My friend challenged me to write a story about Vanessa and Michael following a rather serious story line. I'll follow the story line but Im not very sure about the serious part. Ill never finish this. No, really, I probably won't. Vanessa and Michael just aren't my characters. Even less so than that Serena girl and Stanton.

It was a beautiful night in Los Angeles as is every California night, full of under-aged drinking, smoking, sex, and gang- related violence. Really. Don't you just love it? It was now the devil's hour and the parties were closing to a sad but inevitable end. Most parties anyway. We all know where the real parties are ;-) But anyway… ahem… on with this challenge. Our favorite couples were on their way home because being the good girls they claim to be, they didn't know where the real parties were. Heh. Those suckers.

Anyhow, Catty and Kyle were still wide awake and decided to stop by Chuckie Cheese on the way home. Tianna and Derek… well nobody cares. Jimena and Collin went surfing. Collin made a mud pie. Stanton and Serena… well they knew where the party was. But it's not the one we we're talking about. Heh. Those crazy nymphos. And now, last and probably least, there was our favorite G Rated couple, Michael and Vanessa. They decided that Chuckie Cheese was much to vulgar for their tastes. What with gigantic mice and ball pits lying around, there was bound to be an accident. The audacity! Really. Surfing was even worse. There was water out there for Christ's sake! And "mud pies get lodged in your throat" complains Michael himself. Ah… jocks. And whatever Tianna and Derek were doing, they couldn't possibly do because they would never stoop so low as to do something nobody cared about. And Serena and Stanton… they just didn't have the strength. Or the grease. Or the handcuffs. But let's not get into that…

So seeing as they were doing none of these dangerous activities, they must have been doing something, right? Yes indeed. And indeed they were.

Now if you'll please focus pass the steamy windows, you'll see that they are having good clean fun in the back of Michael's car/ truck/ bus/ steamboat. Ha! I don't know what that crazy crazy pretty boy drives! Vanessa would never consider having dirty fun. Vanessa's shit doesn't even stink and that's saying a lot. Yes, Vanessa and Michael were toasting marshmallows. In the C/ T/ B/ SB. And don't ask me how. I just write this stuff. Must be a Goddess thing. Vanessa ate a marshmallow.

"This is really good, muffin!"

"I'm glad you think so, dumpling!"

"I love you, Sugar Bottom!"

"I love you too, Pink Jolly Rancher with a Wrapper of the Same Name!"

"What fun!"

"Pure Bliss!"

Excuse me while I gag.

And so they leaned over to kiss each other but it looked more like two fish bumping lips. Vanessa was satisfied with her pathetic excuse for a kiss. But Michael wanted more. He deepened the kiss and sucked softly at her bottom lip. Vanessa decided that this was okay. She saw it on Full House. And Full House was a clean show. Full House was as clean as television can get. Michael traced his tongue over hers and slid his hands under her skirt.

Hmm. Now what's wrong with this picture? Perhaps Vanessa could tell us.

"IIEE!" she gave a warrior cry. "THAT WASN'T ON FULL HOUSE!"

Michael being the hopeless moron that he was and still is, continued to kiss her. You see, hopeless morons have this thing about them. It takes at least one extra minute to transfer signals to the brain. In severe cases, like Michael's, sometimes two. This is where the words 'duh…' and 'uhhh…' are derived from. But we're getting off subject. Well at the least, you're learning something.

Vanessa screamed another unnecessary scream and punched Michael across the jaw. That got his wheels spinning. "Vanessa!" he complained. "What did you do that for?"

Vanessa was in shock. He didn't know? But what could she expect?

Vanessa, my zipper is stuck.

Vanessa, I opened my mouth wide on the water slide

Vanessa, I ate a mud pie.

Maybe something is in the water…

"Michael! Never put your hands on me like that again!"

"Vanessa!"

"I cant believe you!"

"Vanessa!"

"If you ever do that again, I swear I'll"

"But Banana Split Sundae with"

"Stop calling me that!"

"That's it!" Michael yelled. "I cant take this anymore! Its over!"

Vanessa's mouth hung open. He couldn't do that to her. She was Vanessa. Vanessa Cleveland. "Are you breaking up with me?"

He sat there, waiting to receive the signals. When he did, he nodded. "I am"

She put a shaky hand to the door and opened it. "Fine" She jumped out and Michael slammed the door and sped off taking her marshmallows with him.

Will Michael decide to come back to Vanessa?

Will Vanessa ever get her marshmallows back?

Will Stanton and Serena ever find the key to those handcuffs?

WILL I EVER FINISH THIS MONSTROSITY?

Find out on the next episode of … whatever I decide to name this crazy crazy thing.