The second half of 'Too look back at Redemption'.

This is told in Harry's POV. Really hope you like it, I really enjoyed writing it!

Ashes

I often sit alone questioning my attraction to my rival of many years. I believe it is the way he ignores me instead of provoking me to attack as forcefully as he used to, or maybe it's the constant stares I receive from him as he sits a mere few feet from me in the Great Hall.

He seems so far away, that elegant elvish man who shall soon step from Hogwarts to fend for whatever life he has chosen to lead and I shall be the one on the battlefield thinking my thoughts of the one who saved me silently.

I sit with Hermione day in, day out as we pretend to be in love. She is trying her hardest to go down in history as the woman who bagged Potter and its sickening how much she has tamed me and how I act as if on a leash for the woman.

Her and Ron are no longer my friends, instead they are just fabrications of people inside my mind, who used to care but are now so taken by greed and fame they cant walk with the weight of this curse they have received. I hate the fact they changed, as did everyone around me and too soon it became a game between them to see who could gain the most popularity by hating or loving me, the fucking boy-wonder who wasn't killed physically by my most hated enemy, Voldemort, but diseased by his lust of power. He mind-fucked me and still does to this day and that is why I am the fucking saviour of my fucking world. I want to leave, I want to run away from this place of lie-based shit and never think of this place again. I cant.

Soon though I shall be graduating from Hogwarts and living at Grimmauld Place with the Order and Hermione. Joy.

But at least I will be out of Hogwarts; Built from lies and just a magical madhouse filled to the brim with some of the stupidest people on this earth.

And in all those years of being part of the wizarding community that had taken me away from where I was comfortable, albeit alone, I was looking for something real, something strong to tie me down to earth and yet I never received it. From my mad rampage into Sirius' death to my aunt being inflated and set over Surrey as if she was a balloon, all I have experienced is a sort of Atom-manipulated twist on reality, nothing solid and real. My friendships with Ron, Hermione and the rest of the Hogwarts were built on lies; on the pretence that I, Harry Potter, was a saviour, was strong and happy. I am no happier than I am Muggle, and seeing as both my parents held the active magic gene…

And through all of this, the only person to truly hate me, to mock me because I am weak and to treat me as a human being has been the only real person to ever meet me. Someone fighting in this war for his own sake and not mine or Voldemort's. I worship this man, my reality, my… everything.

The man who makes my heart pulse with purpose and at the end of the day he is only treating me as if I was any normal kid. I respect that.

And I stare at Draco daily, worshipping his every feature so that if I die on the battlefield I shall be able to imagine his face in heaven, for the respect he has shown me, even if sub-consciously, has taken me somewhere I never thought I could go.

In lonely, in my life. Hermione, she beats me about verbally. Ron, he hits me harder now, when we play fight and he gets this look in his eyes of pure murder. I've seen his arm, and no mark is present. But his aura says different and I know now he is involved with those who I hate.

I know inside I shall fight these petty battles for the sake of all mankind and do it with ease and grace, to eventually end up the most famous wizard of all time. I know I will go on to marry Hermione and have children and love her as best I can, even with these feelings towards Draco that I have. In time, I might grow to love Hermione more, even though I doubt it. In time, I may forget the times I looked across the Great Hall, only to be met with wide, blue eyes of curiosity staring back at me, and how when I saw those eyes of mystery my heart fluttered and I would freak out, as at the same time Hermione would stir beside me and cause me to take my attention away from the glare I was relishing in.

I remember the time I pulled Hermione into the Astronomy tower, to get away from all the prying eyes of Hogwarts and he was there, shock in his eyes as I kissed this girl to once again, hide my internal wishes.

He looked sad as I walked away, ill never forget how he turned so sullenly towards the open window, and as he did, he was cocooned in his own little world of sunshine sadness.

It's the end of school, so close now and it grips me inside as I think of how this little comfort zone shall soon be taken from me and I will go on to live a life of solitude and almost certain death at an early age.

I will miss him with heart wrenching guilt over never telling him how I felt, but the feelings would never be returned and to save myself the embarrassment I will try to forget about the saviour of the saviour.

I would like to see that face of ghostly innocence once more. But in three weeks the last day of Hogwarts shall take place and I will walk out of that hall, facing the dark and morbid world ahead of me and look back, into the face of my redemption for the very last time.