Noxius
Disclaimer: All of this is based upon the lovely J.K. Rowling's work
Warnings: Character death and slight language.
Part Eight: Murderer
Murderer…
They don't have to say it, but I know that they all think it.
Murderer…
All of their eyes are watching me, staring at me… wondering if they have gone insane or if it is true.
Murderer…
I just want to cry. I just want to scream at them and say that it wasn't my fault.
Murderer…
They all think that I have joined Voldemort. They all think that I have betrayed them, that I am some sort of spy.
Murderer…
Their eyes scream retribution. Never mind Azkaban, they want to kill me outright. They want to punish me for a crime I didn't commit.
Murderer…
I wish that Harry was here, but at the same time I don't. I wish that he could be here because he loves and would believe. I am glad that he isn't because he should never know that Remus tried to hurt him, he should never have to know that I am a killer.
Murderer…
I really wish Kingsley was here. He understands, he knows the truth. But he is away on a mission for the Ministry right now – of course, something like this would happen when I need him the most.
Murderer…
What can I tell them? The truth? How could I ever tell them that? Would they even believe me?
Murderer…
What am I supposed to say? That I killed Remus to save Harry? That he just went mad, that he knew all these things all along, and he still tried to blame my son.
Murderer…
But it's not me that's a murderer, it's him. I tried to do the right thing, I tried to reason with him, but he just wouldn't listen. I tried to save him.
Murderer…
I just didn't have a choice. I just didn't… I didn't know what to do. I couldn't let Harry die; I just couldn't. He means too much to me. He is only a child, no matter how adult-like he seems. He is still a child, my child, and he needs guidance.
Murderer…
So I had to make a choice, and I haven't regretted it for a moment. Remus knew what he was doing. He knew so much, and, yet, he didn't think to tell any of us. This is all his fault.
Murderer…
But they won't understand. The Order won't understand. These people who are supposed to be my allies and friends won't understand. All they know is that Mad-Eye has evidence that I killed Remus. All they think is that I am a betrayer, that I am using Harry and will turn him over to the Dark Lord. All they think is that I am a spy; I'm related to the Malfoys after all so it's not much of a stretch.
All that they know is that I am a murderer… and for that I deserve to be punished.
But what they don't see, what they don't know, what they don't understand is that living with the knowledge of our real betrayer…
…Well, that's punishment enough.
Noxius: culpable, guilty, responsible, blameworthy
Ever Hopeful,
Azar