Noxius

Disclaimer: All of this is based upon the lovely J.K. Rowling's work

Warnings: Character death and slight language.

Part Nine: Disclosure

I told them that I wasn't a spy. I told them that I wasn't a Death Eater. I told them that I killed Remus to save Harry. I told them that Remus went mad, that he knew Sirius was in danger and didn't say anything… that he didn't warn us. I told them about Remus' diary and that he knew the prophecy – though I didn't mention what it said… and that he had endangered us all.

And all Dumbledore said was, "I know."

I sit here now with Kingsley's hand in mine. He squeezes my fingers tightly, rubbing his thumb across them as we, the Order, stare at Albus in horror.

"You knew?" Moody asks incredulously. I have never before seen him look this surprised… not even the time the twins charmed Kreacher into a purple dancing hippogriff. He stares at Dumbledore in shock, both of his eyes are glued to the man. "Bloody hell," he murmurs to himself.

"Yes." And Dumbledore's blue eyes lose their twinkle.

"But how?" Molly asks, looking as though her whole world has been turned upside down.

"How?" Arthur demands, and it is the first time I have ever seen him angry. "What about why?"

Dumbledore sighs and closes his eyes. "I informed Remus of the prophecy after Sirius' escape from Azkaban and before our discovery of his innocence. I wanted him to know exactly what was at stake." He hesitates before continuing, "As you have no doubt surmised, it deals with Harry, though I will not disclose what it says."

"…Well, what does this have to do with anything?" Bill asks with agitation. Charlie and Poppy Pomfrey nod their heads in agreement.

Albus once more sighs. "I entrusted Remus with this information should anything ever happen to me… I … I wanted him to be leader in my stead should the unthinkable happen." At that moment, Dumbledore looks every bit the hundred and fifty years he was. "… I thought that out of everyone he would be the most trustworthy and the least likely to be suspected with the information. Neither the Ministry nor Voldemort would ever think that a werewolf would have such a position in the Order."

"…But I still don't see what this…" McGonagall starts, adding in her three Knuts worth. Her green eyes are glowing with insuppressible horror.

Moody interrupts, "And how did you not know that he was mad… wait, don't answer that." He shook his head, one grizzled hand rubbing his face. "None of us knew either. How did we miss it? How did I miss it?"

"But how did you find out?" Hestia Jones inquires suddenly from her seat between Sturgis Podmore and Elphias Doge. Across from her, Dedalus Diggle trembles.

Dumbledore shook his head and says one word, as though it would explain it all – and it did, "Fawkes?"

"Fawkes?" I question, finally finding my voice.

"Yes, Fawkes was the one who initially sensed something was wrong. He and the castle brought it to my attention when Remus visited Hogwarts over the last Christmas holiday. They told me that the felt something wrong within him, something twisted and broken."

Mundungus, who had looked shocked before, is doubly so after the mention of a sentient castle.

"But what… what caused this?" I ask in a very small voice, once more Kingsley squeezes my hand.

"I'm not sure," Albus answers, looking lost and uncertain. "But I think it has been a long time coming. I think that it was stress… the stress of losing his only family, of facing so many transformations alone, of finding out that he punished his brother when he was innocent." He exhales, his eyes conspicuously shining with liquid. "It just became too much when Voldemort came back, especially since Remus secretly blamed Harry for that. He felt that Harry brought Tom back, that it was Harry's fault that he had returned. He also blamed Harry for putting Sirius in danger; he felt that without Harry, the Potters would have never been targets, that the entire Secret Keeper fiasco would have been avoided." Albus actually flinches at his own words.

"But that's not true!" both Kingsley and Molly shout, several others also voicing their opinions.

"Everyone knows that the Potters were in danger anyway simply because Lily was a Muggleborn Slytherin," Kingsley continues alone. "Add to that the fact that she dare pollute," he snorts at the term, "a pure-blooded line like the Potters… well, they might as well have painted targets on themselves."

"They were in danger anyway, without the blasted prophecy – regardless of what it says," Molly states warily through her now evident sobs.

"I know." Albus responds shakily, "But that is how Remus felt."

In the background, I see McGonagall shudder and watch as Flitwick wraps an arm around her. "Why didn't you say anything?" the tiny professor asks as he comforts his wife.

"I couldn't be sure what was happening; there was no way of knowing if he was having some sort of breakdown or if it was something else." Dumbledore exhales slowly. "I had Sirius…" He winces at the name. "…watch over him, see if Remus was behaving oddly. Just before he di… just before the Ministry, he mentioned some odd behavior. We were going to confront Remus after the school term ended."

We all stare at our Head in dawning sympathy and understanding.

Albus inhales softly. "I just didn't think things had gone this far along. I just didn't…" Dumbledore looks as though he would cry at any moment… and he isn't the only one; the entire Order was close to tears. Even Moody was sniffling, valiantly fighting his emotions. Snape, however, was the only one that doesn't look as though he would cry… he doesn't look like much of anything in fact. He'd been dazed by my initial revelation and hasn't responded since.

I envy him for that, I wish that I could just sit here in a catatonic state. But I can't… I have to hear this; I have to know. A single question burns in my mind. A question that I just have to ask.

I squeeze Kingsley's hand before looking at Dumbledore. "What… what are we going to do now?"

Noxius: culpable, guilty, responsible, blameworthy

Ever Hopeful,

Azar