Sheppard groaned and rolled over onto his back, hugging himself tightly. "Son of a bitch, that hurt," he gasped, blinking rapidly to clear the green spots that hovered in front of his eyes.
"He's alive," Zelenka quickly told McKay as the man came barreling through the door. The scientist still had one hand still on his radio's earpiece and a look of anxiety on his face. Breathing a sigh of relief at the major's near escape, the Czech watched the expression on Rodney's face cycle through fear, relief, then exasperation in a mere matter of seconds.
"Don't start with me, McKay," Sheppard warned through gritted teeth as Rodney opened his mouth to deliver one of his patented lectures on stupidity.
The scientist seemed to consider doing it anyway but then closed his mouth without a word and offered Sheppard a hand up instead. The minute their fingers made contact there was another, smaller, flash of green and both men jerked their hands back with a curse. Sheppard looked at him accusingly.
"Must be residual build up, like static electricity," explained Rodney. Reaching out his hand again, he snapped his fingers impatiently as Sheppard eyed it warily and hesitated.
The major reached up and received another zap for his efforts. "Damn it! That's not funny, McKay!"
"That shouldn't have happened. You should have grounded the first time we touched," Rodney said, perplexed. He rubbed his own stinging fingers absently against his thumb.
Zelenka bravely offered his hand to Sheppard instead, but the major waved him off with a wry, "Thanks, I'll manage." He rose unsteadily to his feet and stood swaying a bit until he steadied himself with a hand on the wall. He twisted from side to side, wincing a bit as the various bruises made themselves known. "See, I'm fine," he assured the worried Czech cheerfully.
"Why don't you let me be the judge of that, Major," came the soft burr from the doorway. The doctor was leaning against the doorway, though if you looked closely, you could tell he was still panting slightly from having rushed to the scene.
Sheppard blinked in surprise, then turned accusing eyes on McKay, "You called Beckett?"
Rodney crossed his arms but said nothing.
"You're such a fink," he hissed.
"Fair's fair, Major. I believe you put a call into the infirmary not too long ago yourself," said McKay, obviously referring to the physician's visit of the day before.
"This isn't some bloody game, you two!" Beckett snapped, waving Sheppard to a chair.
It was bad enough being poked and prodded when it was absolutely necessary. "Look, Doc, I'm fine. McKay's just being…"
"As I understand it, you just electrocuted yourself, Major," interrupted Beckett pointing to the chair with an authority that brooked no argument, dropping his medical kit on a small table beside it when Sheppard capitulated.
McKay crossed his arms again and rocked back on his heels. "Technically, it's not electrocution since the ancient power system converts..."
"Rodney," interrupted Beckett, effectively cutting off the explanation before the scientist could really get going with it. Automatically reached for the major's wrist, he got a zap for his effort. He shook his hand briskly, trying to diminish the sting. "What the hell was that?"
"Static electricity," said Sheppard sarcastically as he narrowed his eyes in displeasure at McKay.
Beckett cautiously put his stethoscope to Sheppard's chest. A small green spark appeared when it made contact with his skin and the major jumped at the contact.
"That's like no static electricity I've ever seen," said the doctor.
"He's holding some sort of charge. Don't ask me to explain it because I don't understand it myself--yet. But it doesn't seem to be doing him any harm unless someone touches him," volunteered McKay.
"Thank you, Doctor McKay," said Beckett, turning back toward his patient.
"You didn't feel that?" Sheppard asked him suspiciously. He was still rubbing his stinging chest where the bell of the stethoscope had made contact with his skin.
"No, but I saw something..."
"The rubber ear tips must have insulated you," said Rodney snapping his fingers. "I think I have something in the lab, hang on a sec." He walked briskly out of the room and Radek shrugged in reply to Beckett's inquiring look. The scientist returned a few seconds later with a pair of heavy rubber gloves.
Beckett looked at the ungainly black and yellow gloves skeptically but pulled them on and reached for Sheppard's arm. The major deliberately scooted his chair back a foot with a look that said he definitely had some unresolved doubts when it came to being touched.
"Don't be such a baby, they're just little zaps," needled McKay.
Sheppard shot him an annoyed glance but reluctantly scooted the chair back into range, gritting his teeth in anticipation as Beckett lightly touched his arm.
"Anything?" asked both Beckett and McKay at the same time as Zelenka looked on curiously from behind them.
"No, it's okay," said Sheppard, wincing a bit as Beckett tightened his grip on his wrist in an attempt to feel his pulse through the heavy rubber.
Immediate problem apparently solved, McKay goaded, "Didn't I tell you 'eight centimeters'?"
Sheppard shrugged. "Maybe next time you should use real measurements, like 'inches'."
"Why you Americans insist on using your outdated standard of measurement is beyond me. The rest of the world has managed to convert to the metric system, Major," groused McKay.
"The metric system lacks character. Besides, if the whole world jumped off a bridge…" said Sheppard, obviously baiting the scientist as he allowed Beckett to help him to his feet.
His patience wearing thin with the both of them, Beckett put up a hand when it became clear McKay was planning on following them to the infirmary to continue the argument. "Rodney, don't you have some repairs you need to work on?"
McKay's face took on a shocked expression and he jogged over the wall to assess the damage as Beckett escorted Sheppard out the door. "Damn it!" he shouted in a fit of pique and frustration. "He shorted out the whole thing!"
oOo
"How are you doing?" asked Weir as she entered the infirmary and caught sight of Sheppard sitting on a nearby exam table, looking utterly bored but relatively unscathed.
He shrugged. "I got zapped."
"So I heard," she said dryly.
"I'm fine." Seeing Beckett approaching, he quickly asked, "Can I go, now?"
"How is he, really?" Weir questioned before the doctor could respond to Sheppard's plea.
"Bugger if I know," Beckett replied. "None of our scanners work around him. All we get is static. If we touch him with anything metal, like a heart monitor sensor, he gets zapped and the machine goes haywire." He rubbed a hand across his face, tiredly. "It doesn't seem to affect the ancient devices. As far as we can tell from that equipment, he seems to be in relatively good health--though I'd rather confirm that with my own instruments." He turned to Sheppard, "And yes, you may go, Major, provided you come back this evening for another check."
Sheppard leaped off the bed and put a hand on the wall to steady himself. "Head rush." He felt better almost immediately and let his hand drop.
"It's your body's way of telling you to slow down," admonished the doctor, watching the man critically for any other signs of distress.
"You did say I could go, right, Doc?"
"Yes, I did, provided you come back this evening." At Sheppard's disarmingly charming smile he added, "If you don't show up, I will assume this recent adventure has affected your memory and will therefore have no choice but to keep you confined here a few days for observation."
Sheppard's smile faded slightly. "I'll see you this evening then, Doc."
Beckett nodded his head knowingly as the major left the infirmary, "You will now."
"This week just gets better and better," remarked Weir, watching the door slide shut behind Sheppard's retreating form.
"Aye," agreed Beckett.
AN: Please! Weir thinks this has been a bad week so far? Bwha ha ha haaaa!
I found in my research that Liberia (in western Africa) and Myanmar (aka Burma, in Southeast Asia) also have not officially adopted the metric system, but I doubted Rodney would keep up with such things.
For all you non-Americans (and those of us who had the metric system in the 6th grade twenty-odd years ago and never saw it again) 2.54 centimeters make one inch.
Now if anyone tells you reading fanfic is a waste of time you can ask 'em if they know where Myanmar is and how many centimeters make an inch ;-)