"Who the fuck is that?"
"I don't know. Family of yours?"
"I assumed he was yours."
"Fullmetal, I don't think the genes in my family allow for that particular shade of hair..."
"Don't look at me, Mustang. His hair's better than mine."
Slightly shocked, Mustang blinked over at the smaller alchemist. Fullmetal was currently staring out the window in bemusement. "Beg pardon?"
"How could a man be that pretty? There's got to be a law against it or something."
"Unfortunately, I don't think there is one," Mustang said shakily. He was wracking his brains to remember who this guy was... Long peach-blonde hair, stunning green eyes, almost too pretty to be a man... "Good lord."
"You know him?"
"Yeah... he's the Celestial Alchemist. A relatively recent acquisition for the military, but already proven invaluable. He favors mediation over violence, so he's settled quite a few border conflicts without having to pull even one trick out of his sleeve. I don't think I've ever seen him actually perform alchemy."
Ed shushed him and they both watched in mute fascination as the young man waved to someone, presumably exiting the front door.
That someone being one Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc.
"Well, fuck," Ed said. "If I had known that..."
"Fullmetal... I don't think they're related... just keep watching..."
"Guh... whaaa!"
Aaaand the Celestial Alchemist and the Second Lieutenant were hugging. In public. With two very snarky and possessive alchemists watching. And fuming.
The alchemist laughed and plucked the cigarette from Havoc's lips with an ease born of familiarity. Fume. Havoc's hand drifted lightly and easily over the man's hair. Fume. The man snugged closer to Havoc, fingers winding together.
Fume.
"I'm gonna...!" Ed made to storm out of the room, bloody death on his mossy little mind. Roy grabbed him.
"Twit! What if Havoc finds out we've been spying on him? You think Hawkeye is scary, wait till you see Havoc with a shotgun or rifle!"
That made Ed pause and sneak back to the window. "Err... point there."
The alchemist's head rested lightly on Havoc's shoulders, and the pair (couple) strolled calmly out the gate. Fume.
Right before they completely left the base, Havoc turned around, a cocky grin on his face. He flashed a thumbs-up at the two fuming alchemists on the third floor.
"What was that all about, Jean?" Adom asked, squeezing his boyfriend's hand.
"Just... rubbing it in."
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Yikes! Totally pointless gag fic. I just wanted to use the phrase 'bloody death on his mossy little mind', and this is what happens. Jealous alchemists.
The Celestial Alchemist isn't a real character. I based him off an original character named Adom Kadmon, and if you've seen/read Angel Sanctuary or know angelic lore, you know who I'm talking about. Vaguely. Except this one (in the origific) is Buddhist. He's a bodhisattva, actually. It's complicated. When I get it all worked out, you can read it on my website.