Suicidal Tendencies
Disclaimer: Most of these characters are owned by Kevin Williamson
Dedication: Dedicated to God who gave me the talent to write, all the readers, and all the people who have supported me in my life.
A/N: This story is told from multiple viewpoints, and is set in multiple episodes. A lot of this story is internal monlogue. Also, it may contain dialogue from the show, but some of may not be exactly word for word since it is from the particular character's memory or perception of the event.

Part 1: Jackers wishes he could fly.

(Set in Season 5, episode 100 light years from home.

What am I doing? I am not sure anymore. To people I seem to not care that I am failing school, that I have completely fucked up my life. I keep trying to project this image that I am the happy partyier. Which isn't me exactly? I am tired of this struggle, trying to live up to people's expectations, to live up to my expectations. I have this thought in my head that I have to do something good, since my whole life seems at times a political struggle.
Damn, I shouldn't say that. It reminds me of Tobey. I really fucked it up with him. I wish I could take it back and start over. I really liked him. I feel bad that I don't know how to make people I love top priority. I don't even know how to make myself top priority. And now he has another boyfriend, probably one he is going to be with for a long time. And he is probably a great boyfriend. One who will probably drop everything at a drop of a hat. I am going to end up lonely for the rest of my life.
So, I have been finding myself climbing the roof, and sitting up here. I wonder what it would be like to jump into the swimming pool. I wonder if I would drown. Would anyone care? What am I saying, I guess people will care. But I don't care anymore. I am not worth it. I am a disgrace.
Jen and Joey came by earlier and got me down to go to the store. I am seeing the suspicion in Jen's eyes that she is starting to worry about me, but I can't tell her. Especially the talks we had a long time ago about teen suicide, except then, I was asking her if she needed the intervention. The truth is though, I know I probably need one, I don't want one. I would rather use alcohol to try to mask my problems. Not a good solution I know, but it is better than other solutions.
I had a feeling the other day before spring break, that something is wrong with me. I went to the free psych center to get an evaluation. I didn't tell anyone this. Apparently, I have depression. I am not thrilled about this, with my family history. I don't want to be on drugs for the rest of my life. And why shouldn't I be depressed, all I manage to do is fuck things up. I have a feeling that any future relationship I am going to fuck up. I mean my batting average is not the greatest, I broke up with Joey because I realized I was gay, I lost Ethan because I didn't have the courage to be what he wanted, I lost Tobey because I am a stupid fucking idiot, who cared more about that stupid fraternity. I don't even remember why me and Kate broke up, but I mean it isn't like she probably hasn't found some nice guy to love forever. And that is my problem, I am never going to find someone who will just accept me for the way that I am.
I am surprised at times I have friends, since I have a tendency to push everyone away in my life. Especially right now, I have been such an ass. I don't even know why. There is no need for a complete change in a person's personality, but I did. I guess it because I didn't want to be seen as the sad lonely geek that I really am. No one wants someone who thinks cereal should be eaten at all times, or who watches the weather channel sometimes for fun.
Plus, a lot of people I know, think because I am handsome, or whatever, that I am not supposed to have problems. That I probably got everything easy in life, and there is no need for me to have problems. That if I wanted I could conquer the world. The truth is, I can't. I haven't had it easy, and I am human I have problems.
Right now I know I have a major one but I am not sure what to do. It looks like everyone else has gone off somewhere. I wonder if I could jump into the pool. Damn, there is Dawson. I will make him drink I am drunker than I am. "Dawson Leery, is that you? WOOHOO."
"Jack, is that you?" He starts walking towards me.
"Hey check me out man! WOO!" I walk closer to the edge of the roof.
He laughs nervously. "Be careful up there."
I wonder what I should tell him. That I am dancing with death, then, it hits me. I stretch my arms wider. "Hey, look, I can fly."
He seems to be concerned, and he is getting closer to me. "Hey, why don't you get down."
"Ok, I'll be right down." I dive off the roof into the pool, and let the water take me.