DarkWarLordofDoomness: Yes, I thought this day would never come either........
StevetheEvilTomato: But it FINALLY has....
DarkWarLordofDoomness: THE EIGHTH CHAPTER OF MONEY MANGEMENT!!!!(confetti falls) Yep, I finally got off my butt, or.....is it on? Cause I sit down when I type....anyway, it's here!! So knock yourselves out!!
Doubt-Bringers: (wearing party hats) They probably will ssssssso they won't have to ssssuffer from your horrible ssstory....
DarkWarLordofDoomness:........Do not listen, do not listen, do not listen.....
Doubt-Bringers: (shout) YOU SSSTILL OWN NOTHING, YOU ARE A PATHETIC SSSLOB, AND YOU WILL BE THE FIRST PERSON TO GET SSSSSUED FOR SSSTUPIDITY!!!!
DarkWarLordofDoomness: Steve...
Steve: Uh.....what?
DarkWarLordofDoomness: Sic 'em.
Steve: (evil little tomato grin)
Doubt-Bringers: O.O!!!!!! RUN AWAYSSSS!!!!!!!
Now.....for an all new item.....
Quote of the chapter......
Germaine: Look at my jiggly butt!! It's beautiful!!
That was Germaine from Neurotically Yours. That internet toon is not owned by DarkWarLordofDoomness. It's owned by someone else. Now on to the chapter.....
Chappie Eight: Don't Get All Antsy On Me!!
'Master Hand really hates me.'
This thought repeated itself in Marth's mind, an endless circle of self-pity. He followed the emaciated midget that claimed to know the way to Roy. The creepy little thing also seemed to enjoy refering to itself in third person.
"Smeagol will lead the waysss, gollum! Follows usss!"
'Us!?!?'
Yes, Marth was just LOVING the rock-climbing. Who wouldn't? Climbing up a dirty, giant hunk of rock that had been sitting here for millions of years......breathing in that gorgeous fresh air filled with the dust from those climbing ahead of him...that feeling you get when you feel your favorite cape rip.....yup. Heaven.
Marth coughed. So much dust....the stuff was everywhere. In his mouth, in his hair, on his clothes.....there was no escaping it. Forget Roy. He wanted a shower. A nice, looong shower with lots of shampoo for his dusty hair and lotion for his poor, scraped hands. Actually, he was currently distracting himself by playing a little mind game. Choose: Which would you prefer, a nice long shower to get rid of the dust from the mountain, or sticking your sword into the little schizophrenic midget that brought you to the mountain? Choices, choices....
His left foot slipped as the rock he was standing on shifted suddenly. He slid a few feet, then stopped himself by grabbing onto another, (hopefully) more stable, rock. His hands were scraped, and he had skinned his knee and ripped his cape. Marth was so mad, so frustrated, so fed up with fate, that he actually tried to rip out his hair.
Samus luckily spotted him before he committed this insane act. She ran/jumped back and slapped Marth.
"Get ahold of yourself!!!"
Marth turned around, and saw that he had only climbed fifty feet out of oh, say, several thousand? Frustration turned to despair, and he fell to his knees, sobbing.
Samus gritted her teeth, then turned to glare at....what did he call himself? Smeagol? Whatever.
"Is there any OTHER way to find Roy? I mean, do we have to climb this mountain, or is there another way?"
"Only waysss to find the onesss with red hairsssss!"
Samus' eye twitched. Climbing a mountain was so much fun, she wanted to scream. Or hit Marth with her cannon. Or scream while hitting Marth with her cannon at the same time. Whatever she did, she still had to climb that stupid mountain.
Or did she?
Samus picked up Marth bridal-style, then activated the jets on her back. Using them, she was able to jump from rock to rock with the agility of a mountain goat on steroids, while Smeagol scrambled up after her like a four-legged spider.
She reached the top in a relatively short amount of time. At the top, she unceremoniously dumped Marth on the ground. She took off her helmet and gulped down fresh air. Marth lay where she had dropped him, still traumatized from the high-speed climb. She rolled her eyes.
Mini-Flashback:
"AAAH!!! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING!?!?!? GAH!! WE'RE GONNA FALL!!"
"Shut up Marth....."
"AAAH!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!! I'M GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!!!"
End Mini-Flashback
From their vantage point on top of the mountain, Samus was able to see in every direction. She admired the view for a while. Then something caught her attention. The mountain was surrounded by forest. A beautiful forest, yes, but that was irrelevent. The pressing matter was that there was nothing. No huge "secret" lair where Roy was probably being held captive by some evil villain, nothing.
'I think we were tricked....' She walked over to the edge of a steep drop, and studied the other side of the mountain for anything that might show where Roy was. Nothing.
