Chapter Eight

Angels or Devils

I hate decisions. Mostly because I'm no good at making them. I blow things out of proportion, overanalyze and then usually end up having a mental breakdown. I just can't make up my mind when I need to and I hate the pressure of people's expectations. Making decisions just sucks in general; especially when it comes to people because I always end up letting someone down.

I hate letting people down.

Riley always helped me with decisions. She helped me go through the pros and cons and sometimes it actually helped, and though sometimes it didn't…she tried. But I'm all on my own on this one because I can't tell Riley about Nathan. I mean, I can…but I don't want to. I can't really even tell her about Reed because if I tell her I'm not sure I want to get back together with him she'll ask why and my only reason is Nathan.

This is one of those instances where I want to grab a pillow and scream into it.

Like I've said before, Reed is safe. Reed is sweet, mellow, considerate and most of all, he's convenient. He's not bad to look at either but the truth is he's got nothing on Nathan. And ultimately, I can't choose Nathan over Reed just because Nathan is hotter…I mean, I'm not that shallow.

I don't think.

But if I did choose Nathan over Reed, how stupid would I be? It's not like Nathan is begging for any sort of relationship anyway. He likes the no strings attached bullsh!t where he doesn't have to feel any sort of guilt about me when he's hooking up with other girls. Of course, if I started dating Reed I would have to drop Nathan all together…and I don't want to do that, do I?

Where is that goddamn pillow?

Reed left minutes after he kissed me but Nathan remained in the same position as before, standing by his car with a look of complete and utter…indifference. "Want me to come in?" He asked, moving closer towards me and following me up the steps. It's unbelievable the way he's pretending like that didn't happen! It's like he sees me kissing other guys every day! Why isn't he upset about this?

It surprises me that I even thought he would be upset. I mean, it is Nathan. He's kissing other girls so why wouldn't it be okay for me to do the same? I guess it doesn't change the fact that it hurts he could care less about me. Because Reed would care, he would freak out…he did freak out when he saw me kissing Nathan at the movie theater. See, Reed cares…

Nathan…well, doesn't.

Okay. So Reed it is. I made my decision. I think…

So then why am I letting Nathan follow me into the house?

"So you're parents aren't home, huh? Guess I'm staying the night then…" he said suggestively and I rolled my eyes as I took my jacket off and threw it on the banister.

"That'll happen," I said sarcastically, causing him to laugh.

"Let's order Chinese," he said, grabbing my phone off the cradle and dialing in a number that apparently he knew by heart.

"Nathan, what are you doing?" I groaned.

He put a finger over his lips and then pointed to the phone which received another eye roll from me. "Yea, I'd like to place an order to be delivered…" he paused for a second and then placed his hand over the speaker of the phone "…what's your address?"

Everything was normal between us, and it was starting to bother me. I wanted him to show any signs of jealousy but he was seriously acting like nothing happened. Reed kissed me in front of him but it seemed that Nathan could care less. Finally, after avoiding the subject for a good forty five minutes while we ate Chinese, I cracked.

"It doesn't bother you that Reed kissed me?" I asked, sounding ridiculous.

He raised his eyebrow as he looked up from the carton of rice. "Should it?"

I sighed. "I don't know, I mean…we do kind of have a history and I just thought that you'd feel…"

"Jealous?" He laughed.

"I was going to say awkward…" I blushed. Looking away from him, I dipped my chopsticks into the rice and mixed it with soy sauce.

"It's not like we're exclusive…" he shrugged "…we've had sex, so what? I've had sex with half the population of Tree Hill already."

I scoffed, "I can't believe you seriously just said that."

"What?" He shrugged innocently. "I'm just stating the facts. Besides…you don't even like him."

My eyes widen in confusion. "Excuse me? What makes you think I don't like him? I did kiss him back."

"Yet now you're here with me, instead."

"You kind of invited yourself in…" I countered.

"But you didn't make me leave, did you?"

"Well no but…"

Before I could finish he interrupted me, "see…you don't like him. It's okay. You can admit it." He's got that subtle smirk on his lips that causes me to glare. The way he thinks that he knows me so well drives me absolutely crazy. He seems to be able to read me so well when I can't figure out a single fucking emotion of his.

"You are unreal…" I sighed.

"That's what they say," he shrugged, giving that infamous smirk of his. I pulled back as he inched closer, knowing full well what was about to happen. But as his lips grew closer to mine, I knew that I wasn't going to stop it…even if I wanted to.

Which for the record, I didn't.

