Lost But Not Yet Broken
Chapter 3. Breaking the Habit
MD: LoL. I don't know if any of you have noticed but I'm screwing around with my chapter titles so don't be surprised if they don't coincide with the content in the chapter. Truth is I'm naming them by the first thing that I pull out of my ass. *ahem* I mean rear. LoL. Damn I don't think I should write with a sugar high but oh well who knows this may be my best chapter yet mauahahahahah. Update on Demon Tears chapter 8 is done I wrote it it's done about 22 pages on paper so god knows how much that is typed. TAKE IT UP WITH BLACK DRAGON LADY FOR THE LACK OF UPDATE. She's my beta and the one posting the chapters under her name.
*cough* fanfiction.net removed it from my account due to a violation *cough* bastards *cough.
BDL: you're whining again.
MD: am not I am merely stating a fact.
BDL: sure.
MD: bitch!
Severus: god not again please!
Draco: um do I show up in this chapter at all.
MD: DEPENDS ON MY MOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Draco: *gulp*
Disclaimer: yeah ok I'm not going to repeat myself. Who ever actually has the balls to sue me shall be considered the stupidest DUMBASS in existence.
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When this began
I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind
Linkin Park [Meteora] – Somewhere I Belong
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Fire is such an intriguing substance isn't it? Red, orange, and yellow all mix together and flow as one. All creating flames hotter than Hades, devouring everything around you. They can also cause great pain. They lick at your skin tearing and burning away flesh slowly before they've burned so deep that the pain is no longer there. They can melt each other and drown themselves in a blaze from hell and yet for Harry Potter they've always been some sort of comfort. When he could he would always enjoy the fire watching the intricate dance of flames on flames. His most common punishment had always been in front of these flames thus, as he endured the pain, the agony, the blaze of those colors always soothed him allowed him to stand where his body wanted to fall and break. They'd made him strong.
Now he stood in front of the raging inferno which licked at his bloodied and marred skin. A thousand confused thought racing through his mind. Many of which he paid no mind except for one – one that he continued to chastise himself for. 'I failed.' He had angered this man whose very presence emanates danger, he had performed dismally and now he would endure this man's punishment. 'Punishment is what it is. I would have received it either way' thought the emerald eyed child indifferently as he removed his shirt and moved to stand in front of the fire to wait for the tall slim man who would surely be much worse than Vernon Dursley ever was.
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Lucius landed with a resounding thud on the hard oak wood floor of Severus' second study which was a few door down from the study where Harry was waiting. Rubbing his rear as he stood he waited for Severus to arrive, a well placed death glare on his face for good measure. (AN: favorite for those glares SHI NE! = die! Lol)
Moments later Severus stepped through the fire easily, a smirk played on his features as he caught hold of his friend's glare of death.
"You do know that as a death eater, my death glares are an omen of what's to come right." stated the silver blonde man as he continued to glare but not as strongly as before.
"Yes. And I know for a fact that you are afraid of frogs and I happen to have plenty of them at my disposal right now." sneered Severus.
"That was low."
Severus only smirked but his eyes continued to give nothing of what he was thinking or feeling.
"Yes well, we should be going to my other study that is where the boy is." stated Severus as a matter of fact.
Lucius smirked at him his eyes holding a mix of shocked amusement and malice "tell me Severus why I should help the-boy-who-lived hmm? After all I am a death eater, what makes you think I won't turn you in and kill him now where he stands?"
"Because you've known I was a spy for over eight years, if you had intended to ever do it you would've done it a long time ago."
"Point. But the kid, I have no ties to the kid….."
"No, you don't." Severus let the sentence stand and simply stared in the aristocratic man's eyes.
Lucius sighed; sometimes he really wanted to pull out that damn stick that was always up Severus' ass the man could be impossible sometimes. However, Lucius had been the raven haired man's friend since childhood thus; he knew the man's way of thinking better than anyone. Although truth be told Severus could be insufferably cryptic.
