For those in the know, this story will be Robin/Raven and Slade/Raven. While it will start off PG-13, I assure you that it will get very dark and deserving of the R halfway into the fanfic.
This is also my first fanfic, ever. I used to be a Starfire/Robin shipper, so it'll probably show at parts.
Chapter 1: Are You Dreaming of Me?
"So, the meaning of Christmas is not presents and feasting, but love and understanding?" Starfire asked, on the edge of her seat. Cyborg and Beast Boy had recently showed Starfire one of the most lasting aspects of modern Christmasthe television specialsand she was glued to the TV. She hardly ever watched television, but it was inevitable.
"That's about right, Star." Cyborg replied, sipping from a glass of eggnog while easing back on the same couch. Beast Boy vaulted over the couch and landed between both, cracking open a can of root beer. "Sweet. KISS saves Christmas is on next!"
Starfire smiled widely. "I love this holiday more every year."
Though Robin was having trouble untangling the tree lights by himself while the others watched Christmas specials, he had to agree. It really was one of the better times of the year. Beast Boy calmed down considerably, Starfire was cuter than usual, and Cyborg's Christmas cooking was better than ever. He had even been gracious enough to cook Beast Boy that silly Tofurkey, though Robin wouldn't have gone as far as to eat it, himself. Still, one person who never really seemed to get into the holiday was...
"Raven! You come to help us decorate the tree?" Starfire called, sitting up. Raven had just entered the living room, the first time that the others saw her all evening. Robin immediately noticed that she looked rather sleepy, despite her unannounced nap. They, minus Raven, spent the first part of the day trying to hang lights on the outside of the tower. Of course, Beast Boy said that there was a show that he wanted to watch around lunchtime and took a break from it. They were supposed to continue work on that, but got distracted. Robin decided to get the tree and the ornaments together while they were idling, but it was getting dark.
Raven's eyes slowly moved to the three couch potatoes, then to Robin, who was straightening out the lights and tinsel from last year. He hadn't even assembled the artificial tree yet. She dryly said, "It looks like Robin is doing everything."
"Not everything. He's just going to fix the lights and assemble the tree and hook up the train tracks and glue the ornaments back together and... um..." Beast Boy suddenly sounded a little chagrined.
"But I will tell you this. The angel. We totally got that." Cyborg interjected, trying to save face.
Raven held back a sigh and looked between her friends. Why even bother with the pretense of Christmas spirit if only a small amount of people actually do the work? She was about to go to the kitchen and grab a Swiss roll when she noticed Robin looking up at her. "Oh, hey, Raven... want to help?"
Raven paused for a split second. She normally turned down her friends' attempts to include her in activities like this, especially when they weren't really interested, but something about Robin asking it made her change her mind. "Sure." She looked at the tree parts and after making an educated guess where they went, levitated all of the pieces off the air and assembled it within seconds with her powers.
Robin rubbed the back of his head, seeing how fast it went. He was hoping that she'd choose to do it the regular way, just as a way to include her. "Thanks, Raven."
Raven indeed sensed the disappointment in his voice, but merely shrugged. "We can't just leave that out all day."
"Look, we're going to help as SOON as a very Thundercats Christmas ends." Beast Boy half-promised.
Robin shook his head. It was only a few days before Christmas Eve and Robin was getting very tired of looking at an empty living room. He was going to decorate with or without the Titans help. Argh, if only Starfire didn't get hooked on television marathons; he could usually count on her help on motivating the others for tasks like this. Though it was pretty much hopeless, he looked at Raven again, who had went into the kitchen for the cake roll.
Robin smiled to himself. After they threw her that second birthday party on the day Slade came back, it turned out that she had quite the sweet tooth. She originally ate the first bowl of ice cream, per her own suggestion, just to be polite, but was on her fourth bowl before they decided to call it quits for the night. Robin swore that he noticed the supply of sweet junk food in the Tower rapidly going down. It made him feel a little happy to know such a thing; Raven rarely gave away secrets to what she likely. He then noticed that Raven was looking at him expectantly and realized that he had a blank look on his face.
"Were you going to say something?" she asked.
Robin undid one of the last knots, then coiling up the lights properly to put up later. "I was going to ask for more help, yeah."
"How come? Getting excited over putting glass and lights a tree seems pointless to begin with."
