Kio ran into the school, rushing down the stairs to the dungeons. Breathlessly she knocked on the potion master's office door.
"Severus! Severus, please open the door!" She called out to him as she pounded on the door.
"He's not here," a soft voice spoke from behind her, "he was called away." Dumbledore's blue eyes shone behind his spectacles on his wizened face. Kio's eyes appealed to Dumbledore, her voice pleading,
"Please, Professor. Why did you not tell me before that Severus was in the Order? That he is spying on Voldemort on our behalf? Why must he be in such danger?" Dumbledore patted her arm,
"At the moment I did not think it wise for you to know. You might not have helped us if you knew before you came here…. I had told Severus that he should inform you. I take it someone other then he told you?" At her nod he continued, "It was a good thing he did, otherwise you wouldn't understand what Severus does for us. He chose to put himself in this continuous danger for the good of wizards and Muggles alike. He does this to protect everythin he cares about, including you, Kionora. Perhaps… it is something to think about?" He started to walk away calling back to her, "I'll let him know you were looking for him. Do take care." Kio watched him go, sighing softly as she headed toward her rooms. Entering her chambers, she began to weep softly, sitting down on her bed. She had said such awful things to him. She had said she hated him! Her heart wept at Severus' self-sacrifice, and it sickened with worry for him. She got up and moved to an armchair by the fire. She decided she would await his return and settled back, hands folded, eyes to the fire, waiting.
She sat that way for hours, the tears still spilling down her cheeks as she got lost in memories, their memories. She remembered their first kiss, their first time in bed together, and all subsequent times after that. She remembered with a shiver, the night he became so angry he denounced her, all because he had seen her with Sirius Black, and… she remembered their worst night. The night he betrayed her to the Death Eaters. The night she had known pain and heartbreak so bad, she had wished for death. She wept bitterly for those last two memories. She had loved him so much at that point, and her heart felt worse than her body did after the Death Eaters were though with her.
Finally she could stand it no longer, and she stood, decided upon seeing for herself if Severus was back. As she opened the door, she stopped short, her mouth open in a silent "Oh!" of surprise. In front of the door stood the potions master, himself. His dark eyes were shadowed and wary as he looked upon her.
"The Headmaster said you were looking for me. Is there something you need, Professor?" his voice drawled, sending pleasant shivers down her spine. Yes, you inside me, you holding me. She nodded to him,
"Yes, Severus. I was looking for you." Her eyes were red-rimmed, with tears and she still had a fresh trail down her face. He resisted the urge to run his thumbs over her cheeks, wiping the tears away. Instead he stood with his hands at his sides. She stepped back allowing him entrance.
"Please do come in, I just wanted to talk to you about something." She watched him as he as he entered, closing the door behind him. Resting her head against the cool wood of the portal she took a deep breath, her green gaze turning to him.
"Severus, … I… I wanted to apologize for what I said to you that night in your office. I don't hate you. Not even remotely close to hating you. I was hurt deeply, and even though it was no excuse, I lashed out at you." His dark eyes studied her as she spoke. She had been crying because of him? It wrenched his usually cold, closed heart to know that he caused her more pain. He wanted to hold her, kiss her, make her writhe in ecstasy, his name on her lips. Instead he spoke quietly,
"Your apology is accepted. Is that all?" His indifference stung her and she clenched her hands into fists, biting her lip.
"No, dearest. It's not all. Kingsley told me that you are in the Order. He told me what you do for us. Professor Dumbledore reinforced that to me when he found me looking for you. Why didn't you tell me? I would have understood." He watched her as she spoke, his face expressionless. When he spoke his voice was flat,
"So Kingsley couldn't keep his mouth closed. To be honest my esteem of him has just dropped. He couldn't keep him nose out of other people's business." She just looked at him, a flustered expression in her eyes. She wondered why he was acting this way. Hurt also showed in her eyes. She had hoped that there would be explanations given. Instead she had received cold indifference. Severus turned his dark eyes to her own, his voice soft.
"To so what I do is to be alone, Kio. I don't want to expose you to that kind of danger. I was a foolish youth, and… perhaps I am a foolish man now, but…" his fingers trailed softly along her cheek,
"… as much as I hate to say it…you must keep away from me. The less involved you are, the better for the both of us." With that he turned away. Instantly Kio felt the warmth leave her body. She felt cold and alone as she watched him open the door, look back at her, his face sorrowful, then head out, closing the door with a soft click. Her body felt numb. Her heart was breaking again, and she felt a fatigue like she had never known before. Too tired to feel, she took off her clothes, leaving them in a heap, and climbed into bed, tears flowing freely as she cried herself to an uneasy and dreamless sleep.
Morning Fey – well I might extend the torture a little bit longer… ya know ya love it!