him and listen to the story, from the beginning until now.

And try not to break.

TBC.

I know I'm so mean to Hisoka and Tsuzuki but as a sadist and lover of angst I just have to. I hope you're not offended by that. looks ashamed

Some things got resolved and I plan to explain everything in the next chapter, although the story of course doesn't end on the explanation...

Long live angst and to the next part!