Robin thought that her voice sounded even more gloomy, but dismissed it. He was probably already seeming too much of a meddler as it is. "Well... we've still done it every year. It's sort of our thing. Pretty much everyone does."
Robin found himself glancing off to the couch the others were on. They were still engrossed in the show and weren't really paying attention to their conversation. Raven looked, too, and shook her head. "If no one else cares, I definitely don't. See you tomorrow."
Cyborg looked as though he was about to get out of his cushion, but just shifted his spot. "Well, you going to the Christmas party on Thursday?"
"Still no." she said, leaving the living room with another snack in hand. She went back to her room for the night.
Robin felt an unpleasant surge of emotion go through his body. No wonder why Starfire got so upset when they didn't realize that it was Friendship Day. He tried to work on another strand of lights, but just didn't have the heart. Forget this. He dropped a half-done coil to the ground and got to his feet, heading for his room room. "Thanks a lot for the help, guys." he growled on the way out.
Robin crawled into the covers. Though it was only eight-thirty, he really didn't have a reason to be up. He had to get at least 4 hours of sleep a night and if there was the usual one-o'-clock trouble call, he'd be rested. But after the lights went out, he found that he couldn't sleep. Robin had no idea why he felt so disappointed. Raven was right. Decorating a tree was silly and arbitrary and they had grown out of that by now.
Still, it was just something that he looked forward to. Their tree always looked extremely odd, but he had a curious sense of pride in how unique it was. Robin loved the multicolored lights and the train set at the bottom. Starfire's ornaments would have a weird combination of baked ornaments and extremely complicated crystal ones, Cyborg would always rig up a few electronic ones, Beast Boy would sneak in something inappropriate like Halloween decorations, and Raven would put the little gothic angel on top when they were done.
He was looking forward to that. His mentor's always decorated the manor on the outside, but inside it might as well not have even been Christmas. He'd never even had their own Christmas tree until they joined the Titans. Robin wasn't a very sentimental person, but he did really look forward to that.
Robin's frustration turned to guilt as he thought about Raven and Starfire. Christmas was new to Starfire, having only celebrated one before, but he doubted that, like him, Raven ever participated in one before there were the Titans. He felt like he owed it to them, Raven especially. She seemed a lot more somber for the past few days. Everyone had noticed her change in behavior; superficially, it seemed for the better.
She was listening to Starfire and Beast Boy for longer lengths of time, she spent more time with Cyborg and that T-Car and was less biting with her sarcasm. The other Titans had hinted or outright stated that they noticed and liked the change in Raven's behavior. Robin turned to his other side to see the alarm clock. 9:46. So maybe he wasn't all that tired.
Robin rolled on his side. He was unsure how he felt. Again, he was probably imagining things, but he wondered whether she was acting like this because she was scared and didn't want the others to notice. Or maybe Raven did change after seeing Slade, and he was just jealous. While she did spend a lot more time with the other Titans, Robin felt like she was avoiding him specifically.
He felt a little sad thinking about it. They hardly talked at all since her birthday, let alone done anything together. Raven even played video games with Cyborg and Beast Boy (excluding that glue on the controller thing). He just couldn't understand it. And now for the last several days, she seemed to be withdrawing again. She participated less in group activities, hung out in her room more, and gave terse replies to everyone. Twice she never came out except to eat.
Robin found himself being rather obsessed with the idea of wanting to spend a little time with her. He wanted to get to know his teammate better. Not just for the 'keeping the team at maximum combat efficiency' and crap during the time when he was obsessed with Slade. He couldn't even really give a reason, he discovered. He just wanted to get closer to Raven. Maybe that was the reason he was getting down about the tree.
It didn't really matter. They would change their minds tomorrow. He was sure of it. The Boy Wonder turned out the lamp on his bedstand to the ceiling and stared at the ceiling. The last thing he felt before he drifted off was the sensation of falling into a sleep much deeper than he usually felt.
Robin was not a lucid dreamer. He knew it. On the times when he did dream, he usually had no control over where the dream was going and so acted 'naturally' in his dream. Thus is was a mild shock to him to realize that he could think and evaluate what he was doing without waking up.
