Disclaimer: See Chapter One

Updated: Wednesday 20th April 2005

Chapter Sixty Nine: Goodbye to Buckbeak.

Severus slammed the door shut behind him. How could have been so stupid? He'd only meant to make a spectacle of that arrogant Gryffindor brat for his niece's benefit. It was supposed to make her feel better, seeing that even the almighty Potter could be cut down to size. Instead, Severus had been alarmed to register a unreadable expression on his niece's face. It wasn't pity for the boy, that much he knew, it was something deeper. Recognition?

Then it hit him. That blasted map! Yes, he knew it was a map. He didn't know how to operate it, but he was more than familiar with its secrets. So too, it seems, was Estella.

"Damn it!" He cursed into the empty room. So wrapped up was he in watching the spawn of his nemesis squirm that he didn't stop to think of the consequences; and now Estella had seen the names on the parchment.

How could he have been so stupid?

Remus paced in his office, a shaky hand compulsively rubbing at the back of his neck.

How could Severus have been so stupid?

Although he had arrived after the Map's defences had been activated and he didn't actually see his Goddaughter witness the unravelling of the parchment's message, one look at her face and he knew she had. He found he couldn't look her in the eye – his mind was awash with a million different thoughts at once and it was all suddenly too much to process. First, he had to try and concentrate on the more immediate issue of how to get Harry away from Severus' ire and the offending piece of parchment out the equation. As he smoothly manipulated Harry, and then the Weasley boy out of Severus' grasp, he could feel Estella's eyes burning into him.

The feeling of them boring into him haunted him still.

He'd had little choice but to leave Severus' offices with Harry and Ron; and now as he paced his office agitatedly he weighed out his options. Should he fire-call Severus? What if Estella was still there? What if she didn't recognise what the map meant and intervening now would reveal everything?

'Of course she knew what it meant!' His conscience nagged at him. 'She's too smart…'

There was no mistaking the look in Estella's eyes.

Before he could reconsider, he charged across the room towards the fireplace and threw a handful of powder in.

WHACK!

Remus saw stars as he was thrown back out of the fireplace. Evidently, Severus had decided to try and Floo him at precisely that same moment and their heads had collided.

The man in question's head reappeared in the fireplace.

"She knows." They both said at once.

Over the course of the next couple of weeks, the two men became increasingly desperate to get the mutual object of their attentions to talk. Asides from seeing her in their respective classes, however, the illusive child proved extremely difficult to corner. She flatly refused to stay behind alone after class, skived the detentions they were forced to set, and stopped visiting them in their private rooms.

Remus couldn't even use the map he now had in his possession to his advantage. Estella always made sure she was surrounded by other students, and when he had taken to stalking her around the grounds – seemingly appearing wherever she went – the child only got volatile and defensive; much like a wild animal when it feels caged.

The weary werewolf could still feel the hurt in her eyes as she had turned on him.

"Stop following me!" She snapped at him one day as he had used the map to track her as she was leaving one of the Herbology greenhouses at the end of the day. She was alone. "Can't you see I want to be left alone?"

"Estella!" Remus had pleaded, reaching out to her. "You need to talk about this, I need to explain…"

The child had flinched away from him and backed away coldly. Remus' heart was still breaking – she had never pushed him away before.

"I don't need to do anything you say!" She had spat at him, fire in her eyes. "You're not my father!"

Reeling, Remus stumbled back in shock. She had never said anything like that either.

Before he knew it, Estella had turned and started walking away briskly, widening the gap between them with each moment Remus' heart and mind struggled to put itself back together. Coming to his senses, Remus was not about to give up that easily.

"Please, talk to someone at least." He had tried to reason with her as he ran after her to catch up. "I've never seen you act this way before."

"Never say never, Professor." Estella had said coolly as she glanced back at him over her shoulder.

What happened next replayed itself in slow motion in Remus' mind. Estella tripped on a rock and fell, landing heavily on her ankle. Instinctively, he had of course, rushed to help her.

"Leave me alone." She growled, batting his hands away and giving him a shove. "I can take care of myself!"

Remus had fallen over backwards at the force, his chest tingling from where her hands had brutally shoved him. Looking over at her with a mixture of indignation, hurt and determination on his face, he was amazed to see her pull out her wand and heal her swollen ankle with a basic fourth year healing charm.

'Where on earth did she learn that?' Remus' mind was awed. He knew his goddaughter spent a lot of her time reading, but reading about the properties of a spell and executing it with perfect intonation and wand movements without practical instruction was a whole different game of Quidditch.

"Don't even try to follow me." She had glared down at him, the hint of a threat audible in her voice before it softened slightly, as though pleading with him. "Just leave me alone."

