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Chapter Six—DenyingDipping half of my finger into my soda, I pulled it out and stuck it in my mouth, savoring the sugary taste. Good stuff. Hm, come to think of it, I haven't actually had anything too sweet in awhile, save for some of Makoto's SUPER delicious cookies. That's pretty unusual not to have much, for me, anyway. I remember always stuffing my face with cookies, cake, anything that had sugar in it. Sure, I still love sweets as much as the next girl, but it's not an obsession or anything.
The girls decided we should "live the night life" and go to an eighteen-and-over club near the Tokyo Shopping Strip. Pretty nice place. They didn't serve alcohol, but had a huge dance floor with tiles that lighted up as you stepped on them. A huge DJ booth made the whole room boom with the music, the base turned up high so it felt like the music was pulsing against your skin. Normally I'd love to get out on the floor. Everyone else was dancing, couples and groups of people moving to the beat, most grinding up against each other. We had just gotten there, though, so I wasn't in the 'mood' yet, I guess.
"Oi, snap out of it, Odango," Rei said suddenly as she flicked my temple with her finger.
"Geeze, you don't have to hit me," I told her, rubbing the sore spot.
"I didn't hit you. I flicked you."
"Same, difference."
"It still hurt…" I trailed off with a pout forming on my lower lip.
She stuck her pink tongue out at me. "Stop being such a baby, Odango-baka."
"You started it!"
"Did not!"
"Did toooo!"
"Prove it!"
By then we both had the sides of our faces pressed up against each other. She was NOT going to win this one.
"God, those guys are cute…" Makoto trailed off with glittering stars forming in her eyes. Her gaze was held on a group of guys slightly older than us, showing off charming smiles to any girl that looked their way. Some things never change.
Minako had the same kind of gaze as she added, "Mm, you're telling me."
Rei rolled her eyes. "You'd think that graduating from high school would make them mature a bit, but no, lets just gawk at guys all night."
"Aww, come on, lighten up a bit," Minako said, prodding Rei with her elbow. "Besides, Mako-chan and Usa need to find a guy. How else are we supposed to find them a boyfriend, hmm?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe letting them find one on their own?"
Minako grinned. "But that'd be no fun."
"No fun for who?"
"Me, of course."
"Of course," Rei sighed in defeat.
"At least you have Motoki," Makoto cut in with a slightly sad tone.
"Yeah, true, he is pretty wonderful," Minako agreed, doing her famous peace sign with a sly wink. "Not as wonderful as moi, though. Now, if you'll excuse me, that hot guy over there has my name written all over him." She quickly hopped up out of her seat and scurried away.
We let out a unanimous sigh.
"Think if we pop her head, it'll inflate?" I questioned to no one in particular.
"That'd take a pretty big needle," Makoto injected. We watched as Minako approached a fairly well built guy as if she'd known him for years and eventually conned him into dancing with her. I swear, that girl never gives up, even if she does have a boyfriend. Oh well, its not like she'd do anything with him. Cheating is definitely not an issue, but flirting is. Motoki thankfully isn't a jealous person, so even that isn't a huge deal to him. She made a good choice. I would know, he's practically my best friend.
"Speaking of guys, how's your love life going, Ami?" Makoto asked after she took a sip of her drink.
A blush creeped over Ami's cheeks. "Um, it's fine."
"Only fine?" Rei asked with a raised brow. "I heard someone is shacking it up with one of the doctors at the hospital your mom works at."
"Ooh, I thought you weren't like that, Ami-chan," I said teasingly, making her shrink down in her seat.
"I'm not… You guys have it all wrong. I'm simply friends with Dr. Yumi," she said in her defense.
"Oooo, Dr. Yumi, huh?" Rei continued the teasing. "Have you kissed yet?"
"N-No, of course not."
"Then why are you blushing?" I prodded, grinning.
"I'm not," she said calmly.
"Uh huh."
"Hey, guys, have you heard of that river? Oh, what's it called? DE-Nile?" Makoto continued.
"You guys, stop it. He and I are only friends, honestly," Ami tried to defend herself with the telltale blush still painted on her cheeks.
"Uh huh," I repeated in the same tone.
Makoto added, "Sure you are."
Rei squinted her eyes a bit, telling us, "Hey, wait a second, guys… Isn't that Mamoru?"
