Disclaimer: See Chapter One
Updated Tuesday 26th April 2005
Chapter Seventy One: Strange Start to SummerWhen Severus had finally come to find Estella in her Ravenclaw dormitory, the already irate man was incensed even more at finding his niece in the one place he had already checked.
"Where have you been?" He growled quietly, careful not to wake the other students.
"Relax, Uncle Sev, really!" Estella pleaded, sitting up in bed and rubbing her eyes, feigning recent slumber. "I needed some space, everyone was looking at me funny, so I went for a walk. I got back before curfew, and I wasn't technically out of bounds… and Professor Dumbledore practically dragged me from your office even after I told him you said for me to stay!"
The disgruntled Potions Master allowed himself a weary sigh of defeat. "Come." He said, holding the door open for his niece, waiting for her impatiently as the nimble child pulled on her slippers and robe over her pyjamas.
When her Uncle led her out of the dorms and the Ravenclaw common room Estella held back. "Uncle Sev," she whispered, a strange fear gripping her – what if her father didn't get away after all?. "It's after curfew! Why are you taking me out of my House?"
A muscle twitched in her Uncle's jaw, the man was clearly tense about something. "Your father escaped again." He said. 'And when that damn wolf turns back into your godfather he'll tell you he's innocent.'
"You will be staying in our quarters for the rest of the term."
Sensing how angry her Uncle was at this latest development, Estella knew better than to try and argue with the man.
The following morning, at breakfast, Severus announced to the entire Slytherin table – and anyone else who was within ear shot – that their Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher was a werewolf. Estella was beyond shock, she was truly dumbfounded. Before she could storm out of the Great Hall, however, her Uncle got to her, pulling her into the empty hallway.
"Estella!" He said, his tone not one to question.
"How could you do that?" She asked, spinning around to face her Uncle. Had something so bad happened that her Uncle was retaliating? He can't have surely implicated Remus in her father's escape – he would have been in his werewolf form, for crying out loud!
"I have my reasons." Severus said lowly. "One them being he nearly killed myself and three students last night."
Paling slightly at the implication that her uncle almost died last night, Estella's eyes darkened when she refused to believe what he was telling her.
"I know that!" Estella hissed, whispering so as to avoid being heard by stray students in the hall. "But it's not his fault someone turned his potion into a portkey!"
"He was aiding and abetting a criminal!" Severus hissed between his grinding teeth. "Then I find out he spent his schooling years abusing Dumbledore's trust by gallivanting around the forbidden forest during full moons instead of remaining confined in the Shrieking Shack where other people were safe from him... and last night he seemed ready to do it again, without his potion."
Estella stopped in her tracks, her forehead furrowing in confusion. "How could Remus have helped him? The moon had already risen when he escaped from the West Tower!" She said without thinking, mentally cursing herself when she realised the implications.
A step in front of her, Severus froze. Turning around slowly as he tried to contain his anger, he leered over his niece. "How. Did. You. Know. That?" He asked.
When Estella couldn't think of anything to say, Severus inhaled deeply and straightened up. Grabbing the child's arm firmly, but not painfully, he steered her towards their dungeon quarters.
"It appears nature can overturn nurture." Severus lamented banally as he slammed the door shut behind them. His mask had slipped, and he looked almost tired… defeated.
"How long, Estella?" His voice was pained. "How long have you been helping him?"
"I don't think I understand, Uncle Sev." Estella frowned, her eyes dull and concerned.
"What did he tell you to make you help him?" Severus continued, restructuring his question. Closing the gap between them he grabbed her shoulders and shook her lightly. "How long have you known?"
"Uncle Sev…" Estella cried, getting confused and a little wary. "You're not making any sense."
"All this time." Severus paused. "I was only trying to protect you. To stop you making her mistake. But you turned out just like him! How?"
"Pardon, Uncle Sev?" Estella furrowed her brow. "What mistake? Why did I need protecting… what are you on about?"
