Disclaimer: You know already.
This story is dedicate to my Grandmother, who passed away on 22-1-2005
AUTHOR'S NOTE: THIS CHAPTER IS VERY DARK, SO BEWARE!
Author's Note 2: This is NOT the last chapter of this story, so keep reading!
Disclaimer: The line 'shut up and kiss me' comes from the movie "Another Life".
To flamers: I don't take kindly to flames so back off, if you know what's good for you.
Thank you for your reviews!
SweetSouthernGal: Ops, thanks for pointing it out!
missradcliffe: (handing you a piece of tissue) actually they died on New Year's Day, just a few seconds after the Big Ben struck twelve. You will see them again, I promise. This is not the last chapter.
old-crow: Unfortunately, they are not…
Masked Phantom: She's already buried beside Harry… Ron and his family and friends thought that they were just close friends back then so they buried them together…
J.E.A.R.K Potter, Mystical Angel 5: (hands you a piece of tissue)
S2 l0ve emma xo: Thanks!
The Lady Luthien: Err…
Lune-Lovegood-Weasley: Here, take a piece of tissue…
the write café: It is almost done
CrisPotter: Thanks!
Lily Watters: Good luck in NYFA!
Chapter 32: 31st of December 2003
Dear Diary,
I'm not going to forget the events for today and yesterday, never. I did something really, really, terrible to Harry.
I had betrayed him.
But Harry didn't blame me. Not a bit.
You would probably think why his reaction was like that. Let me tell you what happened…
Yesterday afternoon, after Harry went out for work, I went to our bedroom and changed into my black striped shirt, a light blue jumper and a pair of jeans. Then I tied my hair up and put on a bit of makeup.
After I had checked myself to see whether I was wearing my clothes properly, I Disapparated to my old house.
Once I appeared at my old house, I knew straight away that Viktor wasn't around. The windows were shut tight. But I let myself in anyway.
After I got into the house, the first thing I did was to go to my old bedroom, to get the things that I didn't take away last time. I looked and searched around for any items I had left out. I found a photo album featuring me and my family. Then a box of jewellery that I seldom wore…
"Maybe you can wear them during yours and Harry's wedding." said a voice in my head.
I giggled. Well, I guessed I had to keep the box.
After I had make sure I had taken everything, I Disapparated back to Harry's and my house to put away my stuff, since I knew Viktor wouldn't be back soon.
Then I Apparated back again. It was already 5pm.
Bored, I took the Floo powder and threw it to the fireplace.
"24 Demeter Drive London!" I called after I put my head through the fire.
After a while, I could see Ginny playing with her daughter.
"Ginny!"
Ginny looked towards the fireplace and put down the doll she had in her hand. She came to me, smiling. "Hi Hermione! How are you?"
I smiled back. "Fine. I'm going to do something really big!"
"What is it?"
"It's a secret." I said mysteriously. "You will know tomorrow."
"Hm," said Ginny and thought for a while. "Does it have anything to do with Harry?"
"I'm not telling." I sang.
"All right, at least tell me is it a good thing or a bad thing?"
I smiled slowly. The thought of Harry and me celebrating my freedom… "Yes, it is a good thing."
CRACK
"Oh, I better go." I said quickly.
"Come to my house on New Year's Day, Hermione, get Harry along too. I want to know what's all the fuss about…"
I laughed. "We will visit you, bye."
"Bye."
I got my head out of the fire and stood up. Viktor was standing in front of me with a surprise look on his face.
Silence.
"Vot are you doing here?" he asked.
I don't like his tone, Diary, I really don't.
"I have something very important to discuss with you." I said coolly.
Viktor folded his arms. "Vot is it about?"
I took a deep breath. "About my divorce."
Viktor let out a breath of frustration. "Not again! I told you, Hermy-own-ninny, I'm not going to sign the papers!"
He sat down on a chair.
"You have to." I said calmly.
"Why should I?" snapped Viktor. "If I sign, you and Potter will be together and the whole world will know that my wife dump me!"