His hands were warm as they touched my cold cheek and he leaned in closer. I felt his hands slip through my hair and slip down to my neck and I kept my eyes wide open, staring deep into his. My breathing was going into overdrive as it had done so many times before in this exact position and it scared me that I still had no control when I was with him. When his lips touched mine, it was only for a second before he pulled away and raised his eyebrow.

What a tease.

He laughed at my surprised expression and then dove back in, his lips moist on mine. His hands traveled down to my waist and under my shirt and I accepted willingly. I didn't stop him like I would have if I had any sense at all.

He pushed me down onto the couch and I let myself fall under him as he tried desperately to unbuckle my jeans and let me do the same to him. Everything was normal; or normal with Nathan, until he pulled away abruptly and stared at me with a blank expression that I couldn't read in the least. "I have to go…" he said.

"You what?" I asked, my voice coming out completely and utterly taken aback. The surprises just kept coming with this one. Just when I thought I had gotten him somewhat figured out he threw me for a loop and I ended up trying to figure out what I had done wrong.

"Look, it's just…" and for a moment I thought he was going to tell me but then he finished with "…never mind. I just, I just have to go."

"But…" I tried to protest as he made his way to the door. I ran my hands through my hair as I stood up from the couch and just stood there, half undressed "…I, I don't understand."

But I was talking to myself because he was already out the door.

I laughed out loud. Just when I thought things were starting to make sense…

Damn him.

I couldn't do my homework that night. As hard as I tried to focus, things just weren't falling into place. It didn't help that I didn't understand Calculus anyway. Between everything with Nathan and Reed…and even Riley, I just felt like I couldn't catch a break.

I needed some sort of change, and there was only one way to make it happen.

He was still number three on speed dial.

"Hello?"

I paused for a second before I said anything. "Um…hey, it's…"

"Haley…hey, I didn't think you were going to call." He says.

"Me neither," I answered honestly.

If I was being honest with myself, I would have admitted that I only told Reed I wanted to get back together because Nathan had rejected me. I don't know exactly what I was thinking when I called him but I guess a girl ultimately just wants someone to want her back and if Nathan didn't, I knew who to go to. Reed loved me.

Did I still love him? It's hard to say.

"Hey baby," Reed yelled out the window as he pulled up in his Range Rover. I had to admit he was looking cuter than ever in his short sleeved collared polo shirt.

When I opened the door and got in next to him he leaned over and kissed me; I winced at first, sort of surprised by his actions but he didn't seem to notice because he smiled brightly at me before pulling back out of my driveway.

It was silent for a moment after he started driving but he soon broke it, after looking over at me briefly. "Are you okay?"

I laughed softly at him and put my hand on his hand on the stick shift. "I'm fine…It's just…"

"You're having second thoughts?" He sighed.

"No, no…" I protested "…not at all. I like you Reed…it's just that sometimes I wonder…"

He interrupted me "…if I'm going to hurt you again?" When we stopped at a red light, he looked over at me and smiled sadly. "I know I messed up, Haley. I made a mistake, and I realize that now. You and I…we were great together. You understood me and I understood you. I want to be like that again, and I want to be like that…with you."

I could almost feel tears welling up in my eyes. "I want to be like that again too."

"And we can be…" he winked "…we will be."

That was all I needed to hear. Maybe I came into this with the wrong reasons but the way he was looking at me, the way he was making my heart skip beats again, I knew I had done the right thing. If I had chose Nathan, I would have seriously regretted it in the end. That much I knew. I leaned in and kissed Reed hard on the lips but we pulled away when the car behind us honked.

The light was green.

He laughed as he continued to drive and I took a deep breath of fresh air as I rolled down the window. School was going to be weird today, as much as I thought I had figured things out, I hadn't. This was just the beginning and I think that deep down, I knew that. Nathan wasn't going to just disappear; as much as I wanted him to.

Or as much as I thought I wanted him to.

"Hold on…" Reed told me when we pulled into his parking spot. I furrowed my brow as he turned off the engine, removed himself from the car and came around to my side, opening my door for me. I laughed and rolled my eyes playfully "…don't look so surprised," he beamed, "I can be quite the gentleman."

"Also quite the dork…" I countered and he laughed, taking my hand and helping me out of the car.

I spotted Riley and Nathan getting out of his BMW and I quickly averted my eyes when Reed caught me looking. He didn't say anything, and I wasn't sure if he knew exactly why I was looking but I tried to cover it up and smiled in his direction. "Did you want to go say hi to Riley?" He asked and I quickly shook my head, telling him I'd see her later.

