DarkWarLordofDoomness: Okay, I am finally going to update now. I'm really sorry for making you all wait so long. I was in a school play, and rehearsal took up several hours almost every day after school. But, now it's over and done with forever (cry cry) so now I don't have anything really taking up my free time anymore. Well, nothing besides therapy. :D I have no social life once more! Yay! Wait, is being in a club considered being 'social'? If so, then I have a very small one. GASP! I HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE!
StevetheEvilTomato: No you don't. You don't even have a life.
DarkWarLordofDoomness: Yes I do!
Steve: You spent the last week doing nothing but watching internet cartoons and printing anime pictures off the internet when you got home!
DarkWarLordofDoomness:...So?
Steve: That is not a life. That's a tragedy.
DarkWarLordofDoomness: Well, it's nice to see that you're feeling better.
Steve: If I wasn't after a month of doing next to nothing, I'd be concerned.
DarkWarLordofDoomness: (sighs) On to the disclaimer...stupid lawyers. They've been stalking me, I swear...
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I swear.
Just a stick with which to poke,
and my patented death glare.
Other than that, I'm broke.
Now, as for today,
what will the Smashers do?
What rabid fangirls will they slay?
And what of Mary Sue?
If you are full of curiousity,
Just go ahead and read,
But if you dare to flame me,
I will make you bleed. (A lot.)
Chapter Ten: Behold thy Doom, Mortals!
Time seemed to freeze as the grey-cloaked Leader turned on the cassette player. Marth, Roy, Fox, Crazy Hand, Samus and the rabid fangirls watched with horror, not knowing what vile sound would come out and kill them painfully.
"..."
Nothing. The cloaked Leader removed the soundproof earmuffs, correctly judging that there was no sound by the lack of horrific pain on everyone's faces.
"Aw, crap, I forgot to rewind. I keep telling him he needs to get the CD, but noooo..."
The guy pressed the rewind button. Samus saw her chance. She tackled the leader guy and slammed him against the wall, effectively stunning him.
The Leader stared at her in astonishment. "You can't do that."
"Do what?"
"Attack me while I'm preparing my attack. Haven't you ever watched DragonBallZ?"
"I've watched some of it while baby-sitting Young Link and Ness. Don't really do that much now."
"Your loss. It's a good show."
"Please. Most of the episodes are nothing but guys with overly large muscles screaming while floating in the air."
"Is not."
"Is too. Plus, the creator drags things out so that each enemy takes thirty episodes to defeat. If the guys just attacked while some idiot was charging up, the battles would end a lot sooner. Plus, no one who dies stays dead. It's annoying, and desensitizes the audience to character death and pain. If you watch the episode in Wolf's Rain where Toboe dies, chances are you, or your friend, will cry. If you watch the DBZ episode where Goku dies, people just say 'Dude. He died.' No one cares. Oh, and the Saiyans keep getting so powerful, all of the other characters are just shoved aside to be a part of the backround, people to go, 'GASP! Did he just pull off that incredibly powerful move?'" Samus finished her rant, and everyone in the room blinked.
"Is it just me, or has Samus been watching too much tv lately?" Roy asked. The rabid fangirl next to him started to sob. Roy blinked, and slowly edged away.
"Why did Toboe have to die?" One rabid fangirl shrieked. "Why couldn't he live?"
"Toboe dies!" Tiffany the Rabid Fangirl gasped. "Nooo...but I like Toboe! He can't die!" One by one, all the rabid fangirls started to cry.
"See!" Samus poked the grey-cloaked leader. "If you so much as mention Toboe's death," Samus paused as the rabid fangirls wailed, "then they start crying. I doubt they'd do that for Goku." One of the fangirls stopped crying.
"Goku? From Saiyuki?"
"No. Goku from DBZ."
"Oh. I don't like him. He's ugly. Vegeta, however..." Everyone else gagged.
"Hey, anyone notice how, in the series, Vegeta starts out really short, then in GT, he's a lot taller? Did he have a growth spurt or something while in his forties?" The Leader pointed out.
