Review Responses
Rocks-my-socks: It wasn't so much that Severus mucked up when he moved Estella's stuff to his quarters, he had informed her of that when she had first regained consciousness and she was alright with it… at first.
BabeBunny: LOL yes, I felt like my fingers were going to drop off in protest from that chapter, but I drew inspiration from Harry's general state of mind throughout OotP: i.e. totally irrational.
Silly Penguin: Well there's no real reason for Estella to tell Remus about the rat… it's just a rat to her, and altogether overshadowed by the conversation she'd had with Harry. Without actually seeing the rat, however, I doubt Remus would suspect that the toe-less rat was Wormtail. Plenty of rodents get limbs knocked off etc.
Estelle: I guess on some level Harry can't disassociate Estella from her father anymore than Severus separates him from James.
IamSiriusgrl: I was a bit worried that Harry's mood swing was a bit over the top, but then I only had to reread certain scenes in OotP…
Pickledishkiller: OMG I can't believe I've actually succeeded in turning people against Harry :P I feel sorry for both of them though… they were drawn together because of a shared family history, and torn apart for the same reason. Harry will think a little differently once he finds out Sirius is innocent. Of course it will then be a matter of whether or not Estella will forgive her. :P
applebottoms: Interesting twist, but sorry, it was Harry.
Daughter of Darkness777: The whole notion of 'sticks and stones' vs. words being harmless is such a backwards analogy, and it's unfortunate your school seems to implement it. From their perspective it must be hard to persecute students for verbal harassment (i.e. lack of physical evidence) but there is no excuse for at least keeping a closer eye on 'suspects'. OK, now I've pulled my POA out of it's box set (actually I yanked it and sent all five books flying…) Now, in Chapter Four, Harry is heading downstairs to get Scabber's things (oh the irony…) and he's halfway down the hallway leading to the bar when he overhears Molly and Arthur talking about Sirius Black's escape and how the Ministry believes that he's out to 'kill' Harry. Now he's hardly going to hold it against Estella that her father is crazy and possibly out to kill either one or both of them. It's not until Chapter ten in the book when Harry is under the table in the Three Broomsticks with Hermione and Ron when they overhear the conversation between Professor McGonagall, Professor Flitwick, Hagrid, Cornelius Fudge and Madam Rosmerta which detailed Sirius' betrayal as secret keeper and that he was Harry's Godfather.
Moonfire-lovr: You're right, Severus was blinded by his fear when he legilimised Estella. A point worth noting, however, is that (later) when Severus is 'teaching' Harry Occlumency he is more intent on using the process as a way to ridicule and intimidate Harry than actually teach him anything; whereas he has a vested interest in ensuring his niece's ability to occlude her mind so her experiences with legilimency are not as invasive, bar this one time, which as I said, Severus is acting out of concern more than a malicious desire to invade her privacy.
Chiriri: Ah well congratulations on your Mum's pregnancy I guess. Not so good about her bigoted boss sacking her like that though. Good luck with the internet problem… I don't know about where you are, but I know here the local libraries etc have free access. It's just getting to them, gah! I've been in this position before (no internet at home), so a word of advice: write a to-do list of things you need to do online, because then when you DO get access to a PC with the net you will make a most productive use of the precious little time you get (particularly helpful if you have to resort to paying at a net café like I had to when I was on holiday a few years ago)
Curlious: Thanks, I am glad you can see that!
A.S. Leif: Thanks for reviewing, it's always good to 'meet' readers.
Whit Black: I must admit it's hard to write the POV of a 12yo when I myself am a little older than that. But then again, she was raised by Severus Snape, and I like to think she still has her 12yo moments LOL. Ah you were reading this for that long? Guess you can consider it training for when Half Blood Prince comes out, hey, because like we'll all be able to put that down, not. Well actually, if it's as depressing as OotP I may seriously consider the therapeutic act of screaming at it and seeing how well it bounces off my wall, but there you go :P (looks over at her extremely battered copy of OotP guiltily… no I did not succumb to the voices in my head that wanted me to tear out that chapter and pretend it never occurred :P)
NiqueSnape: It's very tempting to make things all happy and fluffy but I mean you just wouldn't get two characters like Estella and Severus getting along 24/7! Actually I don't think Estella would get along with ANYONE all of the time. You know I was going to have Ron in the Scabbers scene, but it would have gotten too crowded. I've already established that Ron doesn't really trust her, and he has even more reason to distrust her in a later chapter as it is, so it would have been a moot point including him. Plus I felt it was important to have Harry reach this moment on his own. If Ron had been there injecting his two bob's worth it would have cheapened Harry's response, if you get what I mean (sorry, caffeine wearing off).