"Viktor," I started and I kneeled down beside him, so that my eyes could level with his, "you don't have to tell the whole world that I dump you. Just tell the press that we don't have feelings for each other anymore."
Viktor didn't say anything.
"Viktor, I'm begging you." I pleaded. "I will do anything for you if you just sign."
Viktor stared at me. "Anything?"
I nodded desperately.
A smiled spread across his face slowly. "Tell you vot, you be my loyal wife again for tonight…"
"You mean, stay with you?"
"Not only that."
"What else I have to do?" I asked slowly.
Viktor leaned forward to me, he was so close that I had to move back slightly.
Then he reached out and ran his fingers through my ponytail. "Hermy-own-ninny, when is the last time I've seen you in your birthday suit?"
My eyes widened. I realised what my husband wanted.
"O-on our wedding night." I whispered.
"That's right." said Viktor, his hand caressing my cheek slowly. "Oh how I long to see it again."
I was silent.
"Surely a smart woman like you would know vot I vant by now." he said, running his finger on my collarbone.
I turned my head away, closed my eyes and swallowed as Viktor continued to caress my skin with his hand.
"Isn't this a good exchange, Hermy-own-ninny? You be my obedient wife again for one night and sleep vith me, and I'll give you, the thing that you desire in the entire cosmos!"
I opened my eyes and suddenly I could feel Viktor's breath against my ear.
"Your freedom." he whispered slowly and clearly.
I gasped and turned my head sharply at him. Viktor smiled and leaned back on his chair. "How about it? A night with me in exchange for a life of being single again. I will sign the papers if everything goes well."
I stared at my husband and thought hard. "If I sleep with Viktor, I will be single but I will be betraying Harry as well. If I don't, I will be Mrs Krum forever. What if I tell Harry that Viktor signs the papers and skip the part of me sleeping with him? But I will have a guilty conscience…"
"Who cares? As long as Harry is happy…" said another voice in my head.
I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and opened them again. "I will do it."
"Good."
"Ginny, if Harry asks you about me, tell him that I'm staying over at your house." I said urgently to my friend at the fireplace a few minutes later.
"Why?" asked Ginny at her front room in bewilderment.
I was about to answer when I saw Neville reading a picture book with Lethe in front of fireplace. She was sitting on his lap, looking at the pictures with interest.
"Hermione?"
"Just one night, and you will gain your freedom and the right to marry Harry…" said the voice in my head.
"J-just tell him if he asks you. It's important." I added.
"Well, okay. But…"
"I got to go." I said quickly before Ginny could ask any more questions and withdrew my head out of the fire.
"So, the princess is not going to tell the prince that she is in the hands of the devil now, is it?" asked Viktor behind me, folding his arms with a smirk on his face.
"No." I said firmly.
"All right, now go and prepare dinner for me."
I got up and made my way to the kitchen slowly.
Dinner was unbearable. Viktor was smiling as he ate. I kept a fixed smile on my face, but in my mind, I kept on wishing that the person who was sitting across me was Harry. The peas tasted like pebbles and the mashed potatoes were like mud to me, even though I was the one who made them by magic.
When dinner was over, it was already 8pm. Viktor and I just went to the front room and sat there, reading. Since all my books were at my new house, Viktor would read his newspaper while I read the history of magic in Bulgaria, one of Viktor's old school books. Don't get me wrong, I like reading, but really, with my mind on Harry, I just couldn't concentrate on the book.
Back then, I was wondering what was Harry doing at home. Was he worried about me, was he looking around for me and so on.
In the end, the book remained open at the same page in my hands for ages as my thoughts went back to the man that I truly loved.
Finally, 11pm came and Viktor announced that it was time for bed. My 'exchange' had finally begun. Slowly, I followed my husband up to his bedroom, where his bed was big enough for the two of us.
Viktor didn't turn the lights on. He closed the curtains and ordered, "Take off your clothes, Hermy-own-ninny and go to bed."
Hands trembling, my hand reached up and removed the band that tied my hair. Then my other hand joined it to remove my jumper. Slowly as if in a trance, I unbuttoned my shirt, then I proceeded to undo my jeans.
