Chapter Two

Erik angrily stormed into his house and slammed the door behind him, dragging Raoul along with him. Unfortunately, the young vicomte wasn't blessed with Erik's superhuman night vision. He tripped over an inconveniently placed cat, stumbled and fell, taking the Phantom down with him.

They toppled to the floor, landing in a heap right on top of Ayesha, who squirmed her way free and sprang across the room in sheer terror. In her panic, she knocked over a small table, sending the lamp on top of it crashing down on Erik's head. He dizzily collapsed onto Raoul, who grunted in frustration and pushed the phantom aside. "Get off me, before the slash authors see us! Ow! You know, for someone who's inhumanly thin, you're awfully heavy."

Erik, slowly regaining consciousness, shook his head to clear it. "Whew. That reminds me, steer clear of Ayesha as long as you're here. She really hates you."

"Hey!"

"Don't take it personally. She hates everything but me and catnip." He massaged his temples gingerly. "My head is killing me. I'm going to bed." He started down the hall, but was anchored in place by the vicomte. Erik glared down at the chain, as though hoping he could somehow burn through if he glowered hard enough.

Raoul wriggled his hand wildly, trying with all his might to work his way free. "It's no use!" he groaned. "I can't believe this. Routed by a simple pair of handcuffs--you call yourself a Phantom?"

"It's not my fault! It's the khanum's. She probably knew something like this would happen when she designed these." His eyes took on a hunted look. "It's all part of her plan! She's still out to get me! And don't try and tell me she's probably dead by now! People like that have ways of getting around such things. She's probably trying to get my guard down so she can strike! I'll wager she's watching me right now, waiting for you to drive me insane!" He began to pull pictures off the wall and rip open the couch cushions, looking for hidden cameras and listening devices.

Raoul quirked an eyebrow. "No offense, but I really don't think you need my help."

"She had problems! Scary, scary problems!"

The vicomte's eyes widened. "Oh, don't tell me you're the magical escape artist boyfriend the salesman told me about?"

Erik stiffened defensively. "What? I may be a disfigured nutcase who's spent the past couple of decades locked in a basement, but I'm still entitled to a love life, okay? Women find me very attractive!" He stamped his foot petulantly.

"Yeah, yeah, we all saw Christine during 'Point of No Return'. So if you could have any woman you wanted, why do you have to keep kidnapping my fiancée?" Raoul asked curiously.

Erik made a dismissive gesture with his hand. "I don't really go for that whole dating scene. All that awkwardness and boredom, not to mention all the money you have to blow. Kidnappings are much less trouble."

"I hear that. Heck, Christine and I knew each other for twelve years before I finally dredged up the strength to ask her out. It's a nightmare." Raoul shoved some of the stuffing back into one of the couch cushions, crammed it back into the couch, and took a seat. "The trick is, when you're asking a girl out, just think of a funny limerick. It'll put a smile on your face, and she'll think you're really cute and confident."

"What the…oh, why not?" The phantom shrugged, pulled out a little notebook, and wrote the tip down for future use. "Got any other tricks?"

"Nope."

Erik rolled his eyes. "Might have known," he grunted.

"Hey, I've spent my entire life locked up in an all-boys military school. What do you expect?" the vicomte pointed out.

"Whatever. Now come into the music room with me. I'm working on a new opera, and I'm not going to start neglecting my music because of a minor setback like being shackled to my archenemy." Erik yanked on the chain, pulling Raoul into the music room and sitting down on the organ bench.

"Another opera? What's this one called?" The vicomte leaned against the side of the organ, rifling through some of the sheet music scattered across it.

Erik smiled proudly. "It's a sequel to Don Juan Triumphant. I started it right after Christine dumped me. I call it Don Juan Unsuccessful."

"Uh…huh. So, what's it about?" Raoul asked suspiciously.

Erik enthusiastically launched into a synopsis. "Well, it starts out with Aminta dumping Don Juan for a vizconde named Raul and leaving him to rot in a basement under some theater. So then, Don Juan goes all crazy and kidnaps her, then makes her listen to a list of reasons for why she should leave Raul and come back to him. That's all I've got so far."

Raoul fidgeted awkwardly for a moment, trying to decide whether or not he should say something. However, his horror at the prospect of spending the weekend listening to Erik's "Don Mary-Sue" opera finally won. "Er, I hate to say this, but doesn't that sound similar to the love-life of a certain someone we both know?"

Erik frowned. "Well, I know Monsieur Firmin has had his share of women troubles, but…"

"This is going to be a long weekend," sighed Raoul. "And not in a good way, like Labor Day."

TBC…