Julia: I'm glad you agree about the relationship thing. I'm halfway through writing Estella's third year at the moment, around which time Draco will be facing a few pivotal decisions in his life and Harry and Estella will reconcile and continue down the innocent 'brother-sister' path. At this stage I am planning on ending it over the Summer at the end of her third year around the time Harry and the Weasleys converge upon Grimmauld Place and the Order is reformed. Then maybe after book six comes out I may be inspired to write a sequel that follows on into OotP and HBP, but until then, the end of GOF is as good a place as any.
Thanks also to: Red-head Hufflepuff attack, Joou Himeko Dah, Callie
Disclaimer: See Chapter One
Updated: Tuesday 19th April 2005
Chapter Sixty Eight: Echoes.
Christmas was a glum affair. As usual, the staff and students that remained over the holidays sat together at one table in the centre of the room. Estella, therefore, had to endure the entire meal sitting across from Harry and Ron who would do nothing but glare at her and grunt inconsequential requests like 'Pass the gravy'. She had her Uncle on one side, and her Godfather on the other. Her Uncle was sulking, muttering not-so-nice things about the Headmaster for conjuring a seat for Professor Trelawney – the Divination teacher and a woman he couldn't stand – right next to him; and was hardly in a good mood. Remus on the other hand, looked torn between being accommodating to Harry because the boy was a orphan and he, his teacher; or vehemently defending his godchild against the withering glares she was suffering. The poor man couldn't decide on either, so he decided to sit on the fence and not say anything at all.
Tense was an understatement.
To make matters worse, Estella had received a mysterious gift in her Christmas stocking that morning. Normally, the stocking at the end of the bed only held such things as Honeydukes sweets and chocolates (from Remus) and things like crystal vials, inkwells and quills (from her Uncle). This year, however, shaking out the bottom of the stocking revealed a small square box – about the size of a small votive candle – wrapped in brown paper. The moment she'd touched it, shivers ran down her spine.
Something told her it was from her father.
Whilst part of her felt warmed by the gesture, another part felt equally disgusted and guilty. Guilty, because across the castle, a certain boy was facing another Christmas without his parents because of the man who had given her the gift she held in her hand. As curious as she was to see what was inside, she couldn't bring herself to open it. She'd thrown it deep in a drawer of her desk, burying it in scrap pieces of parchment and broken nibs.
'Later' She'd told herself.
Later turned out to be well into the new term. Remus had in the meantime, tried talking sense into Harry, but the boy was still so consumed in his hatred of her father that he couldn't see past it. It was just like her Uncle and his inexorable view of all things Potter. The irony certainly didn't escape her.
'He thinks your Father deserves the kiss.' Remus had told her sadly. 'He still resents that you don't feel the same.'
Estella went through the motions of her classes with a calm sense of monotonous efficiency. She studied with her friends, handed in her work, and followed the same routine day in day out in the hope that the regimented structure of her life would bring balance to the out-of-control frenzy her heart and soul was in.
It wasn't working.
She'd managed to have a bit of a laugh when Draco and some of the Slytherins had dressed up as Dementors to spook Harry during his Quidditch match against her house. Draco was funny to attempt such a thing (and actually expect to get away with it) and Harry was funny for actually falling for it. It unnerved her, however, when she felt another stab of de ja vu upon seeing the form of Harry's Patronus. A stag.
'Prongs?' A voice echoed from her subconscious, drawing the rather odd correlation between the magical emanation and the childhood fairy tale character.
Her line of thought, however, was distracted by the feeling of pride she got for realising how great a teacher her Godfather really was. The Patronus Charm was no easy feat, and yet Harry had wielded it so effectively all thanks to her Godfather's tutoring. OK so the Dementors he attacked were hardly real, but not a lot of people could cast a form. She was further distracted by the look of abstract horror on her Uncle's face when the 'Dementors' had been unveiled as four of his Slytherins. It always put him in a difficult position when the students in his house flaunted their disregard for the rules so openly, because it meant Severus had to make a show of defending them. Estella knew her Uncle well enough to know that he could not tolerate misbehaviour from anyone, and that having to favour his own house for the sake of appearances really got his back up.