I wasn't sure if I was ready to face Nathan.

When Reed grabbed my hand and I accepted as I leaned my head into the crook of his neck. I liked having a boyfriend. I liked having someone look at me the way Reed looked at me. Sometimes I felt like Nathan looked at me like that but I had myself convinced it was simply a figment of my imagination.

Riley approached us later and to my relief, Nathan was nowhere in sight. "Are my eyes deceiving me?" She smiled. "Reed Matthews and Haley James…together? Like…together, together?"

I laughed. "Cute, aren't we?"

She shrugged. "Sickening is more like it."

I stuck my tongue out at her and received the same in return. Maybe things with Riley and I were a little off but in the end, she's the same old Riley. I just hoped whatever it was that was coming in between us would stop soon.

"When did this happen?" Riley asked, her arms around both of us.

"Last night," Reed said and then moved his head around Riley to give me a quick kiss on the lips. Riley made gagging noises.

"And I didn't find out until this morning?" Riley asked, laughing. "What kind of best friend are you?"

"The worst," I said jokingly. The truth was, however, I was only half joking.

"Hey, look I have to get to class," Reed told me, kissing my forehead. "I'll see you later?"

I smiled in response and he walked away, throwing a wave over his shoulder and then looking back to give me a cute wink. He's perfect right? He's sensible, smart, beyond cute, dorky in that cute loving sort of way and he loves me. So why wasn't it there for me?

I'll tell you why; it's that damn Nathan f ucking Scott!

I felt like a broken record. It's all I could think about, Nathan vs. Reed…Reed vs. Nathan. When would the pieces of the f ucking puzzle fall together? I mean, would they ever? Or was I going to be stuck like this for the rest of my life, between these two handsome boys?

Wow; comforting.

Riley's eyes widened as he disappeared and she smacked me in the side playfully, a tremendous grin fully in place. "So, you and Reed, huh? This is big!" She shrieked. "There is hope for us all, yet."

I laughed. "Don't blow this up, Ry. Think of it as sort of a trial sort of deal…he shows any sign of his old ways and I'm dumping him without looking back."

She rolled her eyes as we began to walk down the hallway to our first periods. "Old ways? Reed had no ways, babe. He made a mistake and he realizes it. Give the fool a chance."

"I thought that was what I was doing…" I smirked and she glared at me playfully "…So anyway, I feel like you and I haven't talked in a while. Everything okay?" I saw it as my opportunity and I took it. Even I knew that getting her to open up completely was hopeless at the moment but at least I could say I tried.

She sighed and it was like the smile immediately fell from her face. "It's nothing, Haley. Honest."

I gave her my best puppy dog face. "Okay, if you say so. Just…know that I'm here, okay? When you want to talk…I'm here." I put out my pinky and she wrapped hers around mine instantaneously. "See you later, darling."

"Adios, my love," she replied dramatically before blowing me a kiss and walking into her classroom. I rolled my eyes at her and then continued walking down the hallway.

Maybe things were okay.

For those of you paying attention, I had last period with both Nathan and Reed, which for those of you who are not completely clueless means…drama. When I entered the classroom, I was the first one, as per usual. My math teacher usually lets us out early because he's always anxious to go home so I end up in this class earlier than the teacher. Sometimes it's nice, sometimes I get to finish up the homework that I had neglected the night before…but on that particular day, I just had to sit there anxiously waiting for the inevitable conflict.

Just my luck, Nathan walked in first.

"Hey," I acknowledged him with a nod casually and then looked back to my binder, pretending to do my homework.

I heard him stop but I didn't look up; I feared to look up. "Hi," he said. More footsteps were heard enter the classroom and when they did, Nathan started to walk towards me, taking the seat directly in front of me. "Look about last night…" he started and I looked up with a quizzically glance.

Was he going to apologize?

When our eyes met, he looked away and cleared his throat. "I…"

Before I could even get any kind of clue as to what he was about to say, someone called my name and low and behold, it was Reed. Good old Reed…

Didn't you just know that was going to happen?

"Hey baby," he smiled, leaning into give me a kiss. Nathan looked a little confused but immediately turned to Reed and smiled, showing absolutely no sign of disappointment at all. "Hi," Reed said to him and then looked over to me awkwardly.

"Reed, right?" Nathan said his voice triumphant and sickening to my ears. "I'm Nathan. Nathan Scott, perhaps you've heard of me…"

Reed shrugged. "Can't say I have."

Nathan looked amused as he turned to look at me and raised his eyebrow. "You don't say."

Gulp.