"Gah. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate arrays?"

"Just because you're a genius doesn't mean that you can't debase yourself with a little bit of good, old-fashioned elbow grease."

Ed twitched at that. It was such a Mustang-esque comment, but it was ten times worse when someone else said it. That someone being Jean Havoc. "Put out that stupid cigarette," was the only thing that he could come back with.

"No. If you can gripe about arrays, I can smoke."

"It's not healthy," Ed creaked to his feet, wincing at his sore knee and sorer back. "Oooh, I hope you had the sense to bring some painkillers with you."

Jean tossed him the bottle. "What's not healthy is you taking the amount of painkillers you do."

"Twelve at a time isn't that bad." He swallowed the capsules dry. "At least I'm not chain-smoking."

"I don't chain-smoke," Jean said mildly. "I go through about a pack a week. If you're going to nitpick about it, I can leave."

Shit! "I'm not nitpicking," Ed said, slightly desperate and hoping that older blonde didn't notice. "I'm commenting. And you really wouldn't leave over something that stupid?"

"I've been kicked out for less, you know," the man pointed out wryly. "'Course, it would be embarrassing to be kicked out of my own house."

"You're not going anywhere," he said firmly, wobbling over and doing a calculated (no, really!) collapse against the bigger man. "You're going to stay right here. I'm going to keep you right here, come hell or high water. If I have to put a goddamn dogcollar on you, I will."

"... I feel loved."

"You should." He nuzzled his face into Jean's middle. All griping aside, Ed liked the semi-dizzy feeling of the mixed smells of cigarette smoke and natural musk that defined Jean. He just didn't like the thick, choking smoke, and he didn't like the thought that Jean could die from all the ick-stuff in the cigarettes. "You're mine, and I don't mind advertising that fact." He reached up to pluck the cigarette away from Jean's lips. "After dinner, could you help me with something?"

"What?"

"Don't sound so guarded. It's just research."

"Kid –" Jean was the only one that could call him 'kid' and live afterwards – "last time you said that, I was knocked out for a week."

He looked innocently up into guarded blue eyes, smiling sweetly. "Jean... I promise this won't be like last time. Al's out-of-town, and you're off tomorrow... come on, it'll be fun..."

If anything, that just made the gorgeous blue eyes close off even more. "Define 'research'."

He hooked the cheap steel dogtags out from under Jean's shirt. Playing with them, he purred, "Not alchemy research, per se... more like... oh... scientific research?" Jean's eyebrows lifted. Finding the sight absolutely adorable, Ed tugged lightly on the tags to bring the taller blonde down to his level. "Purely harmless, I promise."

Jean's eyes rolled. "Kid..."

"M'mm... I could just give a demonstration of how purely harmless it is..." His tongue ran over Jean's lips, demanding attention. "Second thought, let's skip supper and just make a night of it, h'm?"

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

For kaori-desu. Because she asked, and asking is love.

Seriously, I will write any JeanxAnybody fics that reviewers request. Within reason of course. If no one suggests anything (I'm not limited to the military group, y'know!) I will start writing crack pairings. And as amusing as that might be, I don't want to do that, because I'll end up with something embarrassing like Jean/Kimbley, Jean/Hoenhiem, Jean/Greed, or something stupid like that. So, please, preserve my sanity, and request! You can even request scenarios!

Oh, random note: these drabbles have absolutely zap-squee to do with each other. They're all standalones.