"YOUR MOTHER!" Severus cried out exasperatedly, shaking it into her. "SHE made the mistake! She married him! Now he's trying to take you away from me too! He's dangerous, Estella!" His eyes were crazed and his tone desperate. "I almost died because of his idea of a joke! Why are you helping him? What did he tell you?"
Like a sun dawning on a new day, bells started ringing in Estella's head. All the guilt, the shame, the confusion she had been feeling over the past several months came tumbling out.
"I'm sorry, Uncle Sev!" Estella sobbed. "I couldn't do it! I couldn't! I know he did bad things, but I couldn't stun him! I don't know what I was thinking! Will I go to Azkaban?"
Coming back to his senses slightly, Severus realised with a start that what he was talking about and what Estella was talking about were two different things; and he was determined to get to the bottom of it.
"I will never let you go there. Ever." Severus vowed stoically, casting aside Estella's main concern as he cupped Estella's chin in his hand, forcing their eyes to meet so he could see just how serious he was. "Is that why you never told me what happened that night? You thought… you thought I would send you there because your father wasn't caught that night in the tower?"
Estella visibly relaxed. Severus' heart bled. Did she really believe he would send her away to Azkaban if he found out what happened between her and her father that night? Had he, in protecting his own heart, done nothing put push her into his arms? His worst fears were confirmed when she nodded hesitantly. Pain coursed through his veins, flashing in his expressive black pupils as though he had been physically struck.
"I'm sorry." Estella mumbled brokenly, averting her eyes shamefully.
"No." Severus said dismissively, averting his eyes. "It is I who should be sorry for ever leading you to believe that I would do such a thing."
Estella chanced a look at her uncle's eyes, the fire in them fierce and determined filled her with renewed hope.
"There isn't anything you cannot tell me, Estella." Severus said in a foreign, almost gentle tone. This was how he should have handled things earlier. "I would always still hold you in the same regard."
"Maybe we should sit down." Estella said shakily, before she sat down and confided in her uncle everything she had encountered with her father since school started.
"He hasn't tried to justify his crimes to you?" Severus asked, voicing his fears.
"No." Estella shook her head. "He's not of right mind. He is obsessed with finding Peter Pettigrew. I don't think he realises that he killed the man that night."
"Then why did you seek him out? Why did you give him his wand last night?" Severus asked, his voice laced with frustration and concern. "Do you have any idea how lucky you are to have gotten away? He could have pulled you through the Floo, and with his wand…"
"Uncle Sev, Uncle Sev…" Estella interrupted the man as his voice trailed off. "I… I can't explain why. I just had a feeling that it was what my mother would have wanted."
Severus made a noncommittal grunt of agreement.
"You're not mad, then?" Estella asked after a uncomfortable silence, the need for relief evident in her glassy eyes.
"I do not appreciate that he is still out there... armed." Severus said carefully, cringing inwardly when he saw his niece's face fall. "But I do not begrudge what you did. You were right, your mother would have done just the same."
"Then how come I regret it so?" Estella said quietly, all colour leaving her face. "How come I can't hate him? How could I do that to Harry… to everyone?"
"Because I didn't raise you to hate." Severus said resignedly.
"But you…" Estella began.
"…I hate?" Severus finished for her. "Yes, I will not deny that I carry that with me." He paused. "That does not mean that I wish to pass on that legacy to you."
"Oh." Estella said, not knowing what else to say. "What was it you were talking about earlier? About my mother's mistake and wanting to protect me?"
Staring at her face searchingly, Severus inwardly sighed. Part of him wanted to be honest with her and lay out all of his cards much like she had just disclosed things to him, but he just couldn't shake the residual fear that she would hate him for it, regardless of how compassionate she had shown herself as capable of being.
"Nothing of importance." He said distantly, the mask sliding back over his face. Seeing her eyes glint in suspicion, Severus settled for a half truth. "I could never understand what your mother saw in the man." He stated quietly, his eyes focusing on the fire distractedly as his mind was lingering on memories long past. "In light of his… history I felt it best to protect you from his influence." He paused, searching for the right words. "I would rather you had not met him the way you did… I feared that he may have attempted to bewitch you with the grand notion of his innocence." He straightened up in his chair and looked at her levelly, almost sympathetically. "Though it seems his mind is too far gone to be so strategic."