The light mood was cut short in an instant. I really didn't want to deal with him right now, especially after I said all that stuff to him. I hoped I'd never see him again, but I guess I was bound to run into him. I took a long sip of my drink, not even bothering to look at him. Rei blinked, probably wondering why I hadn't burst into tears and ran out of the club at the mention of his name.
I could feel his presence near us. I know it sounds weird, but we've always had some sort of weird bond. I knew when he was around, he'd know when I was around. I knew it was him by the tingle that ran up the back of my neck and creeped it way down my spine. Like some sort of inner physical connection. I hoped by now it would fade, but it hadn't.
"Usagi," was the next word said. Deep, curious, and unwavering.
"Mamoru," I breathed out, still not mustering enough gut to actually look at him. There was an obvious tension held between us, a thin layer that threatened to suffocate the whole table. Rei looked at Ami, who looked at me, their eyes questioning, even nervous. So far I hadn't told them much about what had happened between him and me. There wasn't much to tell, anyway.
"What brings you here?" he asked suddenly. Finally, my gaze managed to wander over to him. Dressed in my favorite, or at least my ex-favorite, silk black shirt that clung to his body just right, loose at the arms and tightening around his torso. His soulful blue eyes were gazing at me, almost hopeful. He had this look a lot lately.
"Just hanging out with the girls, you know. What about you?"
"Oh, Motoki dragged me here. He said something about me needing to loosen up."
"Can't say I blame him," I muttered to myself as I took a long swig of the sweetened soda. His brows furrowed at my words
"Excuse me?" he questioned accusingly, his voice tight.
"You aren't exactly loose. You're about as wound up as a ball of twine."
All I could see was pure shock running across his features. What, so I can't insult him a little? It's not like I meant to… Well, maybe I did. Kind of. I wouldn't admit it, though.
"Since when do you point out my faults?"
"Since now."
By now the rest of my friends were watching us, their eyes darting back and fourth between us as the fight continued, watching as if it was a heated tennis match.
"Well, in that case, I'd like to tell you something that's always bugged me. The way you wail and are so damn immature it makes my head spin," he shot back haughtily.
"At least it's better than being a boring know-it-all," I spat, glaring into his eyes, as he did the same. The tension between us grew steadily.
"At least I have a head on my shoulders and not in the clouds. I'll actually get somewhere in life."
"And what's that supposed to mean?" I asked suddenly, my cheeks pink.
"It means you're a ditzy crybaby that'll never get a steady job, while I'm studying to be a doctor. What are YOU striving to be? A dancer? Come on, everyone knows that's a dead-end career."
"Says who?"
"Says me."
"Sorry, but that doesn't mean much."
I could see that got to him. His head lowered a bit. Finally, he noticed the little audience that was quietly watching us. "Usagi… We need to talk. Alone."
"Fine," the word came out in a mutter as I grabbed my coat angrily, strolling back to the entrance of the club. Somehow I managed to push my way through the tide of sweaty, dancing crowds and exited through the front door. As soon as the chilly night air hit my hot cheeks, I felt much better. Wrapping my bare arms around my chest, I glanced down, seeing the white satin tube top that cascaded down past my hips, ending in wavy ruffles. One of my favorite shirts, but not one of my favorites on a cold night. So I slipped my jacked over my shoulders, seeing Mamoru come through the same door I just exited. Suddenly my gaze swept to the ground. I could feel him brush up against my arm lightly, now standing in front of me.
"Let's walk for a bit, okay?" he said softly, in a much different tone than he just had. I only nodded. Without even thinking about it, my mind almost numb, we began walking down the long pathway. The hundreds of chattering voices began to fade away, along with the fast-paced music, and soon it disappeared completely. Neither of us said anything for awhile, even after it became silent. I didn't really know what to say. Should I apologize? Or wait until he says something first?
"I'm sorry," I murmured without giving the words any more thought. I needed to say it. "I mean… What I said was pretty harsh. I guess I was angry. I didn't mean it."
"Don't worry about it," he told me suddenly, my eyes traveling over to him. He had his hands shoved deep in his jean pockets, gaze held on the pavement, looking as if he was thinking about something. "I probably deserved it."
"No, you didn't. I just… I dunno."
"Go ahead," he urged me gently, now looking in my direction.
"I honestly didn't think I'd see you again for a long time."
"Really?" he asked, surprised.