Robin was aware of this self-recognition on the tail end of one dream. Disgusting green and yellow coloured socks were being pitched across the hall. Beast Boy was gleefully screaming something about being owned... and he could swear that he heard Raven... giggling? Oh, yes. Robin remembered this game. They invented it a few days before Raven learned those dark magics. Stankball ("You gotta ANK when you said it." he mentally heard Cyborg correct him), that gross game Cyborg and BB invented. Raven floated another stinky wad of socks off of the floor and pitched them at Beast Boy, who turned into a rat to dodge it. It went sailing over him and into the living room...
Hitting Robin right in the face. Robin felt very strange looking at himself outside his own body. Still, Spirit Robin let out a silenced chuckle when he saw the horrified look on his face. Robin let the ball of dirty laundry slide off of his face, looking between Cyborg and Beast Boy. "Did... did you two just throw your soiled underpants at my head?" Robin squeaked. He was too shocked to make his voice sound intimidating.
Cyborg immediately held up his hands in a 'please don't kill me gesture'. "Hey, whoa man, that's SO Raven."
Robin looked at Raven. He wasn't going to believe that SHE played in this game, ever. He could see Starfire participating with a bit of convincing, but Raven? But the mortified look on her face confirmed it. She pulled her hood up and slipped back into the room without a word.
Robin wriggled his nose. He didn't see that side to her. He felt that he was ruining something special. "Sorry for interrupting your game, guys." Robin murmured.
Beast Boy reverted back and his eyebrows raised incredibly high. Not only did their leader not blow a fuse, he was apologizing. Beast Boy stammered for a second, "No, uh, it's okay. It was really awesome seeing Raven blush."
Robin rubbed the back of his head in confusion. "Well, if you say so. Ugh. I'll be in the... shower."
That part of the dream ended and all was dark. Though the landscape was already reforming again. Instead of the Tower, Robin found himself materializing in the courtyard of an expensive boarding school. It looked like an old Victorian building, with ominous busts of benefactors, pictures of 19th century upper class British life, and electric lights done to look like oil lamps. It was obviously winter time. A few sparse decorations of tinsel and classroom drawings of Christmas made the time of year clear. Two prim and properly dressed schoolgirls were shuffling down the halls, whispering to each other while looking out the windows. Robin couldn't see what was outside.
A pretty, but snobbish-looking teenage girl, about 14 or 15, asked the girl next to her, "Did you hear that the Boy Wonder is coming to our school this afternoon?"
Robin felt his spine twitch at the other's squeal. "Yes! I can't want to see him. I am so going to ask him out if he looks at me."
The snobby-looking one rolled her eyes. He realized that her voice sounded alarmingly like Kitten's. "He's rich. Your family only owns four dealerships. He wouldn't give you the time of day."
Her friend looked a little hurt. "Well, he's been coming every day to talk to creepy Raven of all people. Why wouldn't I have a chance? Oh, look, there he comes: hiiiii, Robin!"
Robin looked at himself, when he was two years younger. Back then, his costume didn't have the tights so his legs were exposed. Beast Boy's constant teasing caused him to change his mind. He was with a matronly-looking schoolteacher with a younger Beast Boy walking along with him. Robin congratulated himself when his younger self casually ignored the two. Ugh. He hated people like that. He remembered what this place was: back when he was trying to form the Teen Titans, he was looking practically anywhere for young superheroes. This was the boarding school Raven was at before she joined the team.
Robin found himself floating behind the teacher. "We've just about finished processing Raven out. We're very glad that you're taking her out of this school, Robin." She paused, as if she had said something unkind, then added, "I'm sorry. But truthfully, she hasn't integrated very well. She's well behaved and gets very good grades... but she doesn't have any friends, the girls tease her, and she shows no interest in doing anything but reading."
Robin saw his younger self look very uncomfortable. He didn't like talking about another person, especially a young teen, as if they were some sort of criminal profile. He adjusted the package underneath his arm and replied, "That's... fine, Miss Smith. We'll be her friends." Beast Boy muttered something under his breath, looking more apprehensive as they went outside. Robin followed them to the courtyard.
Since it was recess, most of the girls were outside, dressed in heavy coats and gloves and playing in the snow. In the middle of the courtyard was a towering Christmas tree, with lights and Christmas decorations nearly completely covering it.
Even though Raven was trying not to stand out, she looked very conspicuous. Her winter clothes looked plain yet very dark, in contrast to the cosmopolitan things the other girls wore. Her deathly pale skin and unusually mature expression made her stand out. She was sitting on a stone bench, a book in hand. Robin couldn't read it, but it looked very thick and advanced for someone her age.