"When did this turn into a conversation about DBZ? Weren't we fighting?"
"Oh, right." Samus aimed her blaster at the Leader's head. His glowing red eyes widened with pure terror. "Geez, am I really that scary?" He stared past her. Samus turned.
The cassette tape was done rewinding. And Crazy Hand was moving towards it, acting like he was about to press the 'play' button.
"Crazy Hand! NO!"
"Crazy, you step away from that cassette player this instant!" Fox screamed as Crazy Hand moved closer.
"CRAZY! BAD! BAD! BAD HAND!"
"He's not a dog, you know."
"Okay, okay. CRAZY, IF YOU DON'T GET AWAY FROM THERE RIGHT NOW I WILL SMACK YOU WITH A ROLLED-UP NEWSPAPER!"
Crazy moved even closer.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
He picked it up and crushed it.
"Oh."
"Curses!" cursed the leader. At that moment, his little brother entered. The Leader's expression (well, you can only see his red, glowing eyes) was one of pure shock. "What the heck are you wearing?"
"I'm gangsta now, yo!" The Leader's little brother was wearing extremely baggy pants and a heavy gold chain on over his black cloak. He made the symbol for 'west side' with his fingers.
"YOU CAN'T BE 'GANGSTA!' YOU'RE THE YOUNGER BROTHER OF AN EVIL VILLAIN!"
"Shut up, bee-yotch." The Leader gaped at his younger brother. When he finally found his voice, it was shrill and not at all like his usual evil, deep, dark voice.
"How dare you say that to me! I'm going to tell Mom-"
"Yo' momma!"
"Well, yeah, she is my momma! And she's your mom, too, and you better apologise because she is going to ground you and-"
"No one is grounding me!" The little brother crossed his arms. "That's what mah tattoo says."
"YOU GOT A TATTOO!"
The Leader's younger brother smiled. A gold tooth glinted.
"YOU GOT A GOLD TOOTH!" The Leader was hysterical now. "IF MOM FINDS OUT, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE I'LL BE IN?"
"Well, you'll just have to wait one manizzle bizzle shizzle. I'm going to listen to some dope rap, dawg."
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING!"
"Word." His little brother crossed his arms and nodded his head.
"I'm doomed..." the Leader slumped to the ground. "Just kill me now, before my mom comes."
"We're not going to kill you." Samus said. "Sue the crap out of you maybe, but kill you? No way."
"I'm East Side, yo!" The Leader's brother made the symbol for 'West Side.' Then he walked over to where his shattered cassette player was. He blinked. "Yo, dawg, what happened to my cassette player?"
"It was crushed, stupid." The Leader replied dully.
"Now don't you call me stupid, you bleeping bleep bleep bleep bleep bleeeeeeeeep!"
The rabid fangirls fought over who would get to cover Roy and Marth's ears.
"Doomed..." The Leader held his face in his hands.
"Oh, well. Now I have an excuse to get a pimped-out new sound system. Where's mah posse!"
"You don't have a posse."
"Can I borrow yours then?"
"They're not my posse, they're my minions!"
"Whatever." The Leader's brother left. There was an awkward silence.
"Um...I guess we'll be leaving now..." Samus edged towards the exit. Crazy Hand removed Marth and Roy from the Rabid Fangirl Pit (he had to fry a few rabid fangirls, but no one cares). They all ran out of the room quickly. As they ran down the hall, they heard an older, female version of The Leader's voice echoing after them.
"WHAT THE HECK IS CLARENCE WEARING?"
"Mom, I swear, I-"
"DON'T SWEAR!"
"Mom-"
"DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE AWAY YOUR INTERNET PRIVELEGES!"
Then they reached a bend in the tunnel, and could no longer make out the words. But I can assure you that The Leader got a sound scolding, plus the removal of his internet and evil privileges.
"I am SO glad that's all over with." Roy grinned once they were outside. "I swear, if I have to put up with one more person brushing my hair for me, I will..." He made several violent gestures.
"Right, so how do we get home?" Samus groaned inwardly after she said this. They would walk, of course. And spend days doing so.
