Chapter 9: Decisions (part2)
Then. August 1979.
Rose paced all over Remus's small bedroom, every once in a while stumbling on the carpet that covered the floor. She wore one of his shirts that covered her down to her knees. Her hair was wet and she tried to keep herself busy with opening and buttoning the first button of the green shirt. When she opened it her creamy skin and the top of her bra could be seen and that was fine with her. It would probably be alright with Remus as well, until he'll run away from her to take a cold shower.
But he is already in the shower. What is taking him so long?
She never felt like this…never felt so helpless. They apparated directly to the entrance of the 'Three Broomsticks' and the sight of all that destruction was enough to make her break into cold sweat. The thought was horrible. Standing there and thinking that the only people who loved her were dead. And then she lost all her calm posture and ran inside only to see them all alive. What a relief! Sirius was badly injured, yes, but he will be out of the hospital by tomorrow and Remus's cut was healing perfectly.
But that horrible thought was still there. She could have lost them all today. She could have lost him.
Still wearing a hole in the carpet, she stumbled again and fell straight into Remus's arms. Remus grinned a little when he saw her angry face and then pulled her after him to sit on the bed. "Alright, what's going on? I've watched you creating a hole in my carpet for a few minutes now and you haven't noticed me. What is it?"
"Nothing." She answered her voice really high.
"You're hysterical." He observed perfectly, like he always did with her.
"That's ridiculous!" and that was a complete lie.
"Of course it is." Remus nodded, smiling. "I'm alright, don't worry."
"But I am worried, Remus!" She exclaimed. "You could have been killed, all of you."
"But nothing happened! We're alright." He reached out for her hand and caressed it gently.
"I know…" Her voice was shaking now. "But I kept having this mental picture that showed me your dead body and I…" She started crying and he enveloped her in his arms, pulling her firmly against his body.
"Shhh…there are dark times now and we have to fight together. I may be working at the muggle world but I can still protect myself. And we're both members in the order, right? We'll fight together and eventually…we'll win…"
"Yeah…" She raised her head and their eyes locked. "The best DADA student in our year. You passed Lily and James." She smiled and he grinned.
The mood between them changed. Remus found himself noticing very minor details about her. The way her long eyelashes were making her eyes look larger and deeper. The way her wet hair dripped water on his hand, the way her breathes came in short almost inaudible gasps. His face flushed and he started getting up from the bed when she pulled him towards her for a kiss.
She watched his face closely. Noticing how his eyes grew wider and darker, noticing his flushed face and made her decision. She won't let him leave her tonight. She pulled him for a passionate kiss. Her hands caressed his wet hair and his back and he shuddered in her arms, pushing her to a position beneath him.
"Rose…this shouldn't…"
"Shut up, Remus…" She mumbled and removed his shirt with skill she never knew she possessed.
"No…I…you need to know what this means to me." He pleaded her, trying to stop her from kissing his neck.
"I know what this means to you, Remus, I've known from the first moment I saw you…don't you love me?" The thought was hurting her, was he playing with her all along?
"Of course I love you." He responded. "But you need to realize that if we're going to go any further there is no way back for me." His eyes were soft and he almost wished he wouldn't have to say the next words. "And there will be no way back for you either…"
"I know that." She whispered.
And Remus couldn't really deny himself from her anymore. He wanted her so much now that it became a pleasant torture just to watch her. And she was there, offering herself to him without hesitation. He bent his head and kissed her softly; letting his hands roam all over her body for the first time, slowly unbuttoning the shirt she wore and kissing every piece of exposed flesh he revealed.
Rose moved her hands and tangled them in his hair when he kissed her neck and moved a bit lower. The strong wave of passion overwhelmed her and she found herself almost paralyzed. It seemed like Remus knew perfectly what he was doing and where he was going. Animal instincts? Her mind wondered and she laughed softly. Remus raised his head to look at her. "What?" He asked softly.
He saw her eyes grow wide and dark and she moaned softly, sending shivers everywhere in his body and he kissed her again. He was surprised when she grabbed his hand and showed him where and how to touch her and he allowed himself to do the same.
After a while he raised his head again and gazed her with question in his eyes. Rose knew that even now, after all the stuff they did; he was giving her a way out. But she didn't want a way out and he understood. She looked at him when he grabbed his wand and muttered a contraceptive spell and smiled gently. She'll tell him later…
She'll tell him later that his eyes turned molten gold…the eyes of a mated wolf…
Today.