"Hey, Raven." Young Robin chirped, advancing towards her. Beast Boy and the teacher stopped coming any closer to Raven. She tilted her head up towards Robin, giving him a casing, pensive look rather than a greeting in return.
Robin remembered this. The girl that everyone overlooked and/or was vaguely afraid of. He remembered Beast Boy protesting about his decision. ("Dude, don't pick her! She's creepy and stuck up! No one at the school likes her, not even the teachers.") He was glad that he ignored Beast Boy and Starfire's advice now, but back then he wasn't so certain. But after seeing Raven, there was just some part of him that didn't want to give up on the poor girl. Just some part that wanted to reach out to her.
He watched himself approach Raven with the present. "Here, um, I got this for you. A little Christmas gift."
The young half-demon gave Robin a suspicious look but took it and opened it. Robin found himself enchanted by her expression as she saw the gift.
It was a little angel, to put on a Christmas tree. But instead of the usual motherly, matronly angels most people put on, this angel looked rather grotesque. She had stringy black hair that reached down to the middle of her back, tattered grey wings, and red eyes. Instead of in a flowing dress, she was in a dark red corset with a tattered skirt of the same color attached to it. Nonetheless, the creature was unmistakably an angel. Despite her sad state of dress, she still looked gentle.
"I just thought that you'd... like it." Young Robin explained while Raven was silently staring at the gift. Her face seemed to quiver, then falter, revealing the girl's true expression. Her lips curled into the fainted hint of a smile and her pretty amethyest eyes widened. But the blush that encompassed her face was most revealing. She tried to surpress it, but to the two's growing embarrassment she couldn't, until there was a loud, wet crunch behind him, followed by the breaking of glass.
Everyone faced the middle of the courtyard. The Christmas tree had snapped right at the trunk and had fallen over, landing right through the window. Everyone except for Robin and Beast Boy silently shot Raven an accusatory look, which caused her to cringe. Beast Boy looked distressed. Raven stood quickly off of the bench and clutched the angel to her chest, running back into the building.
The landscape and people faded again. Robin found himself in darkness, though he discovered he could now see himself. He was back in his body, for a least this part of the dream. He could see stars form, then meteors, then entire nebulas. However, this place seemed tinted with a little too much red space dust. It made the entire world seem dark and forboding. As rocks drifted towards him, he could feel himself gravitating closer and closer towards some sort of ground. He landed on a rock, feeling nothing like he was falling.
Robin glanced around him. There were stripped trees all about and piles of rocking lying everywhere. Robin looked upwards as he heard the flapping of wings. Tiny black birds perched on the the branches. When he saw that the birds were eyeing him unerringly with their excessively large, glowing red eyes, he felt a cold thrill run through his body. He saw the ravens eye him hungrily, beginning to gather. Robin reached for his utility belt, to pull out his collapsable bo staff. He stopped when he saw a figure emerge from behind a scrub. The blackbirds seemed to flinch away.
"Raven?" Robin asked, still on guard. The person stepping into view looked exactly like Raven, except for the cloak: it was a very light shade of grey. The Raven gave Robin such an openly sad look at he felt alarmed. He took a step backwards. She sighed, and said in a depressed voice, "He's already flinching. There's no way he could..."
Robin bumped into someone behind him. He whirled around to see who it was. Another Raven was standing behind him, with a dark green cloak. Her hands were akimbo on her hips and she was eyeing Robin with thinly veiled disgust. "Look, you silly boy. Can't you see it? It's so obvious."
He heard the voice of another Raven. She had on a cloak of light green and had a nasty 'what sort of little man is this' expression on his face. "See? I told you. She's completely wasting her time. He doesn't even have a clue."
The aggressive-looking Raven shoved him a little forward. Robin was still speechless. A Raven in a yellow cloak with a wordly look and giant nerd glasses held up a finger. "It is ninety-seven point three percent certain that Robin on some level knows what we are talking about. Unfortunately, the insecurity and isolation of both subjects makes it rather hard for them to entertain, let alone acknowledge such emotions. But they are there."
Robin raised an eyebrow at the intelligent Raven. "And what feelings are those?"
Two Ravens in pink robes of similar hue floated by on a rock. One had a leering expression on her face and the other was blushing and giggling. They said, in a sing-song voice, "Raven loves Robin! Raven loves Robin! Raven loves Robin..."
