Demons of the Past
Ch. 10 A Life-Changing Decision
Author's note: I just wanted to thank all of my reviewers! You guys are awesome! I promise on my love for Erik that Christine and Erik will meet again in the next chapter! I hope that you like this one…it was hard to write, for some reason. Anyways, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I wish I owned the Phantom of the Opera…then I would hide it away and keep for myself! BWAWAWA! (P.S. J/K)
Previously:
Erik's voice grated Elisabeth's ears; it was full of anger, and hatred…and sadness?
"Glad that you recognize me. It has been a long time, indeed. Are you happy to see me, Mother?"
Elisabeth looked at her mother in shock and disbelief. She yelped in fright as her mother fainted dead to the ground.
And now, on with the story…
Erik watched with dead eyes as his mother fell lifelessly to the ground. He felt nothing…nothing but the dull pain in his heart. The world seemed in slow motion. Why was Erikthe only one that could see the colors in the black and white void around him? He was vaguely aware of the young boy screaming; the sound was far off in the distance. Elisabeth was motionless, still standing slightly in front of him. Elisabeth finally turned and looked at Erik incredulously.
"Mother...did you just call her 'mother'? What kind of deceit is this?" Erik ignored her, turning his attention to the woman on the ground. His body moved of its own accord, his fingers brushing his mother's neck slightly, checking fora pulse. It still beat soundly, and Erik turned his attention to Elisabeth.
"Unfortunately, I do not speak falsehood, though I have no intentions of discussing things with you. Anita seems fine. Does she have fainting spells often?"
Elisabeth came to bend down beside her mother. "Only every time she doesn't get her way, or we displease her…which is all the time." Erik could hear the pain in her voice, and he glanced at her questioningly. "Now is not the time for a discussion of me, Erik. Now is the perfect time for a discussion about you! I want answers, and I want them now! Who the Hell are you!"
Erik sighed. "I will spare you the details, Elisabeth. They are not important. My…disagreement is with Anita, not her family. I hold no ill will against you or your brother…"
Elisabeth grabbed Erik by the arm firmly. "Answer my damn question! Who are you?"
Erik pulled his arm from Elisabeth's strong grip. "The answer does not matter for you, Elisabeth. Leave me be, and when I leave you can forget about me. Do as I say!"
Erik's voice rose high inside Elisabeth's head…she almost wanted to agree…but she shook her head.How could Erik understand? She didn't want to forget about him, not at all."No…please…"
Erik heard the pleading in her voice, and was shocked to see tears forming in her eyes. "Why are you crying?"
Elisabeth frowned, angry with herself for showing such weakness. "Nothing. We need to get my mother into the house. Nathan cannot find her here."
"Nathan?"
"My stepfather. A bastard of a man that ever lived. He would sooner kill first and ask questions later, so you must not be found here. And my mother must be back in the house."
Erik shook his head firmly. "I will not touch her!"
"Erik…"
"No! I refuse to touch the spiteful demon that ruined my life! She can rot there for all I care!" Erik turned from Elisabeth sharply. He started to walk away, when a voice interrupted his steps.
"Going so soon, son?"
Erik whirled around sharply as Anita rose unassisted from the ground.
Erik found himself in Anita's small bedroom. The interior of the house was exactly as he remembered as a child, but he felt no comfort with the familiarity. Instead, he felt a deep seated uneasiness and despair. Erik was finally here, confronting the demons of his past, and he had no idea what to say. He stood mutely in the corner as Anita closed the door behind her. There was an audible click as the lock fell into place. Anita regarded her eldest son coldly.
"What do you want from me? An apology, perhaps? Or perhaps you've made yourself believe that it was all a mistake, that I did not know what type of life I was condemning you to…well, don't kid yourself, boy, I knew exactly what I was doing."
"Why? Why did you put me through such Hell? I was your son…" Erik's voice was low, and as he spoke the words seemed almost to catch in his throat. He felt the angry and rage rise in him like a hissing snake, and he yelled out: "I AM your son!" Erik felt the confidence return to him. He would not let his mother get the best of him. Erik was her better, not her equal.
Anita seemed to diminish under her son's rage. The bravado and the fake façade of confidence fell away to reveal the true, sniveling woman standing before her towering son. Erik came towards his mother, causing her to fall across the bed.
