So I finally got my inspiration back for this story. I'm working on another one that's not nearly as serious or dramatic as this one, but it'll have romance and give you a good laugh.
Anyway, to answer your questions, there are no sailor senshi and none of them have any special powers. Mamoru hasn't had those dreams about Usagi, like in the R season. I'm not going to do this in Mamoru's point of view, since the whole point is to be in the exact same position as Usagi is, where she has no idea how he feels or what's going on. It is in her point of view, mind you. What fun would it be if you knew what everyone was thinking all the time? Sorry, but that's the way I want it.
Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! I had no idea I'd get so many, considering I haven't put up many chapters yet. Keep reviewing! I love to read them. Oh, yeah, and I remember checking who put me on their author alerts, and I saw Alicia Blade's name there. I got all happy because she's one of my favorite writers and that means she's actually reading my stories.
Okay, enough rambling. Hope you enjoy the chapter!
Chapter Four— Dreaming of YouMinako set down her plate, only a few small chocolate cake pieces left lying on the dish. I poked at the moist treat, the sight of it usually making me want to dive into its goodness, but instead I shoved my fork in random places on the cake. I dully stared at it, not flinching at how completely delicious it looked, even ignoring the low grumble deep in my stomach.
I couldn't get him out of my mind: the way he'd dangle his arm casually across the back of his stool, one leg extended across to touch the support of the counter, and the other bent to support the rest of his weight. Those steel blue eyes held so much intensity, you might think he practiced that sort of look in front of the mirror. It was so unbelievable. Each part of him fit perfectly, the slender form, the way his black button-up shirt hung carelessly up against the tight muscles of his stomach. The way his jet-black hair fell gently in front of his eyes, nearly making me want to brush the strands away. I knew I couldn't, though. Even when we were together, I didn't do it, no matter how much I wanted to. He didn't really liked being touched. I couldn't ask why since he would brush that subject off quickly. It made me wonder.
"Usagi-chan…" Minako started off after a long period of silence. "I'm so sorry. I didn't see him sitting there. I wouldn't have called your name if I had… I'm sorry."
"I would've seen him eventually. Don't worry about it. I mean, he does go to the arcade all the time. I could've met him in a worse way, like if I ran into him like I used to. Then I'd actually be forced to talk with him without crying."
"I still feel awful…"
"Don't feel like that. Really, I'm all right now. I just was… shocked, I guess. Him being there all of a sudden and not knowing I was there, too. It felt so… weird."
"You weren't the only one who was shocked," Minako stated. I bobbed my head slightly in response, still poking my fork aimlessly into the cake. "The girls and I were hoping to avoid you from seeing him for awhile, at least until you settled in. We all figured your feelings never changed, but there was a chance they did. At least I know now."
"I don't think my feelings for him are ever going to change. I guess it's different for him, huh?"
"What makes you say that?" she asked, way too optimistically for me to believe, making me feel somewhat suspicious.
"You wouldn't have tried to avoid me from seeing Mamoru with a certain person, now would you?"
She blinked in confusion. "You… know about her?"
"Yeah," I said flatly. "They were walking past the arcade the first day I came back. Perfect timing, huh?"
"Oh, Usagi…"
My gaze set onto an unknown place on the faraway wall. "I didn't have one date while I was gone. Not one single date. Sure, I got plenty of offers, and God only knows why, but I still turned them down. You know why? Because I loved him. I knew the dates would be meaningless and I didn't want to drag any boy into something that didn't have any potential. I don't know… I guess one part of me hoped he'd take one look at me, say he had missed me, and bring me up into his arms. Another part told me that we were through, forever. I always listened to the first part. That one string of hope kept me going. I don't know what to do anymore…"
"We'll figure it out, Usagi-chan… But if you ask me, he doesn't deserve you. If he honestly could feel your warmth and love, and break up with you without any good reason, then he really isn't good enough."
"He had a reason," I told her defensively.
"What, by saying you were too young? That's not a great reason. I mean, he knew you were young the moment you two got together. He could've broken up with you a long time ago."
"I guess so…"
"He isn't good enough for you, Usa-chan."
"I think I'm the one that isn't good enough."