"Fine, let's go see your golden boy." said Lucius sarcastically as he followed the stoic man out of the study. They trekked slowly down the few doors that separated the two studies. Once in front Severus quietly opened the door and stepped in, followed by Lucius. Both men stopped abruptly at the horrifying site before him. Both men drowned in their thoughts of shock as they stared at the young emerald eyed boy who kept slouching and then straightening, desperately trying to remain standing. 'Did he stand this entire time?' wondered Severus before his mind immediately left the question and returned to the sight that had first knocked him into undeniable shock. Harry was facing the fire his back facing the two wide eyed men. The boy's back was riddled in criss-crossing scars, many old and new. The scars ranged from short jagged ones possibly made by a belt buckle that extended onto his shoulders and arms. Others were long and deep, one running from the right of his neck line to the left of his hip, remnants from a heavy leather whip. Some began at the base of his waist line and disappeared under the baggy, raggedy pants that the boy wore.
"By Merlin." gasped Lucius completely aghast.
The sound of the silver blond man's voice announced their presence to the boy. Severus had regained control of his mask by then and hid his second shock as the boy turned to look at him. Behind him, he could feel Lucius fighting to not retch as they saw the front of the boy resembled his back closely. Although their were slightly less scars on his front many were covered in recently dried blood that signified the boy having been recently beaten and whipped before Severus had come to his aid. Severus noted a few small almost inconspicuous scars marred the boys cheeks as the light from the fire settled on his features, glorifying the hideous reminders of what this boy had been through for eight years of his life. Severus continued to stare; emotionless onyx into apathetic emerald. Suddenly, the boy tore his eyes away and once again faced the roaring fire. One quite but firm sentence escaped the boy's lips "I'm ready for punishment, sir."
Lucius was to say the least completely and utterly shocked. When Severus said there was some mental programming that needed to be dealt with, the silver blond hadn't expected this. How could the boy possibly have endured for so long? Another question that rose was that from the looks of it the boy had been standing there since the moment Severus had left to Malfoy Manor because he could hardly even stand let alone stay awake.
"Well Severus, at least he's well disciplined." said Lucius getting over his initial shock.
"Not funny." said Severus as he glared dangerously at his friend.
"For those without a sense of humor." muttered Lucius.
Severus ignored the muttered retort and turned his attention to the dangerously slim boy in front of him. He attempted to call him but apparently the boy still had not gotten accustomed to his name because the boy had not even flinched. Severus tried again this time stepping silently behind the boy and placing a firm hand on his shoulder. The touch caused the boy to involuntarily flinch. Lucius had an amused smile on his face as he observed the talk raven haired man attempt to speak to the boy. However when the boy flinched and then immediately straightened as if he had done something akin to a sin, the silver eyed man frowned. Lucius awoke from his musings by the sound of Severus' voice.
"What are you doing?" Lucius winced at the unintentional harsh tone that came out in that one sentence.
"Punishment. Sir." said the boy as if it were the most logical thing in the world for an eight year old to be beat.
Lucius stepped up to the boy quickly, knowing that Severus was in need of some help. He knelt in front of Harry who blinked repeatedly wondering why a pale blond man was staring at him with a smile.
"Harry is it. Well listen Severus here isn't like the other man you were with ok. If he wanted to hurt you he'd just kill you see." Lucius had to stifle a laugh as he saw Severus' eyes widen in mute fascination of what the blond had just said to a traumatized boy.
"There are no punishments here, unless you count staring at Severus' scowl everyday."
Clearly the boy was confused but Lucius continued to press on trying to get the boy to understand that his situation was not the same as with the muggles.
"Harry. That is your name you know. I mean think about why, would we call you that if it wasn't your name?" apparently logic was the way to go because the boy nodded in acceptance.
Lucius stood, a triumphant smile playing on his lips as he looked towards Severus who scowled and then turned towards the boy.
