Seifer and Squallie are getting friendly...
Part IX
I may never fight again. It was all that I could think about. It was the only thought that I could focus on. Never fight again. Never feel Lionheart settled so wonderfully in my hand, the grip moulded to my hand after years of moulding it in battle to sit just right. What would Seifer think of me now? Practically an invalid ... I'd never be worthy of him now, scarred and worse than clumsy. How can I ever, ever tell him how I feel? How I'd always felt such a closeness to him, something that when I was young I couldn't explain and now that I can, sometimes I wish I couldn't because it makes for painful heartache as I think of what I could have. Because I constantly think of the 'what if 's. What if Seifer was gay? What if Seifer wanted me? What if garden accepted gay couples? I wonder if he'll come and help me to our dorm. I did ask the nurse to call for him when she asked who I wanted to help me. Then again, why should he bother with me. I'm less than nothing now. I was nothing before this and now I'm worse than that.
"Brooding?" It is amazing how he always manages to guess what I'm thinking about. I nodded as I stood slowly. I hoped he couldn't see just how white my knuckles were gripping the rail that ran along the foot of the bed. He simply took my hand from the rail and gently pushed me back down onto the bed, settling a pair of wide legged trousers that I'd never seen before into my lap.
"Put these on and I'll get a wheelchair. We can say that you've broken your ankles and you're to stay off them. That's what I told Cid and such. Your medical records are under lock and key." He deposited a key in my hand and gently curled my fingers around them before he stepped from the room, closing the door. I shed my trousers for the others as I considered what Seifer had done for me. He had stolen medical files, which in itself would get him expelled even though he is a SeeD, and then he lied to everyone to protect me. I was just easing myself back down on the bed when he opened the door and pushed the wheelchair into the room.
"Ready to go?"
"Why are you doing this for me?"
"You didn't tell anyone about these." He waved to the scars on one of his wrists and I smiled and nodded as I settled myself in the wheelchair. He picked up the bag that had all my things in it and gently set that in my lap. I don't know what's come over him because he's so kind to me, so different to what he's been like recently. But I'm not going to question this change of heart. Several cadets stopped and stared as we passed and I swear I could hear them talking about me behind my back. Once we reached the dorm and the door was closed, I stood from the wheelchair and took a step forward. The room swung around me and I could hardly hold myself upright. I waited for it to recede before I attempted another step. I didn't know where Seifer was as I finally made it to my bed. The sound of footsteps off to my left made me look there to find nothing. I shook my head and jumped when Seifer's hand touched my ankle.
"Why'd you look over there?" Seifer's voice was filled with concern and it made me want to curl up into a ball and forget the world.
"It sounded like you were over there." I waved my hand towards the left. His understanding look wasn't filled with pity, which gave me a chance to get myself under control.
"Want to eat in tonight?" I wondered just why he was being so nice, but I couldn't dare ask him, it would never seem right to ask such questions. Especially after refusing to tell him about my back. I could tell he was still dying to know just how it had happened, could I stand the retelling if I ever gave into his pestering and told him the truth?
"Yeah. I just hope Rinoa doesn't show up." Seifer's smirk was one of the most reassuring expressions I can recall ever seeing because it was so normal. It happened all the time and it was mostly used to annoy me, but the fact that he was pretty much reacting the same as he always did with me was reassuring. That was something I feared, being treated differently now that I couldn't do everything I was once capable of doing.
"I told her you'd be in the infirmary for another couple weeks and that you weren't allowed visitors." Seifer made me laugh. He always seemed to be one step ahead of me at the moment and I was grateful for that.
Part IX
I may never fight again. It was all that I could think about. It was the only thought that I could focus on. Never fight again. Never feel Lionheart settled so wonderfully in my hand, the grip moulded to my hand after years of moulding it in battle to sit just right. What would Seifer think of me now? Practically an invalid ... I'd never be worthy of him now, scarred and worse than clumsy. How can I ever, ever tell him how I feel? How I'd always felt such a closeness to him, something that when I was young I couldn't explain and now that I can, sometimes I wish I couldn't because it makes for painful heartache as I think of what I could have. Because I constantly think of the 'what if 's. What if Seifer was gay? What if Seifer wanted me? What if garden accepted gay couples? I wonder if he'll come and help me to our dorm. I did ask the nurse to call for him when she asked who I wanted to help me. Then again, why should he bother with me. I'm less than nothing now. I was nothing before this and now I'm worse than that.
"Brooding?" It is amazing how he always manages to guess what I'm thinking about. I nodded as I stood slowly. I hoped he couldn't see just how white my knuckles were gripping the rail that ran along the foot of the bed. He simply took my hand from the rail and gently pushed me back down onto the bed, settling a pair of wide legged trousers that I'd never seen before into my lap.
"Put these on and I'll get a wheelchair. We can say that you've broken your ankles and you're to stay off them. That's what I told Cid and such. Your medical records are under lock and key." He deposited a key in my hand and gently curled my fingers around them before he stepped from the room, closing the door. I shed my trousers for the others as I considered what Seifer had done for me. He had stolen medical files, which in itself would get him expelled even though he is a SeeD, and then he lied to everyone to protect me. I was just easing myself back down on the bed when he opened the door and pushed the wheelchair into the room.
"Ready to go?"
"Why are you doing this for me?"
"You didn't tell anyone about these." He waved to the scars on one of his wrists and I smiled and nodded as I settled myself in the wheelchair. He picked up the bag that had all my things in it and gently set that in my lap. I don't know what's come over him because he's so kind to me, so different to what he's been like recently. But I'm not going to question this change of heart. Several cadets stopped and stared as we passed and I swear I could hear them talking about me behind my back. Once we reached the dorm and the door was closed, I stood from the wheelchair and took a step forward. The room swung around me and I could hardly hold myself upright. I waited for it to recede before I attempted another step. I didn't know where Seifer was as I finally made it to my bed. The sound of footsteps off to my left made me look there to find nothing. I shook my head and jumped when Seifer's hand touched my ankle.
"Why'd you look over there?" Seifer's voice was filled with concern and it made me want to curl up into a ball and forget the world.
"It sounded like you were over there." I waved my hand towards the left. His understanding look wasn't filled with pity, which gave me a chance to get myself under control.
"Want to eat in tonight?" I wondered just why he was being so nice, but I couldn't dare ask him, it would never seem right to ask such questions. Especially after refusing to tell him about my back. I could tell he was still dying to know just how it had happened, could I stand the retelling if I ever gave into his pestering and told him the truth?
"Yeah. I just hope Rinoa doesn't show up." Seifer's smirk was one of the most reassuring expressions I can recall ever seeing because it was so normal. It happened all the time and it was mostly used to annoy me, but the fact that he was pretty much reacting the same as he always did with me was reassuring. That was something I feared, being treated differently now that I couldn't do everything I was once capable of doing.
"I told her you'd be in the infirmary for another couple weeks and that you weren't allowed visitors." Seifer made me laugh. He always seemed to be one step ahead of me at the moment and I was grateful for that.