"I have waited for the moment when I could see your face…I planned the moment in my mind where I would be able to deal out the pain I have had to endure, all these years…I wish nothing more than to snap your little neck right now; but I'm afraid that would be too quick of a justice for someone like you." Erik reached out with a gloved hand and touched his mother's cheek. She flinched, and did not meet his eyes. The touch harden, and Erik grasped Anita firmly by her chin. "You can't even stand to look at me, can you? This boy…who has grown into a man…I have killed, Mother. I am not a stranger to the feeling of blood on my hands. I could end it all for you…give me a reason not to, Mother, and I will spare your life…"
Anita tried to escape from her son's cruel grasp, but she found that he was too strong. She did the only thing she could…she raised her free hand and removed her son's mask. The reaction was instantaneous; he recoiled from her, hastily covering his face in his hands. Erik moved away and turned his back on his mother. Anita, sensing her chance at his weakness, spoke:
"Ah, it seems I have found the method to control you, beast. You are not strong enough to kill me…I am your mother, after all. You can't even accept your monstrous appearance yourself; how can you blame me for what I did? I have deep pity for you. I was able to rid myself of you, but you will never be able to rid yourself of the deformity that mars your face."
Silence followed; a deep, harsh silence that was filled only with the occasional sharp breath from Erik. He was facing the window, staring out into the darkness that was his only refuge. The words of his mother flowed through his veins, until he finally understood. He hated himself…not the world, not his situation, not even God who had made him so…he loathed himself more than he loathed his mother. The knowledge filled him, but it was neither harsh nor terrible. Erik closed his eyes. He had found what type of man he was…he was a man in denial about his whole existence; and it had taken his wicked mother to point that out to him. He smiled as he turned to face his mother, who winced in horror at his appearance.
"You are right, Mother. I hate myself, more so than I hate you. But I do not deserve hatred anymore. I will not be ashamed anymore! You will face me, Mother, and you will understand!" Erik came forward swiftly and grabbed Anita by her arms. She screamed and pleaded, begged and sobbed. Erik did not release her.
"Look at me, Mother…You called me the 'sin of your flesh' didn't you? I was innocent…I was INNOCENT! You took that from me! You took my innocence...You don't deserve to live…"
Erik dropped his mother unmercifully to the floor. She lay there, crying loudly. Erik glanced at her in disgust. "But you are too pitiful to kill. I want you to live the rest of your days in the knowledge that I came here…and I saw you…and I have demeaned you unworthy to be called my mother. You are a pitiful wrench. I have lived my life hating you…but I do so no longer. I am a man…not a monster."
Anita stopped crying. She reached up for her son. "Please…I'm so sorry…I'll do anything you ask…my husband, Nathan, he has plans for the girl…horrible plans. I know I have not been a mother to any of my children…but please…don't leave me in this Hell! End it for me, Erik...if I had the courage I would do it myself. The guilt...the pain...it is too much for me. Please, kill me now; snap my neck for a painless death...
Erik smiled. "No. You have given me reason to spare your life.I intend to leave you here, Anita. I will abandon you as you abandoned me. You will not suffer as much as I have...this is surely true. It matters not to me; you will never know the scope of the pain I have endured because of you. Suffer in silence, Anita, for I will know…suffer for me…feel the burns of a thousand needles of pain. For I have endured that, and much more. Goodbye, Anita. We will not meet again."
Elisabeth pulled her ear away from the door. She had heard enough…enough for a lifetime. Elisabeth knew her mother was a cold and cruel woman, but she had no idea that she was capable of such a horrendous deed. Her own son…how could she do that to her own son! Elisabeth thought back on her own years with her mother. Perhaps escaping, no matter how terrible the consequences, was better for Erikthan staying here trapped. Elisabeth had felt like a slave within her own house ever since her father had passed on. She cooked, cleaned, cared for Brian, and did anything else that popped into her mother's or Nathan's head. She longed to be free of her horrible surroundings, but she could not leave her youngest brother alone…and while she was sure that she had not earned her mother's love, Elisabeth still felt responsible for her well-being. If Elisabeth left, her mother would die…Elisabeth cared for her mother, no matter what she was subjugated to. But the time was approaching to make a decision...Elisabeth felt sure that the air around her was thick with motivation and anticipation. She moved from the door to lean against the wall, still sitting on the floor. Elisabeth crossed her arms over her knees and hugged them tightly. This could be her chance…she could leave…but how could she ask this of a stranger? How could she ask Erik to take her and her brother away from this place, after what their own mother had done to him? Elisabeth closed her eyes and prayed. I know that there have been times when I have cursed you, God…but now it seems that you have sent me a way to escape…please, have Erik show me compassion…have him understand my plight…
Elisabeth looked up sharply as the door to her mother's bedroom flung open forcibly. Erik stood before her, dark and powerful. He looked at Elisabeth in surprise, and then offered her his hand.