The puzzle that was starting to mould into shape in her mind was set aside for another time.
Sirius knew the risks of sneaking back into Hogwarts, but he had to do it. Circumstances had caused him to miss another of his daughter's birthdays, and Pettigrew was still on the loose. Smuggling the Christmas gifts for his 'children' into the school had been comparatively easy on account of the high volume of gifts going in and out of the school at that time of year. To save the children from being disrupted by Owl deliveries on Christmas mornings, parents and friends sending students gifts were required to direct their deliveries to a special department of House Elves, who relished in partaking in the roles of their fabled north pole cousins once a year by being the one to deliver gifts as instructed.
This time, however, Sirius wanted to deliver his correspondence personally. In his covert observation of his child he had been unable to detect his gift on her person, and that fact concerned him. What if she had never received it?
Sneaking into the Ravenclaw rooms first (an easy task on account of the frequency he had used to visit Selina's dorm in his youth to plant surprises around her bed), Sirius felt like he had been transported twenty years into the past as he first laid eyes on his daughter's slumbering form. As much as Estella resembled her mother, however, Sirius was heartened to recognise traits of his own in the child.
Her hair was tousled into a wild mass of waves, simultaneously fanning out across her pillow and falling across her face in haphazard rivulets, was much like his own. Approaching her bed cautiously, Sirius' heart leapt to notice that she even slept like him… sprawled all over the place. Her bedclothes were thrown and twisted, one pillow was on the floor, and Estella herself was half hanging off the bed.
Drawing the curtains around his daughter's bed closed – cocooning him out of view from the other sleeping occupants in the room – Sirius risked a hand to Estella's head, loving the way her soft, clean hair felt under his calloused fingers. Absently brushing an errant strand of hair out of the sleeping child's face, Sirius froze when he felt Estella lean into the touch. Recoiling his hand as though stung, the wanted fugitive braced himself for discovery, but was relieved to find out that his daughter was as heavy a sleeper as he had once been. Chancing more contact, Sirius then concentrated on gently rearranging the contorted form of the restless sleeper so that she would not wake up with aches. Replacing the fallen pillow and straightening out the blankets over the shivering form, Sirius relished the task of tucking his daughter in for the first time. Her pyjamas – soft faded flannelette in shades of purple, and navy had dancing silver stars on them – was warm with sleep and smelt of lavender soap and vanilla musk. Locating an all too familiar stuffed dog at her feet, Sirius held the toy of his creation to his face and tried to breathe in the years of experience the recreation of his animagus self had lived in his stead before tucking it in beside the child. Resting his weight on his hands as they splayed either side of the child, Sirius leant in and kissed Estella on the forehead tenderly.
"Goodnight, my love." He breathed into her hair, reluctant to pull away empty handed. Beneath him, Estella sighed contently and curled up on her side, her beloved toy dog entombed securely in her arms.
With a lingering caress to his daughter's exposed head, Sirius gathered himself and completed what he had come to do. Pulling his letter from a pocket in his stolen robe, Sirius propped the envelope on her bedside table before disappearing into the shadows once more.
For him, his night was just beginning. He still had a rat to go catch. Only then would he be free to watch his daughter sleep.
Estella awoke the day after the Quidditch match refreshed with an innate sense of calm and peace. It didn't take long, however, for that mood to change; for in the night, her Father had gone and trashed Ron's bed while he was in it; and in the night, she got mail. The envelope was yellowing and wrinkled, the scratchy, unpractised script on the front black and unfamiliar. Late for breakfast, she had shoved the letter in a pocket of her robes, not giving it another thought. Whilst most of the students received their mail by Owl post in the morning, Estella was used to finding notes by her bed from any one of the men in her life; and though she knew straight away it wasn't from either of them, it didn't quite occur to her at the time just who it might have been.
Breakfast time, and Estella was confronted with the news of her father's latest 'attack'.
"Did you go running to Daddy and tell him I never trusted you or something?" Ron had shrieked at her. "I bet you even know where he's hiding!"
Harry and the other Gryffindors glared at her suspiciously as she took her seat at her table nearby, the insults continuing to fly.
