Noxius

Disclaimer: All of this is based upon the lovely J.K. Rowling's work

Warnings: Character death and slight language.

Part Four: Secrets

"She knows something." I hear these words, and I inhale sharply. I twitch the modified Extendable Ear to the side to hear better, praying that the Notice-Me-Not and Disillusionment charms are still working. I have to hear the rest of what they are saying.

"She knows something… and either will not or cannot tell us," someone – Moody by the sound of it – continues gruffly. He sighs as though he is bothered by the whole topic of conversation.

Deep down, I pray that even Moody's mad magical eye will lose just this once and won't see the Extendable Ear.

"But what exactly could she know?" I hear Kingsley ask haltingly, his voice filled with concern and some nameless emotion that I can't quite figure out. I exhale softly at my best friend's words and fight the dread that is rising in my belly. He is only worrying about me… this will not turn into the Spanish Inquisition at a later date.

"And why can't she tell us?" he continues, his unspoken words ringing in my ears. Why can't she tell me? I am her best friend. I trained her as an Auror. I was her first partner on the job… Why can't she tell me? I can almost picture his dark eyes filling with hurt and worry, not for himself… but for me.

"I wish I could tell you, King… but I can't," I whisper to myself as shift my weight and sag against the wall; my head now on the cool stone.

How could I possibly tell him that I killed Remus... that I murdered Remus to save Harry? How could I tell him that I killed a friend? How could I tell him that I killed a man that I adore, who I once thought to be the love of my life?

But I am not sure that he was. I know that I loved him; I know that I still love him – even though he is a bastard for making me kill him. But I am not sure that he was the be-all-and-end-all of my life. Thinking it over, I have decided that I love Harry far more than I ever loved Remus, but in the parent-child sort of way. Come to think of it, I believe that I actually loved Sirius more as well, though as a sister to a brother. I love Remus, but he isn't the love of my life; he couldn't be… a man that would attempt to kill a child – much less for a mistake that was partly his fault in the first place… well, he could never be the greatest love of my life.

I shake my head and end the tangent that my thoughts have taken. I sigh heavily, thinking about how much pain Remus' actions have caused – both directly and indirectly. Once more I focus on the conversation that is happening in the kitchen.

"Do you think that she saw Remus die?" It's Molly speaking now, and I can hear the anxious/sorrowful/molly-coddling tone in her voice that she always uses when talking to my son, my Harry.

I scow slightly at her voice but am touched by her concern, it's nice to know that she thinks enough of me to worry. Yet, I wish that she would stop fretting about this particular topic; I do not need a hell-bent Molly to constantly hound me about Remus. I might let something slip that would best be left unsaid.

Though, come to think of it, I really wish that Molly would just – in general – stop her hounding. She needs to realize that as far as mothering and supporting of one Harry Potter… well, that's my job. She has her own brood to worry over and needs to focus on them, not on the Black/Tonks/Potter family. She needs to be concerned with her own children, not mine. She should worry about things like Percy, who – by the way – could really use a mother right now and who seems to be mostly ignored by said mother. It must suck to be the middle child… er … brother.

"I don't know." It's Moody again, and he sounds angry about something. "But I think that we should watch her closely. Maybe she'll let something slip."

I shake my head at these words and fear fills me as I hear the others murmur in agreement.

This is not good.

I once more sigh, but my head snaps up as I hear a chair move in the kitchen. I think that it's about time for me to leave. I snap my wrist, and the Extendable Ear instantly returns to my hand. I rise to my feet and quickly vacate the area as it would not do for them to know I was listening in.

To borrow a Muggle phrase my Dad loves: Forewarned is forearmed…

Noxius: culpable, guilty, responsible, blameworthy

Ever Hopeful,

Azar