"Why did you tell everyone about Remus' condition?" Estella asked suddenly, curiosity getting the better of her.
"I have reason to believe he intends to assist your father in taking you away from me." Severus said, leaving out the reasons why Remus would ever want to do that.
"Why?" Estella asked. "Why would Remus want to do that? It's not that you have ever kept him from seeing me… well, you kind of have, but only as punishment for something wrong that I had done. I don't understand. Are you sure he would do something like that?"
Caught in a moment of sheer lunacy, Severus did something he didn't think he'd ever do. He told the truth.
"Your Godfather appears to have taken to heart the distant possibility of your father's innocence." Severus confessed, watching as a cascade of emotions washed over Estella's face. The story he had listened to while he was hiding under the invisibility cloak after sending Estella back to Hogwarts with the portkey was fanciful at best, and yet all in Black's audience seemed enthralled by his claims.
"What do you mean?" Estella gasped, a desperate edge to her voice. "Are you saying that there's a chance my father was wrongly convicted?"
"It has recently come to light that your father was not the secret keeper for the Potters." Severus admitted almost painfully, although he did omit the fact that he'd known all along that was the case. "Peter Pettigrew was."
"So that's why my father went after him the night I was born?" Estella exclaimed, her eyes widening in understanding. "But I don't understand, Uncle Sev. How could Uncle Remus think that means my father was innocent? All those people still died."
"All but one, it seems." Severus admitted grudgingly, wondering in the back of his mind if he had somehow managed to dose himself with veritaserum. "Your godfather seems to believe along with your father that Pettigrew somehow survived that night."
'Beware the rat.' Estella's mind cast itself back to her father's words of warning as realisation dawned. Peter was Wormtail, the rat animagus… her Godfather's 'fairy tales' had so much as inferred that fact. But was Ron's pet rat really a 'dead' man in disguise? Did Peter survive that night? Another thought occurred to her… if Peter Pettigrew was capable of faking his own death, and he was the one who betrayed the Potter's, then what if he was capable of also framing her father for killing those Muggles?
"Estella?" Severus' voice shook her back to reality. Her eyes refocusing, she stared contemplatively at her Uncle, who was observing her concernedly.
"If Peter Pettigrew really is alive…" Estella mused aloud. "Do you suppose that could also mean that he framed my father?"
Severus' heart froze. He had underestimated the child's ability to draw conclusions.
"I don't know." He stated truthfully – he did after all, still like to think Black was guilty of killing those Muggles because it made things immeasurably easier for him. "Despite what your Godfather, or anyone may say, there is no proof of Pettigrew's survival. I was there last night and saw no trace of him."
"Then why would Remus believe it?" Estella asked.
"Because… because he once regarded your father as one of his closest friends and he would jump at the opportunity of believing his innocence." Severus said. "He is not capable of having an objective mind on the matter."
"I trust him." Estella stated emphatically. "What if it is true?"
"I will not have you chasing myths, Estella." Severus admonished the hopeful child. "It will only serve to hold you back in life. Don't prove yourself as weak as he is."
"You're right, Uncle Sev." Estella said analytically. "I'm no more capable of having an objective mind on the matter than Remus is."
"That's right." Severus said, his lips twitching proudly. "That's why I have decided on keeping you away from him until he sees reason and stops colluding with your father."
"That's why you told the school!" Estella exclaimed. "You wanted him to leave!"
"On the contrary," Severus said, eying the clock victoriously. "He's already left."
Estella considered her Uncle carefully for a moment. "I can't believe you did that." She said finally. "I don't care what he believes or what he doesn't believe. He didn't deserve that. He was good at his job."
"I admit I did act rather… rashly." Severus conceded. "Though I can hardly change that fact now."