Robin froze in place, looking between all of the others. "What?" A giant horde of Ravens had gathered in such a small spot, circling him.
Cynicism rolled her eyes again. "See? I told you he didn't know. Or doesn't even care."
Courage jabbed a finger in Cynicism's direction. "We're tired of listening to you! You and Pity can stick it up in ear."
Knowledge pushed up her glasses again, placing a hand on Robin's shoulder. "I know the dream confrontation is a rather hackneyed and painfully obvious device. I would have wrotten a graduate thesis on my feelings of affection for you, myself, since you seem like the fellow who can appreciate a good dissertation on why I am totally gonzo for you. However..."
Serenity smiled sadly at Robin. "Someone else wants Raven. She doesn't want you to get involved. If you'll notice, Joy, Lust, Rage, Hatred, Sorrow and a few others aren't here. They're talking with someone."
Temperance said, "He's really scary. He wants to do something terrible to her but she can't tell anyone or he'll make it worse."
Timidity murmured, "Plus, she's embarrassed to tell you."
Cynicism held up a hand. "I don't know why you're even bothering. He won't do anything. He'll probably just dismiss this as a weird dream. Raven doesn't even know we're out here."
Courage growled deeply. "I know Robin will be able to do something! Robin would never ignore a friend in need. That's why we like him!"
Immaturity and Bashfulness floated by again, "Raven loves Robin! Raven loves Robin..."
Robin's eyes flickered open. His body felt light as a feather, but his mind felt really fuzzy. He got to his feet and squinted to see the alarm. Ten thirty. Great. He overslept way in excess of what he normally did. He crawled out of his uniform and picked up a towel and a loufa, ready to take a morning shower. He found his steps growing apprehensive as he thought about his dream; another thing he hadn't done in years.
It was a defense mechanism, just something that he picked up after fighting criminals with Batman. Though non-superpowered, they were freaky and nightmarish and did horrible things. Robin would never be able to get a decent sleep if he let himself be effected by the thoughts. So he just pushed them out. Still, his detective memory went through the dream, trying to analyze it. He vaguely remembered his usual set of dreams, about riding on the R-Cycle with Starfire flying behind, laughing or taking down the villain of the week, but the last three he recalled with perfect clarity.
Robin stepped into the shower, feeling the hot water strike his body. Perhaps that is why he felt so upset when Raven didn't want to decorate the tree. To his dismay, he didn't really remember giving her that angel up until now. Still, it felt more like Raven's memory than his. Robin felt like an observer the entire time.
And then the deal with the Ravens. He realized that they were emotions halfway in. Robin felt both shame and joy as he thought about it. Shame because, well, even though they hadn't made it official, it was really obvious that Starfire liked him. As in liked him liked him. He liked her in that way, too. And he was definitely getting more serious about that. They shared their first kiss less than a month ago after a date at the movies. He felt that dreaming about how Raven was his secret admirer was in some way being unfaithful.
The shame also came from imagining Raven in that way. There was no way she'd think of him more than a friend. Thinking about her harboring some sort of secret crush felt disrespectful and embarrassing. It was like imagining her... well... doing naughty things to herself. Robin felt himself grimace at the euphemism; he was never the sort to shy away from the truthwhat had gotten into him. Besides, he thought, changing the subject, she was avoiding him.
Still, what if she DID really somehow secretly like Robin? The thought filled him with a bit of jealous pride. He liked the idea of someone as reticent and unromantic as her having a crush on him. The rational part of his brain told him to perish such thoughts, that he was just being arrogant. The emotional side of Robin wasn't listening, however, like he usually did.
What about her birthday when Slade showed up? She showed a surprising amount of intimacy towards him. She picked him over everyone else to tell her secret and to protect her. That had to be something more than just being the leader. Anyone was in a better position to protect her from Slade. He winced from the memory at how she had to end up saving him.
Though he had promised Batman never to take another's life, no matter how evil, he was ready to kill that man without hesitation. He broke Slade's neck repeatedly. Slade somehow survived, though, and Raven rescued him carried him into the church after Slade nearly killed him in return with fire. Robin could not forget the sorrow in her eyes as she told him the truth. He remembered catching Raven after Slade had practically stripped her nakedshe didn't seem humiliated at all, even though they never spoke of what happened.
Needless to say, Robin had a lot to think about for today. First, though, he'd confront Raven.