Behind her, Gollum stealthily climbed up, unnoticed. Samus had her back turned, and Marth was.....well, Marth's mental state has been slightly compromised.
"Happy place......happy place......lots of clothes.....pretty clothes.....not torn....happy place......hello Mr. Unicorn, do you have the latest fashions from Macy's and JC Penny's? Yaaay......"
Make that greatly compromised.
Anyway, Gollum was judging the situation. The girl in the weird armor was leaning over, and with enough of a push, she would fall to her death.Gollum charged.
And smashed into Samus. And she didn't move an inch. Yeah, didn't I say he was emaciated at the beginning of this chappie? For those of you who don't want to get a dctionary, "emaciated" is just a fancy word for "super-model skinny."
"You just tried to kill me, didn't you!?!"
"Uh, uh, uh, uh.....Nossss I didn'tss...."
"Eat blaster, midget!" Samus yelled. Surprisingly, she didn't use her blaster. She just kicked him hard enough to send him flying. As she watched him fly off into the distance, she smugly thought, 'Thought he could kill ME, did he?'
"Macy's Super Savings Sale this weekend...Macy's Super Savings Sale this weekend.....Macy's Super Savings Sale this weekend..." Marth chanted while rocking back and forth.
'Why is he here anyway!?!' One half of Samus' mind growled.
The other half responded, 'To help find Roy!'
Samus blinked. "Oh crap....." All that work, all that climbing, and they still had no clue where Roy was. They were even worse off then when they started. Back to square one, except she had to climb down a mountain with a pretty-boy gone mental.
Back At the Mansion.......
"DIE!!! DIE!!! DIE!!! DIE!!!"
"Peach, what-a are you-a doing!?!"
"Our house has been invaded by ants!! That is so NOT suh-weet!!" Armed with Raid, Peach fought a losing battle in the kitchen.
An ear-splitting scream suddenly echoed through the mansion. Everyone ran upstairs to see what the heck was happening. Under normal circumstances, they wouldn't do this, because under normal circumstances, spontaneous screaming WAS normal. But now, they were all very bored.
"MY CANDY!!!!! MY CANDY!!" Young Link shrieked.
His precious stash of almost every type of sugary thing in the planet, made all the more precious by the shortage of money, was covered with ants.
"GET 'EM OFF!!! GET 'EM OFF!!!!!!"
Peach attacked the pile of candy and ants with Raid.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! YOU'RE KILLING THE CANDY!!!"
"I'm also killing the ants!!! I bet this is what made them invade the mansion!!"
"MY CANDY!!!"
"Young Link...."
"THAT &!/ KILLED MY CANDY!!!! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, PEACH!!!"
"Young Link, the ants would have eaten it all anyway....."
"My candy...." sobbed Young Link.
"Young Link, it was all ruined from the moment the ants came. There was nothing you could've do to prevent it." Zelda hugged the crying Kokiri. The other chibi Smashers stood around, nodding sympathetically.
Falco tilted his head, thinking. "Actually, if he'd put it all in a cupboard instead of leaving it out like this, it would've been safe." He untilted his head, and saw that everyone was glaring at him, besides Bowser and Ganondorf. They were eyeing the candy, despite the fact that it was covered in poison and ant corpses. Young Link sobbed even harder.
Peach glared at the candy, trying to see if there were any survivors. "Funny, I don't remember you having so much candy the last time I was in here...."
Young Link paused in his sobbing for a moment, and he and the other chibis exchanged frightened glances, which went unnoticed because Peach spotted a surviving ant, and proceeded to stomp it into oblivion. After she was satisfied that it wasn't going to get any thinner, she ran out of the room to resume her battle in the kitchen.
Zelda looked around Young Link's room. It was covered with ant bodies, and smelled deadlier than the bathroom did after someone served prune pie for dinner one fateful day.
"You definately can't sleep in here until after it's been cleaned! It's a danger zone! Link....."
The newly de-casted Link edged away from her.
"Couldn't Young Link stay in your room? Just until his is clean?" Zelda asked oh-so-sweetly.
"W-well....I don't think.....fine."
"That's so sweet of you, Link!!" Zelda gave Link a kiss on the cheek. In the backround, the kids (still there) gagged.
"Say thank you to Link, Young Link."
"Thanks...."
"No problem!" Link walked out of there, a goofy grin still plastered on his face.
A high pitched scream of terror echoed through the house. Confusion reigned.
"Is that Peach?"
"No-a, she'sa okay...."
"Zelda?"
"I'm right here."
".........Samus!?!"
"She's gone, idiot!"
"Then who could it be!?!"
"............Marth?"
"Look who's the idiot now! He's also gone! Plus, he's a guy."
"Well, he looks like a girl......"
