Disclaimer: See Chapter One

Updated: Friday 1st April 2005

Chapter Fifty Five: It's all in the eyes

Severus had entered Estella's mind countless times during their regular Occlumency sessions, but this was something he had never encountered before. Entering her mind this time, Severus' consciousness felt like it had been doused in freezing cold water. The link to his own mind and the outside world that he was always careful to maintain was severed, and he was falling.

Blackness. Nothing but cold air and wind… wind that whistled in his ears and carried with it the whisper of voices. Voices all around him, hissing and whispering in hushed tones so low, so far away, that he could not hear what they were saying or where they were coming from. As he fell further and further he began to lose grip on his sense of being. Why was he there? Why were the voices following him as he fell? Where was he?

"Lumos!" A voice he vaguely recognised as his own screamed out on its own volition, blinding his eyes with the resultant burst of white light that suddenly flooded his surroundings.

Closing his eyes to the sudden assault, his ears filled with the sound of his own lungs as they gasped for breath.

"Severus? Severus!" A man's voice roused him as it reached in through the fog of incoherence that was his mind and resonated like a beacon, guiding him back to shore.

"Lucius?" Severus croaked, his voice hoarse, as he opened his eyes. He was on the floor by the lounge. "How long? What happened?"

"I've never seen anything like it!" Lucius said, amazed. "You went into some sort of trance before passing out cold. It was like you had been attacked by a Dementor! I should be the one asking you what happened?"

"What about Estella?" He asked, trying to sit up to see where his niece was. "How did you get me to snap out of it?"

"Ennervate." Lucius said, as though it were obvious. "The child passed out when you did. She seems calmer though."

"We didn't want to try and move her or cast any spells on her because we saw what happened to you when you did." Narcissa added. "Her magic appears to be running wild. Lucius and I saw a lot of this when Draco used to have his little tantrums. It's best just to ride it out."

Severus shook his head wearily and pulled himself to his feet to look at the unconscious child twitching and fidgeting on the lounge. "I don't think this is a result of a tantrum. Her mind seems to have regressed into a long forgotten memory." He said, running a shaky hand through his hair, shivering at the memory inside Estella's head. "I had not thought it would have been possible…"

"What was possible?" Narcissa asked as Severus' voice trailed off.

"That she would remember it." Severus sighed, looking at his niece with a haunted cloud in his eyes.

"Azkaban?" Lucius said in a low tone, his face hardening as Severus nodded absently. "Those muggle loving fools at the Ministry call themselves the light!" He spat. "It's an outrage! Not even our Dark Lord would have subjected a infant to such travesty. Death would have been more merciful."

Severus raised his eyebrows indiscernibly in disbelief. Voldemort was hardly a merciful man – the idea that such treatment would have merit in its depravity had probably just never occurred to him. Looking down at his niece hopelessly, he voiced his intentions to leave. "If you would excuse us, I think it best if I…"

"Oh yes of course, Severus." Lucius said accommodatingly. "I'll have Dobby return your luggage shortly. You leave straight away and see to your niece."

Nodding gratefully, Severus thanked the Malfoys for their hospitality and bid his farewell before bundling the prone form of his niece into his arms and accepting use of the parlour's Floo.

No sooner had Severus stepped out of the hearth and into the sanctuary of his dungeon quarters did the child in the arms stir and awaken.

"Neat party trick, hey Uncle Sev!" She said gloatingly. "Did you see the look on Lucius' face? I wish I had a camera! I'll have to preserve it in a penseive…"

Severus all but dropped Estella to the floor in shock. "You… you…" He said wordlessly, stabbing his finger at the increasingly smug child before him.

"…really didn't want to make myself sick on potion?" Estella offered helpfully, crossing her arms across her chest and raising one eyebrow in perfect homage to her Uncle. "Don't tell me you fell for it too?" She asked incredulously, the victorious look on her face falling as she took in his inarticulate state. "You really passed out?" She cried out, her eyes wide.

"Yes I did pass out." Severus said quietly as his shock subsided, giving him back control of his faculties which he deftly put to use easing himself into his favoured chair, easing the strain on his rubbery legs.

Then, steepling his fingers and gathering as much authoritative strength as he could muster, he looked at Estella levelly. "…and I would like to know precisely how you did it."

"You're not mad?" Estella asked uneasily as she sunk into her chair across from him.

"Oh I'm absolutely furious." Severus assured her dryly. "However, my curiosity precedes my anger. Explain."

Shifting uncomfortably in her chair, Estella ignored her Uncle's impatient look as she summoned Lena and ordered them both some drinks and something to eat to settle them in for the long haul. Her performance as it was took a lot out of her.

"So," Estella began between mouthfuls of chocolate cake. "Where should I start? You want the long version or the abridged?"

"I don't have anywhere I have to be, do you?" Severus responded impatiently.

"Well to start with, I didn't plan it." She said, absently brushing crumbs off the arm of her chair. "I would have told you if I had."

The look on her Uncle's face determined it was not much of a consolation.

"Anyway, Narcisssa said something to me that upset me and I thought I might as well use it to my advantage." She said simply.

"That's all?" Her Uncle asked incredulously after a bridge of silence. "Whatever did she say to you to get you so upset?"

"Oh it wasn't what she said that caused that." Estella assured her Uncle. "It was merely the beginning. I got that upset – and yes I was upset – by thinking about everything in my life that has ever hurt me. By combining it all into one great big event… one thought… one emotion. It's hard to explain."

