Chapter Thirteen

Bottle Up And Explode

Another week passed.

Terra and I became fast friends. I never realized how very little friends I had until the one that I could always count on was not in reach. Terra recognized that she could never replace Riley; she knew how much Riley meant to me…and would always mean to me.

But it didn't make her any less great.

I didn't attempt to talk to Riley. She didn't attempt to talk to me either. Both of us needed space, that much was clear. It was only a matter of who was going to break first and I had a feeling that it was going to be me. Because it was becoming more and more difficult for me not to pick up the phone and call her and when we made eye contact, I nearly wanted to cry.

It was frustrating.

The same was for Nathan. He didn't talk to me, I didn't talk to him. I knew that I was the one who needed to apologize but I couldn't find the words whenever he was around. I shouldn't have yelled at him, that was much was true, but in some ways, he had sort of been the problem for a while.

And it's not like he didn't owe me a million apologies from before anyway.

Friday night rolled around and since my mother was still in town, I decided that I needed to get out of the house. Parties were never my thing, Riley and I hadn't been very social with other people. But Terra had invited me to a party at one of her friend's house and I had accepted, dragging Lucas along as well.

Not that he needed to be dragged.

When Terra pulled up to the party, it was already in full swing. There was a couple making out on the roof, some guy streaking down the lawn and empty beer bottles thrown along the bushes.

I rolled my eyes at the sight.

As we entered, I was almost surprised to see Riley and Jesse together near the keg. Riley had never been much of a party girl either but I guess I was here so why couldn't she be? Neither noticed me and for that, I was grateful because I wasn't in the mood for any awkward smiles or worse, a fight.

I figured Riley would come to me when she was ready, if ever.

I watched her though; watched her interact with Jesse. She really did like him, this much I could tell. She was never much of a girlfriend, she was too independent for some guy to take over her life and I always admired that of her. So if she was willing to let Jesse in, there must have been something good about the guy.

I just had to push away the voice telling me he was no good for her.

I had already forgiven her for the whole Jesse situation. Because I was not willing to let some guy get in between us but apparently, she didn't feel the same. Because as far as I could tell, the reason she was pushing me away was because of Jesse. I didn't believe that it had anything to do with Nathan.

Truthfully, I didn't know what to believe.

I was not at all surprised though, to see Nathan at the party, hanging out with a few guys who I had met a couple of times through Lucas. He seemed fine from what I could tell, but why wouldn't he be, right? It's not like I was expecting him to be all depressed over me.

Who knows if I meant anything to him at all?

"Hey," Terra yelled over the music. "I'm going to grab a drink, let me know when you want to bail." She winked quickly before dragging Lucas over to the keg. Riley smiled at her and Terra nodded in response, casting a shrug my way. Lucas gave her a hug and I looked down so I wouldn't have to witness it.

I guess you could say that I was jealous.

The night for me was pretty much uneventful. Terra met some cute guy and tried to introduce me to his friend but it was clear within a matter of seconds that I wasn't interested and she smiled apologetically when I made some lame excuse of why I needed to go. Lucas hung out with Riley and Jesse a lot of the time, though he came to talk to me every once in a while. I could tell her sort of felt like he was being put in the middle of everything and I wished he didn't, but I couldn't help it.

Anyway, I wasn't the one who threw away the friendship.

Nathan had disappeared most of the night and I tried not to wonder where he was. I was still battling incoherently with myself about the whole situation with him and the more I thought, the more I realized that I needed to talk to him. Not necessarily to start a relationship but just to apologize, maybe.

It seemed like the least I could do at this point.

I was about ready to go home at around one or so. I had been ready to go home since I got here, but I figured now was an okay time to voice it. I spotted Terra across the crowd and was about to walk towards her when I felt someone spin me around.

"Nathan?" I asked, eyeing him quizzically. His eyes were bloodshot and he had a goofy smile on his face. "Nathan?" I repeated when he didn't answer me. "What are you doing?"

He shrugged, still smirking. "Long time no see."