"You really believe he is working with my father?" Estella asked. "That he would endanger me? I don't believe it. He wouldn't hurt me."
"Not intentionally." Severus quirked a brow. "Are you forgetting that this is a man who romanticised you of tall tales of fabled loyal friends, neglecting to acknowledge that they were based on real people? The man is stuck in the past, Estella. No matter what truths are staring him in the face, he is blinded by his desire to get back what he once had. I for one will not endanger you by subjecting you to his judgement."
Tears welled in Estella's eyes, a strange fear gripping her heart. "But I will see him again, won't I?" She managed with bated breath, the last moments she had spent with her Godfather – angry with him – settling in her heart like a lead weight, forcing the breath out of her. "Please, I don't think I… I couldn't… not him too."
Guilt shrouded Severus' heart. Though he had just been more honest with Estella on this topic than he ever had been her entire life, her trust in him was just as misguided as he continued to cover up his own indiscretions. The thought that perhaps Lupin and Black weren't stark raving mad to suggest that Pettigrew was alive and accountable for everything planted a diseased seed of doubt in his mind, and he was reluctant to admit to himself that no matter how much the Gryffindor werewolf was blinded by his desire to have his friend back, the Godfather to his niece would protect the child with his life.
"You will see him again." He assured her, more to appease his own guilt at the pain he could see inflicted on his niece's transparent face. 'I just don't want to let you go yet.'
Estella was not happy to discover that her Godfather had resigned and left the school that very same day. It disappointed her to think that the man didn't appear to even put up much of a fight for her, and she felt badly for taking advantage of his presence over the last couple of months; with her treating him so horribly.
Things around the school were different without him. Her exams passed without incident, and the term quietly wound to a close. Strangely enough, Harry kept trying to approach her – suddenly treating her just like he used to because he knew just as she did now, that Pettigrew was the Potter's traitor. At first she had been curious to hear what he had to say to her, but when he showed no signs of apologising for his actions or even acknowledging the fact that her father had condemned himself to prison, forever changing her life in the process, out of loyalty to his family and to avenge their deaths, she didn't want a bar of it. If her father hadn't been so loyal to Harry's parents he wouldn't have been in the position to accidentally kill those Muggles and he would have been there when she was born and things for her family could have worked out completely differently. The tables had apparently turned, and so she chose to unleash her frustrations out on the boy, much like he had pushed her away.
She'd heard the rumours around the school that it was him who somehow freed Buckbeak and aided in her Father's escape and short of hearing him out, she was extremely angry at how he could be so hypocritical, going to great lengths to ignore him. Even though part of her was exceedingly grateful that Harry had helped Sirius in securing his freedom, another part of her also resented the fact that while she was angry and pushing her Godfather away, Harry got to spend a lot of time with Remus in her stead. Of course it wasn't his fault that Estella wanted to be left alone for a time, but in no longer having the choice to see her Godfather, she hated herself for passing up the opportunity when it as there and she took it out on the ever persistent Harry.
Hormones could be so fickle.
On the last day of term her Uncle had informed her of his intentions to take her to Snape Manor for the Summer. He had witnessed first-hand how 'at home' Estella had felt at her Godfather's – formerly her parent's - London home and suddenly desired to create a home for them both outside of the restrictive walls of their modest school-provided accommodations. Given her previous experience with the said estate, Estella accepted her Uncle's change of heart with a great deal of trepidation.
Snape Manor, as she remembered it from her brief visit several years previously was cold and impersonal, filled with strange dark objects and portraits of stern, mean old ancestors. Such was her initial impression of the place, that she had, at the time, refused to remain there come night fall; and yet here she was being reluctantly coerced into spending the entire Summer there!
