by ArwenAragorn4Ever
Genre: Humor, parody (IT IS A DRABBLE, MOSTLY... I don't know what to call it. Just laugh!)
Summary: Harry finds out who his true father is. A little one-shot I made after reading marietsy's 'Is He My Father?'
A/N: Greetings! A parody/humor one-shot on Snape and Harry! Will be a sequel, but not concerning these two characters. I'd rather have them separate than in the same story. It's makes things easier. I hate the new system now. It's complicated. DEDICATED TO MARIETSY (because I luv your stories, girl! And your story made me write this one-shot series!)
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. By the way, 30 more days before the sixth Harry Potter book comes out! (points to calender) ;)
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—Harry's P.O.V—
"Then, who's my father?"I asked.
"Professor Snape,"Dumbledore answered.
I fainted.
A few days later, after I regained consciousness, I went to see Dumbledore again. "Sir, how can he, of all people, be my father!"I yelled.
"…"
"Headmaster?"
"He…slept with Lily in their seventh year at Hogwarts. Both were drunk (it was at a Christmas Ball). They consumated and he took advantage of her drunken state. And when she had you (she was all ready married to James, they also had sex), she used a few glamour charms on you. Would you like to see yourself?"
I nodded, nervously. I was disturbed by this piece of news. No wonder. It was all about sex. Something I wasn't even into yet. I may have had a fling with Cho Chang, Ravenclaw Quidditch Seeker, but that's history! Fifth year history! It's now seventh year, and I still don't have anyone! Dammit!
Wait… "Do Remus and Sirius know about this?"
He nodded. "All right, then."
Okay. Here we go. Take a deep breath, Harry. All will be fine. EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT I AM SNAPE'S SON! "Revealo."
He put a mirror in front of me. I had red hair (but it was in Snape's style, I swear I could feel the hair grease), dark green eyes and even Snape's nose. Before I fainted, my last thought was, 'I want plastic surgery, now!'
3 Days Later…
"Harry!"a voice called, waking me from my peaceful slumber.
"H…Hermione?"
"Oh, Dumbledore told us,"Hermione cried on my shoulder. "I'm soooo sorry!"
Someone…CALL THE CALM POLICE NOW! my head yelled.
"Harry…do…you like me?"she asked.
"Where'd that come from?"I asked.
"I just…"Hermione began.
Then, she did the unthinkable. She kissed me, just as Snape walked in the room! This is a hopsital…not a Kissing Salon or Booth you might find at a carnival (where Dudley gets fatter than a killer whale or a shark, I might add)!
"Granger, who is that and why are you pushing your tongue down his throat?"
Hermione and I broke apart. With Hermione's arm around my waist, we looked at Snape.
"Um…Professor, I thought you knew,"Hermione said. "H—He's Harry."
"Which Harry?"
"Potter."
"Why does he look like me?"
"Hi daddy!"I waved, jumping up and down.
"W-What? No…drunk…Lily…sex…baby…DUMBLEDORE!"Snape ran out of the Hospital Wing, looking very white. Or green. Or purple. Multicolor, let's call him! MULTICOLOR SNAPE!
He left, and me and Hermione were laughing our heads off.
Ron came in minutes later. Hermione and I were making out.
"Hermione, stop kissing other guys!"he yelled.
"Hey, Ron,"I grinned. I still sound the same. Whoo hoo!
"Harry!"He yelled. He grabbed me by the shoulders and hugged me. He then put both arms around me and cried.
"Oh, I'm really, really sorry about you being Snape's k-kid, Harry…"he sobbed. Hey…I'm a feminist! SWEET!
"I…Ron…Harry and I are together,"Hermione said. Ron just kept sobbing. FEMINIST!
Just then, Dumbledore walked in with Lucius Malfoy.
"Mr Weasley, we have something to tell you…"Dumbledore said. Ron shook in my arms.
"Lucius Malfoy is your father."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
—END—
A/N: I hope you liked the first of the series! Many more to come, if this gets enough reviewers! (hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge)