The Very Secret Diary of The Persian
Day 1: Erik spying on chorus girls again. Have offered ten million times to set him up with this nice girl I know, but nooo, he has to have this dancer chick. So annoying with his little obsessions.
Have heard some interesting things about this girl's reputation. Am uncertain whether or not to believe them, as none of these ignorant French could possibly screw that many people at the same time…
It is a sad nation where none know the ancient sacred art of kama sutra.
Day 2: Obsession seems to be getting worse. Have been whined at to go buy red roses for him to give to Christine for the third time today. Was about to tell him to kill some rats and give those to her instead, but remembered that lair had been redecorated with very uncanonical spiffiness and enough black lace and red velvet to clothe the entire cast of Moulin Rouge. Rats have all fled in disgust. Not sure what he is thinking, suspect he has been watching campy porno movies again.
Day 3: Distraction from chorus-girl obsession and Martha Stewart complex came in form of a change in theater management. The new managers aren't paying Eric's salary. Don't they realize that he actually works here? Does all sorts of cool things with the sound system and lighting. Has all sorts of switches and vents and trapdoors that he won't let me touch for fear I'll break something.
Anyway, this couldn't come a moment too soon. He was starting to make me worry. But now he's quite happily plotting nefarious plots re: gala tonight. Has managed to get his dancing girl into lead role by dropping a piece of scenery on the person who was supposed to play the part.
Is it me or did he used to be a lot more subtle with these things?
Later that night: Opera v. much improved by new casting. Daae girl can actually sing on key, unlinke former diva. Enjoyed opera, especially bondage-inspired ballet routine. Very creative, these theater people. Always trying new things.
In other news, almost ran into another guy trying to weasel his way into Christine's dressing room on way out of opera house. How many stalkers does this woman have?
Day 4: Erik got laid. Am proud of him. Am also very slightly resentful.
Why doesn't anyone ever want to sleep with me?
Later that night: Never say such things in front of new opera managers. Was reassured of how irresistably sexy I am and barely managed to escape being molested. Disturbing, very disturbing. Will have nightmares tonight.
Day 5: Have been entreated to find a frog. Why am I always the one he goes to about these things? "Find me a frog, daroga, I need a frog!" Find your own damn frog, you psycho-obsessive…. oh fine, just this once.
Later that Night: Went to gala to see frog in action. Must admit, was worth hunting one down just to see the look on its face onstage. Wish Erik wouldn't keep punjab lassoing people though. Gets annoying. Was funny the first few times, sure, but…
Day 6: Eric seems to be recovering from his recent bout of uncanonical heresy. He has obviously come to his senses that any version of reality that does not include myself is not worth inhabiting… either that or he is bored again. Have dreadful suspicion that it is the latter, in which case, God help us all.
He seems to be interested in her boyfriend now, as well. Am pretending that I do not find this at all disturbing, as do not wish to lose close friend over awkward sexual orientation shifts. He has constructed an overly elaborate plan to lure them both into his lair for a night of erotic entertainments. I have lent him my book of kama sutra for reference if he runs out of ideas… it's not like I was using it for anything anyway.
Managers appear to be nowhere around so I will say it again- very quietly. Why can't I ever get laid? Am considering asking Eric how he does it. He manages to work around his deformity amazingly well. Perhaps mask is sexier accessory than turban? Must conduct survey on this.
Later that Night: Came back to opera for the party in order to conduct my survey and found every single person there wearing masks. Felt very out of place, was beginning to think I was the last to catch onto a new fashion, but Madame Giry saw my look of dismay and was kind enough to tell me that it was a masquerade.
Never got to conduct survey, as they are all obviously prejudiced. Left in a huff of disgust and got a glimpse of overwhelmed Vicomte cowering in the corner staring at Eric as I went out the door. Perhaps it was the lighting but his hair in particular looks awfully girly. If Eric hadn't been referring to the Vicomte as "he" I might think it was not a broadening of sexual orientation, just an innocent mistake.
Day 7: Get this. Eric and the Vicomte have both come up with the exact same plan in order to lure the other into the opera house to watch Christine perform. This is like some cheesy romantic comedy, right down to the turning-formerly-unnoticed-girl-into-beautiful-popular-star thing!
I can see which way the wind is blowing. Oh yeah, I can…. And I will not be here when the chandelier falls.
I plan to go into hiding for fear of ending up in the role of token minority, or even worse, token-minority-who-gets-killed-by-aliens. (One can never tell when or where a sci-fi plot hole may occur these days.) I have at the last moment persuaded Mme. Giry to do my part of the plan instead, and I have placed myself into the hands of the witness protection program.
You will never see me again. Farewell.
AN: Sorry about the long wait. I didn't think my life could have gotten crazier, but it did. Thanks for your reviews and support, it's really inspiring.