Fox looked from Samus to Marth to Roy, and then looked at Crazy Hand. A grin spread across his face. "I have an idea..."
At the nearby (and conveniently placed) town...
"The Subway!" Fox proclaimed, striking a heroic pose.
"Why didn't we take this on our way to rescue Roy?" Samus asked, staring at the subway-car.
"Because it was built yesterday."
"You're kidding."
"Nope. See, it's even in the newspaper." Marth said, pointing to the newspaper Roy held.
"It is?" Samus grabbed the paper from Roy. "..."
"What?" said Marth and Roy at the same time.
"Guys, this newspaper is more than twenty years old."
"Oh."
"Well, that would explain why it kept talking about KISS as being the 'newest big thing.'" said Marth. Everyone got on the Subway car, sat down, and waited as it took them back home.
1 hour later...
"Crazy Hand, for the last time, SIT!"
"Hey Samus, is this our stop?"
"No Roy, we have another ten or so hours."
"Holy crap."
"My thoughts exa-CRAZY! Let the bum sleep! Still, it's better than walking for days through the country. CRAZY! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT BUGGING THE SLEEPING BUMS!" Crazy left the bum alone, and floated over to where an old lady was trying to read a Bible. She looked up, and saw Crazy Hand.
"Tis the hand of the Lord, here to guide me to Heaven!"
Samus walked over and smacked Crazy with a twenty-year-old-newspaper (to the shock of the old lady). "Are you senile? He's a sentient, talking, floating hand, not a dying vision."
"Is this our stop, Samus?" Fox asked this time.
"Has it been ten or so hours?"
"I don't know, I don't have a watch."
"Here's a hint: no."
"Is he alive?" Roy poked a bum with his sword.
"Ow!"
"He is."
"What, Crazy?" Crazy was acting oddly. He kept hopping up and down, with two of his fingers crossed.
"I think he needs to use the bathroom."
"...You have got to be kidding me..."
They got off on the next stop. Fox walked around, looking for the bathrooms. "Okay, here's a map..." He muttered. "You are here. Who puts that sticker on there? How do they know where they are without a map telling them where they are?" He blinked, feeling a slight sense of deja vu. Shrugging it off, he looked for the bathroom on the map. "Okay, so we walk until we see a drinking fountain, then we turn left, then right, then left, then right, then right again, then left. Easy." With Crazy Hand tagging along, he started to walk.
Samus, meanwhile, had the task of protecting two bishounen from the local fangirls. Very difficult seeing as how she was outnumbered, and Marth and Roy were too traumatized from their time in the rabid fangirl pit to be any help. For lack of a better idea, she shoved them both into a Superman-esque telephone booth, squeezed herself in, and closed the door.
"Ogay, 'y id oo do thah!" Roy said indignantly, his face smushed against the glass. He winced as several fangirls slammed themselves against the phone booth.
"I didn't have any better ideas, and this way I can call the Smashers for help."
"Nice. Do you have any money?"
Samus checked her suit. "Nope."
"Then just call collect. They won't mind."
"Okay then." Samus dialed their home number.
At the Smash Mansion...
"I hate her! Hate, I tell you, HATE!" Zelda ranted to a sympathetic Peach. "That...that... tramp has been flirting with Link every chance she gets!"
"She's pure evil." agreed Peach.
"We have to stop her! She's been poisoning their minds! She's more evil than Ganondorf!"
"And Bowser!"
"Combined!" announced Young Link, stomping in and startling Zelda and Peach.
"Young Link, why aren't you drooling over, I mean, um, playing outside?"
"Because I've been trying to bug Link about his crush on Mary Sue. But he just ignores me and keeps on drooling over her. I tried to annoy Ganondorf, but it's the same thing." A smug grin grew on Peach's face just as Zelda grew furious at Link.
"You owe me those earrings."
"What?"
"Remember? The bet? About whether or not Ganondorf was...?"
"Oh, yeah. Crap. I was sure he..."
"Well, he fell for her, didn't he? That proves it."