I sighed noticeably and started to turn around. I didn't want to deal with a drunken Nathan and it became obvious to me the second I saw him that he was beyond wasted. He was scaring me a bit and I didn't like the feeling I was getting. I wanted to talk to him, wanted to at least apologize but I knew that now was not the time to do it.

For all I knew he wouldn't remember in the morning.

He turned me back around and moved his hands towards my waist. "Oh, what? You don't want me anymore?" He taunted. "Come on, Haley. I know how you like it…" he whispered huskily into my ear.

"You're drunk," I said, trying not to enjoy the feeling of his breath against my skin.

He laughed. "Lemme guess," he slurred. "Another reason why I'm such a failure right? Are you going to yell at me again? Blame all your problems on me?"

"Nathan, can we not do this now?" I pleaded.

He laughed again. "No, I'm sick of trying to please you Haley. I'm going to f ucking do what I want to do and I want to do this now! You're a coward and a phony and you want everyone to believe that you're little Ms. Perfect but the truth is, you're more f ucked up then the rest of us." I know he saw the pain flash in my eyes because he smirked wider. "I'm right, aren't I?" He scoffed. "You know I'm right!"

"Nathan…" I begged, glancing around the room to notice a couple of people were staring at us "…I know you hate me, I get it. But you're drunk and you need to get home before…"

"Oh, like you care…" he slurred.

I sighed. I couldn't respond so I ignored it. "Where are your keys, Nathan? I'm going to drive you home!"

"I can drive myself!" He said but I saw him start to stumble backwards and I rushed to his side trying to hold him up. He pushed me off. "I'm fine!" I rolled my eyes as he continued to lose his balance. He stumbled into me and I tried my best to support his weight but it was proving to be difficult. "Let go of me," he said, but his voice was unconvincing and he made no move to pull away.

Terra gave me a weird look when she noticed Nathan at my side but as she studied him, it was like it all suddenly made sense. She nodded when I shrugged and then looked back over at the guy she was conversing with. I figured she'd let Lucas know where I was sooner of later.

It was difficult to support his weight since I was so petite but I managed to drag him outside and onto the sidewalk. "Where's your car?" I asked, adjusting his arm around my shoulder and shifting my weight. "There's no way I'm carrying you all the way home."

He slurred something incoherently and I rolled my eyes, repeating the question once more.

"You're not going to make this easy, are you?" I questioned and when the words escaped my lips I realized they meant so much more than what I had been trying to say. "Okay, then…" I sighed. "Looks like we're walking…"

He shifted around and somehow managed to reach into his back pocket to pull out his keys. He handed them to me, his hand lingering on mine for more than it needed to. When I pressed the unlock button, I saw the lights flash from his BMW and I tried my best to get him over to the car and place him in the passenger's seat.

Most of the ride was silent.

I heard him groan beside me. I spotted a water bottle on the floor of the car. "Here, drink some water…" I told him, keeping my eye on the road but glancing over to him for a quick second. I didn't have much experience with drunks but I figured maybe getting some water into his system would do him some good. I balanced the steering wheel with one hand and grabbed the bottle with the other, handing it to him.

He took a sip and sighed, staring out in front of him. "I slept with someone else," he said and his voice was still a little slurred but it seemed to be wearing off a little bit. I inhaled and kept my eyes on the road, begging myself not to look at him. "It wasn't the same."

I blinked twice.

"Are you listening to me?" He asked.

"What do you want me to say?" I shot back. I was hurt, but did I have a right to be hurt?

"I don't know," he said honestly. "I just wanted to tell you." And then he closed his eyes.

"Okay," I said, pulling into his driveway and turning off the engine. I was sure Riley and Jesse were back at the party so I figured I wouldn't have any run ins with them. I made my way around to the other side of the car and helped him out. He was far from sober but he wasn't nearly as bad as when I had found him. As I reached the door, I realized I didn't have a ride home since I had taken his car but I figured I could walk if I really needed to.

Maybe Terra or Lucas would come pick me up.