"Her father tried to kill me and she doesn't even bat an eyelid!" Ron continued, rallying support from his classmates as they all huddled to hear how he saw Sirius Black up close and lived to tell the tale. "She's not even sorry."
As Estella stared lifelessly into her cereal, stirring the now soggy lumps of wheat around the pool of milk, she could vaguely overhear Hermione try and defend her. She smiled. She'd bumped into Hermione a few times in the library of late and heard all about his pet rat's apparent death and how Hermione and Ron were hardly talking to each other any more because Ron thought Hermione's familiar Crookshanks had done it. Straightening her back, Estella found strange comfort in the fact that the impulsive redhead had a habit of jumping to conclusions. His opinion didn't matter.
Due to the attack – which was confirmed by an announcement by the Headmaster to be true – the first classes of the day had been cancelled so that the staff could increase the castle's security. Estella decided to take the time to enjoy the early spring weather by spending the morning by the lake, under the old oak tree, with a book.
Conjuring a mossy green rug out of a green leaf she found by the lake's shore, Estella propped herself up against the trunk of the tree and looked out over the horizon. Leaning to her side to pull a book out of her bag, she noticed something etched into the trunk of the tree. The initials "S.B + S.S" stood out to her encased in a magically carved love heart. Running her fingers over it reverently, she tried to convince herself that the initials could have belonged to anybody, but somehow she just knew it was her parents.
Shivers going down her spine, Estella suddenly remembered the letter she had put in her pocket that morning. Pulling it out, she opened the flap (there was no wax seal), uncovered the letter and read.
'Dearest Estella,' the letter began.
As I write this I have just come back from watching you at the Quidditch pitch. You looked so sad… distracted, perhaps, and I could not help but feel responsible. I'm sorry if I scared you, that night in the Tower. I did not expect to be meeting you that way, that night. Forgive me for not having the power to truly speak in your presence.
There's so much I need to say to you. So much you need to know… but it cannot be told in a letter. I'm working everyday to try and change things so that we may have the opportunity to work things out, but the odds seem stacked against us I am afraid. Hopefully plans I have in motion will soon come into fruition and people will finally see the light. Every night I dream of the life we could have led. Could still lead.
I cannot express how it touched my heart to see you smile today. You have your mother's smile. She would have loved you so much, you know. So much. As misdirected as the prank those Slytherins pulled today was, it reminded me of the past. Innocence. My childhood. Have Remus tell you about the time he and I bewitched the ink on your mother's four foot long History of Magic essay to disappear. It was only temporary, mind you; but she didn't know that at first…
Your mother and I wanted to give you the world, Estella. I'm sorry that we failed you. The pendant I left for you at Christmas (I do hope you didn't have your Uncle take it away) was something your mother and I picked out together before you were born.
The pendant is black pearl; its heart, a red ruby. Both are your birthstones. The pearl is said to offer those born under the Scorpio sign calm and solace in troubled times, while the ruby is believed to give the bearer the faith and courage to face the world. May you find all of this and more, sweetheart, and know that it comes from your parents with all the love in their hearts.
The letter was unsigned as a unfortunate ink blot had signalled a broken nib, but Estella had no doubt in her mind who had sent it. As confused as it made her feel, she couldn't help but feel the love coming out of the words… the biggest paradox of all being that his letter sounded nothing like the words of a crazed, traitorous, cold-blooded killer. Estella didn't know how to take it. All she knew was that she needed to get back down to her bedroom in the dungeons and find that pendant. For some reason she just felt compelled to wear it.
The opportunity to retrieve the pendant didn't happen until a couple of weeks later. Her Uncle and Godfather had both been rostered to accompany the older students to Hogsmeade, and so Estella had uninterrupted access to her old 'home'. Upon opening the badly wrapped box, Estella was astounded by the pendant's beauty. One dilemma she faced, however, was wearing it undetected; so she stored it in her pocket until she was able to concoct a viable cover story for how she had got it… or find an appropriate notice-me-not charm or potion to apply to it. The actuality that it would not actually be visible from under her school robes anyway had yet to occur to her – that would be too easy.
It was some time later that afternoon while she sat in her Uncle's office, waiting for him to return from Hogsmeade so she could see what he'd bought back from the apothecary; that she bore witness to a most intriguing sight. When her Uncle had strode into his office, a thoroughly chastened Harry moping in his wake, Estella had been expecting her Uncle to send her out, but instead he let her listen as he belittled Harry and the memory of his father.