She looked surprised at what I said. "What are you saying? Of course you are! You need to gain some of your self-confidence back. That would help you feel a lot better."
"I never really had too much in the first place," I mumbled dejectedly, hugging my legs to my chest, I buried my face into the fabric of my worn out jeans.
"Come on, Usa. Any guy would be lucky to have you."
"… I miss him. I want him, not some other guy."
She let out a sigh, rubbing along my back with the palm of her hand to comfort me. "I know. It's really tough to get over relationships that last that long. You get attached. Believe me, I know. I always got attached to some really hot guy because I thought I really liked him… Could I ask you something personal, though?"
"Hmm?" I mumbled, raising my head up slightly to look up at her face.
"How many times did you guys kiss during your relationship?"
I thought for a short moment, shrugging my shoulders, and wondering what this possibly had to do with anything. "Four or five…"
She looked completely shocked. "Four or five! In two whole years? You've got to be kidding me!"
"Is that… bad?" I asked, confused with her reaction. Sure, it wasn't much, but I figure kissing isn't that big of a deal. Is it?
"Well… I was just wondering. I mean, that's not very much for a two-year relationship. What about hugging?"
"I'd try to hug him a lot, but he usually would push me away and say that he's busy studying. I didn't really mind, I guess. His schoolwork was important. I knew that and he knew that."
"You mean he'd invite you over when doing schoolwork?"
"Yeah…" I said slowly, not really thinking about any of this before. "Almost always. I guess he thought it would motivate me to do my own homework or something. I'd end up watching T.V. in the end, while he kept reading some book."
"Did you mind him ignoring you like that?"
"Well, yeah… But I figured that's how relationships go."
"Oh, Usagi-chan! That's not how you're supposed to be treated! He should've put down his stupid schoolwork and paid attention to you. At least he could've invited you over when he didn't have work to do."
"I guess so…"
"You've seen movies where the guys would hug and kiss their girls a lot, right?"
I nodded my head. I always would watch romantic movies when I left Japan, since I had practically nothing else to do, especially over the summer when we had no school. "Yeah, I have."
"That's how you're supposed to be treated, with love and respect. You didn't deserve him ignoring you, no matter how important his schoolwork was. If he honestly cared at all, he wouldn't have been so selfish."
Lifting my head up more, I shifted my eyes around the room a bit. Was she right? I had no idea. Mamoru was my first and only boyfriend, so I really had no idea how the relationship thing was supposed to go. I thought those stories were ideal and not supposed to be based on real life. God… I was so wrong if that's really true.
"I guess… I never really thought he should do more for me. I wish he would have. I always wished he'd hug me or kiss my cheek or something. Maybe… you're right about that."
"There you go!" she exclaimed. "You deserved better! And I think you should start exploring other guys, see how different it is. Believe me, you'll love it."
"That's what my mom said."
"See!"
Biting my lower lip, I loosened the grip on my legs and let them fall away from my chest, letting my fingers travel over to my cheeks. They were now completely dry instead of moist with tears, giving them a chalky kind of feel to them. I looked like a ghost. "Who would possibly want me now? I mean… I'm a wreck. Just look at me."
"What are you talking about? You're so pretty and don't even realize it! All you need is some… freshening up."
"What kind of 'freshening up'?" I began to wonder what little scheme she had mulling around in that colorful little head of hers.
There was a wide grin held on her face now, one I feared. That always meant she was going to do something dramatic to me or someone else. Last time I saw that look, I had cake mix all over my body from her little 'idea' to put oil and water in a pan full of cake mix. She comes up with the weirdest things…
"Come on, we have a lot of work to do," she said, grabbing my hand, she dragged me out of the apartment quick as lightning.
"Are you sure about this, Minako-chan?" I questioned my best friend for the millionth time. She rolled her eyes a bit at my overly used question.
"Of course I'm sure? When have I ever failed you?" she asked me with a grin. "Oh, wait… Don't answer that."
I giggled slightly. A woman with long black hair and bright green eyes started to apply some kind of eye shadow. I wasn't able to see it, since Minako told me to keep my eyes closed throughout this whole process. She talked me into going to her modeling agency to get a head-to-toe makeover. At first I wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea, but by the time we got here and settled down, I became happier and happier. She was right; this was a good idea, for once. The idea of putting on so much make-up, which I normally didn't do, sounded really… well, nice.
