Once inside, surrounded by memories of her, for the first timesince I had carried out Order 66... I wept.
I wept for myself, for the monster I had become in order to save her, only to have that very decision become her undoing. I wept for all I'd lost in the proccess, the kinships, the love. She had said she hated what I had become, that she'd never accept me as I was, even if I was doing it for her. She didn't want it. I remembered the tears she had shed for the person I used to be. The love she still held for me, trying with all of her strength to drag me back into the light of day that my soul had once basked in.
Once I regained my composure, I ordered the helper droid to pack my things and called on the telecom to my Liutenant, telling him we were to set course to Dagobah at once. He had been sleeping, I mused. Almost envious of the fact, but as some took pleasure in saying, no rest for the wicked. After I made the order I cut off the connection and sat down, waiting for my baggage to be packed. I let out a deep sigh, and ran my finger along the line on my face, so marred, and rippled. A constant reminder of why she had feared for my life as much as I had for hers. I knew she had loved me, and I had loved her. More than almost anything in life.
An hour later I boarded my craft and ordered my Lieutenant to set course for Degobah, realizing for the moment I had a duty to fulfill. I would play along, and be the dutiful Sith I was supposed to be. Until I could figure out what my next move would be. I had promised her I would not shame her memory by turning it into a charade. I would not attempt to rectify my mistakes by a last effort of decency and think that would erase all I had done. But the thought still plagued me,
refusing to evaporate.
iHe must pay/i My heart screamed. It raged on until I thought I would go mad with the thought. iHe took what was yours from you! He killed the only person you could love. The only one that mattered. What would your mother think if you let her down again! You know what Padme would have wanted, you're just too scared of the Emperor to risk being forced into battle with him! But it will come, whether you want it to or not! Whether you choose it for the right reasons or not, it will come!"/i There was no sabor mark on her, I recalled. She had not been cut down by a blade, but by his own hands and the power that dwelled there.
The finality of that realization threw itself at me with a forceful thud, making my heart pound furiously in my chest. It also sealed my destiny in one way or another. One day, by my own initiation or his, we would meet in battle. I had foreseen it in my nightmares, felt the pain as force lightning was pumped into my body with such brutality that my very breathe was stolen from me. Just as Padmes had been drained slowly from her body. But until now I had not known what the reason was behind my anger. I had not questioned it, only assumed I would attempt to overthrow him once I became strong enough.
Until I saw my loves limp form lying on the filthy floor in his chambers. It was not filthy from dirt or debris, but tainted with the blood of the innocent. Just as the blade of my light sabor had been soiled many times in his name. The final shock of the viciousness he posessed hit me when I saw what he had done to iher. /i That alone was a sufficient reason to bring my dreams to the realm of reality. I iwould/i fight him, I iwould/i attempt to destroy his Empire and the evil that had dwelt there for far too long. I gave up the notion that it would be a desecration to her memory, I had desecrated it by what I had become after her death. And the only way to put things right after what I had done was to destroy the thcome between us.
Did I really believe I would win? He had already begun to mistrust me, with my reaction over Padmes death. He had known the one vulnerable spot I had left and he destroyed it. That alone showed that in the event he was challenged, he would be merciless. He would stop at nothing to exact revenge on a treachorous adversary, one he had once trusted. H would first attempt to regain control.
But I was no longer under even my own control. I was almost afraid of myself, of the rage that boiled through me, scorching my veins. My fists clenched tighter as I thought of what she must have felt, at his merciless hand. He had used the very powers the Force had granted him, to destroy one of its most precious wonders. The only mistake she had made was in placing her faith in the heart of a Sith.
I would now show the Emporer that even the countinance of his apprentice had it's limits. And in destroying her, he had destroyed all loyalty I had to any being in the gallexy. In her own way, she had kept me anchored to my being. She had made me believe their were limits to the actions I would perform. Now those limits were fallable. But now it was not the Jedi, nor the Rebels that would feel my wrath. It was the very person who had sought to rip my heart out of her grasp. He would soon wish he had reconsidered that notion.
"Lord Vader?" I heard a voice behind me speak softly, I did not turn around, afraid my thoughts would betray me in merely a facial expression. I could feel his nervousness permeating the air around me as he quietly continued, "We will be arriving on Degobah in just a few moments, Sir." I nodded and with a wave of my hand, dismissed him, listening to him quickly take his leave. I had to push my current thoughts aside for now. I had to go along, to play his game until I could proccur the right situation to form a reliable plan. So as I stood to step onto Degobah soil for the first time in years, I became Vader and left Anakin behind once more.
The guards I had brought with me began to get into formation around me as I walked down the gangplank. I fixed my eyes into a hard cold stare and glanced at passers by as though daring them to challenge me. A man came up to greet me, his head bowed humbly. He didn't dare look me in the eye as he stammered, "Greetings, Lord Vader. Welcome to Degobah. We are most pleased to have you grace this humble planet with your presence. I am Ambassador Liam Rokjah. Is their anything you need to make your stay here more pleasant? We-" I cut him off swiftly with a raise of one gloved hand. "I am not here on a social visit. I am here on a mission for the Empire. Have you heard anything regarding the death of Jedi Master Yoda?" He shook his head, visibly stunned by my inquiry. "No My Lord, though I must say I haven't heard that name spoken all too often in many a year." The young man swallowed nervously as though afraid I would not believe his words. But through the Force, I could sense no dishonesty in the man, so I allowed him to live, and he stepped aside. I inquired of the location of Jedi Master Yodas quarters, and was also given a incredulous glance before he said, "I'm afraid I do not know, M'Lord. He was not one to make himself a spectacle, he kept himself hidden deep within the swamps, never interacting with the townsfolk. And we kindly kept our distance as that seemed to be his wish. The only townsperson who might remember is the healer, Omji. She was said to have gone there once, long ago searching for him. But she never speaks of it. Nobody knows what the purpose of her visit was or what happened while she was there. But she is old now, and her memory is surely aging along with her body. I'd be suprised if she still remembered the way." I nodded, "I shall see," I said. "If she does not remember consciously, their are other ways of extracting the information." His eyes grew wider with fear and he stopped walking for a moment. I had no such inclination, so I kept going. After a moment he hurried up to my side, "Oh but you would not hurt her M'Lord, would you? She is weak now, old and very frail."
"I will do what is neccessary to complete the task I was sent here to do, Ambassador." I stated bluntly. He fumbled with his tunic for a moment, then nodded in acceptance, knowing nothing he said would make a difference. I do not know if it was Anakin Skywalker speaking at that instant, or if I had a change of mind thinking the old lady might prove useful in other ways, but I found myself saying, "If she cooperates and tells me what she knows, no harm will come to her." And with that, I left a very stunned Ambassador Rokjah standing with his mouth agape as I hurried to fulfill the task at hand.