Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei isn't mine. The song, "Kowareteiku Kono Sekai De" belongs to Pierrot, and translation of it to centigrade-j.
douka semete onaji aozameta tsuki no shita de waratteite
modoru koto ha dekinai kara
dakara semete onaji kowareteiku kono sekai de waratteite
nani hitotsu mo akiramete ha inai kara
(at
least please smile under the same pale moon
because we can't go
back
so at least please smile in the same world falling
apart
because I haven't given up on anything just yet)
NOROWARETA TSUKI
-The Cursed Moon-
Chapter 10
Tsuzuki had decided to make a note, or more properly, write a letter but the more he tried the more pathetic or grotesque became his scribbling. With an annoyed sigh he put aside the pen and hoped that they would understand. Which was kind of a silly thing to believe in because it was more than sure that they wouldn't completely understand. But on the other hand maybe they would at least forgive him.
Feeling that his track of thoughts was already somewhat nervous and hysterical he came to a conclusion that at the time he was definitely feeling better without thinking at all. There wasn't any sense in repeating and musing over something that had been already decided.
He turned back and quickly looked around all over the place. Nothing was left undone, the room had a peaceful, and seemingly soothing atmosphere. Quite unnerving; at least in such moment he would have preferred something more depressing, like grey walls and a place with a little claustrophobic feeling to it. But as they say, we can't have everything.
The last glance was reserved for a bed with white sheets surrounding the skin that matched perfectly. Tsuzuki tried to think of that as an angelic picture, but the voice of common sense was telling him that it was indeed just an image of a sick person in the hospital bed. He had been seeing this for the longest time and for a moment he imagined how it would look like afterwards. Certainly…burnt.
The man slowly stood up from the chair and inhaled deeply few times trying to stop a bitter smile that was forcing its way to his lips. When it came to solving the problems, of course what was a coward to do other than have someone to do it for him. Last time Touda was almost successful and besides, it was all so convenient.
He hoped that Hisoka wouldn't have been angry for burning his body. Maybe he would even scold him, somewhere, some day in the place beyond time.
With a snicker he cut the nostalgic mood he was partly falling in, thinking that this was unusual. A normal thing for him was letting it go, allowing himself such melancholic, sweet dreams. Wasn't it bad sign when he was becoming sarcastic, really.
Kannuki frowned and held the lunch-box tighter to her chest. Something was wrong, and she couldn't fight that vague impression. Behind her back, Terazuma was muffling some noises of irritation, which were partly faked. He just didn't like those visits, because they were too pesky. Like scratching the wound over and over; and he wasn't unhurt as well.
"Is it me, or you feel something as well?" she asked in a concerned voice. She sniffed at the air a little, and in every other situation he would call it funny. Of course, inwardly. He inhaled sharply and a faint smell of something familiar lingered in his nose yet he couldn't recognize it. With each step it was getting stronger and suddenly the realization struck them.
It was fire, but with no suffocating smoke that usually followed, it was that special, almost clean and elegant kind of fire. With dancing flames that put everything aglow, with overwhelming feeling of a rite rather than a disaster.
They rushed and rushed and funnily few meters seemed like a endless road.
According to Tsuzuki's wish, only that one room was the to be set on fire. Of course it would soon spread but more slowly than this place and he hoped that they'd discover it quickly because he didn't necessarily want to burn everything. Half-heartedly he tried to worry, but he knew that it was almost empty; the hospital had only three other "guests" in various states of illnesses caused by magic. It was a quiet, discreet place and Tsuzuki had no questions. It was good enough to know that Tatsumi had known this place (really, was there a place in Meifu he didn't know about?).
It was less good that previously there were more people who have been vanishing discreetly; they came and disappeared quietly.
He felt the hot air behind his back, so close that it was almost strange that he wasn't burning. That's when he decided to be with Hisoka; even if that was only the empty body it was enough to keep appearances of closeness of his partner.
A second after that, a brush of fingers tickled his neck and he turned back violently. If that was a joke then it was a bad one. If that was a daydream then he didn't mind.
But since when your daydreams throw their arms around your neck and they cling to you, as you're painfully aware of them as well as of the ache inside your chest, caused by the unbearable air..?
In a blink of an eye, Tsuzuki bit back the questions and only blindly kissed Hisoka's hair. If that was real, they had to go away and then think. The story repeats itself, he thought and only said aloud:
"But you were there…"
Hisoka only smiled and answered something incomprehensibly. Not sure if that was an illusion or a gift sent by Gods, the brunette decided to enjoy it even if that was not true. Who cared, just who cared; perhaps his own mind put on a defense system of some kind and now was giving him hallucinations.