The building itself made my jaw drop. The top seemed to reach past the clouds, very large, clear windows spread out randomly across the outside, so you could easily look in. The inside was even better. Marble floors met us as we walked inside, with white and gold spread across the walls. Pieces of colorful art popped up here and there along the walls, adding an extra elegance to the room. Her studio (yes, she has her own studio), was a remake of the lobby, only with orange-colored things added within the white and gold. There was a huge vanity table that looked as if it fit against the whole wall, bright lights reflecting against it and a gigantic walk-in closet sat across from it, completely filled with racks of designer clothes that I could never dream of wearing. First, she suggested we get some make-up on my face.
"Okay, now relax… I can't put eye shadow on if you don't stop twitching," the make-up artist told me, not commandingly, but in a soft voice, sounding half-serious.
"Thanks again for coming in today, Miko. I never could've done her make-up all by myself. Remember when I was stupid enough to try that on my first photo shoot, and the photographer threw me out for looking like a 'crying zebra'?" Minako questioned the woman, laughter held in her voice.
"Yes…" Miko said, pausing for a moment, then begun brushing on the eye shadow gently again. "Yes, I remember that day well. You wanted so badly to do your own make-up, so I let you. I suppose that's how you learn, ne?"
"I learned the hard way. He nearly threw his camera at me. I was so embarrassed!"
Miko laughed gently, stopping once again. A moment later, she ran a brush along the apples of my cheeks. I still kept my eyes closed, listening closely. "What did you expect? You told me you were being 'creative' when you used black eyeliner to make thick stripes along your face. It was hard not to laugh."
"Even you were against me! What has the world come to when they would go against a wonderful model such as myself?"
"Well, you weren't a famous model then, remember? You were just a poor newbie."
"Everyone knows she's a model now," I commented. "When we were walking down the street, at least ten guys came up to her and asked her out."
"Yeah, well…" Minako began in her not-so-modest voice. "I can't help it if men naturally find me attractive."
"I couldn't believe you actually flirted with them. Some of them were at least ten years older than you," I told her with a sigh.
"So? I can look, I just can't touch."
"That should be your motto," Miko said as she ran a brush along here and there, making me think she was doing her final touches. God… Keeping your eyes closed for a long time makes you sleepy. I guess that's why people close their eyes when they go to sleep. Never thought of it that way. "With all the male models and men in general you happen to flirt with, it definitely suits you."
"Motoki would kill me if he knew that!"
"Exactly," Miko stated with a small giggle.
Before Minako could answer, Miko exclaimed happily, "Finished! Take a look, Tsukino-san."
Opening my eyes slowly, I let them adjust to the bright light suddenly in my view. My blurry vision soon faded and became clear. Then I was staring straight at a reflection of a stranger. I blinked a couple times, not believing what I was seeing. There I was, dark eyeliner surrounding my eyes, silver eye shadow spreading all the way to my eyebrows, and a thick stream of the eye shadow brushed along the beneath my eyes, a hint of purple within it, complimenting the blue color of my eyes. A light shade of pink was added to my cheeks, giving it a natural look. A layer of clear gloss covered my lips, silver sparkles spread along them, flashing at the change of the light. The outside of my hair was ironed, curling inward slightly and showing off every last layer in it, looking softer than ever.
"Wow…" was all I could manage to say, still gaping at my reflection. I mean, how could this possibly be me? I looked so… different. But that was the idea, to make me feel like a brand new person. It worked.
"She looks beautiful, Miko! Wonderful job, as usual," Minako commented brightly.
"Yes, beautiful," she repeated in a satisfied tone.
Gently, I reached out and ran my fingers along the side of my face. "I can't believe it."
"We're not quite done yet, my dear Usagi-chan. You've got the face, now you need the clothes. Now get your ass in that closet before I have to drag you inside there myself!"
Minako picked out a pretty pink dress for me to wear. It wasn't too revealing, thankfully. The skirt part came slightly above my knees and had a halter-type top, which made my chest looked a little bigger. That's just what I need, my already-grown chest to look even bigger. My dad would hate the dress. Well, he'd hate anything I'd wear besides my school uniform.
