Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, blah blah I think we all know
that.
I was listening to the song "Suicidal Thoughts" by The Notorious B.I.G.
and it inspired me lol.
I'd like to say big ups to Cerdic Of Wessex for fixing the grammar errors I had made on this piece. Make sure you go and check out his work YA HEAR.
Right after you read this of course.
And now on with the story.
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It was quiet.
The apartment's sole occupant sat on his bed, his head in his hands.
The silence was maddening, a constant reminder of the reasons why the
apartment held only one of the usual three occupants.
Shinji Ikari sat his eyes red and puffy, his tears spent. He'd done
much crying ever since that day.
It's all my fault. If… If only I'd been stronger, I could've saved her.
But the bottom line was that he hadn't been. The results were so
painful that they were steadily consuming him.
Asuka's in a coma because of me and my weakness. W-what good am I if a
can't even protect those I care for?
In his mind he knew the answer—
None at all.
He wasn't good for anything. He was just there taking up space. He was
worthless and alone.
His life was proof of that.
Father left me... the only reason he sent for me was to pilot Eva and
I'm not even capable of doing that. He can have me replaced if he wants to.
Misato took me in, but that's only because she didn't like the idea of
someone my age staying alone. She would've done it for anyone.
And Asuka…
His thoughts went to the fiery redhead that he had come to know and
care for, whose comatose state was the cause of his depression.
She hates me.
Weak, little boy, spineless, baka. They were various terms she had
used for him. It was quite obvious to him how she felt.
She'd probably hate me now more than ever. I failed her when she
really needed me.
I'm worthless.
The word seemed to echo in his mind.
He knew they'd all be happier if he wasn't around anymore. No more
Shinji to fail those around him. No more of him running away, crying, and
letting down those who depended on him.
I want to leave.
His already fragile mind had reached its peak, and he simply could not
deal with it any longer. It was time for him to go.
For the first time since his deliberating, he acknowledged the object
lying on the bed next to him. The revolver lay silent as Shinji's gaze
fell upon it.
Yes, it was all clear now. He wouldn't feel any more pain and he
wouldn't be able to fail others any more… except for this last time.
While he knew he probably wouldn't feel anything, he would be failing
those around him… again.
I'm running away, just like before. I'm a coward. I… I don't deserve
to live anymore.
He stood up, grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil, and wrote a note to
Misato, hoping it would answer some of her questions and hopefully
Asuka's, when she woke up. If she woke up, he corrected himself.
He placed the note on the kitchen counter and walked back to his room.
It was awkward that Pen-Pen hadn't come out of his fridge all day.
I guess that doesn't matter anymore.
He smiled to himself, some relief having been found in finally making a
decision.
He walked slowly back to his room, making sure he took a good look
around the apartment he had called home. It would be the last time he would
ever see it.
I hope they can forgive me. I just couldn't do it anymore.
With that he made it to his room and closed the door behind him.
Walking over to his bed he grasped the cool metal of the gun in his hands.
After checking to make sure it was loaded, he laid down on his bed
placing his head on his pillow.
He smiled once more to himself as he brought the muzzle of the gun to
his temple.
A lone shot rang through the apartment.
-------
"I'm home!" Misato Katsuragi voiced. She was too tired to yell.
The events of the last couple of weeks had really been wearing on her,
and to top it off she'd had to work late shifts for the last few days.
Her mind absently wandered to the other occupant of the house when she
noticed there was no food waiting for her. He usually had it wrapped
up and sitting on the table for her.
In its place was a note, folded and laying in the middle of the table.
He's probably tired too. She thought to herself, though it still was
strange, considering he usually cooked dinner in spite of his mood or
fatigue.
She walked to the fridge and grabbed a Yebisu. She opened it, took a
sip of the cool liquid, and make her way to the table to read the note he
had left for her.
As she analyzed the note's contents, her expression turned from that of
casual curiosity to horror as her mind registered each word.
NO! her mind screamed as she dropped her beer and the note and ran
for the boy's room.
As she opened the door, Misato froze at what she saw. Her mind too
overwhelmed to tell her mouth to scream.
There lay Shinji Ikari, his mouth curved up in a smile of release, his
bed stained crimson.
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AN: Well this a revised repost. I hope you guys didnt mind the format to much, it got kinda messed up in the e-mail.
I hope you enjoyed the story. I hopefully have some things in the works so look out for them. I'ma new writer so of course
critism's are welcome. It all helps in the long run. Well I'm out
Much love – chill guy