Hermione, Harry and Ron stared at professor Lupin that lectured in a very distant voice about a curse they already covered the week before. They weren't the only one who noticed their professor's strange behavior. It was like his mind was busy somewhere very far away from Hogwarts.
"Do you think it got something to do with his wife?" Hermione muttered to Harry and he nodded his head, looking worried.
"Wife?" Ron almost shouted but it didn't seem to bother Lupin. "What are you talking about? He doesn't have a wife."
"Yes he does. We saw her at St.Mungo's." Harry whispered.
"Why didn't you tell me?" The red haired wizard pouted.
"We kinda thought this was private you know." Hermione whispered and then got up from her seat when the bell rang. She grabbed her stuff and the three waited until the other students leave before approaching Lupin's desk.
"Hmmm…er…Professor Lupin?" Harry asked, startling the wizard that stared at the table.
"It's Remus, Harry; I told you that you can call me by my name when we're alone. Merlin knows that I feel old enough without being called professor all the time." A shadow of a smile appeared on his face and he raised his eyes to meet Harry's.
"Hmmm…we were just wondering if everything was okay." Hermione said.
"Why wouldn't it be?" He asked sharply.
"You seemed quite distant…you thought us the same thing we studied last week."
"Oh dear…" Remus sighed. "Why didn't anyone told me?"
"You seem troubled." Hermione said, her voice soft. For some reason she felt very sorry for him. The other two nodded.
"I am troubled." He sighed again. "I'll be alright. You should go to your next class."
They nodded and then left the classroom. Harry and Hermione turned their heads before they left and saw him sitting with his head in his hands, his body shaking.
Remus felt like the rest of the day passed like a dream. He didn't really remember what he thought and how much homework did he give, if he did. He couldn't concentrate. Well, how could he concentrate when his wife is dying? No one knew about it…He felt that if he'll tell anyone then it would make it final and he couldn't accept it.
He tried to accept her death sixteen years ago and it nearly killed him.
He walked slowly to his rooms, hoping to get some sleep. Instead of an empty bed he found a grey owl waiting for him. It carried a letter from the hospital and Remus exploded on the owl. "Foolish bird! How long have you waiting? Why didn't you bring this to me directly?"
He opened the letter with shaking hands and discovered that it was written in the late hours of the morning. Sighing, he changed his shirt and hurried towards the fireplace. The letter didn't say much, it just told him he should come over…and fast.
Then. August 1979.
Remus's hands moved slowly up and down her back, caressing her softly. He seemed utterly pleased with himself when she shuddered and turned her head to look at him. She was lying next to him on the bed. Their legs entangled together and her head rested on his chest.
She turned to look at him. His eyes returned to their usual color and he smiled warmly at her. Sighing, she rested her head against his chest again. She could stay like this forever.
"Did I hurt you?" He asked softly.
"It supposed to hurt." She chuckled. "But you can always make it up to me."
Remus laughed and hugged her even more tightly.
"I did expect it to be different." Remus looked at her questionably. "You know…dinner, flowers, a ring…"
"Yeah, but making love is so much better then all those stuff…" He growled and she laughed. "But if you insist…" he got up from the bed and got a small box from his robe pocket. He pulled the blanket on top of them again and looked at her. "I bought these two months ago. I just didn't know how to do this. I practiced speeches infront of the mirror but it kept laughing at me so I stopped."
Rose looked at the box he handed her and opened it slowly. She revealed a white gold ring, plain and not too flashy.
"Take the ring, Rose…be my wife…"
Rose smiled and pulled him towards her for a kiss.
The moon was rising, not even half full, but it spread a dim light around the large manor. A small figure stood in front of the front doors, looking all around her, trying hard not to be seen by anyone.
There was nothing to worry about. No one dared getting close to the Malfoy manor. He read the letter over and over again, not believing his own luck. This was his chance to do something for his friends. He wasn't brave enough, he knew that, and he wasn't smart enough but he could save them…just like Sirius pushed Remus away from the Cruciatus curse that morning.
He will join the death eaters and he will report everything to the dark lord and in return…his friends will be safe. Lucius Malfoy promised that himself…
And with that thought, Peter Pettigrew knocked on the door.