Jean Havoc hummed idly to himself, working on the underbelly of one of the several hundred fleet cars of the Central City Military Base. It was a good day, a cool, sunny, clear Saturday that was just... perfect.

And, as dictated by a subclause of Murphey's Law, something bad was going to ruin his day. Last week, it had happened roundabout noon, but today was there and past.

"Havoc!"

"Boss." Jean cursed silently, opening up the valve to drain the oil. "What's up?"

"Nothing much. I just came to talk."

"Uh-huh." He let the oil flow, stepping out from under the car and wiping his grimy hands on a threadbare and slightly greasy rag. "If you want advice –"

"I already spoke to Sergeant Major Fury. He said to come talk to you."

Just. Bloody. Wonderful. He knew the kid didn't have exactly a stable, loving family, or much of a family at all – his younger brother was nothing more than an armor-bound soul and totally oblivious in his own way to Elric's problems – but...

"Jean, please."

"Yeah, okay. You mind if I keep working? I'm almost done here." His hand groped around for the valve's cap. Finding it, he screwed it back on.

"No, I don't mind at all." Major Elric looked at his white-gloved hands, grimaced at the familiar soft hiss of his right arm.

"What do you need?"

"Well..."

"Ed..."

"I don't really know what to say. I guess it's the usual: you're mopey, Fury's mopey, and Colonel Mustang is a smug bastard because he's going out with some bimbo."

Jean laughed, lowering the car back down onto the pavement. "Is that it? You're having girl trouble?"

Ed looked up sharply. "No! I don't..."

"You can't be sexless for your entire life," he pointed out prosaically. He grabbed the can of oil, pouring it into the car. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Ed wincing at the rhythmic pulsing gurgles. Repression, much? "Bad as this may sound, there does come a point where you need sex, plain and simple."

"Does it always have to be a girl?" Ed asked in a small voice, sounding more like the seventeen-year-old boy he really was than the tiny terror of the entire Central Military force.

Jean blinked. "Er... no. Not always. It's not always easy with men... but there are ways to get around that..." Dear God, help me! I'm giving my surperior officer a talk about sex!

"Have you ever... been with a man?" Ed looked everywhere possible, except straight at Jean's eyes. Everywhere including his tight black undershirt, his hands, his boots, and below his belt.

Jean flushed bright, incendiary red, embarrassed as hell at both the question and Ed's wandering eyes. Playboy second only to Colonel Mustang he might have been, but... "Christ, Ed! You don't just casually ask something like that out of the blue!"

"Well, why not? I'm allowed to be curious, aren't I?"

The tall lieutenant sighed, lighting a cigarette with a shaky hand. "Look, Boss –"

"Well?"

"Yeah. I'm military. Weird shit happens. Honestly, I don't really care."

"But that's –!"

"Immoral? No less than sleeping around for pleasure. It's the exact same principle, you know."

Ed stared at him, mouth agape. "You mean it's normal to like men?"

"Sort-of. Love is love and sex is sex, no matter who it is you're with. Just don't get the two mixed up."

"Well..." Ed appeared to be deep in thought, his eyes stuck somewhere in the vicinity of Jean's chest. Descreetly, Jean moved out of the kid's line-of-sight. Something visibly clicked in the boy's head. "Want to get some coffee after you're done?"

A thousand things jumbled together in his head, but all that came out was a rather weak, "Sure."

Ed's face lit up like an angel's. "Really?"

"I said 'yes,' didn't I? You want to walk?"

"Yeah." Ed's right hand briefly touched his. "Thanks, Jean."

"Sure thing, Boss."

So maybe Murphey's Law didn't apply to this particular Saturday.

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Um. Originally titled "The Birds and the Bees, Jean Havoc Style". This was originally written for my creative writing class, and boy the teacher liked it. Sorry about the length, it hit three pages in Appleworks doublespaced. I got an extension on the piece because of the sheer volume of embarrassment I had.

Oddly enough, this was supposed to be a Havoc/Fury. I guess it didn't turn out at all to what I was intending.

Sorry for massive lack of updates, ya'll, but I was massively busy for a period of about two weeks in there, so you can't exactly blame me. As it is, I'm updating before I leave for classes...