"Happy New Year!" The office party becomes one huge jumble of arms, legs, hugs, kisses, and alcohol.

Unfortunately, Jean Havoc is in a corner. Being ignored.

But hey, he's used to it. He's used to coming in second-to-dead-last. Only Breda has worse luck than he does, but the red-head had the sense to stay home from the party.

Jean's seriously contemplating skipping out on the whole mess. Every single year, he forgets how much he dislikes these parties.

He snugs himself back further into his chair, watching the festivities. Mustang isn't quite drunk, but he's certainly rosy-cheeked. Farman was flirting with a pretty little part-time nurse (what was with that man and his brunettes?), Fury is getting worked over pretty good by adoring military fangirls and fanboys. Poor kid. He looks pretty desperate.

But he doesn't want to venture out into the pile of human-ness. Hot, sweaty, messy, an intimate contact with total strangers. He just knows that when he gets home he's going to be showering obsessively.

He takes a micro-sip from his glass, watching as Schezka gets kissed by Mustang. The sweet little bookworm flares pink with embarrassment.

Ch'. Quit proving you're straight, Mustang. You're Fullmetal's bitch and you know it. Now that's a thought. He could venture out to maybe flirt a bit with the girl... Bleh. That would require moving, and that's the last thing on his list right now.

Honestly? Being single sucked. It had always sucked. Since the dawn of time, it sucked.

He wiggled a bit in his chair, trying to restore circulation in his butt. Having a bony ass was never a good thing.

Oh, he's griping again, isn't he? H'm... he needed to fix that.

He pulls out a pack of cigarettes, selects one, and lights up.

"You shouldn't be smoking."

"You shouldn't be drinking."

Liza Hawkeye insinuates down into the seat next to him, definitely looking the little worse for wear. "Don't remind me. The whole inhibitions-will-be-lowered and the hangover... ugh, I hate hangovers."

"Your own silly fault," he comments, yawning around his cigarette.

"M'mm... but lowered inhibitions do have one perk," she murmurs drowsily. "I can do this and no on will tease me..."

"Hawkeye, no one has the balls to tease you anytime."

She rests her head in the curve of his neck and shoulder, snuggling closer. "It's a convenient excuse for me, all right?"

"All right, then. Suit yourself."

She affectionately kisses the side of his neck. "M'm... you taste good. Are you busy this weekend?"

"Nope."

Okay, so maybe the party was worth something.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Written for SpinningAvia, because the request is right there in the reviews page. -points- See?

I'm not particularly a Jean x Roy fan. I'm just a Jean fan, and I love writing for FMA, because the characters are so much fun to torment. (bwahahaha)

the phrase 'Fullmetal's bitch' stolen from Spade 44's Havoc and Fury Drabbles. Because she has sincere love on my part.

And yes, your butt can fall asleep, just like any other limb. It happened to me while I was writing this.