Returning to his chambers after dinner that evening feeling decidedly dejected, Remus threw the precious Marauder's Map across his office in frustration. His cub was hurting, and it was all his fault.

"Sir?" A voice filtered through the door, followed by a knock. "Please, sir, can I have a moment of your time? I need to talk to you… it's about Estella."

He yanked the door open with so much force he was sure it would be ripped off its hinges had the School not been impregnated with so much magic.

Standing in the doorway was a distraught looking Elsie Carmichael – a Ravenclaw in Estella's year.

"Come in, Miss Carmichael." Remus eventually found his voice, standing aside and gesturing that the nervous looking second year should enter. "Take a seat."

Warding his door extensively against eavesdroppers and uninvited intrusions, he turned to face his guest.

"Tea?" He asked as he gestured a shaky hand towards the fireplace. "I can order us some tea if you…"

"No thanks, Professor." Elsie said hurriedly. "I'd rather get this over and done with, no offence."

The child was evidently uncomfortable in his… what was it, 'staggeringly handsome' presence. He forced himself to smile reassuringly as he sat across from the girl, the depth of his desk placing a comfortable distance between them. "You said you wanted to talk to me about Estella?" He asked, his voice cracking slightly.

"I'm… worried… about her, Sir." She said cautiously. "I can tell you are too."

"Go on." Remus urged, wishing the evidently hormonal girl would just get to the point.

"I think I know why." Elsie said finally, expelling a cool rush of air from her lungs. "I think Sirius Black has been writing to her."

Remus looked up at her sharply, his eyes widening. This, he was not expecting. "Wh…wh..what makes you think that?" He inquired weakly.

"Well her behaviour has been increasingly strange lately…" Elsie began. "Like she's with us physically, but her mind is someplace else."

"Yes?" Remus was losing his patience – which in itself was extremely rare.

"She's been wearing this wicked pendant under her robes for the past couple of months, and whenever people talk about Mr Black she plays with it." Elsie observed. "I don't think she even realises she's doing it. The only reason I even know it's there is because her pyjamas don't hide it like the school robes do and she's never taken it off."

Narrowing his eyes at the girl before him, he pressed on. "And you think this pendant was a gift from her father?" He asked, his mind not able to come up with anyone else who might have been buying her jewellery. Merlin, he hadn't even seen any such item on her person!

"Well just before she started wearing it, a letter fell out of a book I borrowed from her." Elsie continued. "I didn't recognise the handwriting and before I could read it Estella snatched it away and got really angry at me. She's never so uptight about stuff like that normally."

"I see," Remus said, paling.

"I… I… know it's not much to go on, but I thought I should tell you and not just as her Godfather." Elsie said, her voice lowering to barely above a whisper. "I mean what if the pendant is hexed or something, and it's making her act like this? You're a Defence teacher, maybe you could check it out?"

"Quite right… quite right…" Remus said distractedly, rising from his chair. "Thank you, Miss Carmichael for sharing your concerns with me, if you would excuse me I think this matter requires my immediate attention."

Estella skipped dinner. Her stomach was too knotted up to even contemplate the ingestion of food. Never before had she treated her Godfather that way before, and although she was extremely angry at him for deceiving her all this time, the look of hurt in his eyes when she had snapped at him tore at her conscience.

Instead of heading back up to the Castle, Estella made her way down the rocky terrain to the gamekeeper's hut. Even though her mind had been so thoroughly occupied with other matters of late, she had still managed to register the news that Hagrid's Hippogriff, Buckbeak, was due to be executed that evening in punishment for 'attacking' Draco. A raw sense of anger flowing through her, Estella felt nothing but contempt for the Wizarding world, particularly the influential people who dictated its politics. She wasn't even there that day, but it didn't take a genius to know that Draco had clearly provoked the magical creature to defend itself.

Then there was the issue of her Godfather's lies. For years, all they had told Estella about her parents was that they loved each other, but then her mother had died and her father had done a 'bad thing'. They kept the truth from her even they knew she would only end up being hurt when she, and then Harry, found out the consequences of their parent's friendship. Had they even hinted that things were not as they seemed between the 'legendary' friendship the two families had shared, Estella wouldn't have been so compelled as to establish a link with the orphan, and she wouldn't be so overwhelmed with the feelings of guilt now (for encouraging a friendship based on the idea that their parents were friends).

Not to mention, Estella had been raised on stories of these so-called fictitious characters, the marauders. She had grown to love and idolise them. Her whole belief structure was founded in their image, for they inspired her that much. Now she finds out that these magical creatures she grew up with were in fact based on real people, and that a terrible fate befell them because of a traitor in their ranks, Estella didn't know what to think.