I can't believe Minako are actually the same size. Maybe we really are twins.
She said that she wanted to show my new look to Motoki, I'm guessing to show off her dress. I didn't really feel like going back to the arcade again, but she insisted, so I agreed to go. Why not? Motoki would at least have some kind words for me. He always does.
It was already nighttime as we drove up to the arcade in Minako's car, which, like her personality, was a cherry red sport-type one. Note that I know nothing about cars. Obviously. It looked kind of like a racecar. And with the way she drove, I wasn't too sure about my safety. 'Red light?' she'd say. 'What's that?'
As soon as we walked inside the arcade, I noticed that it was completely empty. That's weird, usually people come here all the time at night to have dinner or something. Out of nowhere, I heard a loud "SURPRISE!" and there all my friends and family were, jumping from behind the counter. Motoki held a huge cake that said, "Welcome back, Usagi". I looked at all of them in shock, and happiness.
"A surprise party?" I asked Minako, blinking. She just grinned at me secretively as all my friends ran over to me, giving me huge hugs that nearly made me go blue.
"Usagi, you look so beautiful!" my mom exclaimed as she, too, joined in the hugging. "Minako said she was going to make you over, but I never realized she would make you this wonderful!"
"Yeah, not too shabby, Odango," Rei said, smiling in spite of the usual abuse of my nickname.
"It's too short," my dad said out of nowhere, which I guess was talking about my dress. My mom slapped him upside his head and he became quiet, rubbing the sore spot she made.
"This is… so great! Thanks, everyone!" I nearly shouted. For once in a couple days, I felt really happy that I had so many people that cared about me.
"Enough chit-chat," Rei told us. "Time for some cake!"
Three pieces of cake later, Minako pushed me to sit down at the counter, everyone else crowding around me, making me feel like a packed sardine.
"On this special occasion," Minako announced to everyone. "We have decided to pitch in and get you a present. One we all knew you'd love."
Motoki brought out a medium-sized wrapped box and set it in front of me on the counter. I smiled brightly and tore the wrapping off quickly. I opened the white box and there sat a single paper. Blinking, I took the light paper out of the box and glanced over it. It looked like some sort of… contract or something.
"What's this?" I asked blankly as I still ran my eyes over it.
"A lease," my mom said. "For an apartment. Your father and I wanted you to experience life as a young woman, and this is a way to start. Now, we will give you any money you need until you get settled in and have a job."
"I got my manager to donate flowers to brighten up the rooms," Makoto added in, smiling gently.
"And my sister has some old household equipment that she wants to give you, to start you out," Motoki said.
"The apartment's real nice," Minako was saying. "A friend of mine owns it, and he gave us a good deal."
Tears begin running down my cheeks. I felt so… happy right now. I couldn't believe they'd do all this stuff, just for me. Out of instinct, I jumped out of my seat and hugged every single one of them.
"Thank you, thank you!" I was saying over and over, feeling so overwhelmed that I wanted to burst.
"Geeze, calm down, Odango. It's not like you won a million dollars, or something," Rei told me jokingly as I hugged her, but I could even see a couple tears in her eyes, whether she wanted to admit they were there or not.
"My little baby's all grown up," my mother said happily as she gripped her arms around me tightly.
When I hugged dad, he just went, "If you bring any boys there, I'll kill them."
We all laughed at that. It's good to finally be home.
After we had all talked for a long time and ate even more cake, which was nearly gone by now, I told them I wanted to go outside for some fresh air. My dad was about to protest, probably because it was dark out, but my mom hit him again and assured me it was all right to go.
I walked outside, and without thinking about it for a second, let my feet do the walking and arrived at the Ichi-No-Hashi Park. There were so many memories held here, I could barely stand it. All the days the girls and I would go here to play happily on the swing sets like a group of little toddlers, or when my family and I would sit on the grass on a nice day, just to have a quiet picnic. Then there was the few dates Mamoru and I had here. One of the few times we weren't cooped up in his apartment, doing homework or watching television. One of the few times he actually kissed me. It was an odd kiss, too. All he told me was that I had caramel gum in my mouth. He didn't put any feeling into it. I wasn't surprised or anything, I was used to him doing stuff like that, but still…
I froze when I noticed a shadowy figure hunched over, sitting on one of the benches near the lake. A crazed rapist? I couldn't tell. The moonlight was the only brightness, and it didn't show any of the person's features.
