Hiding Among Shadows
Authors Notes: This is by no means a happy story, it has no 'perfect' ending or happy ever afters. I intend it to deal with child abuse as best I can. I doubt any scenes of abuse will actually occur; this is more about the effects, and how abuse that is left and ignored can destroy the victim, years after it has actually occurred. It's about the victim dealing with the emotional maze that abuse sets you on, and the emotional and psychological problems that victims can suffer as a result.
Warnings: obviously, this will deal with child abuse, as well as self-harm in later chapters, and depression.
Disclaimer: I own nothing; I've made no profit from this.
Hiding Among Shadows
Prologue
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
It had stoped raining hours ago, but he could still hear the steady beat of water dripping off the aluminium roof. He wasn't sure which was worse, the heavy downpour that beat against the old roof so heavily it made it impossible to hear anything, deprived him of any warnings. Or the continual systematic drumming of water outside his window, counting down the seconds till morning, but allowing any outside noise to be heard. He stared at his door, expecting the old floor boards to creak, and the door to open over so slightly, his father's head peaking inside.
Drip
Drip
Drip
How long had he been here for? How far away was morning? Would tonight be the night? What if morning never came?
Drip
Drip
Drip
The floorboards creaked, his head snapped towards the door. Go to sleep. Sleep and nothing will happen. But he couldn't close his eyes, not now. His entire body grew taut, as he held his breath.
Yet nothing happened, the footsteps grew quieter and more distant, until they disappeared altogether.
He let his body relax, nothing was to happen tonight. And he fell into a restless sleep, tossing and turning, engulfed into his own dream world.
He was fine tonight, and morning would come soon. A small smile slowly found its way to his face as he finally succumbed entirely to sleep, for when he woke, he would be seven years old.
The same young boy, now just short of his tenth year, watched the rain pour down outside from the comfort of his lounge room. He could hear his brothers in the adjacent room, playing with new toys their father had brought home. He didn't join them, he was happy to watch the downpour outside, watching the occasional person run down the road to escape the wet.
"There you are" he turned to face the origin of the voice interrupting his thoughts, "Why are you hiding in here Severus?"
"I'm not hiding Daddy, I like it here."
The older man smiled, "Watching the rain rather than play with your brothers?" The man questioned, slightly amused, "I remember when you were scared of the rain"
Severus nodded before adding, "I like the rain now. It's pretty"
His father softly chuckled, walking towards his son, "You're such a mature boy, Severus" he smiled, gently caressing his sons' face, "My special boy" Severus smiled at the complement, as his father continued to stroke his face. "I bought you a present too" he said, barley above a whisper, as he reached for a neatly wrapped box on the table beside them, smiling as Severus gently unwrapped it, careful to not rip the fragile paper. When the young boy pulled a large old looking book from it, he looked at his father, positively beaming.
"Moste Potente Potions?" Severus whispered, running little his hands across the cover, "I thought you said you couldn't get it"
His father smiled, kissing him on his forehead, his lips lingering as he whispered, "I do anything for you my son. I love you, remember?"
And he did, his father loved him. And he loved his father. He gave him so many books, books which he craved, on any subject he wanted. Even if his father was a squib who worked on the docks of industrial Northern Ireland, who didn't know much about magic or potions or much with the wizarding world at all, and didn't own many books of his own, he bought Severus any book he wanted. Even with 4 brothers, his father always made time for his middle son.
But if he loved him, why did his Daddy hurt him in the dead of the night while the rest of the house slept? Was he being selfish? After all, his Daddy did so much for him, he always helped him, and always bought him books, even though he couldn't really afford it.
It was normal, he decided. We wanted his Daddy to love him, and he should be happy he loved him so much. Would he ignore him if he stoped? His brothers were all loud and rowdy, they all got attention because they made sure they were noticed. Severus wasn't loud, he wasn't rowdy, he wasn't good at sports unlike his brothers. If he stoped, he'd be forgotten, his brothers would get much more attention and his Daddy would forget about him and he wouldn't love him anymore, and he didn't want that to ever happen.
No, he loved his father and his father loved him. That's all there is to it.
The day his letter came the entire household was a buzz. His 2 elder brothers had not inherited any magic from their father and both attended the local comprehensive school, and his 2 younger brothers were looking to prove to be the same. Severus was the only one to ever show any signs of magic and now the day had finally come when he felt validated. He had been accepted into the most elite Wizard school in all of Europe.
"Show us ya letter again Sev!" urged his eldest brother Augustus
"I can't believe it! A Snape at Hogwarts" exclaimed Liam, his other older brother.
"Where are you going?" questioned little Owen, the little 5 year old clutching onto his brothers leg.
"Can I get Sev's room now Dah?" Seamus asked, who was only a year younger than Severus, and currently sharing with Owen.
As the boy's crowded around their brother, sharing in his achievement, their father stood to the side, watching the scene unfold, when Severus turned to him.
"Am I able to go Dah?" he asked, almost timidly.
A sad smile came across his father's face, "I will miss you dearly, my boy." He paused, watching his son's face drop ever so slightly. He did not want his son leaving home so early, yet he was the only one to show magical ability, how could he conceive denying that ability to grow? "So you must write me, every week, tell me what is happening, how your studies are going. Any fancy new hexes you may pick up perhaps" He watched as a wide grin took over Severus, and he stepped forward to hug his son, "If you're mother were here, she'd be so proud" he whispered into Severus' ear as the two embraced.
As the emotion died down, and the Snape family returned to their daily activities, Severus was left alone once again in the lounge room, reading and re-reading his Hogwarts letter.
He felt an odd sense of relief, yet he knew he shouldn't. He would be away from his family, his Dah for so long. Yet that was what he was looking forward to. He was utterly disgusted with himself, for his greed and selfishness. His father has given him so much, he loved him so much, and he was almost relieved to be allowed to leave. How could his father love someone as horrible as he?
That's the end of the prologue, Chapter One will deal with Severus settling in with school life, meeting a few bullies, while a certain teacher takes an interest in his development and behaviour while Severus himself eventually starts to realise his relationship with his father isn't normal as he slowly hits puberty.
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