Finally, I stood naked, my clothes surrounded my feet on the floor. I stared at my clothes in a daze, wondered what would happened if Harry saw me.
"Come on, Hermy-own-ninny." said Viktor and I looked up. He was already in bed with his clothes off.
I walked to him like a robot and once I was within his reach, Viktor grabbed my hand and pulled me down into his arms.
If Viktor was Harry, I would have been smiling.
Viktor kissed my forehead and whispered, "Don't worry, I would be gentle."
He sounded like he was sleeping with a prostitute.
I felt like a witch whose soul had been sucked by a Dementor. My brain acted as through it was dead. I felt nothing as Viktor kissed and caressed my skin…
I went through pure torture throughout the whole night, sleeping with the man that I no longer loved. Viktor wasn't satisfied with my reactions and forced me to make love with him over and over again until he was contented. (I felt downright shameful even as I was writing this entry now) Finally, when everything was over, he turned and fell asleep, while I lay awake in the darkness, listening as the clock ticked.
The sun rose and its sunlight went through the curtains.
It was already 9am. I was still awake.
I turned my head and found that Viktor was still sleeping. Thinking that I could leave after my 'exchange', I got up.
Viktor grunted and opened his eyes slightly. I forgot that he was a light sleeper.
He turned his head and saw me sitting up on the bed, my upper naked body visible.
"Leaving?" he asked, his voice hoarse.
"Can I?" I said quietly.
"Hm…" said Viktor, reached for his clock and looked at the time.
Silence.
"All right, you may leave." he said and put the clock back.
Soundlessly, I got out of the bed and picked up my bra.
"Don't you want to take a bath first?" asked Viktor when my back was turned.
He was smirking at that time, I knew it.
I shook my head, put on my underwear and took my shirt. I wore all my clothes back on and tied my hair into a ponytail again.
I walked towards the door and paused.
"You have to keep your end of the bargain, Viktor." I said, without facing my husband. "Since today's New Year Eve and tomorrow is the New Year, I doubt that Neville will come for work, but I shall be expecting you to meet me on the day after tomorrow. I will tell you the time soon."
"Sure." said Viktor.
Without another backward glance, I opened the door and left.
I didn't go straight home, Diary. I was depressed. I felt like a slut, a prostitute and like what Viktor always called me, bitch. I was guilty of betraying Harry like this. I had no courage to face him anymore.
So I just kept on walking aimlessly. I walked through Diagon Alley and back to the muggle world, my mind was in a mess. I couldn't focus clearly on what I was thinking.
I hated everything about myself, right down to my dark blue and sliver sneakers. As I walked on the side of the bridge near the Houses of Parliament, I wished I could just jump into the River Thames to redeem myself.
Suddenly I came to the thought of breaking up with Harry. Sure, he would be upset and so do I, but at least he wouldn't be heartbroken if he found out that the woman he loved had slept with her so-called husband to get the freedom she always wanted.
The more I thought of breaking up, the more determined I had become. Then I laughed bitterly to myself. What an ending it turned out to be. Hermione Granger married Viktor Krum but had a love affair with Harry Potter, in the end she didn't get either man to herself.
"Maybe I should buy my parents' house and live there. And I will die as an old spinster, with the picture of Harry Potter in my hand…" I thought to myself as I walked.
SCREECH
I turned my head and saw a solid black Porsche stopped right beside me. Then its owner came out, wearing the turquoise shirt and jeans that I knew so well. He wasn't looking very good. There were dark circles under his green eyes and his hair was messier than usual.
"Hermione!"
I froze. I felt the colour being drained from my face. For a moment, Harry and I just stood at our places. Then I turned and ran as fast as I could.
"Hermione, wait!" yelled Harry.
I ignored him and kept running. I heard Harry slamming his car door shut and the sounds of his running footsteps.
Harry was well-trained in his running after catching so many dark wizards, it didn't take long for him to catch me around the wrist.
"Hermione!"
"Let me go, Harry, please!"
Harry didn't let go. "Not unless you tell me where you have been!"