Seeing no signs of life in the rambling stone hut, Estella made her way directly to the impressive pumpkin patch where the majestic hippogriff was chained.

"Oh, Buckbeak!" She bowed, making her way over to pet the creature's silky feathered mane once it was safe to do so. "I wish I could let you go, take you for one last ride… but I can't."

Instead, the half-eagle, half-horse nodded understandingly and leant down on his haunches so that Estella could climb on. Wrapping her arms around as much of Buckbeak's neck as she could manage, she settled to rest on his back, lying down so that her head rested on the creature's neck.

"What should I do?" She asked after a few moments of companionable silence. "I hate being mad at them."

Buckbeak reared his head and whinnied, as though giving his response.

"Yeah, I know." Estella sighed, patting the Hippogriff on the top off the head soothingly. "You got bigger Boggarts to hex. I'm sorry."

Taking the snort from under her as an acceptance to her apology, she rolled herself off the giant beast. "Well, I just came to say, well, goodbye you know." She said softly, her eyes starting to mist. "I-I-I had better be going, they'll be coming back from dinner soon."

With a final kiss on the Hippogriff's bowed head, Estella wiped her face with her sleeve and stalked off towards the lake, without a backwards glance. As she made her way along the edge of the dell, she was sure she saw a Grim in the shadows of the forbidden forest. When she looked back though to check, it was gone.

Years of listening to Professor Trelawney's prattle at the head table planted the idea in her head that perhaps she had seen Buckbeak's own Grim. Far from thinking that there was any merit to the batty Divination Professor's preachings, however, Estella just knew it was more likely to be her father. Whether she was just developing a paranoia, or if it was something else more significant, Estella couldn't help but feel like she was still being watched. Yet rather than feel unease under the unknown scrutiny, in a hidden, locked away part of her mind, her body felt at peace with itself.

Still unable to see any sign of the animagus she just knew was lurking nearby, Estella conjured a rug and leant against the Oak tree to watch the setting sun disappear beyond the lake.

'He better not come near me' she thought haughtily, twirling her itching wand fingers around her wand, sending silver and blue sparks over the lake. 'I'm really not in the mood.'

After all, if she could push away her beloved Godfather – a man who practically raised her – she didn't even want to think of what particular hex would pass her lips if anyone lesser than that were to cross her path at that moment.

Sirius was torn. He had sniffed Pettigrew out and had him cornered in Hagrid's hut. Conveniently it was dinnertime in the castle and the place was deserted, giving him clear passage to transform back into his human form and confront the rat. That was, of course, until Estella showed up. His beloved daughter looked extremely upset about something, and whilst he could have tried to get by her and explain things to her before Peter got away, he didn't want to traumatise his daughter anymore than she already looked. Instead, he waited, and watched, his eyes soaking up the sight.

Watching his daughter turn and walk away from him, towards the lake, Sirius instinctively followed. It was not until she glanced over and saw him trailing her from the shadows that he came to his senses.

'Must get Peter!' He reminded himself. As much as he'd rather admire the simple beauty of the sunset over the lake, take in the golden hues as they bathed his daughter in the evening sun, he knew that without Pettigrew he would be forced to spend his life in the shadows, watching. If he ever wanted to become anything more to his child other than a lingering shadow watching over her, he had to forego her this once.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." Remus hastily stabbed his wand at the old piece of parchment before him. He couldn't get to the map quick enough after the helpful, but annoyingly lingering, Ravenclaw had left his office.

While his eyes searched the hundreds of little names and footprints on the map for the one he was looking for, two things came to mind. One, it was a full moon in but an hour and two, Severus was due to bring his potion by any moment now. He wouldn't be chasing around the grounds for anyone that night.

Seeking his absent Goddaughter out anyway, he finally spotted her name by the side of the lake. Resolving to leave her alone for the evening and confront her about the letter and pendant first thing after the full moon, the tired werewolf was just about to put an end to his 'mischief' when another name caught his eye.

Two names in fact.

Closing his eyes and shaking his head in disbelief, Remus reopened his eyes manically and double checked the map. Sure enough, Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black were there, disappearing off the map down the Whomping Willow's passage, headed for the shrieking shack. With them, for some reason, was Ronald Weasley; and close behind, Hermione Granger and Harry Potter.

'The Map never lies!' He reminded himself.

Dropping the map carelessly and storming from the room without even grabbing a cloak or closing his door, Remus forgot all else as he ran like the wind in the direction of the tunnel he knew only too well.

End Chapter: Goodbye to Buckbeak