"Yeah… Guess I figured I could avoid you or something, but that's pretty impossible. We do go to a lot of the same places."
"Why do you want to avoid me?"
I let out a light sigh, one that I only I could hear. "I thought it'd be the best thing to do, you know, after all that happened."
"Usagi…" he trailed off lightly. "I really think we need to get everything out in the open. There's a lot to say… but I can't say it here. Would you please come back to my apartment? I promise, cross my heart and hope to die, that I won't hurt you or try anything on you."
I thought for what seemed like a long time. "… All right."
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Snuggling myself up against the soft blanket, I tucked it against my body, letting out a content sigh. He had set a fire on the logs in the fireplace, the heat slowly spreading across the room. The couch sat directly in front of it, so I had a nice view. I watched as the red swirled around, dancing in the air, then disappearing. Sparks shot from one end or another, also going off into the darkness of the fireplace, not to be seen again.
The apartment hadn't changed much since I'd been here last. A couple new flower pots here, a new CD player, but not much besides that. The walls were white, almost gray, everything else blending in with the bland color. I always wanted to do something to make everything look brighter, but he didn't like any of my ideas. Your home reflects your personality, I guess. He wasn't really that boring. Once you got him away from the schoolbooks, he can be really playful. Didn't get to see that side too often, though. I wish I did. Maybe things would've been different somehow.
I felt a smooth object being forced gently into my open hands, quickly snapping my attention downwards, I saw it was a simple white mug filled with steaming hot coca that warmed up my slightly cool skin at the contact. Mamoru had taken a seat next to me, setting his own hot mug on the glass coffee table in front of the couch.
"Where to start…" he said to break the silence.
"I really don't know what to say," I told him honestly.
"Me neither. I think we know what to say, but we don't want to say it."
"You're probably right."
I could see him rub his finger along the side of his hand slowly, thinking silently. He didn't dare make eye contact. Neither did I.
"I miss you," he admitted quietly. I ran my finger along the rim of my mug, feeling the steam press up against my skin for a second, then dissipated. When I didn't reply, he continued, "I know you might think I'm only saying it, but I mean it. My life is so… boring without you. Go to the arcade, then school, my job, then back at home. Every day, nothing different. But when you were here… There'd always be something new. You'd pop by while I was studying with a plate of charcoal cookies, but I'd eat them anyway, just for you. We'd sit here for the longest time, either with you leaning on me, sleeping, or listening to music. You'd even drag me off into some sort of store, begging me to buy something, or else you'd die from not having whatever it was. Then I'd laugh. I miss laughing like that."
Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him as he spoke, slowly taking in each word. I don't ever remember him being so… personal about anything. I liked it, though. Absently, I placed the mug on the coffee table, searching for the words.
"I miss all that, too," I told him in a whisper. "All I wanted… was for you to pay more attention to me. We barely ever kissed or hugged. I didn't mind us just spending time together, I guess deep in my heart, I wanted… more."
He sighed. "I'm sorry. You know about… what happened with my parents. After that, it was hard for me to get close with anyone, even you. I never opened up my heart because I thought, in the end, something bad would happen to you… And if I never got close to you, then it wouldn't hurt as much."
I blinked, turning myself to him completely, saying, "Nothing will happen to me. What happened with your mom and dad… All the time, I wish that never happened… but you can't let that stop you from being close to people. That's what makes you feel special and loved, being close to someone."
"What if something does happen, though?"
"That's a risk everyone takes. At any moment, anybody can die, or get hurt, but that's how life works. It's all a huge risk, but without the risk, what kind of life is it? Not much of one."
He nodded his head. "I suppose you're right…"
"I am right," I said with a soft smile.
"So… If I opened up my heart, you'd come back to me?" he asked with a slight choke in his words.
"I… don't know."
The slight glimmer of hope in his azure eyes faded in an instant, and he looked down at the ground, hopeless. "I see."
"Mamo-chan…" I whispered blankly.
The room was silent for a moment. He set his gaze back at me, now surprised.
"What did you call me…?"
"I…" my voice trailed off, not able to finish my sentence. I honestly couldn't answer him. It came out naturally without thinking.
"I thought 'Mamo-chan' was a name for lovers," he told me in a slightly bitter tone.
"It is," was all I could manage to say.
He then asked me, "How long are you going to keep denying your feelings?"