I opened the door with his keys and helped him in, guiding him over to the couch. It was weird to be in this house again after not being in it for a week. And it was weird not being here for Riley, but being here for Nathan.

"What are you doing here?"

I turned around to find a genuinely surprised Riley with Jesse at her side. I smiled awkwardly and set Nathan down softly on the couch where he immediately fell asleep. "I was just helping Nathan out," I whispered, averting my eyes from both of them. "He was in no position to drive home and I figured it was the least I could do so I grabbed his keys and took his car."

When I looked up she nodded. "Thanks," she said.

"I thought you guys were at the party," I rambled. "If I had known you were here I would have…" but I didn't finish my sentence because I didn't know how to.

"We got bored," she said, looking over at Nathan's sleeping form. "If I would've known he was going to get so wasted I would've taken him with us."

I shrugged. "I should probably get going. It was nice seeing you," I choked out. "You too, Jesse."

He nodded in response and I made my way to the door. I was halfway down the path when I heard the door open behind me and footsteps. I turned around to face Riley who just stared at me nervously. "Um, hey…" she started "…do you have a ride home?"

I shrugged. "I'm okay with walking."

"You could stay over, if you wanted to…I mean…" she averted her eyes "…I just don't want you to walk home. It's late."

I studied her features for a minute and then nodded. "If that's okay…"

She smiled halfheartedly and then turned to walk back into the house. She stopped halfway. "This doesn't mean anything…" she started and it wasn't cold at all, she was just stating the fact "…it doesn't change anything."

I nodded. "I know. Thanks."

I followed her back into the house and she and Jesse walked upstairs, leaving me behind. I watched them go, a sad laugh escaping my lips and a cold tear dripping down my cheek. I walked over to the soft chair next to Nathan on the couch and lay down, covering myself with the blanket that lay on the head rest. "Goodnight," I whispered to Nathan's unmoving figure and then closed my eyes, not falling asleep until half an hour later.

When I woke up the next morning, it took me a second or two to figure out where I was. When I saw Nathan on the couch beside me it all came flooding back and I groaned involuntarily. The clock read nine and I hoped that Riley was still asleep because I didn't want another awkward meeting. Of course, I still didn't have a ride home but I figured I could walk it if I had to.

I walked as quietly as possible past Nathan and then made my way to the door, closing it gently behind me. I sat on the porch and pulled out my cell phone from my pocket, dialing Terra's number. It's funny how the person you depend on can switch in such a sort amount of time. I wish it was still Riley who I could depend on. But it has to go both ways and clearly it doesn't with Riley.

Not anymore, at least.

"Hello?" She sounded tired.

"Hey, it's Haley." I probably sounded the same.

"Haley," she yawned. "Hey. How did it go with Nathan last night?"

"It didn't," I scoff. "I just took him back to Riley's and I didn't have a ride so I just crashed on a chair in the living room." I rubbed at the leftover mascara under my eyes as I spoke. "Anyway, I was just wondering if you could come pick me up because I'm too tired to walk home."

"Sh!t, I can't. My mom took my car this morning because she had a flat."

I sighed. "That's no problem, I'll just call Lucas."

There was a long pause on the other end.

"What?" I asked.

She laughed nervously. "Lucas is here."

I burst out laughing. "Oh my god," I laughed. "You two work fast."

She laughed. "You're cool with that?"

"Of course. I never got with Lucas," I reminded her.

"That's not entirely true," I heard in the background and it didn't take me any time to realize that the voice belonged to Lucas.

"Don't remind me…" I shouted so that Lucas could hear me, unfortunately deafening poor Terra in the process probably.

"Whoa, what?" Terra laughed.

I sighed loudly. "Let's just say I hope for your sake that Lucas learned to kiss properly sometime after seventh grade."

"I didn't bite you!" Lucas yelled, taking the phone from Terra and I laughed.

"Okay, Lucas…" I said unconvincingly. "Now just tell Terra it's no problem and that I'll just walk, I could probably use the exercise anyway."

