A/N: Most of this is a diary entry, it should be in italics but I don't
think it's gonna let me so just so u know all the text surrounded by ' ' is
in the journal!(
Liz twisted the top of a medicine bottle and raised her hand to her mouth. The two migraine pills were swallowed without trouble. As they say, 'Practice makes perfect!' And Liz had sure as hell had a lot of practice.
She grabbed her journal and slumped down onto her bed.
I'Las Cruses University, September 27 2003,
Have you ever felt like you're falling? I mean really falling. Away from everything familiar into a void of confusion? Well meet Liz Parker, me, I'm on my way down.
For the last two years my life has been what could almost be called normal. I mean except for the constant heart ache, sickness, dodging the FBI and experimenting on my own brain stuff. OK, so perhaps it's not what you would call normal, and perhaps it not what I would have called normal four years ago, but a lot can happen in four years. Believe me!
For the last two years the alien related part of my life has been practically non existent! And now, all in one day, it's back again!
Almost every part of the last four years is recorded here in this journal, or locked away in my heart, for me to keep, to hide, to live with. But now all that stuff is being ripped up again. And me? Well I'm being pulled away from my little reality into this void of darkness by one Max Evans, breaker of my heart.
My head is pounding and I can barely see. I'm lost, I have no where to go, no one who understands! Not even Maria! She's so pleased Michael's back, and she's so happy. I'm glad for her, she deserves some happiness, she's given up so much for me. But just because of that she would never understand what's happening to me. I feel so angry! My anger makes me sick inside. It's made me change, made me different over the last two years, I can see that and I can see how it hurts Maria and everyone who loves me. But I can't help it, this is who I am! This all that was left of me when Max shot off with my heart and his child!
I can see I'm hurting Max by shutting him away but he deserves it! He killed me, in every way possible he killed me. I'm still dying, dying slowly, a small piece of me goes every day. Gone forever. And yet he thinks he can just come back and be with me again! He just doesn't get it does he? The part of me that loved him died first! Then the part of me that liked him, and now the rest of me is going.
Sometimes when I'm with Adam I can almost feel some of those dead parts rekindling inside of me. But it's only a short thing. It's like a drug, it works for a while and then you get immune to it. And there are times when I write here in this journal that I can feel myself again, I feel like the innocent young girl that would sit out on her balcony and dream of a soul mate. Someone who would love her, and never leave her. Than I thought I'd found them, but it turns out that there just isn't someone like that out there for me. I guess there is such a thing though cos Maria found Michael... That's what's being going on these past years, I've been getting used to the fact that I'm alone, and I'll always be alone.
I don't even have a purpose any more! This morning I had a purpose; Find Tess, Kill Tess, get on with my life. But I didn't do that, even when I had the chance. I'll tell you why, I lost control! I can't live without control, and now that's gone too. Tess is gonna come for Max, and for me soon and I have no control over what's gonna happen. I'm in hell.
I think writing is helping me now, it always has helped. Helping me to light a candle in the darkness, open a parachute to slow my fall, glue together some of the pieces of my shattered heart. I guess I just have to wait for what's coming, just let parts of me go, let myself die.
I'm Liz Parker, and down I go!' /I
Liz twisted the top of a medicine bottle and raised her hand to her mouth. The two migraine pills were swallowed without trouble. As they say, 'Practice makes perfect!' And Liz had sure as hell had a lot of practice.
She grabbed her journal and slumped down onto her bed.
I'Las Cruses University, September 27 2003,
Have you ever felt like you're falling? I mean really falling. Away from everything familiar into a void of confusion? Well meet Liz Parker, me, I'm on my way down.
For the last two years my life has been what could almost be called normal. I mean except for the constant heart ache, sickness, dodging the FBI and experimenting on my own brain stuff. OK, so perhaps it's not what you would call normal, and perhaps it not what I would have called normal four years ago, but a lot can happen in four years. Believe me!
For the last two years the alien related part of my life has been practically non existent! And now, all in one day, it's back again!
Almost every part of the last four years is recorded here in this journal, or locked away in my heart, for me to keep, to hide, to live with. But now all that stuff is being ripped up again. And me? Well I'm being pulled away from my little reality into this void of darkness by one Max Evans, breaker of my heart.
My head is pounding and I can barely see. I'm lost, I have no where to go, no one who understands! Not even Maria! She's so pleased Michael's back, and she's so happy. I'm glad for her, she deserves some happiness, she's given up so much for me. But just because of that she would never understand what's happening to me. I feel so angry! My anger makes me sick inside. It's made me change, made me different over the last two years, I can see that and I can see how it hurts Maria and everyone who loves me. But I can't help it, this is who I am! This all that was left of me when Max shot off with my heart and his child!
I can see I'm hurting Max by shutting him away but he deserves it! He killed me, in every way possible he killed me. I'm still dying, dying slowly, a small piece of me goes every day. Gone forever. And yet he thinks he can just come back and be with me again! He just doesn't get it does he? The part of me that loved him died first! Then the part of me that liked him, and now the rest of me is going.
Sometimes when I'm with Adam I can almost feel some of those dead parts rekindling inside of me. But it's only a short thing. It's like a drug, it works for a while and then you get immune to it. And there are times when I write here in this journal that I can feel myself again, I feel like the innocent young girl that would sit out on her balcony and dream of a soul mate. Someone who would love her, and never leave her. Than I thought I'd found them, but it turns out that there just isn't someone like that out there for me. I guess there is such a thing though cos Maria found Michael... That's what's being going on these past years, I've been getting used to the fact that I'm alone, and I'll always be alone.
I don't even have a purpose any more! This morning I had a purpose; Find Tess, Kill Tess, get on with my life. But I didn't do that, even when I had the chance. I'll tell you why, I lost control! I can't live without control, and now that's gone too. Tess is gonna come for Max, and for me soon and I have no control over what's gonna happen. I'm in hell.
I think writing is helping me now, it always has helped. Helping me to light a candle in the darkness, open a parachute to slow my fall, glue together some of the pieces of my shattered heart. I guess I just have to wait for what's coming, just let parts of me go, let myself die.
I'm Liz Parker, and down I go!' /I