He looked around victorious, the wind ruffling his blond hair softly as he watched the base explode. Arms planted victoriously on his hips, legs a shoulders width apart, he was the image of the greatest man in the universe: Ace Rimmer!
He turned from the scene of burning wreckage to look at the woman beside him, who was gazing at him with eyes full of adoration and worship. Her long brown hair flowed down her bare back, covering the open backed gown she was wearing. She moved towards him, grasping onto one of his arms with her delicate ones and rested her cheek on his bicep.
"Oh Ace." she breathed softly. "You're my hero. How can I ever repay you?" She looked at him with a small smile. "I know what men like, it is the only way I can even begin to thank you." And with those words she pulled herself close to his face, and gave him a small kiss on the lips. Ace looked at her in bemusement.
"No need Ma'am. Seeing you alive and beautiful is all the payment that I want and need." He raised one finger to her lips and smiled at her. "Now, I'll take you back home to your fiancee my dear. And not another word ok?"
She nodded and followed him closely to his motorbike. He got on and motioned her to take a seat behind him. "Hold on tight beautiful. No point in slipping off and me having to save you again." He shot a grin at her before revving his engine and heading off at high speed with her latched around his waist.
He dropped her off as quick as he could. (Which wasn't quick enough since he got held up with her parents and her fiancee and the citizens. Smeg, that's annoying.) and as he left he could faintly hear them say, "What a guy!"
Every day was like this. Every smegging day. Rimmer was so sick of it, he could just puke. He had become Ace, the self satisfied smug git of the universe. The lady-killer, the hero. And he couldn't take it much longer. After he had finally dropped the princess off at her palace (which took a while, she didn't want to get off of him.), he then had to deal with her father, her fiancee, the citizens. Bah! It was too much. And he couldn't even be himself.
He sat in the cockpit of the Wildfire, sipping some hot tea with milk in it (Cow's milk of course. He was never going to try Dog's milk, leave that to Lister.) to soothe his throat. It was hard to imagine it, but his voice became really sore and strained after hours spent talking like the hero Ace Rimmer. And he had learned what would happen when he would lapse into his regular voice. The last time he did that it was on accident, and he almost got shot at by the young men who were trying to help him rescue their country from a fascist dictator. He sounded, too weasily then, they said (Just like Kryten, he muttered softly) and they didn't believe it was him until he raised his hands, said something in his Ace voice ,(in this case "Hey laddies! Don't smoke me as a kipper eh?") and explained that he just had a cold.
Rimmer chuckled into his tea, surprising the computer.
"Oh Aaaace!" it sang to him, almost making him choke in surprise. "It seems your spirits have been raised. What are you thinking about?"
Rimmer looked at the screen. "About the irony of killing the Fascist dictators that I used to worship and look up to. And the fact that I don't seem to really care anymore."
The computer looked at him from the console, frowning a bit. "How does that raise your spirits then?" she asked, her green eyes looking at him out of her delicate visage, framed by brown hair. (It was a pity that she couldn't do much about it being a computer and all. Sometimes she would just wish she could be a hologram, just like Ace. But that's another story entirely.)
"It didn't." came the reply, short and to the point. The computer sighed. "So you didn't get laid by the girl again Ace? I would think that with your popularity, you would easily be able to get laid. I mean, really now. I'd help you with that gladly, but as you can see, I am unable to do what i want." Rimmer glared at her.
"What?" she asked innocently, before looking at his face and huffing. "How come you can't just be like the other Ace's Ace. They would have been glad after their missions. They would have had fun. And they wouldn't be sitting at the cockpit moping, drinking black tea and coffee between sucking cough drops. I mean really, you are an Ace. It's in your blood. Why do you always have to regress!" And with that, she winked out to go sulk in the memory banks and reminisce on all the other Ace's and her secret fantasies with them.
Rimmer sighed. "He wasn't lying when he said that Martha made miscalculations over him. I'm surprised she didn't try to find a way to plug me into her so she could do what she wanted with me." he muttered under his breath before getting up and looking at the view-screen. Nothing, no messages, nothing.
"Martha!" he called out to the computer. "I'm sorry ok? But I need your help, you beautiful temptress you." He flashed an Ace smile, cringing inside at his actions. 'What could have made me such a supreme self centered git? I blame the wig.' he thought as he waited for Martha to appear on the screen. He didn't have to wait long.
"Oh Ace. I knew you couldn't be upset for long. What would you like me to do, you lovable hunk you?" Martha giggled slightly, a bit set off from the computer whiskey that she had downloaded just seconds earlier when she was pouting.