The Smashers ran around, trying to find the source of the scream. When it started to happen again, Mewtwo identified the source as Captain Falcon's room. They all stomped into his room.
"SQUISH IT!!!" Captain Falcon screamed, hopping from one foot to the other while pointing at an ant.
As you can imagine, sweat drops all around.
Ganondorf nudged Bowser's arm, and they both ran into Young Link's room. After scooping up tons of candy, they hid somewhere and ate it.
In the kitchen, more ants kept coming. Peach was running out of Raid. She started squishing ants with the can instead. More kept coming. Peach was forced to retreat.
'I may have lost the battle, but I will not lose the war!!' Peach vowed, running into her room.
Captain Falcon made the mistake of walking in there. Upon seeing the masses of ants, he screamed.
"Falcooooon....PUNCH!!! Falcooooon......PUNCH!!!!" All this did was create gaping holes in the wall. As soon as humanly possible, Captain Falcon ran away as fast as he could, only to run into Peach on her way back to the battle.
She was wearing a soldier's uniform and helmet, and she had armed herself with several cans of hairspray, having run out of Raid. After kicking Captain Falcon out of her way, she ran into the kitchen.
"RAAAAAH!!!.........................AAAAAAIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"
And ran right back out. Her army clothes were ripped, and she was missing her helmet.
"Th-they're monsters...." She gasped. "Almost....didn't make.....it......" She collapsed into Mario's arms.
".....Does-a this-a mean-a you finally forgive me for the hanky-a?"
"...........What happened to my hanky!?!" Peach stood right back up, her battle wounds forgotten.
In another section of the house, Pikachu had finally finished his blueprints. The blueprints that had taken him so long to complete. He was so much closer to his plans for the tournament now, so much closer! His throat tightened with excitement whenever he thought about it.
Bowser and Ganondorf stumbled into the room.
".......Pika?"
"Oohh....I don't feel so good......" Ganondorf barfed on Pikachu's blueprints.
"KA!!!" His blueprints. His beautiful, carefully made, COMPLETED blueprints.
"Uughh....."
Pikachu glared at both Bowser and Ganodorf.
"Piiiiiiiiiiiiiii.........kaaaaaaaaaaa............"
Outside the kitchen......
"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!!!!!"
"I-a swear-a, Peach, it-a was an accident-a!" Mario stammered.
"I TOLD you, it's old! It was ancient! It was an heirloom! And then you-you! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!"
Mario ran like heck.
Unnoticed by anyone, the ants continued to spread from the kitchen.
3 PM........
Master Hand floated into the house. If he had thought McDonald's was bad....
Flashback:
At StarBuck's.....
"May I take your order?"
"Uh, yeah, I want a double-choclate iced mocha viente with blue sprinkles and a biscotti." The customer said all this in less than two seconds.
"..........." Master Hand started to slam himself against the counter.
End Flashback.
Master Hand wearily opened the door and floated in. He was greeted by one of the strangest sights ever.
Peach was chasing Mario, hitting him with her umbrella while screaming about a hanky.
Ganondorf ran through the room, waving the arm which an enraged Pikachu was biting.
Young Link was trying to hit Peach with his slingshot, screaming about how she killed his candy.
And Captain Falcon was screaming and hopping from one foot to the other while pointing at a trail of ants.
Master Hand slooooooooooowly backed out the door, away from the havoc. As he closed the door, Fox suddenly crashed through a window on the second story.
"OWwww.......Dangit, Bowser!!" He jumped out of the rosebush and ran back inside. "Ow, Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow......"
Master Hand decided that now would be the best time to intervene before there was any more property damage. He opened the door. Peach's umbrella smacked against him, leaving a very large bruise. He shut the door again, and backed away, wondering what to do.
Bowser crashed through a third-story window and landed on a rosebush, flattening the poor thing.
"Dangit, Fox!!!" He growled, limping back inside. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow..."
Master Hand decided to take another shot at stopping the chaos. He opened the door.
"DIE PEACH!!!!!" A large rock hit Master Hand, leaving another nasty bruise. He quickly shut the door.
Falco crashed through a fourth-floor window. As he flew through the air towards the pool, he did several flips, and ended in a graceful dive. Dr. Mario (He doesn't show up much, does he?), lying on a pool chair, held up a 9.
"Dangit, guys!! The least you could do was warn me!!!" He ran back inside.
Master Hand decided to try getting inside again. He opened the door, then immediately flattened himself against the ground. Nothing was thrown at him. He sighed with relief.
"RUN AWAAAAAAAAY!!!!!" shrieked an ant-covered Captain Falcon. He trampled Master Hand and then did a running dive into the pool.
Dr. Mario held up a 6.
Master Hand lay where he was for a few seconds, the slowly floated into the air, injured and bruised. He slowly floated through the door.