"You really shouldn't have listened to that, my dear. It must have been rather unpleasant."
Elisabeth raised her eyebrows at the extreme understatement. "I had to know…and I didn't think that you or my mother would be willing to tell me." Erik did not seem angry that Elisabeth had eavesdropped; on the contrary, he seemed almost sad. Erik turned away, heading for the door of the house. He stopped, and glanced back at Elisabeth.
"Elisabeth, what you will find in this life is what you make of it. You have to accept your life and make the best of it. Don't live in darkness and hatred, as I have…"
Elisabeth ran forward to Erik, touching him lightly on the arm despite her desperate need to attach herself to him. "What about changing your life when you have the chance? What about not accepting what you have and striving for something better? You are my only chance, Erik…I don't pretend that this isn't some trick of fate. Take me with you to Paris…take me and Brian…let us escape this Hell and begin a new life, as you have."
Shock and disbelief stunned Erik. He looked down at the fire in Elisabeth's eyes, and he pulled his arm away gently. "My dear, a life in Paris might be just as hard as a life here. You don't know what it is you truly ask. I barely belong in Paris…it is a cold, unforgiving place."
"I don't care! Anything is better than being here; being a slave in your own home, being beaten regularly for things that you have no control over…worrying that one day you will wake and find your younger brother gone. If you don't take me, then take Brian! He is still young…he wouldn't be a burden…you could raise him as a son…" Erik shook his head lightly.
"My reasons for refusal are not because I think you would be a burden…you trade one hard life for another. You don't know me, Elisabeth…I could be ten times worse than your stepfather."
"You saved my life; you risked your own to help a stranger…I see the good in you, I see it in your eyes…I don't care about the past. I see a future, and I see it happening because of you. Please, don't leave us here!" Elisabeth's voice was thick with despair. Erik's mind was in turmoil; he had never before been asked to save a life, let alone save two lives! His own blood…it was in his power to help his family. Family…what an alien concept. For as long as Erik could remember, he had been on his own, depending on only himself to survive. When he had met Christine, he had felt a connection forged not from blood, but from the soul…and now he felt a connection to Elisabeth, but he knew it was from the shared blood flowing through their veins. He couldn't turn away and leave, knowing what fate he condemned them to. Erik was not his mother; he could not simply leave and allow fate to do the damage. Finally, slicing the silence with his low voice, he spoke:
"Go now, and gathered some of your things…you must travel light. Is there a horse in your stable that we could take?" At Elisabeth's nod, Erik continued. "Meet me in the stable…you have five minutes. Get your brother, and we leave as soon as we can. Say nothing to your mother!"
Elisabeth scrambled to obey. Eric left the house in silence, heading for the small stable near the lake. What am I doing! How can I take care of two young ones? And what is Christine going to say, when we have one of our own on the way? She will be fine with this, a voice said inside, she will understand your need…She will accept this, and she will love them as her own…Erik smiled a bit. Elisabeth and Christine were similar in age…and Christine will technically be a sister to her. Christine could be a mother to Brian…and a friend to Elisabeth. This could work…and they would have a better life than they do here.
Erik started at once saddling a chestnut mare. The night was almost over…and time was of the essence.
Christine grimaced as Meg entered her small bedroom. Meg laughed at Christine's expression.
"Who did you think I was, the doctor? He won't be here for another half hour, Christine. Stop being so nervous!"
"Well, how would you feel! I don't like his visits at all. They are so degrading!" Christine stood beside her dresser, ringing her hands. She started pacing across the floor.
"What's wrong? Why are you so anxious?" Meg had seen Christine act out during each doctor's visit, but this was an extreme. Meg looked at Christine in concern. "Do you think something's wrong with the baby?"