Whilst part of Estella felt bad for Harry and wanted to interrupt – her Uncle's method of punishment for whatever Harry had been caught doing was hardly professional – another part of her knew that her Uncle was going to efforts to ensure she witnessed this. It was her Uncle's somewhat aloof way of cheering her up in the aftermath of the fights and cold shoulders she had been getting from the stubborn Gryffindor of late. Bless, the man's heart seemed to be in the right place, but as Estella was watching the pair spar she couldn't help but think this would only serve to drive Harry further away from her.
That, however, was probably the point to her Uncle's tirade. She groaned inwardly.
"Let me see, let me see…" her uncle said, coming towards her where she sat at his desk to smooth out a piece of parchment he had just confiscated from Harry. "Reveal your secret!" He commanded, touching his wand to the old, yellowing page.
Estella looked at the parchment, to her Uncle, to Harry. OK so she had zoned out a little between Harry's accusation that Draco was suffering hallucinations and her Uncle's low stab at Harry's father; but she didn't think she had missed that much of the conversation. It was a blank piece of parchment!
'Have Remus tell you about the time he and I bewitched the ink on your mother's four foot long History of Magic essay to disappear.' The reference from her father's letter came to mind, causing Estella's eyes to narrow as suspiciously at the parchment as her Uncle's were.
"Professor Severus Snape, master of this school, commands you to yield the information you conceal!" Her Uncle continued, hitting the parchment with his wand in frustration.
To Estella's surprise and utter amazement, words began appearing on the parchment; as though drawn by an invisible hand.
'Mr Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.'
Estella's eyes narrowed into small slits. 'What on earth?… Moony?'
The writing continued.
'Mr Prongs agrees with Mr Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.'
Estella stifled a gasp, taking in her Uncle's seething rage and Harry's dumbstruck look of terror. The sudden recollection of Harry's Patronus and its likeness to her toy 'Prongs' came to mind. Another piece clicked into place. 'James Potter?'
'Mr Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a Professor.'
Estella froze. She recognised that handwriting. It was her father's penmanship. Suddenly she realised where she had seen those grey eyes before…
'Oh my God.' Her mind screamed, her eyes widening in realisation. 'Moony… Prongs… Padfoot… Wormtail… they aren't stories about made up animals, they were nick names for her father and his friends! They were animagi!'
She could barely register the last comment by Wormtail, her mind was like putty. Her father had not only seen her in Gryffindor Tower, but in London, in his dog form. And the rat, alright so rats were dime a dozen, but she'd even christened Ron's pet Wormtail! OK so it wasn't the rat (Peter had after all died that day in the alley, right?) but Merlin, that dog was definitely her father. And it suddenly made sense for Harry's Patronus to be a stag. But it was weird. The 'Padfoot' in Remus' stories was loyal and brave. Sirius Black was a traitorous coward who did a Dark Lord's bidding. Things didn't add up. And what did her father mean about 'beware the rat'? Was he implying that Peter – Wormtail – was alive? It was all so confusing.
Before she knew it her said Godfather was in the room, her Uncle trying to determine where Harry got the parchment from. Her mind lost in thought, she looked at Harry curiously. Just where did he find it? She knew for certain it wasn't any Zonko's product like Remus and Harry were suggesting. The werewolf seemed to be avoiding her gaze. He must have known she'd have seen what the parchment said… the look on his face wasn't just concern for Harry, surely. And what did her uncle mean by Harry '…getting it direct from the manufacturers'? Remus had been spending a lot of time with Harry lately… but that was just supposed to be for tutoring, right? An unfamiliar surge of jealously coursed through her veins. Why did she feel like she was missing out on something important? Did Harry know who these Marauders really were? Is that how Harry got to possess the marauding parchment? Why would Remus tell him but keep it from her then?
It wasn't fair.
No longer up for a conversation with her Uncle, Estella made up an excuse to head back to her Common Room as soon as Harry, Ron (who turned up halfway through) and Remus had left the office. She had a lot of things to work through in her mind, the pendant long forgotten for the time being.
For Remus Lupin had a lot of explaining to do.
End Chapter: Echoes
Next Chapter: Goodbye to Buckbeak
Due: Friday