Title: Fear
Fandom: Howl's Moving Castle
Pairing: Howl/Sophie
Notes: A little longer this time at least, and more angst than fluff. Also, I'm fairly certain it'll work okay for both, but just in case, I'll point out that this is meant to follow movie canon, as I cannot remember the book (I have read it, I just can't remember it...).
He wonders what he'd have done if she hadn't been there, sometimes. Doubtless, he would have lost hope long ago, without her presence to look forward to. Who is that girl I saw? would constantly plague him as he grew up, after that fateful night of trading his heart. I want to meet her.
And finally he did, and definitely was not disappointed. He fell in love, quickly and easily, almost as if he had really fallen in love with just the thought of her so many years ago without realizing. He fell in love, and no longer was he looking always to the future, to what might be, but finally living in the here and now and not wanting anything to ever change.
And now instead of wondering who she is, he wonders what he would ever do if he lost her. The thought is almost too much to bear even considering, and yet it still plagues his mind at times. At night when they are lying in bed together, Sophie snuggled up close to him and face peaceful with sleep, sometimes without so much as a warning the horrible thought will fill his mind and terror will fill his heart, the heart that she gave back to him. What would happen if she wasn't there, what would happen if she left, what would happen if something happened to her... He cannot even comprehend how he would feel if any of this actually did happen, but considering how much pain even just the thought brings him, he is more sure than about anything else that he never, ever wants to find out.
But the painful 'what-if's don't consume his mind constantly. Usually he is filled with happiness, content to just be here with her, to be in love with her and have her in love with him. And not all of his dreams are filled with nightmares; most are filled with magnificent journeys the two of them, and everyone else in their strange yet wonderful family, might yet go on, and amazing sights that they may see.
He doesn't let the fear over take him, for he knows that then he would never be happy with what he does have. If you are constantly looking over your shoulder, you can't appreciate what is right there in front of you. It is something he has come to know all too well, from years and years of running away.
But as he told her, he will not run away anymore. And if he doesn't want anything bad to happen, he will have to make sure of that himself. He will protect her.