"Yeah, definitely."

"For your sake, Lucas, I'm going to pretend like I didn't hear that." I laughed and then hung up the phone.

As I began to push myself up with the palms of my hands I heard the door open behind me and I turned to find a very tired looking Nathan, rubbing at his eyes as he approached. "Hey," he said and I smiled weakly in response. "Did you need a ride?"

I bit my lip and shook my head. "I'm just going walk, thanks though."

"Haley…" he protested "…you're not honestly still mad at me, are you?"

"I was never mad," I sighed, getting up and beginning to walk.

He followed. "Well you can see how I would be confused."

I laughed lightly. "It was never you I was mad at, Nathan. It was…" I paused, looking down at the pavement and stopping to face him "…it was me, I was mad at." I laughed. "That probably sounds crazy but, I don't know…it was just easier to blame you."

"So then how come you won't let me take you home?" He asked.

I started to walk again. "Because I can't pretend that we're friends…"

"I don't understand," he said, still in the same spot that I had left him.

I couldn't tell him that I didn't understand myself because it seemed like a cop out answer at the time. So I tried my best to explain it as I turned back around so that he could see me. "You and I don't work, Nathan…because one of us is going to end up getting hurt and I can bet honestly that it's going to be me." He already knew this. "But I can't lie and say that I want to be your friend…I don't." I stared at him for a moment. "I can't."

He shook his head and looked away. "You are a coward," he said and then turned around and walked back into the house.

I walked home.

There was a note on the table which meant that my mom was gone again.

I sunk down to the floor, and cried.

Beep.

"Hey hunny, it's me. I'm just calling to make sure you got my note on the kitchen counter. I'll be back in a week or so and your father may be coming home as well. It's all up to the company; anyway…call me back on my cell phone if you need me. I don't know if I get any service but go ahead and try. I know the house must get lonely so why don't you stay over at Riley's while I'm gone. Love you. Bye."

Beep. This message has been erased.

"Hales, it's Luke. Have you dropped off the planet? Where are you? It's Monday and you're not at school…you never miss school, Haley. And you're not picking up your cell phone. What's going on? I'm worried…call me."

Beep. This message has been erased.

"Haley. It's Terra. Um, Lucas said he called earlier and I'm basically just going to be reiterating what he said so…I don't know, just call me, okay? We're worried."

Beep. This message has been erased.

"Haley, it's Lucas again. I'm freaking out. You're not picking up any of your phones. I'm coming over after last period to check on you. I hope you're okay. Bye."

Beep. This message has been erased.

muffled voices click.

Beep. This message has been saved.

I didn't go to school on Monday. I didn't want to, didn't feel like it. I spent the entire weekend before in bed and watching television and I didn't want to disrupt the cycle. Lucas and Terra had kept calling but I didn't pick up. I didn't really want to talk to anyone. It felt stupid, crying over things that were so lame but I couldn't help it.

I felt so out of control.

Lucas came over, as promised. I tried to clean myself up but it was no use so I ended up just coming up with some lie about catching the flu or something. He didn't believe me, this I knew but he pretended to, knowing better than to push it with me.

When Terra came over, though, I had no such luck. "What happened?"

"Nothing," I mumbled into the pillow.

"Nathan or Riley?"

"Both," I mumbled again.

She sighed loudly. "Get out of bed, Haley. You can't fix anything if you're sitting around moping."

"It's unfixable," I said, sitting up and grabbing at a tissue from my nightstand. "Both of them hate me and I don't blame them."

"Neither hates you and you know it."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, what do you know?"

She laughed. "Trying to get me to hate you too?"

"Might as well."

She laughed again and pulled me in for a hug. "You'll be alright."

She left after that.

It had to have been sometime around ten at night when I felt the door to my room open. In a small town like Tree Hill, there is no use in locking your doors. No one does. That's why it was no surprise to me to hear footsteps and then feel the bed shift under me from someone else's weight.

I peered out from underneath the quilt. "Hey," I said, confused as hell.