Tsuzuki didn't turn around to look at the bed, which probably was occupied by Hisoka's body and only held tighter whatever it was, a dream, a creation of his mind or just circled his arms around himself in a pathetic replica of a real embrace.
He was even able for a moment longer to ignore the pain in his back as he lazily stared at the floor. Hisoka was even dressed in that orange T-shirt and jeans he used to wear so often. In particular, the illusion even had really well reconstructed shoes, but one of them was loose as if he was dressing fast and forgot about the shoe-lace. He found it rather sweet.
But again, who cares, he thought in the end and his not quite conscious mind added dumbly:What a stupid thing to muse over in such moment:
And then there was darkness.
Watari looked at Kannuki tiredly and tried to fake a cheering smile but failed miserably. At least, it was not even proper so maybe he should not have even thought about doing so. He really wanted to get away but Kannuki was standing in the burnt room stubbornly as if waiting for someone who would never come.
It was a strange sight though, the walls were covered in smoke, almost wholly black but the modest furniture was destroyed only partly. As if Tsuzuki in his "orders" cared even about that, as if he just wanted to keep appearances of the fire, intending only to damage two beings alone.
Not again, he moaned inwardly, a flood of anguish tearing him; he needed to get away from here, he needed much rest, because he was feeling too tired to think, too tired to even stand there and wait for her.
"I'm sorry Kannuki-chan, but I'm leaving, ok.? I'm not quite feeling good." He said and she gave him a small nod as an answer. Perhaps she needed to be alone as well, like everyone else. It wasn't true that they would find consolation together; for this night each one of them wanted to be alone. Even Yuma and Saya took single rooms which spoke louder than anything they could say.
Fighting off a strong presentiment which was more of a matter-of-fact statement- that it was merely the beginning, Watari left her alone.
Kannuki only barely noticed that, and continued her staring. It was not meant to have any sense but it did just nice in calming her a little. The fact that she wasn't weeping her eyes out by now was caused by the shock. As long as she didn't fully believe, she was safe and she desperately wanted to keep it that way.
To think that Tsuzuki really did it… even knowing his pain, she still was thinking it had been a little selfish.. for the ones that remained.
Tatsumi sank onto the sofa and closed his eyes. He felt oddly peaceful although he was fully aware that this mood would soon change into emptiness.
Without any tears, without any yells, he was almost contended. It gave him a kind and completely fake feeling that he was coping. What a bullshit. That was certainly the last thing he was doing at the moment. He couldn't sort out his feelings or drown in the reminiscences or blame himself. Besides, he saw that coming.
A blow that he suspected to be strong, but it wasn't so strong. It just wiped off everything.
Yuma gently knocked on the door. The silence that followed told her that Saya might have been asleep. She tentatively raised her hand to knock again but stopped halfway, hearing a quiet sound of sobbing. It was skillfully subdued but still audible, at least for her. Yuma sighed and pushed the door, entering the room.
"I've been waiting for you." Saya said between sobs and didn't turn her face from the blankets where it was buried. "Just sit here, please."
Her partner didn't respond but sat at the edge of the bed, settling herself into more comfortable position, and wondered if they would ever talk about it. Or if they would let it pass by in a silent agreement, Tatsumi, Watari, everyone. She guessed it would end at half-words, short sentences and sad looks but nothing more. Maybe saving their sadness for themselves was a good idea; she didn't know.
Kannuki snapped out of her half-trans and realized it was late already. She thought it'd be wise to come back, and slowly, slowly headed for the door. She halted when something caught her attention, white tiny strand of material which was somehow odd. She frowned because almost everything in there was black from the smoke. She knelt down and tossed it, only a while later realizing what it was.
Now, strange, it wasn't Tsuzuki's and Hisoka had been in that not really pretty "hospital clothes", as she called it. Deciding that she would ponder it another day, she threw it away and left the room. A silent click that followed was the last sound and the room stayed quiet after that. Quiet, peaceful and dark like a deep slumber.
With smoke-covered walls, damaged furniture and the abandoned shoe-lace in the corner.
THE END
Oh, and one more thing, at first Kannuki and Terazuma didn't smell the smoke but later on there was some, of course. Just in case. And I think Kannuki is unappreciated.. that's why I like "using" her.. this sounded bad ''
Please review!