Arguing with her Uncle about this, Estella was soon to realise, proved to be fruitless. The snarky Potions Professor had final say on who was allowed to see Estella and Remus Lupin was inexorably struck off that list… and that was the end of it. No matter how much Estella pleaded, begged and rampaged her intense wish to spend the Summer in London, this was one issue her Uncle was not going to budge on. Finally, she began to see the unrelenting, cruel and uncompromising greasy git of a Professor that the rest of the Hogwarts students saw. For years, she had looked upon her Uncle's 'act' in the classroom with a sense of detached amusement, but now, in these different circumstances, feeling the weight of his stubborn wrath bear down on her, breaking her, she came to the stark realisation that irrespective of the mask he wore, they all formed a part of who he was.
Staging a silent protest by refusing to converse with her victorious Uncle, Estella spent the first week of Summer holed up in her new bedroom, sulking. She could tell that her Uncle had evidently had a team of people in, working round the clock to make the house habitable… for the improved décor and ambience was much more homely and inviting. Well, as homely and inviting as a Snape Manor could be. While the rooms had not yet been repainted ("I thought I would consult you on colour schemes," her Uncle had suggested on the first day in a failed effort to get her to talk. "This will all likely be yours one day, after all") the dark objects had been cleared away and the portraits replaced with 'kinder' relatives.
It wasn't London, but it was a start.
Severus had explained to her that under normal circumstances, as his only heir, she would receive his old bedroom; or perhaps that of her mother; but as neither room had been touched in close to 15 years, he thought he would give Estella a chance to see for herself how her mother had lived in the house all those years ago. If she decided then that she wanted to take her mother's room, she was free to do so; but until then she had been placed in one of the guest suites. Severus himself, occupied his childhood bedroom, for the master suite - his parent's room – was much too disturbing.
Begrudgingly, Estella was silently happy with the rooms assigned to her. All right so evidence of her parent's love and dedication to her were not evident in its comparably impersonal design, but it catered to all of her needs. The floors were of a dark, polished wood; the high ceilings – white – decorated with ornate cornices and gold leafed ceiling roses. The walls were a blood red, with a white ledge that ran the perimeter of the wall segregating the wall in half, with a embossed red and gold leafed wallpaper flowing to the high white skirtings on the floor. The same pattern on the wallpaper carried through as a predominant foundation to the ornate oriental rugs, and complimented the richness of he mahogany furniture and stone fire place. The room was large, containing a wide desk in front of the Tudor windows, a leather lounge by the fire, and a huge four poster bed with a conversely cream coloured bedspread. Various lamp tables bearing vases of fresh flowers, a tall, deep wardrobe and matching bureau and a bookshelf full of an assortment of oddities completed the scene. All in all, it reminded Estella of a five-star Muggle Hotel room, which of course was complete with its own en suite bathroom. With a window that overlooked the seemingly endless gardens of the Estate, Estella felt like she was trapped in a gilded cage, miles away from the world.
Admitting that she was going to be there for the long haul, Estella reluctantly unpacked the many trunks she had packed. Twelve years calling the dungeons home, Estella had accumulated a surprising amount of stuff. It felt strange to be packing it all up, but her Uncle explained to her that she should no longer consider Hogwarts her permanent home. He said that while she was always welcome to visit him in his quarters during the school year, the spare bedroom Severus had made her own was now a place for temporary lodgings. Part of her was happy at the fact she was becoming more like the other students in basing her home outside of Hogwarts, but at the same time she was going to miss the convenience of being able to fetch from her room whatever miscellaneous item she had happened to forget to pack in her school trunk. Of course, she was also demonstrably sour at the cost this change had come at… for she knew her Uncle's motives lay in misdirection.
Her uncle would not even permit her to floo, or Merlin forbid write her Godfather; and she hated not being able to resolve things. Not only had she and her Godfather parted on bad terms, but if the man had since found evidence that would suggest her father's innocence, then she felt she had a right to hear it. She knew her Uncle believed it all to be folly, but Estella needed to hear it firsthand – needed to see the look in her Godfather's eyes as he told her – before she could make up her mind. She had heard him call himself Sirius' friend in the Shack… and it just about killed Estella not knowing why. Assuming her father's guilt, did that mean Remus had turned evil? Or was her father innocent (or at least Remus believe so)? Either way she wanted answers, and her Uncle was keeping her from them.
