Noxius

Disclaimer: All of this is based upon the lovely J.K. Rowling's work

Warnings: Character death and slight language.

Part Six: Revelations Redux

I put my head in my hands, and the diary I am holding falls to the ground. The pages are rumpling, and I realize without much surprise that I just don't give a damn about it.

Why should I care about an object belonging to a dead man – if he is even worthy of such a title? Why should I care about the diary that contains the ramblings of a grief-stricken mad-man?

The answer: I don't!

Now that I am thinking about it, I realize that I don't really care about the man that wrote in the diary either. Come to think of it, I am glad that Remus is dead! I am glad that I killed that back-stabbing bastard. If I had the chance I would do it again…

Without hesitation.

Without trying to reason with him. Without trying to save him.

I would just use the Killing Curse and go on …because it is no less than what he deserves.

HE KNEW! That bloody monster knew!

He knew that Voldemort would try to lure Harry to the Department of Mysteries – Albus had actually confided in werewolf, thinking that he… it was trustworthy. He even knew why… that bloody bleeding bastard knew! And what's more… he knew that Sirius would be the lure to get Harry there. He knew but did he do anything about it.

Did he tell anyone? … No, he didn't.

He didn't even tell anyone… For the sake of the Maker… he didn't even tell Dumbledore… much less Sirius himself!

It's all here, in his own handwriting, he knew. He knew that Kreacher had left to go to Narcissa… he knew what that house-elf would tell her about Sirius and Harry.

He knew all these things, but he didn't tell anyone. He didn't think to warn anyone.

But for the life of me, I can't think why.

Why? Why wouldn't he tell us? Why wouldn't he tell Albus, our wise leader? Why wouldn't he tell Sirius, the one he loved above all others?

It just doesn't make any sense.

But it's his handwriting, his diary; I checked it over with every possible Auror trick known to man – or woman. This is, without a doubt, both his diary and his words.

And I guess that just makes my blood boil more. To know that this is most definitely his… to know that he all but betrayed us. He knew things that could have saved Sirius; and, yet, he did nothing.

He even knew the prophecy, though it was Albus that entrusted him with the knowledge, and he still went after Harry. He knew that it was his fault Siri died, and he knew that blasted prophecy, but he still tried to blame and kill Harry!

What, by seven hells, is wrong with this man? Does he possess no ability to think? Or is he really this stupid?

Wait, I should probably not ask myself that question because it is readily apparent that he is most certainly this moronic.

He knew that my loveable, kind, wonderful, sweet, passionate, perfect Harry was completely and totally blameless, and Remus still tried to kill him.

…And to think that I ever loved this man. I must have been deluding myself.

The only emotions that I feel for him now are contempt … and sadness.

How could do this? How could he forsake everything for petty revenge against someone he knew to be innocent? How could he not tell his brother that his life was in danger?

Was it jealousy? Was he jealous that Sirius loved Harry more? Was he jealous that Siri would risk his freedom, his life, his very soul for Harry?

How could he do this? How could he do this to Sirius… to Harry… to me?

How?

I stare at the diary that is lying half open on the floor, and I come to the realization that I never really knew Remus at all. I never loved him either, at least not romantically. I loved the idea of him … the idea of the loyal and loving friend… but that's not Remus… it probably never was.

So why don't I tell them, the Order… why don't I tell them the truth? Why am I still protecting him?

I sigh, bringing my hands to my throat and the necklace encircling it. A gift from Sirius… and I have my answer. I'm doing this for Sirius. I am doing this because my cousin loved Remus – don't ask me why … but he did. I am doing this because even after Remus had believed him to be a murderer and let him rot in Azkaban… Siri still found it in himself to forgive the bastard.

I am doing this for the man that Molly still accuses of being irresponsible and reckless even after his death. While at the same time, she holds Remus to be the pinnacle of light, grace, and all that it good in the world.

I am doing this for the man that the entire Wizarding World fears and despises; while seeing people like Nott the Death Eater as fine, upstanding citizens. I am doing this for the man that Dumbledore refused to trust with his own son's life; while trusting child-abusers and mistreaters like Snape. I am doing this for Siri, who was – and probably never will be – appreciated by anyone save his son and me.

I am doing this because it's what my cousin would have wanted me to do.

Noxius: culpable, guilty, responsible, blameworthy

Ever Hopeful,

Azar