I stopped struggling and stared at Harry. "I-I thought G-Ginny…"
"You told Ginny to lie to me." said Harry with a mixture of anger and sadness in his voice. "I asked her about you last night and she said that you were at her place. But Ginny wasn't a very good liar, I saw through everything straight away. I forced her to tell me everything!"
I swallowed nervously.
"Where were you last night?" he demanded. "I didn't even sleep last night and I had been searching for you ever since 6am this morning!"
I closed my eyes and opened them again. I saw nothing but desperation in my boyfriend's eyes. I took a deep breath and let it out.
"H-Harry…" I said quietly. "Let's break up."
Harry blinked. "What?" he whispered.
Silence. A cold wind blew past us as if on cue. It blew Harry's hair wildly.
Harry let go of my hand and grabbed me tightly on my shoulders with his both hands. "What! Why!"
I turned my head, couldn't bear to see the crushed look on his face. "Just don't ask me why, Harry…"
"Is it because of me? Or is it because of your marital status?"
"Don't talk to me about my marital status again, Harry..."
"Didn't we agree that no matter whether you are still married or not, we will still love each other?"
"Harry, you are hurting me!" I cried, his hands were gripping my shoulders so hard that they hurt.
Harry let go.
"Hermione, look at me, please!"
I did and by that time, tears had already rolled down on my cheeks. "Harry, we are just not meant for each other in this life…"
"We are!" said Harry stubbornly. "We are supposed to be together! But I was slow and stupid enough to let you go during our schooldays in Hogwarts…"
I shook my head. "We are not."
Harry stared at me. "I-is there something wrong, Hermione?"
"Harry…"
"I lost my parents when I was one!" shouted Harry in a tired voice. "Then I was being thrown to one of the worst families in England even before I had the ability to protest. I finally got to know my godfather when I was 13 and what happened? He died two years later! The Weasleys like me but I feel like I'm an outsider! For the 23 years of my life, I wish I have someone to love me and will not make me feel like an outsider. I finally got you and now you say…"
"HARRY, YOU WILL DETEST ME IF YOU FOUND OUT WHAT I DID TO YOU!" I screamed.
That shut Harry up completely. He looked at me with his eyes as big as dinner plates. I wished I could keep my mouth shut.
"What did you do to me?" said Harry in a low tone.
"I-I…"
"What. Did. You. Do?" asked Harry.
"I went to ask Viktor to sign the divorce papers…"
"And?"
"He will sign them on one condition."
"Which is?"
"I-I would be his loyal wife again and, and…"
"What?" asked Harry in panic. "And what?"
"And sleep with him." I said, barely audible.
Harry's hearing was excellent, so he had no problem hearing that. "WHAT!"
I was still for a while and said, "And I-I did. You see, Harry, I had betrayed you and your love for me. I'm not worthy for you to spend your life with. I actually slept with the man that you and I hate in exchange for my own freedom. So just let me go."
I turned and started walking. I wiped the tears away from my cheeks as I went.
"Hermione!"
I kept on going.
"Hermione, oh this is stupid… Come back here!"
I just kept walking.
Harry caught up with me and grabbed me on my shoulder again. I stopped. He turned me around to face him.
"Hermione, you didn't do it willingly, did you?"
I shook my head slowly. "But I have betrayed you all the same…"
"No, you haven't."
I blinked at him. "What?"
"You slept with Viktor Krum in exchange for your freedom. Our freedom. Think about it, Hermione, if Krum signs the papers after this, we are free to marry each other!Your 'sacrifice' was worth it."
"I did think about that at first, but I…"
"I don't blame you, Hermione. You are guilty of sleeping with Krum. And I'm glad that you are. That means that you are still loyal to me. I will break up with you only when you are truly and completely unfaithful to me."
"You don't blame me?"
Harry shook his head.
"Not a bit?"
Harry shook his head again.
"But…"
"Hermione… shut up and kiss me." ordered Harry.
I looked at him and he was grinning. I realised that Harry wasn't angry with me. He still loved me after he had found out everything!