"Damnit. I like those earrings, too."
"Pay up." Young Link looked from Peach to Zelda, confused.
"What were you betting on?"
"You're too young, you won't get it. Anyways..." The phone rang. Zelda answered it. "Hello? SAMUS? Hey! Where are you?" Peach and Young Link stared at her, waiting. "In a phone booth? Surrounded by what?" Peach and Young Link leaned forward. "Fangirls? Merciful Nayru, how did you get into that situation!" Zelda's jaw dropped, and she squealed with delight. "You found Roy? And Fox? And Crazy? What were you...oh, I see. You were on the Subway until Crazy needed a bathroom break. When will you get-" The phone was yanked from Zelda's hands and hung up. "HEY!"
Mary Sue the Money Manager smiled sweetly. "Collect calls are so expensive, we really can't afford that right now." And with that, Mary Sue bounced out of the room.
Zelda slowly clenched and unclenched her hands. "That was a phone call from Samus. She had to have known that, what with her oh-so-perfect hearing." She said through gritted teeth. "She is up to no good..."
Back in a Subway Station somewhere...
Samus looked at the phone.
"Well?" Roy asked, lifting his head away from the glass. "Is help coming?"
"I don't think so. The phone was hung up."
"Crap."
"I'll try again."
At the Smash Mansion...(again)
Mary Sue picked up the ringing phone. "Hello?" She said sweetly. "I'm sorry, you have the wrong number." She hung up tyhe phone, smiled to herself, and walked away.
Baaaaaaaaack at the Subway Station...
"Help won't be coming guys." Samus was facing a puzzling puzzle. She had hit redial, and the person who picked up said it was a wrong number. There was probably trouble at the Mansion. 'No more Mr-I mean Miss, nice guy, erm, girl.' She checked her blaster. 'A nice little missile should do the trick.'
"Okay guys, I don't care if you're afraid of fangirls. We are going to fight our way out.'
"Are you serious, we're seriously outnumbered and-" Samus turned with difficulty in the crowded booth, and glared at Marth.
"Consider it a multi-man melee." She smiled.
Elsewhere...in that same Subway Station...
"Umm...were we supposed to have turned left or right?"
Crazy Hand cackled evilly.
"Sorry, sorry, we'll get there soon...do you think you can hold it?"
Crazy Hand looked (?) at him, obviously confused.
"What?"
More of the confused-ness from Crazy Hand. A sudden, nasty thought struck Fox.
"Don't tell me..."
Crazy Hand tilted his head...self.
"You didn't."
Crazy Hand looked at him.
"...You did, didn't you?"
A nod.
"Holy crap...eugh...you don't need to...clean up, do you?"
A shake.
"Okay then. Let's try to get back to the others, then." Fox started to jog down a random hall, unsure of how to get back.
In the other direction...
The janitor walked down the hall. Then he stopped and looked down. "Ew..."
In the end of this chapter...
DWLoD: Yeah, I'll just leave off with that pleasant image. I have no idea why, I just have a weird sense of humor right now. It probably comes from my battle with severe writer's block, and a reevaluation of the direction this story is heading in. We have reached the end of thecloaked Leader-guy arc, now I have other plans...mwuahahahaahahahaaaaa...
A/N: For the most part...or maybe it's half the time...or a third of the time...anyways, some of the opinions of the characters aren't my opinions. I just give them those opinions because I feel like it.
Sometimes their opinons do reflect mine.
In case you couldn't tell, I don't like the DragonBall series.
Seriously, it's like the creator wants people to make fun of his show.
But, it may be frequently parodied because, like Yu-Gi-Oh, it is incredibly easy to make fun of. (As I said in the above line) :P If you watch either of those shows, or have been forced to watch some of it because a little brother is or used to be a fan, then you will most likely have noticed the stuff that is...well, awful. So if you like those shows (sweatdrop) let a girl who doesn't like them have a little fun, and don't flame me. Because flames are bad. And I am paranoid. Do not taunt the paranoid.
Well, if you'll all excuse me, I have to go to therapy. Buh-bye.