Inwardly Rimmer cringed. He knew he did something wrong, and he was guessing that Martha was at the compu-whiskey again. 'I don't know why she even bothers with drinking the stuff. And that often. Am I so different from the other Ace's?' "Oy you dollface. Actually, I need to get a tiny bit of R and R. I was wondering if you could put your perfect handling skills to the test and man the ship while I rest?"
Martha giggled and blushed looking at him coyly. (He was always amazed when she did that. It was something that all the girls he saved did. Only they had hands, and body language to go with it, while Martha was just a head.) "Of course Ace. I'll be glad to. Don't mind me, and get your beauty sleep!"
Rimmer went to his room, and looked at the computer screen. "Lock and privacy.' He said out loud, eliciting a slight sigh from Martha as she turned her attention back to space. Waiting for a second to see if Martha was still there, he decided the coast was relativly clear as he peeled the wig away from his head. Dumping it onto the table in the middle of the room he went towards his bunk and collapsed on it, grunting a bit as his flight suit grew tight from that position and the fluff on the back of the neck put his head in an odd position. He sat back up, and began to strip from his flight suit, finally getting down to just his white shirt and regulation boxers. (From his universe at least. Martha used to tease him for wearing that instead of the usual Ace Rimmer bedtime outfit, which was conveniently nothing. Mainly because Ace's normally don't sleep with clothes on. Nor do they sleep alone. But that is besides the point.) Finally free of the Ace legacy for just a few minutes he fell back into his bunk and went under the covers.
"Why did I leave Starbug to do this anyways?" he muttered to himself as he passed his hand over his forehead, lingering on the spot where his H used to be. "I don't even enjoy the job much at all. Saving people and risking my neck, I never was cut out for that. And even the supposed perks don't actually make it worthwhile. I can't believe that now, one of my adult fantasies practically comes true, and I don't even care."
He lay down reminiscing on his past on Starbug and Red Dwarf, trying to find a better time in his life, however he could only remember one scene. The one time he could have told his friend how he really felt. The one time he truely realized how much his room mate, and bunk mate meant to him. And how much he had screwed up in his past. He closed his eyes, aiming to go to sleep, wishing to be back on the Starbug and that all of it was a bad dream. Wishing, hoping, that for once, the symbol that he had lived with for 6 years would return. The symbol he had detested with all his being, the symbol that was a bane and the chain that dragged him to the conclusion that he was dead, and life was not worth living, and that he should try to find a way back to life. Instead, he was trapped with more insidious symbols. A wig, a voice, a flight suit, and sunglasses. Oh what he would give to have his H back.
Listers face appeared in his mind, "Come on Rimmer. You know you are glad that you're leaving. I mean, at least you can just pretend that something bad's happening to me, like I've died and whatnot. Isn't that what you always wanted? You're always asking what's going to happen to me. At least you can get away from me and shag all the smegging women that you want." he said, the past conversation coming back to slap Rimmer back to reality.
'He didn't realize, and he didn't care. He just wished you were gone, just like you wished he was. Why aren't you happy Ace?' the voice sneered at him. 'Why, he might be dead now, while you were still off training and being a general cowards in the first few weeks. Remember we got a few distress calls eh? But what does it matter. You got all the girls that you want.'
"But all I want is him!" Rimmer said to his doubt and misgivings. And right when the darker side of him decided to retort, his bunk shook, hard. Rimmer's eyes snapped open as he rolled out of bed quickly, using the light bee remote to get himself instantly dressed, and put his wig back on.
"Privacy off!" he snapped to the screen and Martha came on. "What's wrong Martha?"
"Nothing much Ace. Just hit a rather wicked solar wind. Sorry to hurt your nap, but while we were riding, I also got a distress signal. From dimension 157, the one right next to the one you came out of. It's from the mining ship Red Dwarf. They have an odd cry for help. It seems they want us to go to yet another dimension and save the last surviving member of the crew. One Arnold Judas Rimmer."
'Oh Great. Not another one of me.' Rimmer thought to himself before looking back to Martha. "Wait a minute. What dimension is the ship that we need to get to and save another Rimmer from?"
"The same one you came out of. And that Rimmer belongs in that dimension apparently as well." Martha stopped in mid sentence. Rimmer looked at her in confusion.
"Wait a minute. How does that... Forget about that Martha me dear. Set a course. The best way to find out what's going on is getting it straight from the man himself."
Martha smiled. Her Ace was coming back. "All right.. Brace yourself. Checking, 1, 2, 3..."
The world swirled in a mass of color and light.