The First Doubts

Anakin twisted at the sound of Leia's scream just in time to see her head go underwater. "Damn it!" he cursed as he plunged headfirst into the water after her.

Leia's body felt as if it were being torn apart by the force of the water. She kicked and flailed towards the surface. She did not know if she could survive without breathing, since she was already on the brink of death. She tried to summon the Force, but her mind was clouded with panic and confusion. All she could do in the end was to mentally cry out for help. Muffled rumbling filled her ears as she tumbled in every direction down the river.

Her lungs nearly gave out before her head broke the surface. Leia took a quick breath. "Anakin!" she screamed. She sputtered as water splashed down her throat and into her lungs. She felt the urge to vomit. She released a muffled grunt of pain as she rammed into a tree that had fallen into the river. She scrambled to grab the nearest branch and pull herself up. She coughed up water and heaved from the force of the spasms. She did not have the strength to pull herself up.

"Anakin, where are you?" As if by magic, Anakin fell from the sky. Leia nearly lost her grip as he landed on the fallen tree. He kneeled down and silently offered a hand. Without hesitation, she took it and let him pull her up. He placed her arm around his shoulders and dragged her to the riverbank. As soon as her feet touched stable ground, she pulled away from him and dropped to her knees. Anakin reached to pick her up again. She snatched her hand back and pushed him away.

"Don't touch me!" she demanded. "Just leave me alone."

Anakin withdrew his hand. "Why? What will you gain if I do?"

"Don't get philosophical on me? Why can't you just let me live my life?"

"I gave you that life."

"Shut up!" Leia instantly felt regret at her outburst.

"Patience," Anakin mumbled to himself. "Patience." He turned to leave.

"Wait!" Leia called too quickly to think about it. Anakin stopped but didn't turn around. "I need time to rest," Leia said. "I'll be ready then."

An hour later, by Leia's reckoning, though she had lost all sense of time, the illusion of daylight began to fade into twilight. She was still too tired to continue the journey, and she was secretly grateful for the time to think. She sat on the ground with her heels digging into the dirt and her chin resting on her knees. Anakin was sitting on the other side of an ersatz campfire he had summoned from the Force earlier. Its sole purpose was for light and mental comfort. Anakin was absentmindedly crunching on something, which quickly began to grate her nerves. She was sure he was doing it on purpose.

Leia willed the Force into her body. She sighed deeply as if mustering up courage to say something. Just as she began to open her mouth, Anakin said something.

Leia straightened her back. "What was that?"

Anakin was staring straight into the illusory fire. "Just say it."

"Say what?"

Anakin glanced at her. "I felt you tapping into the Force, and I have a pretty good idea why. Do you have something to say?"

"To ask, actually." Anakin stopped chewing and returned his gaze to the flames. Leia knew it was for the sole purpose of her comfort. "Why?"

Anakin pretended not to understand. "Why what?"

"Why couldn't you obey the rules? What was so wrong with your life that you absolutely had to throw it away for power and hatred?"

"Obeying the rules?" Anakin huffed. "If I were prone to obeying the rules, you and your brother would have never been born."

Leia lowered one leg and propped her elbow against the other. "I don't understand. Elaborate."

Anakin raised his eyes in surprise. "Do you really care to know?" Leia simply shrugged. "In the days of the old Jedi Order," Anakin explained, "it was forbidden for Jedi to marry and have children. That leads to attachment. Which leads to jealousy. Which leads to greed. Which leads to the Dark Side. At least, that's what Yoda said."

Leia deliberately turned her gaze away in hopes that he wouldn't see her response to the unintended humor. "That doesn't sound like something I'd associate with . . . Darth Vader," she said. "He was someone full of hate and anger. What does marriage have to do with that? Did she break your heart or something?"

Leia had intended the question to be an insult. She was caught off guard when Anakin said, "Yes, she did. Just not in the way you think." There was a moment of silence before he added, "I broke her heart first."

(X)

Leia awoke with a bright light in her face. At first, she thought she was in a medical facility, and everything else was a dream. She sat up and expected to see Robarakh or Meewahl beside her. Instead, she saw Anakin waiting for her. He was standing a short distance away and facing into the forest. The sky was bright with the illusion of late morning. Leia stretched as she stood, grabbed her lightsaber, and approached Anakin. She took a few steps past him and gasped when she walked into an invisible wall. She recoiled in time to see the air, and the Force, ripple in front of her. It looked as if a pebble had been thrown into a vertical lake.

"What the hell is that?"

"Force wall," Anakin answered stoically. "It's a large mass of condensed Force, and our first detour. The only way to get past it is to think your way through it."

"With the Force," Leia guessed.

Anakin only shrugged. "I'll demonstrate this once, but you'll have to go first next time." Anakin raised a hand to touch the Force wall. Leia watched it ripple as he slowly pushed his hand through. She sensed, rather than saw, the breach in the wall enlarge around Anakin's hand. He used the Force to push the wall away. When he was sure the breach was large enough, Anakin ducked and stepped through the wall. He literally disappeared before Leia's eyes.