"Gladly." I said and threw my arms around his neck. With that, we kissed each other passionately. That really made me warm inside. I felt like I was alive again.
Harry was right, we were meant for each other in this life.
After the kiss, Harry put his arms around my shoulders and led me back to his car.
Harry did everything to make me feel better. He brought me to our home and straight to our bathroom. He filled the bathtub with warm water and the both of us went in with our clothes off. Since I didn't wash myself from yesterday, I felt extremely relaxed in the water as Harry washed my hair and ran the soap across the skin. As Harry washed my body with the showerhead, I felt that my sin had been washed off as well.
After our bath, I stepped out and Harry immediately handed me my clothes, which was a lavender jumper and jeans. Smiling, I took it and put it on. I felt so much better already.
Wearing a light blue shirt and trousers himself, Harry bought me down to the front room. We sat down on the sofa and he asked me gently what I wanted to do.
"Read me a book." I said.
Harry was surprised. "What?"
"Just read me anything."
Harry thought for a while and got up. He went upstairs and came down with one of my favourite books, The Life of Cleopatra. He sat down and I snuggled up against him while he opened up my book. Harry put his left arm around my shoulders.
"Let's see… hm, Cleopatra was born in…" he started.
For the first few minutes, I was listening. Cleopatra was one of my favourite historical characters, she's so fascinating… but my eyelids were getting heavier as Harry continued to read. I struggled to keep awake, but yesterday's event had worn me out. Finally, my tiredness won and I fell asleep.
When I woke up, it was already 3pm, and it was drizzling outside. I shifted slightly and found Harry sleeping as well, his right arm draping over my body.
My stomach growled. I finally realised that I hadn't eaten since yesterday. I got up, tried not to wake Harry up. But he woke up when I bumped his leg as I tried to make my way to the kitchen quietly.
"Where are you going?"
"To the kitchen, I'm hungry." I said truthfully.
Harry looked at the clock and got up. "I need to have lunch too; I haven't eaten a decent meal since yesterday afternoon."
We went to the kitchen to do our favourite: sandwiches. Then we sat down at the table in the dining area, discussing what we would do after Viktor signed the papers. Harry suggested that we go for a vacation again and we agreed on going to America's Disneyland! Wow, that is going to be so much fun!
After lunch, Harry and I went to watch TV, which featured a comedy again and this time, we really laughed at the funny parts that the movie was showing. Once the movie was over, we continued to read my book. We managed to read the whole thing.
I remembered that I needed to explain to Ginny about my actions last night so I 'called' her over the fireplace.
"So you ask me to lie to Harry, because you two have quarrelled and you don't want him to find you?" asked Ginny.
"Yes." I lied.
"So have you guys made up?"
Harry joined my head at the fireplace. "Of course!" he said, grinning.
We were lying, I know, but we didn't want to tell her that I had slept with Viktor, she would faint if we did.
"Good. Hey, do you two still want to come to my house tomorrow?" said Ginny.
"Sure." both of us said in unison.
"Great, looking forward to see you two again…. got to go, I could hear Lethe crying at the backyard."
"Bye!" we said.
As 8pm approached, Harry made a suggestion of dining out.
"It has stopped raining anyway, so after dinner, we could hang out in London! We could go and join the New Year's countdown at Trafalgar Square, it's going to be cool, and they will have fireworks and all that! So how about it, Hermione?"
I thought for a while and smiled. "Okay, but I have to write all this down on my diary first."
See how I respect you, Diary?
"All right, I'll go and do some paperwork while waiting." said Harry.
That was what happened, Diary. I couldn't believe that Harry still loved me after he had found out what I had done. I'm so lucky to have him in my life.
I hope that Viktor will keep his end of the bargain and sign the papers. After he has signed the papers, I will be completely FREE!
Ops, I have spent almost two hours writing this entry. Harry has done his work and is waiting for me downstairs.
Ineed togo now, Diary. I will tell you how Harry and I spend the rest of the New Year'sEve and how we spend New Year's Day with the Longbottoms tomorrow night. Bye!
Hermione