Christine's eyes focused on something above Meg's head. "I don't know…but I have a feeling that something is just not right. I don't know if it's anything serious or not…"
"Well, it's no use worrying about it now. The doctor will be in and tell you that your fears are without grounds. Now, while we wait, I have to tell you about this guy that I met…he is so cute!"
The next half-hour flew by as Christine and Meg gossiped and laughed. Too soon, there was a knock on the door. Christine glanced at Meg in trepidation, and Meg squeezed her hand.
"It's all right, Christine…it's just the doctor." Christine settled herself in her bed as Meg opened the door. The doctor walked in with a broad smile on his face. He glanced at Christine and sighed.
"Madam, why do you worry so about our meetings? I'm just checking to make sure that you and your baby remain healthy…you would think that you would welcome me!"
Christine smiled at the reassuring tone in the Opera House doctor's voice. "I thank you, doctor, but I can't change how I feel. Let's just get this over with."
Christine closed her eyes as the doctor started his examination. He spoke to himself, muttering things that only he could hear. Finally, the doctor lifted his eyes to Christine's face.
"Everything looks all right down here, Madam. I'm just going to check the baby's heartbeat, and then we're done for the day…stay still, my dear, so I can concentrate…"
The doctor lifted his stethoscope to his ears and touched Christine's stomach with the cold tip. Christine gave a gasp, and the doctor pulled away, grinning sheepishly.
"Sorry, Madam, I'll try to warm it for you…" The doctor blew warm air onto the tip of the cold metal, and tried again. He listened for a long moment; then he changed positions and listened more. Meg watched carefully with a bit of perplexity. Normally, the doctor didn't take this long for this part of the examination…it was a bit of a tradition to end the uncomfortable examination on the joyous note of hearing the baby's heartbeat. Meg exchanged a look with Christine.
"Doctor, is there something wrong?" Meg asked on behalf of Christine. The doctor frowned slightly.
"I'm just making sure…Mademoiselle Giry, come here a moment, if you please. I need a second opinion."
Meg complied, unsure of the doctor's intentions. He handed her his stethoscope, and instructed her to listen. She did, hearing the marvelous sensation of the baby within Christine…she had done this many times; she wasn't sure why this time was special. Then, quite suddenly, she heard what the doctor was talking about. Meg wasn't hearing one heartbeat within Christine…she was hearing two! The emotion of the moment choked Meg, and she felt the tears falling from her face. Unfortunately, Christine misinterpreted Meg's tears, and soon became hysterical.
"What's going on! I knew there was something wrong! Is my baby…is he…dead!"
Meg came to Christine's side in an instance. Christine threw herself upon her friend, crying furiously. Meg held her, then pulled her away and shook her hard.
"Christine, listen to me! Your baby's fine…but Christine, you should be happy. My dear, you're carrying twins!" Christine froze, unsure of the reality of Meg's words.
"Twins…TWINS! I can't believe it…Oh my God…"
The doctor finished putting his things back in his bag, and turned to regard Christine. "Believe me, Madam Massenet, you are carrying twins. But multiples can cause problems in a pregnancy…you are well passed the first trimester, so I fear no miscarriage at this point…but you must be careful! Any discomfort, any pain, should be reported to me immediately. My dear, you are young…and this being your first pregnancy, we must be careful…very careful. Stay healthy, Madam, and continue the limited walking and such. Do nothing strenuous…and you should be fine. Until next visit then, Madam…"
The doctor bowed slightly and left the room. Madam Giry immediately came in.
"Christine, what in Heaven's name is the matter! I heard you shrieking from across the hall! Is something wrong?"
Madam Giry took in Christine's tear streaked face and her own daughter's broad smile. Christine laughed; a joyous laugh that penetrated Madam Giry's soul…
"I am carrying Erik's children, Madam, not just a child…and I can't wait for the look on Erik's face when I tell him!"
Dawn was beginning to steal the night away when Erik decided to stop and rest. His small group had traveled at a furious pace, trying to put as much distance as possible between them and Calais. Erik found a safe spot, well away from the road. He jumped from his horse and moved towards Elisabeth's mount. She was swaying slightly in the saddle from exhaustion, but she had not complained at all. In her arms was Brian, who was sound asleep. Erik took the young boy from Elisabeth, and helped her down from the horse.