Leia hit the Force wall where Anakin passed through it. The hole was completely sealed. Before she could start panicking, she heard Anakin's voice in her head. Use the Force to open the wall. Leia placed her hand against the Force wall. Keeping her mind clear of everything else, Leia concentrated on passing through the wall. She visualized her arm sinking into it. She felt hot air on the other side as she pushed through. Her skin felt as if she were passing through gel. When her face passed the surface, she gave one final push before falling all the way through the Force wall.

She stumbled as her foot landed on sand. Anakin seized her arm to help her regain her footing. The first thing Leia noticed was the heat. She shaded her eyes as she scanned the desert she had fallen into. Though it stung her eyes, a quick glance up revealed two suns.

"Tatooine," Leia said.

"Home hellish home." Without further explanation, Anakin began trekking across the sand towards a white spot in the distance. Not feeling up to a discussion, Leia silently followed. Gradually the white dot in the distance became a blurry city, or the next best thing on Tatooine. Halfway there, the trip began to wear on Leia's body. She wondered if her real body could feel it, wherever it was. "Where are we going?"

"Mos Espa."

"How much farther?"

Anakin stopped to turn. Leia trotted to his side. "Having trouble?" he asked, almost condescendingly.

"Is it supposed to be this difficult on this side? It wasn't this hard the last time I was on Tatooine, in life."

"I know. You were chasing that moss painting with the hidden spy directory."

Leia could only partially hide her discomfort. "You know about that?"

"Did you forget so easily? When you were on Bakura? I told you I'd be watching."

Leia nodded as the memory suddenly returned to her. She had so much hatred for Darth Vader then. It was easy to forget she was with him at that moment. This man seemed to be so much more, and less, than what she'd envisioned. The thought was interrupted when Anakin spoke again. "What?" Leia asked.

"Use the Force to keep yourself strong, at least until we find the next wall. I can't afford letting you get sick or worse. You can afford it even less."

"You're starting to sound like Luke."

"He is his father's son." Anakin didn't give her a chance to respond. Instead he continued towards Mos Espa. Leia took the time to draw from the Force before following him. She was amazed at how quickly and powerfully it surged through her. She saw the Force quiver like a mirage with each step. Her head began to pound with the vibration until they reached the spaceport. She stood still for a moment to ground the energy.

"Now what?" Leia asked.

"We find the Force wall, of course. Don't go anywhere."

Leia didn't hear the last statement. She was too busy being distracted by a shiver in the Force. She turned back to Anakin to ask if he'd felt it, only to discover he was gone. Leia cursed silently as she frantically searched for him.

"Damn it, Anakin!" Leia stretched through the Force. She caught Anakin's signature from a building a few meters ahead and to her right. It looked like a small stone hut. She followed a tall man with long hair and a young girl into the building. It appeared some sort of shop littered with droid and vehicle parts. "It feels hotter in here than outside."

Leia immediately noticed the child sitting on a bench and tinkering with droid parts. She recognized his Force signature. "I don't believe it," she said quietly. She estimated him to be about nine or ten. The young girl next to him was in her early to mid teens. She had brown eyes and long brown hair tied back in a braid.

"Are you an angel?" the boy asked the girl. Leia watched the exchange with unexplained interest. She showed no surprise to discover his name was Anakin Skywalker. She nearly followed them into the street until Anakin, the adult one, stepped in front of her.

Leia shrieked and leapt back. Anakin used the Force to keep her from falling. "You should learn to give your reflexes over to the Force. You won't be so easily startled."

Leia shrugged. "A lesson I'm not unfamiliar with." She raised herself on the balls of her feet to look over Anakin's shoulder. "That little boy was you, wasn't it?"

Anakin smirked. "Is it that obvious?" He stepped out of the shop. "Come on. I know where the Force wall is."

Leia hurried to follow. "Where would that be?"

"In the desert, on the other side of a Tuskan Raider camp."

"What! Sand People? You could have at least tried to lie about it. I can't go out there."

"Then you'll die. Is that what you want?"

"Of course not!"

"Then quit complaining and follow me. The Force does not take lightly to those who hesitate from it. It is a beautiful gift to be cherished and rejoiced in, not hidden from. Jacen tried to hesitate once, and you were nearly killed for it."

Leia remained silent, partly from anger that he brought it up, and partly from shame because it was true. She remembered when Jacen completely cut himself from the Force out of fear of falling to the Dark Side. He was forced to use it again when Yuuzhan Vong warriors attacked her, and she nearly lost her legs in the process. "That girl in the shop you were speaking to," she mentioned. "Who was she?"

Anakin was silent as if in deep thought. "You're not ready for the answer."

"As if I need one now."