Shortly after unpacking her belongings – the personal touch of books, photos and personal effects making the room all the more hers – Estella set out to explore her Mother's room. Opening the door, she quickly realised that her Uncle wasn't kidding when he had said no one had been in there since her mother: the room looked like a moment preserved in time. The bed was unmade – looking as though it had just been slept in – clothes were strewn on the chair, and a quill lay poised over a half finished letter on the desk. It was eerie how normal everything looked… it was as though her mother had simply left the room to go to the bathroom and would walk in the door any minute. In actual fact, she had fled the room in a panic using a emergency portkey some 15 years previously.
Estella's grandfather, apparently, was a very unforgiving man, and in publicly announcing her engagement to Sirius, Selina Snape had embarrassed – not to mention openly defied - her Father and his plans to betroth her to the son of a family friend. The only reason Selina had stayed at the house at all was because she didn't believe in living with a man before marriage and she had anticipated that her father would not take offence at the directions her heart was compelling her to travel. Sadly, Snape senior was furious when he found out his daughter's intentions, and would have forcibly married her to his chosen suitor that night had she not dropped everything and fled, never to return.
The closet, therefore, was still full of her mother's robes – all charmed with a preservation spell – and the desk, shelves and drawers proved to be a treasure trove of discoveries. Having never actually been inside the bedroom her parents had shared in their marital home, Estella could not get enough of the room before her. Whilst none of the robes fit her, and many of the books she had already seen before, it was the little things that touched her the deepest – bringing her closer to her mother than she had ever felt before. It was the scent of her perfume on the dresser, the unique colour of the ink she wrote with at her desk, the photos and old letters in the drawers.
She'd always assumed her mother and the former Lily Evans were good friends in school (the woman was after all her Godmother) but it wasn't until she read the extensive array of letters from the Muggleborn witch that her mother had painstakingly collected over the years that she truly appreciated just how special their friendship was. It touched her heart and warmed her to know her Mother had such a friend, and she regretted not having a person in her life that she shared anywhere near the same level of trust and loyalty with. Whether her aloofness was a side effect of her Uncle's influence, or her mother's absence, she wasn't sure, but as she got to learn more and more about what kind of person her mother was she wished she was more like that.
There were letters there also from her father to her mother… but in light of things they were something she couldn't bring herself to read just yet. She likened it to someone catching their parents in 'the act'. Still, her mother's desk – a roll top – with all its drawers and compartments was a place Estella found particularly interesting. For instance, she was certain that not even Severus was aware of the fact that before she had set her sights on Sirius, her mother had a more-than-platonic relationship with none other than her Godfather! By the nature of the letters, it appeared that the pair had kept their short-lived 'special friendship' under wraps from the whole school – liasing by morning owl to arrange private rendezvous. Now, Estella had always known that Remus had cared a great deal for her mother – both her parents – but why he hadn't shared this with her was beyond her comprehension. Apparently, the end of the 'relationship' was amicable… both agreeing that with Remus' lycanthropy and her family it would never be able to evolve into anything more serious. The letters did not stop there, however, for the pair corresponded as friends right until the time Selina left the manor – and most likely beyond. Remus' tone in his letters suggested that he was genuinely happy and supportive that Selina had found love with Sirius, but Estella couldn't help but feel sorry for the man. It was something out of a Shakespearean tragedy, how things had turned out for them all.
Putting the letters away where she'd found them – she wanted to disrupt the room as little as possible so that she could somehow preserve her mother's presence that little bit longer – Estella came across a hollow wall in the compartment… a false wall. Curious, she pried at the edges of the wood with her finger nails, levering it outwards so that she could see what was hidden behind it.
It was a time turner.
No sooner had Estella pulled out the delicate chained artefact and deposited it in her pocket did a loud pop behind her send her shooting up from her chair, wand raised, to see what had happened.
Standing there, in front of her, holding a Muggle spanner, was Remus Lupin and Sirius Black.
End Chapter: Strange Start to Summer