"My dear, go to my pack…there is a blanket inside. Spread it on the ground, and we'll put young Brian to bed somewhat properly." Elisabeth did as she was told, and soon Brian was settled nicely on the soft material of the blanket. Erik took off his concealing cloak and handed it to Elisabeth.
"Sleep on this, Elisabeth…I daresay it has become too hot for it anyway. I will tend to the horses…"
Elisabeth hesitated, then took the cloak. "But what about you, Erik? What will you sleep on?"
Erik chuckled roughly. "I fear no sleep will come to me on this day. Don't worry yourself with my well-being. I will keep watch…please, child, you'll soon be asleep standing up!"
"I am no child," Elisabeth grumbled unhappily before complying with Erik's request. The moment her head hit the warm cloak she was instantly greeted with a dreamless sleep. Erik looked a moment over them both before turning to relieve the horses of their various burdens.
Erik found that he had indeed dozed off a bit, for when he next became aware of the time, the sun was shining brightly through the trees. He quickly glanced toward Elisabeth and Brian; they were still fast asleep. Erik began to mentally prepare for the upcoming journey to Paris. How many times would they have to stop for supplies? How long would it take them to go straight to Paris? It pleased Erik to have time for actual preparation. He still did not know how he was going to tell Christine about his discoveries about himself…and the ultimate, tangible discovery of siblings…but he worried naught about her reaction. Erik smiled as he thought of his beloved wife. She would be entering her fifth month of pregnancy…and his opera was scheduled to start soon! The way things were currently going, Erik thought that perhaps they could make it to Paris in about a week and a half's time…just in time for his opening gala! Erik smiled broadly. Things were working out well. Too well, the evil, pessimistic voice said loudly. Erik ignored it.
"Did you manage to get some sleep, Erik?" Erik was startled out of his thoughts by the voice of his sister. He smiled, and patted the bit of Earth beside him.
"Come; join me in the most comfortable patch of dirt that ever existed!"
Erik was rewarded by a laugh, the first true laugh that he had heard from Elisabeth. She joined him, carefully smoothing the front of her work dress. She was hesitating about something, Erik could tell.
"Is there something wrong, Elisabeth?" Erik prompted the question without indecision. Elisabeth let out a sigh of relief and glanced at Erik.
"I'm pretty obvious, aren't I?" When Erik nodded, Elisabeth laughed again. "I was just coming to the revelation that I have run away from home with a brother whom I have never met and know nothing about…I was hoping, if you don't mind, that is, that you might tell me a bit about Paris…about your wife…and about yourself."
Erik frowned slightly. "My dear, I am not in the habit of revealing much about myself…but your position is unique, I daresay, and I would like to put your mind at ease. We have some time before we must set off again. What is it you would like to know? And please, for my sake, keep it within reason."
Elisabeth grinned. "Tell me about Paris first. Where are we going? Will we live in the city? What do you do in Paris?"
"Well, Paris is an old city…and it is perhaps fifty times bigger than the small village of your birth. My wife and I own a small cottage right outside of Paris, but we spend most of our time at the Opera Populaire, the greatest Opera House in all of Paris, if I may be allowed to say such things. My wife sings…and I am currently a patron there."
Wide eyes rewarded Erik as he looked to Elisabeth. "An Opera House! That's wonderful! I've always wanted to go…but Erik, what exactly is a 'patron'
Erik sighed. "A patron is someone who gives to the arts…he sponsors productions and things of that nature; and in return he receives some of the profits from the productions…but being a patron is not my career; more like a hobby. My passion is music…I am a composer of sorts. Maybe you will see one of my operas when we arrive in Paris."
"You compose music! Do you sing as well? I love to sing!" Erik looked at Elisabeth in amusement. She was easily excitable, and she was practically bouncing up and down.
"It does not surprise me that you can sing, my dear…Will you sing something for me? I have been without music since my absence from my wife…"
There was no response at first, but suddenly the air around Erik filled with a sweet song of music…it was light and delicate; it held no passion, no fire…but an innocence that was as beautiful as the young girl who sang it. Elisabeth stopped, and glanced at Erik expectantly.
"Well, what do you think? Am I good?" The teacher in Erik spoke up.
"Elisabeth, your voice is astounding…but it has no training. With practice, you could be a beautiful opera singer! And if you like, I could teach you…as I taught my wife."