Severus nodded, comprehension settling in his mind even though it still unnerved him to think he had exposed his niece to enough heartache to cause her to react like that when combined.

"What about when I…" He started.

"That? Oh I had no idea you were going to react that way!" Estella defended. "I really thought you had caught on and were being melodramatic for effect. You and I both know I am not allergic to Moonstone!"

"Yes, but what was that you pulled me into?" He asked, getting frustrated in his pursuit for answers. "It wasn't any memory I can associate with you having."

Estella leant back in her chair, her eyes dazzling with an ecstatic look. "You mean I managed to keep you from accessing my mind?" She needled. "You didn't see anything but that?"

Severus nodded.

"Really?" Estella was getting excited now.

"It had a unprecedentedly profound effect on me." Severus admitted reluctantly. "What was it?"

"The reason I don't like the dark… or care much for flying around on thin sticks of wood." Estella said flippantly. "What? Don't give me that look! I don't know where it comes from, alright? It's just something that's always been there, in the back of my mind, since forever."

It was Azkaban. Severus' head spun. All those years of working towards making her forget and she subconsciously managed to draw on the effects of the Dementors and that place to occlude her mind. Severus wondered if Estella even knew just what she had done. It appeared she didn't.

Studying his niece's face for any sign of deception, Severus frowned. She had already proven to him once today that she was capable of fooling him. The object of his thoughts, meanwhile, was reaching her own conclusions.

"Wait a minute." She said, a hard edge to her voice. "If you really did pass out and were 'profoundly effected' by my mind, does that mean your own defences went down?"

Severus paled, the sinking feeling he felt evidently revealing itself in his eyes because Estella's eyes narrowed.

"I was inside your mind then!" She exclaimed, somewhat disturbed by the revelation. "I thought my imagination was running away with me, cooking up hair-brained conspiracies for why Narcissa was showing me the manor's nurseries and talking about grandchildren and asking me to call her Mother!"

Estella was becoming increasingly wild eyed and hysterical. "So it was true. That conversation between you and Lucius really happened? I think I am going to be sick! How could you!"

"Estella! Sit down!" Severus stood and tried to still the pacing child, his mind hopeful that she had not witnessed the entire conversation. "Tell me what you saw and I will elaborate. If you would just calm down I am sure you will see past what you witnessed and acknowledge that my true sentiments at the time were to the contrary!"

"How can I believe you?" Estella hissed, her voice cold and hard as she shook herself out of her Uncle's grip. "You said I had to see them because they were family and they're not! You said I could spend this Christmas with Remus and I couldn't!"

Severus ran a hand through his hair and gestured helplessly, his arms flailing as he found he was lost for words. "Estella… I was playing a part. You saw in my mind I only just found out about Narcissa's parents tonight! We were both misled!"

"Don't 'Estella' me!" She cried, her deepest insecurity emerging in her coerced emotional state. "Why didn't you play the part of my Uncle and tell Lucius where he could stick his proposal? You could have refused because Lucius wouldn't say who Narcissa's father really was! Admit it! You want to get rid of me! You want to trade me off like some rare potions ingredient so you can get on with your life!"

"Estella…" Severus pleaded now, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Are you denying that you'd choose Draco over… over… over… someone like Harry?" Estella accused scathingly.

"What I would chose for you is irrelevant, Estella." Severus said warily, choosing his words very carefully. "It's what you want..."

"What about what you want?" Estella cried bitterly. "Surely you must want a family of your own? A child that has your eyes…"

Severus took a step back, thrown by her words. "You are my family." He spluttered. "Why would you think differently?"

"You don't speak of me the same way they do." She answered incoherently. "You don't look at me like that."

"Like what? I don't understand." Severus struggled to get a grasp on his niece's spiralling hormones. "Did you want me to call your Godfather, see if he can understand…"

"Oh yeah sure, call Remus! When things get too uncomfortable for you, send me off to someone else. That's just great!" Estella said.

"I don't understand, I thought that's what you would prefer…"

"That's just it, you don't understand! You don't even try to." Estella said sadly as she brushed passed her uncle and crossed the room to open the door to the hallway. "Just leave me alone Uncle Sev, I'm tired and I want to be alone."

"Maybe it's for the best." Severus said edgily, his hands shaking. "I don't know what to do with you anymore. Perhaps the emotions you utilised to instigate your performance today are clouding your perspective. Come back when you're ready to have a rational conversation."

Estella froze in her tracks. She had expected her Uncle to try and make her stay, to at least try and make everything alright. Never let a sun set on a argument and all that. But he wasn't. He was sending her away! Everything she thought was true! She was holding him back. He wanted his own family. A fresh wave of tears washing over her, she stormed out into the hallway and ran. Just ran. No idea of where she was going or where she would end up, just trying to put as much distance between herself and her pain as possible.

It wasn't working. All it did was cause her to lose her bearings and collapse in a dark hallway, out of breath. Reaching for her wand, she cast a 'lumos maxima', to try and get a gauge of where she was. Realising she was about halfway between the Slytherin dorms and the first floor girl's bathroom, she leant against the cool, consistent stone wall and sat, contemplative. As her breathing started to steady, and her sobs quietened, Estella froze.

She could hear something coming towards her.

Scrambling to her feet, Estella was immediately on her guard. Keep her wand tip lit in front of her for light, she pulled out her father's wand and was ready with a curse on her lips. When the offending form came into her wand light, it's wide eyes gleaming, the pieces of the puzzle Estella had been struggling with since term began freefell into place.

She now knew what the creature of the Chamber of Secrets was.

End Chapter: It's All in the Eyes