Immature Giggling
The Pervert's Guide to Hyrule
By The Apologist
Great lore and legends are told of ages long (snicker) past, ages of great deeds (giggle) and amazing stories (laugh). One such story is told of Link (loud laughter) who wielded a gigantic sword (unstoppable laughter) and pierced the unpiercable armor of Ganon (silence for a full minute followed by hysterical laughter unto tears)
Chapter 1: Kokiri Innuendo
Saria sighed with exasperation. She whapped the Kokiri boy behind her upside the head. "Samkin, you blockhead!"
"What? All I was saying is that I, for one, don't mind that all of the Kokiri look like children for their whole lives. I mean, I, for one, find that kinky."
"Right... but I was TALKING about the goddamn DESTINY OF HYRULE, you pervert. Perhaps if, in some way, the conversation had had ANYTHING to do with sex or Kokiri women or... or anything even resembling what you were talking about I wouldn't mind... but for the love of CRAP!"
"... I'm sorry?"
"Well, that's more like it..."
"No, I mean come again? I wasn't paying atten... oh my GOD, did I just say 'come again'?" Samkin burst into a gale of immature giggling. Saria's eyes narrowed to an extent that it was dangerous not only to others, but a threat of physical harm to herself.
"Samkin, dammit... come with me. Right now. We have to go to the Lost Woods." This brought a fresh burst of giggles from Samkin. "...I'm afraid to ask."
"Come on... Lost Woods? I mean... if the wood is lost, then where is it hidden? Eh? Eh?"
"...I am sworn to uphold life and not to destroy it... I am sworn to uphold life and not to destroy it... I am sworn..."
"I could make you swear to uphold life."
"...what the hell does that even MEAN?"
"It's... umm..."
"You don't even KNOW, do you?"
"...it's too complicated to explain, and if you don't get it already it won't be funny."
"...maaaaaybe you'd be easier to transport unconscious."
"No, no, I'll be good."
"You've said that every fifteen minutes. That's not even a third of the rate you've been hitting on me."
"I mean it this time."
"You've been saying THAT every SIXTEEN minutes."
"...oh? Hehe..."
"Speak again, boy, and face the wrath of the Mighty Mighty Moblin Gang."
"Didn't they imprison you a long time ago?"
"It was all a big misunderstanding. They're actually really nice. One of them mows my lawn."
"...you have a lawn?"
"Well... by lawn I mean forest."
"Wow. That's really nice."
"Yeah..."
"Almost as nice as..."
"Hush. Words. Stopping."
"You like 'em quiet? Or do you just like 'em to keep their mouths busy?"
BOOM!
"Oaths of nonviolence aren't that important anyway."
-TODAY'S MORAL-
Saria: Is this supposed to be some kind of JOKE?
Author: Actually... yes.
Saria: ...oh...
Samkin: Today I learned that you can break your lifetime, solemn oaths, but only if someone really pisses you off.
Saria: ...
Author: Good job representing the sages there, Saria.
Saria: You wrote me this way!
Author: Hush. Too many words.
-End Chapter 1-