"Harry, sit down and wait here." the pale man ordered as he left he study. Harry did as he was told but unfortunately misunderstood the statement slightly for; he sat himself on the floor rather than in the plush sofa next to him.
'Wow. Wonder what he'd due if I told him to fuck off.' Lucius snorted 'too much visual, damn my humor needs some serious tweaking. Too long being a death eater, yeah that's what it is. I wonder if Severus has figured out how to do the killing curse on him-self. That would be an interesting show.' Lucius couldn't help but laugh as Severus stepped back into the room carrying two bottles in his hands. He glared at the laughing Lucius before turning to see Harry sitting on the floor. Raising one eyebrow at the boy he addressed the boy in his most neutral voice possible.
"Lucius, you're an idiot." Lucius looked offended but remained silent as he glared at the potion's master.
"When I said sit down, I did not mean there." Harry looked up into those onyx eyes and stood.
"Where sir?" he asked stonily.
"On the sofa of course." Severus resisted the urge to chastise the messy haired boy.
"But sir, animals weren't allowed to be on the furniture." The blatant acknowledgement of what the boy had been deemed by those sorry excuses for muggles god smacked both men. Unfortunately this also caused Severus to loose his temper, not on the boy but on the situation itself.
"You are not an animal! Do you understand me!" hissed Severus.
"Yes sir." said Harry flatly not moving at all from his position in front of Severus. Severus then handed the small boy a potion and told him to drink it. The boy did as he was told without question. Lucius noticed the open wounds close up leaving pink scars that had yet to fully heal. Then he gave the second bottle and the new scars as well as a few that weren't too old vanished.
Clearly the boy was dumbfounded by the vanishing wounds because all he could do was blink. "I don't understand, Sir." he said, some sort of emotion finally penetrating through as his confusion over took his apathetic manner.
"It's magic." said Severus coldly.
"I mean, w-w-why did ...help…for me?" clearly the boy wanted to know why Severus had taken away some of the pain. Why would someone like him help a worthless little piece of scum as him?
"Because you needed it. Now come along you need to bathe." said Severus.
"No."
Severus and Lucius turned towards the boy shocked at his blatant refusal to bathe.
"You need a bath, boy." hissed Severus.
"No." came the cold retort.
Before Lucius could handle the situation Severus had grabbed Harry by the arm ignoring the wince from the boy and dragged him up to the bathroom. Releasing the boy roughly he ordered him to take a bath and be out in twenty minutes, turned and slammed the door shut leaving a motionless Harry standing there.
"Tact has never been your forte has it Severus?" asked Lucius amusedly.
"The boy clearly hasn't been that traumatized if he can resist a simple request as a shower." sneered Severus.
"Severus, don't even think what you are going to say because I will Cruciates your arse for being so blind." said Lucius a warning tone in his voice.
Severus glared and remained silent.
"Look, Severus it's clear the boy acknowledges you for some reason, whether it be because he sees you as his new owner..." Lucius stressed *owner* making a disgusted face at the implications of the word "…or he just thinks you're dangerous."
"I think I would prefer the latter." said Severus.
"No you don't. Neither is good, you my severely snappy friend need to get him to understand that he is one; a person, two; a child, three; living with you – that poor kid just doesn't get a break does he?"
Severus merely stared at the pale blond before he shook his head turned and walked back into the bathroom.
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AN: muahahahaha! I'm not a bitch, I'm the bitch and that's Miss Bitch to you! Chapter four is done. Not the way I wanted but done none the less. Evil cliff hanger you think? Nah! I'll have chapter five asap promise. Oh but please REVIEW! It gives me motivation it does. I'm sick and look I've typed this up for you guys. So keep it coming REVIEW!!!!!!
Draco: and again I was not in this chapter.
MD: you'll show up soon promise.
Harry: why don't I want to bath I mean god I reek!
Severus: I know. Do stay down wind.
Harry: 0.0 *glare*
BDL: oh that was low.
Sev: thank you I learn from the bitch.
MD: Hey! It's MISS Bitch to you! Mijo!