Without another word, our gazes came in contact. I could see a spark held in his deep eyes as he stared at me, content and calm. The light of the fire flickered against his features, casting a shadow on a part of his face, the other glimmering an orange color, revealing the soft yet masculine features of his face. His smooth, very lightly golden skin, cerulean eyes more beautiful than I had seen on any other man, crevices on his face smooth as they gave him very handsome features fit for a model, soft black tendrils of hair falling into his eyes. My hand itched to brush it back. This time, without thought or ration, I did just that. Raising my hand very slowly, I reached up to his face, gently pushing back the soft locks along his forehead, only for them to fall back in place seconds later. In all that time, our gazes never went astray.
As I was letting my hand fall back away from his face, he took it in his own hand before it became out of reach. He brushed the palm of my hand up against his sinfully soft pink lips, his eyes drifting to shut halfway as I watched his every movement. The light but very effective contact made my cheeks heat up, hopefully not enough for him to notice. He lay tiny butterfly kisses along the very edge of my skin, making it tingle at every kiss.
Regretfully, I removed my hand away. A shade of hurt flashed in his eyes, but quickly faded as he saw me leaning forward. Soundlessly, I captured my lips with his, letting the lids of my eyes drift shut. He didn't make any sort of movement in fear of me running away, so to rid this fear, I placed my hand at the back of his neck and tilted my head upward, putting gentle pressure into the kiss. Soon he responded, placing his hands at my lower back, pulling me into the kiss further. He made the next move, opening his mouth very slightly, and I felt the warm friction up against my lips, also beginning to massage my lips against his own. Becoming bolder, I wrapped my arms around his neck, fully pressing myself up against him, feeling his smooth, heated skin through the material of his shirt.
Surprised at this, he decided to do something I didn't expect. I felt a wet, silky pressure up against my lips, realizing it was the tip of his tongue, brushing up against my top lip, asking for access. Instantly, I opened my mouth, feeling it slip through and into my mouth. Very gently, he massaged the tip of his tongue up against my own. I ran my own along its soft ridges, savoring the relaxing sensation running throughout my body. After he had moved his tongue all around my mouth, as if he was memorizing where every bump and ridge was, he broke the kiss. My eyes still closed, he pressed his lips gently up against each of my cheeks, then my forehead, chin, and continued slowly, covering every inch on my face.
He retreated for a second. Then I felt something brush up against my ear, nearly making me jump. I opened my eyes a bit, seeing a blurred image, half of his face up against my own as he lay kisses along my ear, each kiss making little static vibrations run from the area touched. He moved his kisses slightly lower, making a trail along the top of my neck.
He came back up to my ear, whispering so I could feel his hot breath collide with my skin, "Do you want me to stop?"
I shook my head in response, my mind practically mush at this point. I could see him smile at the look on my face, dazed as ever. He made another trail of kisses down my neck, arriving at the nape. He pushed away my jacket, letting it glide off my now bare shoulders and onto the couch. The newly revealed skin was soon scathed as he lowered his head, placing kisses along my shoulder, stroking his lips against my collarbone, making another spark run through my body, a nearly inaudible moan escape my parted lips at the sensation. Respectfully, he kept his hands at the base of my back, but let his hands slip under the hem of my shirt. My warm skin met with his cold hands, and he kept them at that spot, not wanting me to be uncomfortable.
I couldn't describe the feelings he was giving me. I had never experienced anything like this before, and I liked it… a lot. I might've not liked it with any other guy, but with Mamoru, I know he'll keep me safe. I know I can trust him. He wouldn't force me into anything I didn't want. And I loved him for that.
As he was nipping at the sensitive skin of my neck, something caught my eye. I could barely make it out, but in my eyes, I could see it as clear as day. A piece of clothing: red and lacy. Suddenly I felt my stomach drop. Mamoru was numb to me now, and all his touches I was immune to. Pushing him forcefully off me, I saw his eyes open, dumbfounded at the sudden move. I pushed myself off the couch, his eyes cautiously following me.
Near fiery rage held in my eyes, I picked the garment off the floor, letting it dangle between two of my fingers as I stared accusingly at him.
"What the hell is this?"
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Yay, I finally got this out. Hopefully it reached your expectations…? I'm glad I finally got to write a kissing scene. I like those. And finally the R (or 'M', as it's now called) rating is kicking in! Anyway… Tell me what you thought. Please? - Pout - I'll give you a cookie?