"Oohhh, tell me about your wife! What does she look like? Where did you meet? Is she younger than you? Oh, and by the way, how old are you exactly?"
Erik held his head in his hands to hide his laughter…and his growing headache. "Elisabeth, please! You are asking questions too fast for me…please calm down. I will answer them one at a time." Elisabeth grinned sheepishly.
"I'm sorry, Erik…I just get a little overexcited sometimes. Please, continue."
"Yeah, I kind of noticed the 'overexcitement' issue that you seem to have…but to change the subject, I met my wife at the Opera Populaire…her name is Christine."
"I love that name! Oh, sorry…"
"Christine and I had known each other for several years before we attempted a relationship…she is an Angel in everyway. I think you will like her, Elisabeth. I believe that you two are close in age."
"I never have been able to have many friends…never had the chance, really. I would welcome it."
An uncomfortable silence lasped between the two. Elisabeth wrung her hands together. "Erik...your mask...will I ever see you true face?"
Erik looked up at Elisabeth sharply. "No. You will never see my face."
"But why, Erik? Surely you understand that I don't care about such things...I am in your debt for the rest of my life! What you look like cannot change how grateful and lucky I am to have met you."
"There is no reason for you to see...I protect you from a gruesome sight, Elisabeth."
"Erik...I know the idea is taking some time to get use to, but I am your sister! And you are my brother! I have already grown to care for you in the short time we have known each other...I have no doubts that I will love you as a brother soon enough. Please, trust me enough to let me know you entirely."
Erik sighed. "No, my dear. Now is not the time."
Once again the silence settled in between them. Erik noticed the dipping sun. It would soon be time to leave. Elisabeth was sitting slightly slumped over to the side. Erik was sure that she was upset with his refusal...how could he make it right? An idea formed in his head.
"Elisabeth, before we go wake Brian, might I ask you somequestions?"
Elisabeth turned towards him and beamed. "You want to ask me questions? Of course! I would be honored...especially after all the questions that I just asked…"
"When did you discover that you could sing?"
Elisabeth frowned in concentration. "I don't remember...I just found myself singing anytime I was alone. Itis a comfort..."
Erik nodded in agreement."It is indeed; music is something that can sooth any troubled soul. A few more questions, my dear, and then we have to leave camp." Elisabethlistened intently. "Do you know anything about Anita's parents? What where they like?"
"I never met them...but Mother spoke often of her father. He was a great man; a famous and wealthy man from Scotland." Elisabeth smiled suddenly. "You said that you composed music, did you not? That is what my grandfather was famous for...he was a great composer. He played many instruments as well, but his speciality was the violin. Isn't that strange how fate works? You never knew your grandfather, and yet you followed his footsteps."
Erik was at a loss for words. He felt connected to something for the first time in his life. Erik had a past now that he could be proud of...and it was because of the young lady sitting with him on the grass. Erik reached out and touched Elisabeth's cheek. "Thank you, my dear. Thank you for telling me a bit of my history. I shall have to find out the name of this man...unless you know?"
Elisabeth shook her head. "I don't even know my mother's maiden name...But perhaps if we looked together we could discover the secret."
Erik turned to face Elisabeth. "There is only one more question that I have, Elisabeth, but I am afraid that it is a personal question." Helooked her straight in the eye. Somehow, he always knew if someone was lying by looking into their eyes.
"What were your stepfather's plans for you? I know something was going on…"
The happiness that Elisabeth had been feeling immediately drained from her. She still held the gaze of his blue-green eyes. Erik was horrified at her reaction. "Elisabeth, you don't have to answer that...I don't mean to cause you pain." She held up a hand.
"I would like to tell you...it's just hard." Elisabeth took a deep breath, then glanced back up into Erik's eyes...so very much like her own.
"He wanted to…make money off my looks…he said that men would pay well for my company… He…wanted to sell me…as some type of…oh, I just can't say it!"
The horror of what Elisabeth was saying hit Erik full force. Elisabeth started to cry, softly, and Erik, to his own surprise, found himself hugging Elisabeth close to him.
"Shhh, little one, I will never let that happen to you…he will never find you. I will protect you, always. We have found each other…You are safe with me, little one, little sister…"
The sun sank fully into the ground, but its dying rays gave a brief illumination of the grieving siblings: both grieving for time lost.