I approached slowly, feeling my breath catch in my throat. Mamoru. Sitting in the park, at night. He never did things like that. I suddenly felt my instincts kick in and became worried. Maybe something was wrong.
Soundlessly, I sat on the bench, making his attention suddenly turn to me. Finally I could see his whole face, bathed in the light of the moon, his normally deep blue eyes looking dull. It reminded me of my own that looked that way for a long time. Slowly, though, they were gaining back their shine as he took a long, intense look at me.
We didn't say anything for a long time, simply staring into each other's eyes, me trying to read him, and him trying to read me. I knew I never could, even if I tried. He masked his feelings so well.
"You look… amazing," he breathed, his voice rising over the silence of the night, making it feel like we were the only two people in the world, sitting here. I could feel a blush rise to my cheeks. He almost never complimented me. Why now, of all times?
"Thank you," I managed to say, finally tearing my eyes away from him to stare out at the lake. The water sparkled under the soft white light shining from the stars, making it seem like there were stars buried under the water, waiting to rise out and go back up into the sky, where they belonged.
"Special occasion?"
"The girls and my parents threw me a party, you know, for me coming back," I said, trying to sound as casual as possible. "What are you doing out here this late?"
He leaned back slightly, I could see in the corner of my eye. "Just thinking."
"About?"
"Not sure."
"You came out here in the middle of the night to think about something, but you don't know what?" I asked curiously. Even to me, it sounded weird for someone to do.
"Pretty much."
After a moment of silence, I asked something else that would hurt me, but I said it anyway, "How is your girlfriend?"
I side-glanced him, seeing a surprised look written all over his face. "Who?"
"I saw a brunette girl with you. She's pretty," I told him, trying my best not to sound bitter. It was true, though.
"You mean Senki? I… well, I've been out with her a few times, but she's not really my girlfriend."
My gaze traveled to the ground. Girlfriend or not, he's moving on, like I should be doing. I guess I should be happy for him, and I am. I mean… Maybe this Senki has things that I don't have. Things that he wants.
I smiled, forcing it to be happy, but I knew it looked completely fake. "Oh, that's nice."
"What about you?" he asked quietly.
"Me?" I repeated, a sad laugh escaping me. "Who would want me?"
He almost looked angry now as he said, "What are you talking about?"
"You want me to explain? Okay, well, I trip all the time, I eat too fast, I'm selfish, I'm not too bright, not attractive—"
"You're perfect," he cut in suddenly. I stared at him. He really sounded… sincere. I don't get it. One minute he's being completely cold, then the next he goes and says something like that.
"I am?" I choked out, tears straining in my throat.
He nodded his head slightly, looking straight into my eyes, and said in such a light whisper that I could barely hear his words, "You are."
Turning away from his gaze, I wiped my eyes dry of tears, the eyeliner mixing into the salty water and making it run down my cheeks. Here I was again, being the huge baby that I always was, for absolutely no reason at all.
In my surprise, he reached over and wiped away a stray tear off my cheek with his thumb softly. I closed my eyes softly from the touch of his hand, feeling it lay onto my cheek, his hand warming up the cold feeling on my skin. I could feel the warmth of his body moving closer to me, making my heart speed up at the closeness. He's never touched me like this before.
His lips brushed up very gently against my own, so I could barely feel it, but at the same time, feeling it so much that it hurt. Soon I could feel his warm breath on my ear, and he whispered, "I'm sorry."
Before I knew what was happening, his warmth was completely gone. I opened my eyes to find an empty spot in front of me. I stared at that spot for what seemed like forever. I had no idea what happened. My head was so cloudy that I could barely even think.
Wiping the nearly black stray tears away from my cheek, I breathed in deeply and pushed myself up from the bench, my legs feeling like two pools of Jell-O. Very slowly, almost painfully, I trudged my way back home.