Mario and Peach sat on the couch, watching tv. Apparently, they had made up. Pikachu, muttering curses in his little pika-language, was working on a blueprint.
Mewtwo was moving a sick, unconscious, slightly scorched Ganondorf upsatirs with the help of his powers. They were halfway up the stairs when Crazy Hand appeared.
'Oh no.....'
He caught sight of Master Hand, and charged down the stairs. Mewtwo's normally impassive face was now clearly expressing his fright and shock. (He looked like this! O.O) Mewtwo abandoned Ganondorf and raced down the stairs. Crazy Hand quickly caught up to him and slapped Mewtwo out of the way. He raced over to where Master Hand was, and tackled him.
"Dangit, Crazy!!!"
Then Crazy Hand spotted the open door, and dashed outside.
"NO!! Bad Crazy! BAD!!!"
Crazy Hand continued to fly down the street. Master Hand was too tired to chase after him, so he looked for someone else who could go after him. Seeing Fox, he grabbed him.
"If you come back without Crazy, I will fry you with my lazers, shoot you with my little finger rocket things, and then punch you!!!" He threw Fox as hard as he could after Crazy Hand. Amazingly, Fox landed right on Crazy's back.
"Stop!!"
Crazy Hand continued to speed down the street.
Fox tried to get Crazy to turn at least, but he wasn't strong enough to. He considered jumping off and walking back, but then he remembered what Master Hand had said. He decided that it would be best to wait until Crazy Hand was tired, then he'd drag him back home.
Master Hand, back at the mansion, collapsed onto the couch, causing Peach and Mario to get thrown off.
Zelda shook her head.
'First Roy. Then Marth and Samus. Now Fox and Crazy.' She thought it over, and decided that the best thing to do was to get some help in finding them.
Aboard the Justice League Satellite.......
Flash answered the phone as soon as he heard it.
"Yo."
"Yes, I'm Zelda, and I need your help...."
Flash was distracted from the phone call after seeing something........weird. A strange, skinny little midget was flying past the window.
".....and they went to search for him, and now THEY've gone missing too, we haven't heard from them in a while..."
The skinny midget flew into the telephone wire. It snapped, and the phone in Flash's hand went dead. He hung it up, and decided that the best thing to do was act like he had seen nothing.
Back at the mansion......
"Hmmph! The least he could've done was say good-bye...." Zelda, feeling hungry, stomped into the kitchen, intending to get something to eat. Then she saw the ants. Everywhere. The walls and floor were black, there was so many of them.
"Zelda? What's wrong?" Link called from the other room.
"I think we need to call pest control."
"Why? It's just a few an-WHOAH!!!!!" Link stared into the kitchen.
A bandaged Mewtwo floated past them. He had sensed their extreme shock, so he floated back to see what was up.
".......You need to call pest control."
Half an hour later, the exterminatiors arrived. They wore plastic suits and cowboy hats. They also carried giant spray guns.
"Dang!!"
"That's a lotta ants..."
"Can you get rid of them?"
"Sure thang, li'l lady." The leader assured her in his fake Texan accent. He and the others ran in.
"Yeeeee-haaaw!!!"
"Let's git 'em!!"
Ten minutes later, screams punctured the air. The Smashers all rushed to see what was going on. In the center of the kitchen, a giant ant with a crown on it's head was eating the exterminators.
"My, my, those bloody rogues don't taste good at all!" the giant ant exclaimed in a British voice.
"It's the Queen!!"
"We're all doomed!!" Captain Falcon whimpered.
The Queen Ant saw them.
"They look delicious! Go get them, my duckies, and bring them back for me to eat!"
As one, the Smashers screamed. As one, they all ran up the stairs screaming like little girls. As one, they shoved each other out of the way. As one, they all freaked out.
The ants steadily marched after them.
End of the Chappie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Narrarator voice: The ants steadily march after our heroes, following the orders of their queen. Will the Smashers be able to stop them? And we saw Roy get thrown into a pit of rabid fangirls. What will happen to him? Will Samus and Marth make it to the secret lair in time to save him!?!
DarkWarLordofDoomness: Probably not.
Narrarator: And will Goku make it to Super Sayan 5!?!Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z!!!!
DarkWarLordofDoomness: O.o
Narrarator: Oops, wrong page.
DarkWarLordofDoomness: O.o Yeah, I don't think I need you here anymore. Bye.
Narrarator: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DarkWarLordofDoomness: Yeeeeeeeeeees.
Steve: (burps up what looks like a piece of a Doubt-Bringer's cloak) Want me to go after him?
DarkWarLordofDoomness: If he doesn't leave now.....
Narrarator: (gone)
DarkWarLordof Doomness: Okay! Hopefully, I'll update this soon! Until then......REVIEW!!!